rluv Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months. He told me about a girlfriend he dated a very long time ago. She left him to marry someone else, and the way he described her leaving was "it took a piece of my soul," it was "an out of body experience," a "part of him was buried with her," etc., and when she actually walked out he physically had to sit down, as the air left his body, and he was disoriented, and he never felt the same way about love again. He claims that was then. Well, his father died a couple of weeks ago, and he went to arrange the details, and said he found some pix of her, and told me they "threw him for a loop," and that she is still a good friend of his dad's girlfriend, so he looked up her e-mail, and sent her an e-mail to let her know of his passing. She sent an e-mail back with her condolences, and requested my boyfriend's daughters' e-mail addresses (?) to keep in touch. Should I be worried about any of this???? He claims not, but I need an objective opinion. Thoughts PLEASE. Link to post Share on other sites
ReeWoo Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 I read some of your other post. You've been dating for 7 months. He's using a backdoor approach to contact someone that he feels has a piece of him and alway will have a piece of him. Now he's back in contact with her. If you were to marry this fellow, that other woman would always have a part of him . . . could you live with that, forever? If your answer is yes, then stay with him but if your answer is no, get out while you still can. It would be like being married to him & her (since she has a part of him). Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 It's almost unrealistic to believe that he is over this woman if a mere picture of her "sends him for a loop". (BTW, he sounds very poetic). Is this woman still married or is she single? If she is still "happily" married they won't get together but if she is single, well you know the story. Link to post Share on other sites
BikerBeagle Posted December 18, 2008 Share Posted December 18, 2008 She left him to marry someone else, and the way he described her leaving was "it took a piece of my soul," it was "an out of body experience," a "part of him was buried with her," etc., and when she actually walked out he physically had to sit down, as the air left his body, and he was disoriented, and he never felt the same way about love again.I think we've all kind of felt like this ...although, perhaps not so 'dramatically'. =) It doesn't sound like he ever got over his breakup with his ex - you should be concerned about that - but it doesn't seem to me like she's interested in getting back with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rluv Posted December 18, 2008 Author Share Posted December 18, 2008 Thanks. She divorced the guy she left my boyfriend to marry. My boyfriend is leaving to go to the memorial service next month (out of state), and since she is still friends with his dad's girlfriend, she may be there. My boyfriend stopped by my workplace to say "hi" today, but I think he regrets telling me that he e-mailed her, telling her of his dad's death. It was his first true love, and it more than devastated him. He says that I have nothing to worry about, but there are scars. I will talk to him about it and tell him I really don't think he's fully over it, as the pictures sent him to reach out to her, and it worries me. And it's unhealthy for us. If it's what he wants, that's what I want, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rluv Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 No, it doesn't sound like she has plans for him. Although I don't know why she has been friends/kept in touch with his dad's girlfriend all these years. I think it rattled him to see her pictures. The break-up caused him unspeakable pain; it was a "love of his life" kind of thing. She left him to marry someone with money, and that didn't work out. He felt she was his soulmate, that's what I gathered. I think he is trying with us, but I don't want to be his consolation prize, and I feel I'll never compare; no one can measure up to the past or expect to. Should I feel worried and get out now? Link to post Share on other sites
ReeWoo Posted December 19, 2008 Share Posted December 19, 2008 Watch him like a hawk - of course he regrets telling you. IMO, if your BF is smart he wouldn't want his x-gf back. I hope that we all have had 'love of our life' experiences but I hope that your BF will remember the hurt he lived through and know better than to touch that flame again, or else risk being burnt again. "Should I feel worried and get out now?" -- you should be worried, you've only dated 7 months. "get out now?" -- depends on how he makes you feel. If he makes you feel good keep him but also keep an eye on him so that you can 'see' how he is. 7 months is not long, I'm sure if he had a major flaw that you despise it would not have made it to 1 month. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author rluv Posted December 19, 2008 Author Share Posted December 19, 2008 Thank you, ReeWoo - sound advice. He is a bit older than me, so he has amassed more life experience than me, including a major "love of his life." He told me about the e-mail and he realized from it that he loved me, not her. But this was such a MAJOR event in his life, I will tread lightly as you say, but he is a great guy. Treats me very well, his kids great - but it is 7 months. Thanks again for the wishes of good luck; I will need them. Link to post Share on other sites
ReeWoo Posted December 20, 2008 Share Posted December 20, 2008 cool beans, have fun Link to post Share on other sites
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