Do all men really want to cheat?

[Ayemtee]

I should make a post asking guys if its true that all females need a constant dosage of cock to slam their pussy behind their SO's back. I wonder how biased these broads would be then.

[carhill]

I'll answer that post

[Trimmer]

Well.. Trim... you're entitled to your opinion as I am with mine..

Indeed you are. And if you said "I think all men are pigs," I'd probably cheer you on and chuckle and think, oh, there goes ol' Lizzie, what a kick she is.

 

But when you state your little "all men will cheat" as absolute, tested certainty, with a little sniff and an air of authority, as if you know and the rest of us couldn't, then I'm gonna knock your "fact" down every time.

 

But hey, don't get me wrong - just like you're entitled to your opinion, you're also absolutely entitled to make up and believe in facts that are shakily supported by your own belief system and your own limited observations.

 

And some of LoSers who proclaim they never or would never cheat, sometimes come back, under another username, to tell their story. (I should keep a 'record' of those )

LoSers.... Fat and ugly.... Have I just missed it in the past, or are you getting more bitter as time goes on?

[SupportGroupie]

Hey you all

Since I was originally poster here I wanted to chime in.

 

I think that women who have experienced men cheating, one man, many men, spouse, etc probably would have more of a reason to think most or all men cheat than women who have not experienced this.

 

I dont believe ALL MEN cheat by any means. I have many men I know whom don't or would not cheat, as much as anyone can be sure of that. It's just not how they are built and also they wont put selves in circumstance. I am no man hater, tho i have trust issues as many women due. Men also.

 

Everyone is entitled to their own views and women scorn are women hurt, as are men scorn. I was merely trying to question ..sort of....is it an excuse to say to women..GUYS ARE BUILT DIFFERENTLY...its in our nature to want other women..etc...its WHO WE ARe...or to think its a personal and emotional choice some men choose to do it, others dont.

 

BUT i do believe some men are built differently or grow up differently, without that want/drive to seek out an affair. Some men are brought up with fathers, friends etc that cheat and they learn that. So I think part of it is learned, and a lot of it is morals, values, tempations, crossing lines..etc.

 

I realize all men dont cheat...of course not. And all women dont cheat. BUT a lot of cheating happens.

Its sort of odd and bizarre to watch most men around attractive women. They treat them entirely different than avergae women. I see it all the time.

 

Doors get held for pretty women, pretty women get the attention at the bar, the store..the yada yada. Its our society i guess...that men just often get turned around by a hot women that pays a lick of attention to him.

 

I see it all the time. Men can be with the most beautiful girl in the world, and then pant and drool over the others. Some women do this too...i look and i am not perfect. I have cheated....and i have been cheated on...but i think that people are people..and make their own decisions.

 

Do i think more men are tempted to cheat when they have attractive female friends and co workers. ....yup i do. Just is what it is.

 

hugs and happy holidays

the support groupie who is not a man hater...at all

just low on trust sometimes

cheers

[carhill]

I was merely trying to question ..sort of....is it an excuse to say to women..GUYS ARE BUILT DIFFERENTLY...its in our nature to want other women..etc...its WHO WE ARe...or to think its a personal and emotional choice some men choose to do it, others dont.

 

Yes, it's an excuse. More importantly, it's an answer, a really important one.

 

Have I been or will I ever be "tempted"? Absolutely. To deny it would be to deny my own humanity. IMO and IME, temptation is different from desire is different from action. They can exist exclusively as well as in concert.

 

All of us have choices. Choose well....

 

Happy holidays!

[Trialbyfire]

If you've cheated, cheated with and been cheated on, of course you're going to believe that most other people will. It's human nature to want to justify and be considered in the "norm". Very likely you are in the zone of norm but notice how you have serious jealousy issues from this? Difficult to trust, knowing you yourself are not necessarily capable of having self-restraint.

 

My stance remains. There are people who will cheat and others who won't, for all sorts of reasons. Cheating, falling in love, sleeping around, etc. are all about personal choice.

[brothelmaiden]

Well.. Trim... you're entitled to your opinion as I am with mine.. I've heard this from many men that I've not even been involved with..

 

I have also 'test' this theory and 'he' failed.. proclaiming he would never ever (never did, never will) cheat on his wife.. well... he was in my room that same night...

 

And some of LoSers who proclaim they never or would never cheat, sometimes come back, under another username, to tell their story. (I should keep a 'record' of those )

 

You can roll your eyes all you want..

 

 

From what I gather, you are a paid sex worker, right? This is what you have said in the past and you are testing theories because? So if one guy goes back on his word, that means all do? Wow... you generalize quite often and seem bitter due to past failing relationships?? Is this why you just have sex for money now? So you don't risk the possibility of getting hurt?

 

In the sex industry such as you are in, of course you would be in contact with the most indecent and unscrupulous men and this surprises you and makes you come to the conclusion that all the slimeballs you sleep with portray the values of the remaining men out there?

 

How can you have an ounce of respect left for yourself? WOW! I can't even believe the glut of your posts. Sleeping with random married men to prove a theory? LOL. Somehow this brought a sense of glory to your position, as if you feel better knowing you aren't the only woman to be railroaded.. you now inflict pain on others for something that was done to you in the past. Bitter. Bitter. Bitter.

[Ayemtee]

From what I gather, you are a paid sex worker, right? This is what you have said in the past and you are testing theories because? So if one guy goes back on his word, that means all do? Wow... you generalize quite often and seem bitter due to past failing relationships?? Is this why you just have sex for money now? So you don't risk the possibility of getting hurt?

 

In the sex industry such as you are in, of course you would be in contact with the most indecent and unscrupulous men and this surprises you and makes you come to the conclusion that all the slimeballs you sleep with portray the values of the remaining men out there?

 

How can you have an ounce of respect left for yourself? WOW! I can't even believe the glut of your posts. Sleeping with random married men to prove a theory? LOL. Somehow this brought a sense of glory to your position, as if you feel better knowing you aren't the only woman to be railroaded.. you now inflict pain on others for something that was done to you in the past. Bitter. Bitter. Bitter.

 

Whaaaaat? Lizzie has sex with men for dough? Damn...

[Steve L]

I would say yes, all men cheat in their minds. And, probably most would given the most outrageous of circumstances. However, there are a bunch of us that dont. And I do mean a bunch. I think it probably crosses all of our minds but we just dont do it.....its wrong. I didnt do it until my wife the whore did it to me. I just lost something for her. Like respect.

[Dexter Morgan]

Is it really in mans nature to cheat and hunger for all other women?

 

If it is, then I guess I go against nature. Never had the desire to cheat. I believe in fidelity.

 

 

So how are we are women supposed to trust boyfriends and mates with other women, when YOU are ones telling us men and women cant really be friends...???

 

Dunno. I could say the same about women since I haven't met many that are faithful or at least haven't cheated on past boyfriends/husbands.

 

 

HEAD SCRATCH....you dont want us to tell you that you cant have female friends..you hate our jealousy ...and u say THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS..when on the othe hand i keep hearing that men really cant just be friends with women....

 

I don't have close female friendships. Acquaintence type friendships yes. Friendships that are a speak when you see them kind of deal, yes.

 

I don't have women friends that I hang out with. And if I do, its in a group where my significant other is present.

 

I practice what I preach. My current SO expects things of me, and I expect the same of her right back.

 

 

I dont believe this to be true....i dont want it to be true...i have lots of men friends and i dont cross the line with them.

 

While I would believe you, there are going to be guys that you are with that would not be comfortable with this. At least with you having the kind of male friends that you hang out with alone.

 

 

Women are built differently...but if i dated a guy who had several female friends...attractive, fun..i would worry he would want to mess around with them.

 

Ah, so its ok for women to have close male friends, but not the other way around? Good luck trying to get a relationship with a man to work if you expect him to be ok with your male friendships, but you not ok with his female friends.

 

Sounds to me that if you aren't going to be comfortable with a man that has female friends in the "hang out" sense, then you need to find a man that has no such female friends and you need to be prepared to not have male friends in the same sense.

 

 

I have close male friends who dont cheat, and i love that.

 

Hmmmm, well didn't you just answer your own question with this statement?

 

 

 

LOVE Y'all men...just have trust issues,,,,,,,ho hum

men and women...like oil and water...and also sometimes like heat and fire, and love and kindness.

 

Well its funny to me that someone with trust issues would be in a situation that you yourself wouldn't want a significant other in.

 

Maybe if you don't want a man to have female friends, then you need to ditch your male friends? i don't care what the theory is that you have with regards to how different men and women are made. Its a double standard and one nobody should have to put up with.

 

Not gettin' down on ya. I'm sure you are a lovely lady. Just think about the double standard thing.

[carhill]

IME, having male friends is a genuinely good thing for a woman. She experiences the male perspective without any romantic entanglements, can obtain a situational ego feed whenever she desires by ratcheting up the flirting a bit (innocently of course), and of course he's around to do "guy things" (I call this the "tool theory") when applicable.

 

Now, why she wouldn't want her man to have similar healthy relationships with women is beyond me

 

As suggested, seriously, it is a double standard. I find it unacceptable and choose to avoid women who attempt to apply it to me

[SupportGroupie]

Hey Dexter

Thanks for reply. No sorry, here is the conflict. I am not saying there is anything wrong with men having women friends and I would never live double standard. What I am saying is that i have not dated a lot of men who had many female friends and I know I would be jealous. Its me. But i would not interfere or tell them NO U should not have female friends. I know that i have trust issues, therefor I dont date men that are players or have a ton of female friends...if i can help it.

 

I think its great men and women are friends. I also know that it all depends on the woman/man and the friendships at hand. My last ex had a female friend he saw occassioanlly and I was fine with it. I would never tell him he could not or should not go. It's not me. AND he had previously dated this woman. But he met her for lunch and then was done. It was healthy, simple and honest. I was cool with that.

 

Even if they were closer, I would have pushed myself to let him have whatever he wanted in his life (friends) as long as it was not like he was seeing some girl twice a week for dinner/drinks etc. The male friends in my life, have been there for a long time. I dont bring new male friends into my life, if I am dating. AND i am boldy honest about my friendships with men, and the guys I date meet my male friends.

 

So i was not trying to say its ok and not for them. Not at all. I was saying that I know i would not handle it well because I have insecurities and trust issues. I worry abt men given the opportunity to cheat, sometimes will of course. I dont cross the line with my male friends, nor do I ever play them up against my dates. Its all honest and platonic. I want to learn and grow, I hate being insecure. So the reason I ask is to learn. I want to prepare myself for when i do date a man that has a handful of close female friends, I want to support and encourage that, if its done it a healthy way..(honest, open etc) like I do. Thats all. I dont tell my boyfriends/dates...what to do or not do. I dont ever want to own anyone, and men and women learn a lot from eachother in friendships.

 

I was really trying to say I want to learn to trust and be less jealous, and that often men tell me they sleep with their female friends, or would want to and make a play if they could. I just dont cross that line. So I can trust myself with my male friends. I would like to learn to trust men in the same way..that I date. I am here to learn.

 

I am not saying its wrong at all for men and women to be friends. I have found, from experience, some men have great female friends and its cool and some men just cant handle the temptation...or should not be out and about because they cant control themselves. I have found lovely men who are committed and kind. I also dated men who were not honest and were screwing around. Its a mixed bag

 

thanks for your post

SG

[SupportGroupie]

Carhil

I posted to this a minute ago. Guess I need to think before I write. I was not saying that it is NOT OKAY for men, but it is okay for women to have men friends. I was saying or meant to say...I have trust issues and insecurities. I would never tell my guy he could not have friends, female friends. I am just saying i would have insecurities that I would have to work out. I dont want to be jealous, i think men and women great friends together. I love my men friends. I would love to be supportive of a man i met who had female friends. I am saying it would take work on my part to handle it well and do it in a way that I want. I would not give him a hard time or tell him no...not at all.

 

I am saying I need to grow and learn to handle it as well or half as well as the men i have dated. I dont date jealous men because i am independent and have a lot of friends. I also know i can be jealous so I dont date men by nature that have a ton of female friends. I think its great than men have females they can just hang with, I knows its good, I do it all the time.

 

I just think that some men get easily tempted with female friends, some dont, thats all

 

its about me and trust and also what I hear from men abt their female friends. many man will tell u they have had or do have an attraction to their female friends even if they dont act on it. I cant say the same is true of me...sure at some points in friendships you can have an attraction but the men i am friends with are men i dont want to date or would not tempt me..thats why they are friends..

 

happy holidays

SG

[SupportGroupie]

LOL

Now I am answering my own posts, thats crazy.

 

I think that it's very confusing what I wrote.

 

DOUBLE STANDARD:

No it definitley is not fair for women to be able to have male friends and then say men should not or cant.

 

I was merely trying to say that for me, I am not tempted with my male friends. I guess my insecurities lead me to think that men are more tempted than women in friendships. EVEN if thats untrue

 

I believe men and women should have friends of opposite sex. I need and want to work on being as supportive or understanding as my ex's have been with me. I would love to grow in this area of my life. I believe in men having their space to do whatever they want to live their lives. I also am honest enough about my issue to know that I would need to learn some behaviors and mantras or new thought patterns to handle myself in a way I respect when it comes to boyfriends having female friends.

 

its abt growth and acceptance. It is in no way fair for me to have a lot of male friends or even a few, and then go tell my boyfriends or dates they cant. Thats silly. I just have trust issues so it may hurt me or worry me, and i might obsess a little about it, or wonder whats going on, but it does not mean i think there is anything wrong with men wanting and having female friends.

 

Its my crap....basically. I seek understand and change..and part of that change I want is being more comfortable with men i date in every way including their desire and time spent with female friends.

 

Surely I have dated men with a few female friends, but they were not close nor did they see eachother much so it was just not a big factor or presence. I am eager to be as open and flexible as my ex's have been

 

I AM ALL FOR BOY/GIRL POWER. OOOH AAAHHH

 

lol

SG

[carhill]

No worries SG, I talk to myself all the time. It's a side-effect of being married

[SupportGroupie]

Lol Carhill

I feel like some crazy person because I just post aimlessly and get it out, and then have to realize, good, kind and AWARE people are reading and helping and paying attention...and often what I write comes out wrong because it is written so quickly..and I dont watch my words. lol...I re read my post and was like...OH NO, I sure dont want to seem double standard, I just want to admit to the world how flawed I am, and how much I want to be different in this way particularly.

 

So thanks..lol. I know the ugly truth of the green eyed monster and I want to kill it...lol. I look forward to being closer to other side of where I am going. No not death...lol....less insecure and more trusting of men.

 

BOY i think I just need to stop posting for a while and just focus on helping others...lol.....wheeew....I am much better at that then trying to figure out my mind.

 

Happy Friday

SG

[Dexter Morgan]

Hey Dexter

Thanks for reply. No sorry, here is the conflict. I am not saying there is anything wrong with men having women friends and I would never live double standard. What I am saying is that i have not dated a lot of men who had many female friends and I know I would be jealous. Its me.

 

Oh I hear ya. I'm the same way. I just see it as disrepectful to hang out with the opposite sex like you were on a date, or driking and watching movies alone with someone other than your SO.

 

I don't know of a woman alive that would be ok with me going to a movie with another woman, or going over to another woman's place to watch movies.

 

 

But i would not interfere or tell them NO U should not have female friends.

 

Neither would I. I would just simply not have a girlfriend that has the kind of male friends she hangs out with alone and in private.

 

 

I am not saying its wrong at all for men and women to be friends. I have found, from experience, some men have great female friends and its cool and some men just cant handle the temptation...or should not be out and about because they cant control themselves. I have found lovely men who are committed and kind. I also dated men who were not honest and were screwing around. Its a mixed bag

 

 

Well again, there is a difference between having friends of the opposite sex that you might be in the company with, say, in a group, at social gatherings, etc.

 

Then there is friends of the opposite sex that you hang out with alone and in private. The latter here is the kind I won't put up with.

[movingonandon]

I don't think that most men *want* to cheat.

It is probably true that if a guy could sleep with somebody with no effort and no consequences (e.g. being caught, dise4ase. etc), ne probably will. At least I know I'd be seriously tempted. But, since the above is never true in reality (i.e. it always takes effort and has some consequences), most guys would not bother if their relationships are ok.

[movingonandon]

IME, having male friends is a genuinely good thing for a woman. She experiences the male perspective without any romantic entanglements, can obtain a situational ego feed whenever she desires by ratcheting up the flirting a bit (innocently of course), and of course he's around to do "guy things" (I call this the "tool theory") when applicable.

 

Now, why she wouldn't want her man to have similar healthy relationships with women is beyond me

 

As suggested, seriously, it is a double standard. I find it unacceptable and choose to avoid women who attempt to apply it to me

 

Many women are actually clueless and believe that guys waht to be "friends" with them. But that's cluelesness, although that's exactly what probably makes women having male friends kinda acceptable.

As a guy, I'm vouching that except in the rare cases of 1) actual real friendships that go *way back*, or 2) complete lack of any sexual attraction whatsoever, guys don't want to be your "friend". Another possible, though rare, friend scenario is casually date for a while, didn't work out, clean break up - friends.

[LostNLonely]

I think men naturally have sexual thoughts about other women. Not all of them would go so far as to act on them by cheating though. Lust is biological. Cheating is a choice.

 

 

It also explains why men are jealous of other men...

 

Women who don't understand that every man close to you, and every man your close with, of course, excluding family members, probably has thought, at least once, of having sex with you, we are programmed genetically to propagate the species, it's a burden which weighs heavily on our conscious and sub-conscious mind.

 

Regardless of whether your BF's friends are hot or not, you should have some concern, we're programmed to find something, almost anything "hot" about every women.

 

Even a woman who lacks conventional beauty, can be appealing enough for a healthy male libido, she could even be old, hunched over with a hump on her back, bad teeth, balding, overweight with facial hair and a nasty skin rash, in fact if the only thing she had going for herself was a cute pinky toe, it's a safe bet any man could get a woody for her under certain circumstances.

 

So, don't just worry about the "hot" ones !

[sally4sara]

Many women are actually clueless and believe that guys waht to be "friends" with them. But that's cluelesness, although that's exactly what probably makes women having male friends kinda acceptable.

As a guy, I'm vouching that except in the rare cases of 1) actual real friendships that go *way back*, or 2) complete lack of any sexual attraction whatsoever, guys don't want to be your "friend". Another possible, though rare, friend scenario is casually date for a while, didn't work out, clean break up - friends.

 

I too find that most of the time men are not "real" friends to me. I don't believe they are incapable of being my friend at all, but most are not completely genuine. A guy can certainly accept that a woman he finds attractive isn't interested in him romantically. He may even actually settle for friendship. But should she change her mind? Most times, sadly, the value he places on that friendship will not be too much to risk. I wouldn't say its never happened:rolleyes:.....its just never happened to me:p.

I feel for a man to be a genuine friend to a woman he has to lack the sense of entitlement we tend to raise our boys to have. It also helps if he has sisters. He will be more likely to find real value in relationships with women that don't include sex or sexual tension if he has some basis for comparison. He will also find it easier if he has real confidence in his masculinity so as to not need his ego stroked by as many women as possible.

[Trimmer]

A guy can certainly accept that a woman he finds attractive isn't interested in him romantically. He may even actually settle for friendship. But should she change her mind? Most times, sadly, the value he places on that friendship will not be too much to risk. I wouldn't say its never happened:rolleyes:.....its just never happened to me:p.

Not that I disagree with most of what you are saying, but could you illuminate the bolded comment a little bit? Are you saying that if a woman and a man do establish a stable, non-romantic relationship, and then the woman changes her mind and wants to take it in a romantic direction that it's the man's job to resist because of the value he should place on the friendship, and that "sadly" most times a man will not resist that temptation? If I'm interpreting your meaning correctly, why is the woman not burdened with the same expectation of valuing the friendship and resisting the romantic pull, since she, in this scenario, initiated the change???? Or am I misunderstanding your point?

[sally4sara]

Not that I disagree with most of what you are saying, but could you illuminate the bolded comment a little bit? Are you saying that if a woman and a man do establish a stable, non-romantic relationship, and then the woman changes her mind and wants to take it in a romantic direction that it's the man's job to resist because of the value he should place on the friendship, and that "sadly" most times a man will not resist that temptation? If I'm interpreting your meaning correctly, why is the woman not burdened with the same expectation of valuing the friendship and resisting the romantic pull, since she, in this scenario, initiated the change???? Or am I misunderstanding your point?

 

Not saying it is only a burden to men. If a woman changed her mind, she may struggle with the worth of the friendship outweighing the potential worth of a romantic relationship too.

As I pointed out all things are possible, but I only know what I've experienced. In my experience, my female friends weigh this out before bringing it to their guy friend's knowledge and more often decide the friendship too valuable than my guy friends tend to. Most often the situation goes:

Scenario #1

Girl changes mind about guy friend, thinks about it, weighs it out, and then discloses her feeling to guy.

Guy is all for it at least for sex if not relationship. Never seen it happen any other way while still not saying it never has.

Or

Scenario #2

Guy finds female attractive, lets her know and she gives him the just friends speech. They become "friends".

To which the first scenario may or may not end up happening in the future.

 

Very rare do I ever find the friendship a guy establishes with an attractive girl to not be precluded with an attempt at romance. It has never happened to me without at some point that guy making longstanding and unexpressed feelings know eventually. But I have never harbored quiet feelings for a guy friend nor have I settled for a friendship with a guy I really hung the moon for in hopes he changes his mind. I've been friends with guys I dug and guess what? Can you guess? They may not have been down for a full blown relationship but they were cool with the idea of having sex.

I don't want to have sex with my friends is what I'm saying here.

[sally4sara]

P.S. none of this means all men want to cheat.