What kinds of boundaries do you have for the girls and guys night out

[slashmw]

I have been living with my girlfriend for over 2 years and recently we've both agreed that she needs to have more time to spend with her friends away from me. We do everything together which is too much.

 

My question is what kinda of "rules" do any of you have with your significant other? What kinds of complexities do you run into over the whole girls and guys nights out? We are going to try to keep it so we are both out at the same times to the other person isn't just sitting and waiting at home and other obvious rules like no picking up other men or women. THe way I see it is that she is going to do what she wants anyway, so all I can say is this is what would bother me and she can either respect that or not. Whether she does or not will speak volumes on how important our relationship is to her. I hope she doesn't take this new freedom for granted, even though its always been there. I never said she couldn't hang with her friends. I just think we never do because we always make plans together or dont want the other person to be just sitting at home doing nothing.

 

Any thoughts?

[clia]

I just think we never do because we always make plans together or dont want the other person to be just sitting at home doing nothing.

 

Wow, you two seem really dependent on each other. Don't either of you ever just like to have a night alone at home with a good book or TV show? Do you have any life outside of each other?

 

I think you are making this WAY more complicated than it is. If you trust and love each other, you don't need to set up ground rules for going out. It's obviously understood that neither of you is going to go home with another person or cheat. Other than that, I think anything goes. Why are you making it so complicated? Why do you need ground rules? Sounds very stifling to me.

[slashmw]

I dont need ground rules, we dont really have rules. I was asking the members here if their were certain things that they couldn't do when they went out. Ya know like no strip clubs, or what not. I dont make any rules for her because she is a grown woman and can do what she wants. If either person wants to mess it up then they have to deal with the consequences. I wasn't asking for rules for me to use, i was just wondering if anyone else had unspoken rules or things that they knew their mate wouldn't want them doing, kinda besides the obvious.

 

I spend way more time with my friends than she does. Well she has most of her friends at work so she does see them alot but she really needs to be able to go out with her friends without me. The problem is they have boyfriends and such we usually just end up doing stuff together. I dont know why you think thats a bad thing. She enjoys my company alot, otherwise we wouldn't still be together. She just needs to do more on her own, and neither of us are the kind of people who want to just sit at home if the other is out having fun. It would be like, if she was going out and i had nothing to do, she would either take me or rather stay at home with me. We sit at home and read and what not, we give each other space. Its not like because we live together everything we do even at home is together.

 

You missed the point, it was a hypothetical inquiry. As for so called rules, i wouldn't tell her this is what you can and cannot do. I would say like, "hey it would bother me if you did that" as she would say the same. I just wanted to know if their were some hot topics, or touchy subjects that people deal with when organizing the guys and girls night out.

[Tony T]

Well, in your first post YOU WROTE, AND I QUOTE: "My question is what kinda of "rules" do any of you have with your significant other?"

 

Clia gave you some rules of guidelines...just like you asked for...and you snapped back with:

 

Then, in your post above, YOU WROTE, AND I QUOTE: "I dont need ground rules, we dont really have rules."

 

Make up your mind. And, as far as boundaries are concerned, boundaries are a form of rules. They are understandings (or agreed upon rules) of what you will do and what you won't do. Until you clarify yourself here, I don't think there's much anybody can do to help you.

[slashmw]

Just forget it. She misunderstood what I meant and so did you, so dont worry about it.

[jenny]

i think i understand the question - here's how i worked it in past relationships:

 

1. the no-one sits at home is a great one - plan ahead to make sure - this helps keep the power even.

 

2. we had another one called the decadence/gender ratio - that is, each respective evening had to offer an equivalent amount of temptation. if, for example, he is playing D&D or something equally adorably dorky, i would be compelled to do something like trivia pursuit tournaments.

 

3. money - both parties are allotted the same amount for the evening, or in my case, an equal amount while i was at home and he went to vegas, during which time various guy friends took me to movies and plays and such.

 

they worked well for us - tell me what you end up deciding?

 

xox j

[slashmw]

thank you

 

You understood exactly what I meant. Its really the first time in the entire time we've been together when we've really said, we both need time with other people. The reason its not come up before is that I dont work even as close to as much as she does. (she finished college last semester and i have one more to go, i know i'm old and its taken long but alot of people go to school for 8 years...yeah their called doctors)

 

So the whole time we've been together I would hang with my friends during the day and her at night. Thats been the routine for over 2 years. Its worked because we were friends first so we get along very well, she is litterally my best friend. But I totally understand taht she needs more time to herself. If I put myself in her shoes I would be freaking out. I want her to be happy so I'm all for her hanging with her friends, even if they are guys. It took me some getting used to the male friends, cause I know what on most of their minds. Its also one double standard that kills guys, she'd flip if I went out to hang out with a bunch of girls but I have to be okay with her going out with dudes. Its okay with me though cause I trust her but not guys, but like I've said before she will do what she will do, no need worrying about it.

 

I think the time apart will be good for her and help her gain some perspective on our relationship. I know when I'm with my friends we talk about our women all the time so i'm sure she talks about me with her friends. I just want to make sure we go about it the right way since strangely enough, its all very new. Your examples made me laugh, it sounds like crap we would make up too.

 

Its still hard for her to find time to hang out with her friends cause she works so much. She also has to realize that if it weren't for me cleaning and cooking all the time she'd have even less time to do such things. Its almost like I have to suggest that she do something with her friends.

 

Thanks for the response, you seem to be able to read me very easily.

[ILMLBR]

I HAVE RULES FOR THE HUSBAND BUT HE DOESN'T LISTEN SO I CATCH HIM AT THE TIT BAR AND TELL HIM TO GET HIS ASS HOME. HE GETS EMBARRASSED AND DOESN'T GO FOR A WHILE. THEN WHEN HE DOESN'T COME HOME I KNOW WHERE TO FIND HIM, THEN I GO BUY DIAMONDS BECAUSE I FIGURE IF WE HAVE MONEY FOR THE TIT BAR WE CAN AFFORD BIG DIAMONDS FOR ME. I WANT THE JUMPIN BUNNY!

[jenny]

yes siree...equity certainly invites sanity.

 

 

xoxo, j