I think he has forgot about me!

[hurts so bad]

I posted here a couple of weeks ago with my story "Here we go again, another break or maybe it's a break-up". To sum it up in a few words, my boyfriend and I have been seriously dating for 4 1/2 years. He sent me an e-mail saying that he is confused and depressed about a lot of things. And that he is using this time to thing about those things including our relationship. To please forgive him, but he needed to figure out what he was going to do with his life, and as soon as he got a better grip on himself he would call. Well that was a month ago, and I haven't heard a thing.

 

As hard as it has been, I have respected his feelings and not contacted him at all. I have experienced pain this past month like I have never felt before. It is a chore just to get through the day. Sometimes, I wish the pain would just subside for 5 minutes. I don't know how much longer, I can take "space". I don't want to have to contact him, because I want to respect his feelings first of all. Plus, if he comes back, I want it to be for the right reasons.....not because I had to chase him.

 

He has done this to me twice before. Each situation has been somewhat different though. And he has always came back. I don't even know what I am dealing with here this time (why he is confused and depressed) because his e-mail was so vague. Him being confused, has sure confused the heck out of me. I know I don't deserve this, but I love this man with all of my heart. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm just having a hard time.....I mean is he just never going to speak to me again, after 4 1/2 years?? How can you do that? I just don't understand.

[flsgirl]

You are not alone with thinking this. I'm going through the exact same thing with a boyfriend of 3 years. I haven't heard from him in a while and I'm going crazy. I have a birthday this week, and I wonder if he'll even acknowledge it. I'm really hurt and sad. This was suppose to be the man I was going to marry (he's the one that really wanted to get married sooner than we planned). Yeah, I don't understand how a person can be so hot for someone one minute and then cold the next.

 

What I have learned though is that things happen for a reason. If he hasn't called in a while, that's a sign. As hard as it is to deal with, it is. Take this time to be with friends and family (it'll still rack your brain though). I'm getting ready to take a fun class or I hang out with a couple of girls with a bottle of wine and watch movies. I've been reading a lot of empowering books about dealing with a breakup. They do help. The point is just keep busy.

 

One other thing: DO NOT CALL HIM! If you do, it'll seem like you're a little crazy and make you look desperate. I still have to stop myself from doing it. This is your whole life on the line, but you can't make somebody feel a certain way. It's out of your control now. All you can do is let him know how you feel and then walk away. If he truly wants you back, he'll let you know. Until then, just take it one day or hour at a time.

 

The fact that he's done this before is a HUGE sign...

 

Goodluck and believe me, I know how you feel

[NEONINK]

hurts so bad, I think it's really bad this is the third time he's treated you like this. Even a game knows 3 strikes and you're out. "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."

 

flsgirl, you've got a lot of good pointers there. I like the part, state your case (feelings) and walk out.

 

Why isn't love simple? I think it should be. Love should be easy and fun. Love should be bliss all the time, forever. How could anyone question love? Sure, people come with bagage from their childhood and past relationships, but if they would only realize, the baggage is weighing them down, opening their hearts sets them free. Why do things in the past appear glorious, when it was actually hell?

 

I know my partner has been emotionally unavailable for a year now. I think the real description might have been unemotional available, but I'm finally with you girls. It's time to move on and heal the heart so you can set it free again.

 

I wish no one would get involved in a relationship until their heart is open. Maybe that would prevent these problems.

[IrishGirl]

dear, dear hurts so bad.....I am SOOOO feeling your pain right now!!!!

Is there just one time of the year this all happens at once to everyone??? I posted a message on this sight a few days ago because, like you - I'm feeling complete and utter devestation...saddness like I've never felt before. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me in May, only to get back together with me now, 4 weeks ago...ONLY to break if off again with me on Sunday night. This is 2 times he broke it off because he wasn't sure how to deal with his life (career, his parents are having a little crisis, his grandma is sick) He is depressed and confused as well and says he can't devote his time and energy to me like I deserve.

Tuesday night I broke down and wrote a heart wrenching letter to him saying how much I love him - I want to be with him always...but I cannot wait around until be makes up his mind to be with me or not. I've been extrememly supportive to him and lent my shoulders, my money, my love and everything to help him, and be there for his fun and even give him plenty of space (all summer) when he needed it without complaining. I sent him the letter and I feel soooo sad and I regret sending it, I haven't heard from him yet.

 

Please, realize that there are others who are going through the exact thing. I don't listen to the radio in my car because I'm scared I'll hear a song that will remind me of somthing between us.

 

I too, will be spending time with family, friends and just CRY CRY and let it all out. perhaps it's impossible to want to be and go to work, but that's honestly what will make you the sanest, otherwise you sit in your home and everything reminds you of "before the breakup/after the breakup" It may NOT be over for you - maybe he needs 2 months, or 3.....but please go on with your life and DON"T wait around. If you meet someone else that you're interested in (as impossible as that seems right now), than grab the ball and run with it if it's good, if he comes back in 4 months to want to meet up with you - and you're not involved or still have feelings for him - listen thouroughly and talk it through and things may work out again for you two. If it's meant to be, it will see, if it's not - it will fly free. Listen to yourself. Take care of yourself. I only wish I had the strengh to heed my own advice.

 

if you need to talk, please respond! thx.

[Vivid_29]

Ladies, ladies, ladies - My goodness, how we're all in the same boat. Believe it or not, us men hurt just like you ladies do.

 

I think Irish Girls way of coping is probably the most feasible. Irish girl, I give you props for not putting your life on hold for him.

 

I lost my exgirlfriend a month and a half ago. She was my everything; my life, my soulmate, my paradise. She is seven years younger than me and I saw her as my little girl. She just had this innocence in her eyes. Then one day she told me that she loved me, but was not in love and that she needed to find herself. I thought I was gonna die. She had ask me to wait for her and to not give up on her. I told her that I couldn't wait for her and that I have to put it behind me and move on.

 

It still hurts every once in a while; so bad that it makes my stomach sick, but I would never let her know that. I would never want her to see that I was hurting.

 

Hang onto your dignity and try to move on. It will make you a stronger and better person, and in the end, you will look back with a sense of pride and realize that you've survived it all.

 

Hope this helps.

[hurts so bad]

I wanted to thank each one of you for replying to my post. It helps to know that I am not the only one going through this horrible situation. Although, I wouldn't wish the pain I am feeling on my worst enemy. But sometimes I just feel so alone. I feel like my family nor my friends really know how I feel. I sometimes feel like they think I should just snap out of it, and be over him. But in reality, I can't just do that. I can't just turn my feelings off. I have loved this man for 4 1/2 years.....and now I feel like a huge part of me is missing.

 

flsgirl - I totally agree with you. The only person I can control is myself. I can't control his feelings....so it is pretty much out of my hands.....I hope you had a good birthday. Have you heard from him yet?

 

neonink - that is one of my favorite quotes......I wish I could be a stronger person, and enforce it in my situation....but sometimes when you love somebody, it's just not that easy. I totally agree with everything you have said too. I don't know why some people question love.....it's hard for me to understand. You're right...if people aren't ready to get into a relationship, then my god, don't get involved in one!!

 

irishgirl - I can so relate to you. I want to write my ex (or whatever he is) a letter saying those exact same things....but I'm afraid I won't get a reply.....and I think that it would hurt even more. I really don't know what to do anymore...I can't wait forever. It is really starting to eat at me though. And I totally understand about not listening to the radio in the car....sometimes I do the same thing. I think I almost had a nervous breakdown on my way home from work the other night. I just don't understand why these guys push us away when they get depressed, confused, or stressed.....I wish he would let me just be there for him instead...I mean that's what I am here for right?

 

vivid_29 - It's good to know that guys have feelings too. I was starting to think that men were just heartless. You seem like a really strong person. It is not fair to have to "wait" for them to figure out what they want....I mean shouldn't they just know? I give you props for not putting up with it, and moving on with your life. I wish I could do that myself.....but I love him too much to just walk out and not look back.

[IrishGirl]

I was thinking....

actually - I was thinking A LOT. and do you think that your boyfriend has been wonderin WHY you haven't called? I mean - maybe he's thinking "I thought she would call me by now cause she's worried and concerned about me"

 

do you two share the same friends? Could you find out how he's doing through one of your friends? I mean, would it hurt to call his mother or something? out of concern - or just a "seeing how he's doing"

I don't know.

my bf hasn't contacted me yet because I don't know what he's thinking but OH MY would it make my day if he just popped a call to say hello. You know?

I've decided that I'm contacting him on like the week we were supposed to meet (if I don't hear from him beforehand) and ask him to dinner. I want to get a feel for what we are both feeling after 5 weeks of no communication, so things aren't so wierd at this wedding.

 

well, I'm just rambling. I've read my letters and emails that both of us saved from the past 3 years numerous times. (my "B" folder has 230 emails in it from him {all sweet} his folder for me has over 300! can you believe it? we saved them all. How was this relationship wrong. It's got to work.

the next time I'm writing is when something big happens. Goodbye all.