Jo78 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Ok boys and girls. I just need to vent a little. Since BF and I moved in together, and we are in our 30s, we seem to have become fair game to peoples' presumptions and nosy-ness. People who barely know us constantly ask us about when we are getting married, or even invite themselves to our wedding. Mind you - we are not even engaged. Most of the time I don't mind. I don't care if my dentist's receptionist points out that if we were married, I could have two insurances. I don't care if my optometrist asks me if we already have a date set. I don't mind if BF's mom's friend says she is looking forward to coming to our wedding, or if someone at my BF's work asks him why he still isn't married at 31. But now my coworker is engaged and 5 years younger than I. And that's great! She and her fiance are a really sweet couple and I'm happy for her. But this lunch break people talked about how her wedding planning is going. So while she talked about venues and gowns, another coworker who I'm kind of friends with kept watching my every facial expression. What the heck? I felt like on display! I never talked to him about wanting to get married to my BF, so what is this about? What reaction was he screening me for? So uncomfortable! This was just as annoying as is the pity party "So are you getting married? No? Aww, well I hope he asks you soon!" or the lawfully-wed-and-oh-so-entitled "You know, you can't really consider yourself in a serious relationship if he didn't marry you after all this time! Don't fool yourself, I'd hate to see you get hurt!" What is wrong with people?! Aren't there enough reality shows on TV, if you really need to snoop around other people's business? Do you really need to get a kick out of my life? Geez, we'll get married, alright? Just not now, and you're not invited anyway! Well, thanks for letting me vent! Link to post Share on other sites
bluejeanbebe Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 amen sistah! I hear ya! Single people are treated like lepers in today's society. Like your relationship isn't 'valid' until you get married. Everyone assumes if you are in your late 20s or 30's and haven't gotten married, well geez, what's wrong with them?? Now the standard question any old friends ask is, 'are you engaged yet?' instead of 'how have you been?' and all of this boggles my mind, because all married people do is complain about how much marriage sucks! and then they pester you why you haven't tied the knot yet? will they never be happy until you are as miserable as they are? Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 I get that "when are you guys getting married" stuff too. It's kind of annoying, however I have chosen to try to ignore people when tehy do that type of thing. What is annoying for me is when I tell my coworkers that I live with my BF they always ask me if we are engaged. The majority of them are at least 5-10 years older then me so maybe they are old-fashioned. I wouldn't worry too much about this coworker, you may even be overanazlying a reaction he was giving you. Overall, try not to worry about it so much. I dont like the kind of reactions that people give when they find out we have been together for 2 1/2 years and aren't engaged yet. People are always like "Wow, and you aren't engaged or married yet?" Its kind of frustrating, so I here ya on that one. Link to post Share on other sites
oceangrl Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 I remember when someone asked me "Are you married yet?" after I told them we've dated 2 years. I said no. And she gave me the pity look too! I was thinking in my head.....who are you to tell me when I should get married when youre divorced and a single parent.... Link to post Share on other sites
audrey_1 Posted December 17, 2008 Share Posted December 17, 2008 Fo' real. I'm 33. I actually broke an engagement a couple of years ago, because I wasn't ready. Random women would walk up to me and ogle my 2 carat princess cut, and it freaked me out. People should mind their own business. I don't know why some folks consider marriage the end game. Take things at your pace and try to keep out the clutter. They're probably just miserable in their own personal lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jo78 Posted December 17, 2008 Author Share Posted December 17, 2008 Right? I don't walk around asking random people "Hey, how is your divorce going?" or "I see you gained weight, are you pregnant?" Although, I must say, some people at my work can be a little inappropriate. My coworker was asked "So I heard you and your GF broke up, when was that and what happened?" Another one got "You're pregnant? Was that planned?" LMAO And this 'not valid' thing is ridiculous! Who are those people to judge the quality of my relationship? We've been to a wedding of one of my BF's good friends. They have started dating just a short time before us. Our invitation said "Mr. BF and guest", so did the place card. I mean seriously? I don't even get addressed by my own name, because I'm not Mrs. BF? Several people said that this was probably because the bride did all the planning and we were the groom's guests, so maybe she didn't know my name. Well I tell you what, sweetie. If you want to make a relationship work, be it a marriage or not, you should be able to communicate with your SO. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 I dated my now H for 4 years before we got engaged and I got the "When are you getting married?" question for the first couple of years. Mostly it comes down to how comfortable you are with the situation. If you're happy, content (for the most part), and you don't need the approval of other people... then just shrug it off. Or answer it with a flip comment that your hemorroids aren't mature enough to marry yet. If it gets to be too much, tell them to back off. Let them know where the line is. People don't know unless you speak up. As far as my family and friends, I told them that I had no plans on marrying at the time, but that I was very happy with life. For my family, that was really all they were asking when they asked about marriage. They wanted to know that I was happy, that I had found something good.. But most people don't feel very comfortable asking deep questions in every day situations, so instead they stick with the cliches: "When's the wedding?" Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 Right? We've been to a wedding of one of my BF's good friends. They have started dating just a short time before us. Our invitation said "Mr. BF and guest", so did the place card. I mean seriously? I don't even get addressed by my own name, because I'm not Mrs. BF? Several people said that this was probably because the bride did all the planning and we were the groom's guests, so maybe she didn't know my name. Ah- thats just plain rude IMO. You are right- couldn't bridezilla just talk to her fiance and ask him to find out your name if she had forgotten it? I am getting married in a few weeks, and I have made a point of finding out everybodys surname for the place settings etc, because I think even not bothering to find out their surname (let alone their first name!!) is pushing it! Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted December 21, 2008 Share Posted December 21, 2008 PS- some really good friends of mine are having a baby and aren't getting married- much to many of their parents friends consternation. My friend got a diamond eternity type ring from her BF when she found out she was pregnant and she tells everyone just because she doesn't want to get married it doesn't mean she can't have diamonds and a baby- without the headache of a wedding. That seems to shut people up. Each to their own jo.... you could always tell people you can't get married due to a complicated, top secret legal matter, and let them work themselves into a frenzy trying to work out what that is! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jo78 Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 I am getting married in a few weeks, and I have made a point of finding out everybodys surname for the place settings etc, because I think even not bothering to find out their surname (let alone their first name!!) is pushing it! See, this is classy. I am sure your guests appreciate this and are happy to share your special day with you. Link to post Share on other sites
amymarieca Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I get this a lot too being single. I seriously don't see why people view marriage as such an important thing. I really don't see it as a milestone in my life. If I happen to find someone who I want to marry then great. If not, that's fine with me. I personally think that many people validate their lives knowing that they have a partner who cares about them. You see so many marriages that fail, or ones that are so bad you wonder why people even stay together. Why am I in a rush for that? I love being single- my life is my own. Link to post Share on other sites
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