Why do I do this?

[confused_2008]

I need some advice on how to overcome being an emotionally closed off person. I'm a 22 year old guy and have never been in a serious relationship and have never really dated anybody longer than a couple months. When I was younger, I really had no desire to date at all, and now that I would like to find somebody, I'm either too shy to get to know them or pull away before things get too serious.

 

During the week when I have classes and studying to do, I just like to be alone, and during the weekends, I usually get together with friends and hang out. It's not that I don't like being around people, but the people I do hang out with are friends I have known a while and know me well. We have fun and do stuff, but it's nothing that requires forming an emotional bond or being accountable like dating somebody, if you know what I mean. If I don't feel like doing something, I just don't and nobody feels bad or whatever.

 

The reason I'm finally trying to deal with it is that I met an awesome girl earlier this fall and we went out a few times and hung out quite a bit or whatever, but I totally bailed on her for these reasons. It sucks so bad what I did to her and not fair at all, but now I want to figure out why I do this so it doesn't keep happening.

 

It's weird because I would like the comfort, fun, companionship, etc. of a relationship and think I would be a good stable partner once I got to that point but I can't get over the hurdle to get there. It's not like I want to play the field or think the grass is greener. I think it's just easier to be single, and then when I'm single, I realize how much it sucks.

 

Anybody have any suggestions to break the cycle?

[tidalwave]

only thing i can say is that the change probably will have to come from you and it probably will have to be slow. its already not easy being in a realationship and it will be really hard since you already have troubles. i dont know what to do in a situation like this, all i can say is to go against your natural instincts and do the opposite of what you have been doing. there was a Seinfeld episode where George just started doing the opposite of what he usually would do. after he did that everything started getting better for him. try that... can't hurt.