heather&theboyz Posted September 14, 2003 Share Posted September 14, 2003 Hello, everyone. I've been lurking around the site for a while now and I think this is a great place-some really wonderful people and advice here! Anyway-here's my family dilema. My family is a gordian knot unto itself so I'll try to just stick to the point and keep it as short as possible: I have a half sister by my dad who is nine years younger than me (just turned 21) and lives across the country from me. She had her first daughter three years ago and has just given birth a month ago to her second daughter. Both girls are by the same dad but they were never married, in fact they broke up before the first child was even born and fought like cats and dogs ever after until hooking back up last fall and now Voila! another child. They have seperated again (in fact, I believe he's on his way to prison for a good long time now) and my sister is staying with her mom until she can get her feet back under her. The last contact I had from my sister was in January of this year. The dad, let's just go ahead and call him A**, had beat her the first time she was pregnant, was and is a drug addict and therefore a thief as well (which is what the prison time is all about). So when they broke up the first time I had said to her (in a big sisterly way) that if she ever got back together with that loser I was going to come take him out and beat her until she came to her senses. Now, I do have somewhat of a flair for the dramatic on occassion as she well knows but apparently when she DID hook back up with him (after he had done some jail time for stealing and theoretically 'gotten his act together' and 'changed') she was terrified to call and admit this to me. To this day I've never even heard it from her that she was pregnant or had a baby. The only info I get is from her mother (my ex-stepmother) via email. I have sent the message through her mom that I would NEVER hurt her and I know she knows better and I've promised to not even so much as say 'I told you so' if she will just call and let me hear her voice. She had post-partum really hard with her first child and with all this new mess I can only imagine what she's going through. A** cleared out her bank account and skipped town, then got arrested for stealing someone's purse and so is facing his suspended sentence from before plus whatever new charges. I know she has to be humiliated by this whole mess. I feel so bad for her and have tried to call her only to get the answering machine and she never calls me back. On the other hand she has cut my entire side of the family off from any communication, including our father and his mother since JANUARY and I think that's just horrible and I'm so mad I could spit. On the other other hand I'm really worried about her with her history of depression and don't really have total faith in her family there to help her or faith that she will let them. I mean, she obviously can't slice them out of her life like she has us because they live there but she may have shut them out somewhat, nonetheless... At this point I'm at a loss. I feel like if I keep calling (which I have managed to restrain myself from for about two months now, I was calling all the time there for a while) I'm putting too much pressure on her and maybe making things worse. But then I think at least if I'm calling she knows that I am thinking of her and I love her and I'm trying to reach out to her even if she won't respond to me. And the whole family feels really rejected over the whole thing. I'm afraid that if dad doesn't hear from her soon he will lose all patience with her and not even WANT to talk to her anymore. (He's not the most mature man) Any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated. As we are half sisters who live on opposite ends of the country we did not even meet until she was thirteen. I spent many years building a relationship with her-going to see her in her home and flying her here to see mine, meeting her at dad's home which is in another state and now I'm seeing all my efforts go down the toilet. I don't know how to approach her or if I should just leave her alone and wait until she's ready to contact me. I'm afraid if I wait for her it could be years at the rate we're going!! Link to post Share on other sites
luvmyboys Posted September 14, 2003 Share Posted September 14, 2003 You might try writing her a letter. Don't bring up or focus on all the negative things that have happened in her life but tell her how you miss her, as a sister, and how you want to be there for her no matter what. That you want to be an aunt to her children. Keep in mind that she is very young to be a mom of two at age 21; and whether she knows it or not, she's most likely in need of someone to just listen to her to help her cope. That's about all you can do is give her some words straight from your heart on how you want her in your life. Sometimes we don't agree with what our friends or siblings do with their life and with whom; but biting your tongue and lending your support regardless of the circumstances; and without judgement; should help I would think. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author heather&theboyz Posted September 14, 2003 Author Share Posted September 14, 2003 Writing a letter probably would be the best. That way I can revise it until I get it right without having to worry about my mouth running on me over the phone... I've never been much of a letter writer but I'll give it my best effort and see what happens! I do just want to be there for her and not lose her from my life like this. I would never presume to lecture her or anything-God knows she's suffered enough without having it rubbed in! And I have not been exactly the poster child for well adjusted, perfect people, I've just been lucky enough (CAREFUL enough, really) to not have any children. Thanks so much for reading my long post and for the advice-I'll get to work on that letter and see what she does... Link to post Share on other sites
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