Do all men really want to cheat?

[SupportGroupie]

Is it really in mans nature to cheat and hunger for all other women?

 

Can a man be friends with a hot girl and not want to BOINK her....?

 

I mean I keep hearing that instincually men are hunters and want mates. So we are to assume from reading all we do, that most men if they have a female friend, co worker who is attractive and semi cool..cant just be friends.

 

So how are we are women supposed to trust boyfriends and mates with other women, when YOU are ones telling us men and women cant really be friends...??? Its like guys tell us that they have to CURB appetite or closely try to avoid friendships with women if they are dating cause the urge to cheat or be with women is so strong.

 

HEAD SCRATCH....you dont want us to tell you that you cant have female friends..you hate our jealousy ...and u say THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS..when on the othe hand i keep hearing that men really cant just be friends with women....

 

I dont believe this to be true....i dont want it to be true...i have lots of men friends and i dont cross the line with them. Women are built differently...but if i dated a guy who had several female friends...attractive, fun..i would worry he would want to mess around with them.

 

SO what makes you stray, what makes you NOT stray? What makes you commit and not have a hard on for every other woman?? Pls helpp us little gals understand.......should we worry, let it go....believe , trust, never trust...?

 

I have close male friends who dont cheat, and i love that. i know lots of men who dont cheat, but maybe really i dont...lol

 

LOVE Y'all men...just have trust issues,,,,,,,ho hum

men and women...like oil and water...and also sometimes like heat and fire, and love and kindness.

 

hugs to all

why cant we all just get along..lol

SG

[carhill]

i have lots of men friends and i dont cross the line with them. Women are built differently..

 

Tell me about this. You're essentially saying that you can be friends (if I'm reading the OP correctly) with a man whom you find attractive and this is not problematical for you. I would be interested to know how you process this psychologically.

 

Or, as is more of a stereotypical generality, are you saying that a man always is attracted to a woman, any woman, and can never be "friends" with her? His mind is always on the sex part.

 

Personally, I think any attempts to generalize both attraction and propensity for fidelity in either gender is fruitless. We are individuals and unique in all ways.

 

So, to answer your OP, no, all men do not really want to cheat. Nor do all women

[Phateless]

The difference is how close the friendship is. If you have a guy "best-friend" who you hang out with every single day but have no interest in, he wants more. If you have a regular guy friend who you hang out with sometimes, nothing to worry about. The contradictory posts refer to when women "friend-zone" a guy who wants to be with them and then refuse to see it for what it is.

 

Yes, we are attracted to other women and might be tempted, but we can control our urges. Any guy who claims he can't just wants an excuse to cheat.

 

The real question is - do YOU trust him?

[SupportGroupie]

Carhill

Sorry I was really venting. I know in my head and what i see that all men dont cheat or want to. I obviously have trust issues. I dont want to fool around with my single male friends, I just dont. But do I think some of them would fool around with me, yes. Even tho they are good friends..i know that given the chance, a few would probably want a fling or something if i offered it. I guess thats more the point.

 

I really was just spouting off..i know all men dont cheat or want to..i guess i just need to write and express and get feedback from others ...i just like to hear a mans point of view.

 

I have had loving boyfriends...honest ones...as far as i know..but i did have an affair with a MM and it was devastating and hard and bad. I am not proud. in any way..but he was separated at the time we met, then got back with wife..now separated again,

 

I guess that relationship and a few others..long ago, made me doubt sincerity and questions mans nature. My recent ex does not cheat, he never has on anyone, but he also does not put himself in any situations to be tempted. SO my thought is that often, when put in a situation to be temped..men will be tempted...its just some men control their urges and some dont.

 

I know there are honest, good men who just dont cheat. I know that

 

sorry i am having a rough emotional time over past month..so i am just raging and questioning..

thanks for your response so much

SG

[SupportGroupie]

Phateless

Well said, i sort of agree with this, and have heard the same from other men. controlling urges....etc.

 

I know some men blame cheating on their genetic makeup as men..i believe its a choice, not a curse..lol

I do wish you very much luck with your current relationship. ENjoy it, and God bless..and happy holidays

SG

[carhill]

sorry i am having a rough emotional time over past month..so i am just raging and questioning..

thanks for your response so much

 

I can empathize. I've been doing that for, oh, the past five years or so

 

The important thing IMO is to be clear about who you are. Your philosophy of self. Your boundaries. Men you can't control. Yourself, definitely

[LucreziaBorgia]

I think men naturally have sexual thoughts about other women. Not all of them would go so far as to act on them by cheating though. Lust is biological. Cheating is a choice.

[Phateless]

Phateless

Well said, i sort of agree with this, and have heard the same from other men. controlling urges....etc.

 

I know some men blame cheating on their genetic makeup as men..i believe its a choice, not a curse..lol

I do wish you very much luck with your current relationship. ENjoy it, and God bless..and happy holidays

SG

 

Thanks SG! It's true, I've had girls literally say to me "I want to sleep with you" while I'm taken or had girls literally try to jump on top of me, and I've always managed to resist because I think it's the right thing to do.

 

It's a question of philosophy.

[SupportGroupie]

Phateless

Interesting.

You see I am a natural flirt, always have been, but friendly more than flirty at this age/stage of my life. But i cant date men who are equally like me, i am just too insecure about it. I hope to grow that part up.

 

I do understand what makes men look at me, is the same thing that makes them look at others. So I sure cant expect my guy, or ex....to only have eyes for me. I look, (I am single now..) but i look. Its crazy to think your guy wont look at other women or want to get attention or some sort of dialogue with women other than you.

 

I think it is a matter of choice, opportunity, philosophy, heart, the relationship and the core of the person. MANY people who said they will never ever ever cheat, have. GOod, loving, honest people up until that fatal moment..lol

 

its hard to be committed and happy I guess. Who knows.

hugs and keep on keepin on

SG

[Phateless]

I am similar - also a natural flirt, and sometimes I can't help it. I also agree with you that it's natural for people to want extra validation and we just have to be secure and have enough trust to not let it be an issue.

[fral945]

Yes, it is in our nature. It’s not that men can’t be monogamous; they can and many do choose. Monogamy is a choice. The urge most men have for sexual variety (like sexual thoughts) is not. Many women cannot relate to this, maybe because they don't have those thoughts when they are in love with someone? IDK.

 

I’ll put it this way. No matter how attractive a girlfriend I had, or how great she is in bed, I will always want more or different. I realized this about myself a few years ago. Basically, I am sexually insatiable, and I think most men are as well. However, that doesn’t make me incapable of being monogamous. I could be monogamous and live with a certain amount of insatiability. It will be a choice I make, though, probably once I have sown my oats enough and the temptations are not as great.

[carhill]

Look at it another way. Men like tools. "Insatiable lust" and "I want all women but choose to be monogamous" and the like are incredible tools of control. It's like "I want to be with you but all these feelings tug at my soul and I never know when the devil is going to get the best of me. Treat me right, babe"....yeah, cr@p like that.

 

Great tool

[SupportGroupie]

Phral945

this is exactly my point, and thanks for your honest. Truly. if i feel like it is "killing a man" to be faithful to me, and he has to contstantly control urges NOT to cheat, and he is like a caged animal cause he cant pounce on who he wants, I dont want that for him or me.

 

I get the feeling for many men, its a huge urge they have to control. And they are sort of forcing themsleves to "behave". YUK..lol

 

While i appreciate the trying to commit and be faithful, i sure would not want to be with anyone who had to struggle that hard to be with me only. GRANTED I struggle to be faithful to. i have always looked at and been curious about other men...while dating. I do control it, so i do understand it goes both ways.

 

Its hard to commit to just one person for many of us. I am glad that you know what you know about yourself. Honesty is the main thing. I wish all men would be honest, more honest when they get involved. Let me know who u are, and I WILL decide if i can or want to be with you.

 

I always tell men straight up what I am like, that i have had a hard time in committed relationships, like my space, etc etc. I have no problem with a man with a wandering penis..lol...just want him to be honest about his needs..who his is.

 

I know some men do not struggle nearly as much as others to be faithful, just as some women are very much committed to their men, and dont think about cheating, and some do.

 

I am into deep thought, and analysis and it fascinates me about this. Because the cheating men are cheating witrh women, just like me, or perhaps not. We are all to blame. I am not sure mongamy is ideal, nor is it easy....

 

I just know i dont want to date a man who has to avoid all women and circumstances just so he does not cheat or pounce on someone. I dont want to babysit, worry etc or stop a guy from living. I hope that more men can learn no control their dip sticks..lol...without it being such a hard thing to do. No pun intended.

 

BUT HECK, its hard for me too..so who am I to judge.

the world is a fascinating place for sure

thanks for good talks

SG

[PrincessPeach]

So you don't trust the guy you are dating not to want other attractive women, but you trust your good male friends not to want other attractive women (i.e. you)?! Why can't the guy you're dating have good female friends like your male friends have you as a friend where nothing seems to be wrong or tempting? In that case... why don't you date one of your male friends instead if you trust them so much in that area?

 

I hate it when people specify cheating to one gender or the other (either way) because that is just plain dumb. It's people who cheat, not genders, and I know just as many (if not more) stories of the girl cheating on the man as I do the man cheating on the girl. And don't spew some BS about it's mostly the man who initiates. The girls allow themselves to be in situations where something like that can happen and then claim to be ignorant of that fact after it happens. If a girl is alone with a man somewhere where something romantic could potentially happen... she shouldn't have gotten there to begin with and that doesn't make it the man's fault.

 

Guys and girls can't become friends with the sole intention of becoming friends. If you have a good friend of the opposite gender you've never had a thing for, then he had a thing for you and still might. He also might just be too afraid of your rejection to ever do anything about it with you. Or one of you liked the other's good friend and thought it good to get to know each other for that reason. Attraction is behind the beginnings of nearly every cross-gender friendship at some level.

 

I think a good thing to go by... is that once you are in a committed relationship, don't go making new friends of the opposite gender! Because if you're becoming "friends" you either are attracted to them and shouldn't be, or they are attracted to you and you are showing them that it's okay to be attracted to you even though you're in a relationship. For opposite gender friendships that existed prior to a relationship, those are fine as those guys or girls have already been prettymuch secured into categories of friends-only. Things are much less likely to develop or be acted upon with these friends.

[fral945]

SupportGroupie,

 

It's harder when guys are younger and less sexually experienced. I don't know how old you are, but when I was younger (say 18-21) I don't remember thinking about marriage or sex with just one woman. Going to college and seeing a smorgasbord of beautiful women makes that difficult for any young man.

 

In all honestly, temptation is becoming less of a struggle as I get older, as I'm learning that variety is not all it's cracked up to be. Especially when I have a sex life with one person that is decent, varied, and happening on a regular basis. I still think about other women but not all the time. Like I said, a certain amount of insatiability is ok. The problem comes in when the sex life goes downhill, which causes temptations and thoughts to increase.

 

Some guys struggle more so than others. For me, age and experience has helped. I know it's not a comforting thought to realize your guy is thinking about other women. But you only have so much influence. Whether or not he decides to stray is ultimately his decision. The best you can do is be clear up front what each of you expect (if you both expect monogamy) and try to meet each others' sexual needs.

[SupportGroupie]

PP

wow i hear ya loud and clear. I sure dont blame men for all cheating. As I said, they are cheating with women..lol. WOmen can be aggressive, controlling, manipulative, and just as horny, dishonest etc as men. All I am saying is that men seem to feel it is in their makeup to want to cheat or that it is way harder for them to not cheat. I dont make that up, men say it.

 

Pls dont assume i am a man hater or think that men are the bad eggs. Sh** i had had affairs with MM..so I blame me as much as him. I dotn want to date my male friends. Thats why they are "friends". No i am not dating anyone now and my last BF i was not worried about him cheating. I was merely talking in whats ifs and general statements about men/women. I dont date men that make me feel insecure...i am insecure about men in general...i know that. I date committed guys....but i worry about men in general...i know its confusing...sorry...i am rambling.

 

I have trusted the men i am with cause they have not put themselves in sticky spots nor brought women friends in. What i am trying to prepare myself for is dating men who have femaile friends..close ones they hang out with. I want to be mature and grow. I have been lucky that my ex's really did not have women friends or if they did, they had them from way back and they were no threat.

 

I fully agree about the NO NEW male or female friends once u are in a relationship. Its a lot harder. Its not impossible but harder. My boyfriends always meet my male friends. I always make it comfy and clear..and honest and i dont f-around with my friends. Not for me. So the guys are cool with what i do.

 

I want to learn to be trusting and cool for when i date someone new who does have girls as friends. Just prepping myself and trying to grow, not judge.

thanks for your honesty

SG

[SupportGroupie]

fral 945

well said and thanks. I really like how you express things. I agree about the age thing. The older I get the more I see relationships in a new way. I am way more able to commit and be satisfied and adult now than in my twenties...I am between 40 and 50 years young..close to 40..lol

 

I like growing older in that i do believe we become more comfortable with us and our relationships...and a 22 year old boys drive, ego or dating experiences is unlike that same man at 40. Totally agree and thanks.

 

I just have been struggling with how to approach new relationships once i get back out there.

you have been helpful, thanks so much

SG

[PrincessPeach]

You could always introduce him to your female friends

 

Your friends aren't going to try anything with your guy and he should know better than to think anything would be able to happen with them. But they both will get some fulfillment of interaction with the opposite gender. Plus doing this can help to share parts of your life with him and make him feel closer to you. Of course you might not want to be gung-ho about this right away as too much too quickly might not be what he wants.

 

You can go out with other couples too Me and mine go out with other couples who one or both of us is friends with and it's usually pretty fun and a good way to make friends for both of us.

 

I think most guys will understand where you are coming from in relation to their female friends and the ones who aren't so understanding probably aren't much of boyfriend material anyways.

[SupportGroupie]

Thanks PP

my recent ex is friends with my male and female friends. So its all good. We are all friends. I only worried abt one friend I introduced him to, because of HER not him. She is not a friend anymore, but she will flirt and play games and generally not give a rats ass who she comes on too..so I stopped being her friend not cause of my ex BF but because i did not like the game playing with people, men, women. Not cause i was worried he would cheat with her. He found her offensive actually..tho she is smoking hot...lol..

 

I guess I just need these guys to only have female friends who are 85 years old, dead broke and drooling...lol..then it wont bother me...lol

 

just kidding

happy holidays from the sassy support groupie

[tidalwave]

Is it really in mans nature to cheat and hunger for all other women?

 

Can a man be friends with a hot girl and not want to BOINK her....?

 

 

I have been in a relationship where i didnt cheat so it can happen if you are committed enough.

 

 

Answer to the second question: HELL NO! i can be friends with a hot chick, but i at least want to have sex with her once (if i am not already in a committed relationship of course).

[Trialbyfire]

Cheating isn't isolated to men. Women cheat too. There are people who will cheat and others who won't. You'll find the ones who do, tend to be selfish/broken individuals. Not all are broken, if you don't consider selfishness broken.

[Lizzie60]

Here's my POV...

 

I do believe in men/women friendship.. ONLY if they were friends 'forever' like before they met their 'soulmates'..

 

IF..

 

you have a bf and then, out of the blue, he's got a new 'female friend'.. then.. sorry but I don't buy that.. especially if the woman is hot.

 

Men are wired differently than women.. women can go on, even if they're not 'in love' anymore, without cheating.. most men can't.

 

Most (if not all) men will cheat, given the opportunity and knowing they would never get caught..

 

I am absolutely sure about that.. the ones who say they wouldn't... either know they would never get another woman (probably they're too fat and ugly) or they're liars..

 

Men are soooo easy.. they don't always think with the right 'head'

[Ayemtee]

Here's my POV...

 

I do believe in men/women friendship.. ONLY if they were friends 'forever' like before they met their 'soulmates'..

 

IF..

 

you have a bf and then, out of the blue, he's got a new 'female friend'.. then.. sorry but I don't buy that.. especially if the woman is hot.

 

Men are wired differently than women.. women can go on, even if they're not 'in love' anymore, without cheating.. most men can't.

 

Most (if not all) men will cheat, given the opportunity and knowing they would never get caught..

 

I am absolutely sure about that.. the ones who say they wouldn't... either know they would never get another woman (probably they're too fat and ugly) or they're liars..

 

Men are soooo easy.. they don't always think with the right 'head'

 

 

Females to.

[Lizzie60]

I agree that more women cheat than before.. but it still lower than men.

 

It goes together.. more women cheat these days.. but way more men cheat too.. more than before... and it will always be more.

 

We grow older than before.. so to think that we will be with the same person all our life is unrealistic IMO.

 

I was talking to a co-worker this afternoon (our X-Mas party/lunch) and he said his dad left his mom last year for another woman.. he's 75..

[Ayemtee]

I agree that more women cheat than before.. but it still lower than men.

 

It goes together.. more women cheat these days.. but way more men cheat too.. more than before... and it will always be more.

 

We grow older than before.. so to think that we will be with the same person all our life is unrealistic IMO.

 

I was talking to a co-worker this afternoon (our X-Mas party/lunch) and he said his dad left his mom last year for another woman.. he's 75..

 

 

She was probably a sucky wife.