Told him I don't like the ring...am I wrong?

[sb129]

SB, you still weren't that crazy about it when you saw it in the window, though..

 

No, I wasn't. And I still feel terrible about blurting it out to my fiance, because I think I hurt his feelings. I was in lala land and had no idea he was about to propose, so when he did I was so apologetic.

AND because I had never really seriously considered it from a "I am definitely getting engaged" point of view, I didn't have a firm idea in my head of what ring I wanted (that also fit in with budgets etc).

I love my ring now and wouldn't change it for anything.

 

Also, doesn't change the fact that just because the OP didn't post the ring like you did, it still doesn't mean another woman wouldn't find the OP's ring gorgeous. just because you and Stargazer might not...hmmm...

I didn't say anything negative about the OPs ring-!!!! How can I say I don't like it? I have no idea what it looks like!

All I said was because she hadn't posted a picture, I can't tell you whether I would like it or not, but I actually do like baguette diamonds and I am sure it IS gorgeous.

Maybe the OP would like to post a picture? Perhaps if more people are positive it will help her accept the ring more?

 

Point is, the OP doesn't think it is gorgeous. And can't hide the fact or change her feelings. So there is a problem.

Her fiances feelings are hurt over the whole thing too.

I think his intentions were good, but that they have both handled the situation badly.

[norajane]

No, I wasn't. And I still feel terrible about blurting it out to my fiance, because I think I hurt his feelings. I was in lala land and had no idea he was about to propose, so when he did I was so apologetic.

AND because I had never really seriously considered it from a "I am definitely getting engaged" point of view, I didn't have a firm idea in my head of what ring I wanted (that also fit in with budgets etc).

I love my ring now and wouldn't change it for anything.

 

Why do you feel bad? How were you supposed to know he had already bought THAT ring? You gave your honest opinion when he asked, just as you would have if he's asked about the other rings in the window that he had not purchased.

 

If he had been asking your opinion prior to buying the ring, you would not have chosen that one. You would have wanted to be honest so he could have taken your preferences into account.

 

It's his fault if his feelings were hurt - or, rather, his pride got hurt. He didn't know you as well as he thought, and you didn't like his taste. In his sneaky way, he was trying to get your unvarnished opinion about the ring and he got it. And by doing it that way, he set you up for feeling awkward, uncomfortable, and anxious when he proposed with the ring you had already said you didn't like that much.

 

I'm glad things worked out for you, but surprises aren't all perfect like in the movies. Half the time, surprises go off very badly.

[sb129]

Well, every time I tell the story, it makes me look bad! I hadn't ever thought about it from that perspective NJ. We are getting married in 10 days, so things did turn out well in the end!

 

He said he did get really worried, but took the plunge and asked anyway, as there was nothing he could do about changing the ring (we were on holiday).

 

And as it turns out, as I have said, I really love it now and am glad I didn't have to go through the stress of having to choose one, because that would have been hard.

 

I think my main point is that it is possible to change your mind.....

 

And you are right. i have never heard of the "perfect" surprise! I just relieved he didn't surprise me in a public place....

[sb129]

And I don't actually remember seeing THAT ring, he just says he pointed it out to me and I said "nah, not that keen on that one". I was mesemerised by the $30K rocks!! (that I knew I would never have)

[KismetGirl]

Oh, the guy was just being a typical guy bonehead, don't hold it against him. You said the proposal itself was perfect, so he obviously was putting thought into this, right? Hell, Im a woman and I had no effing clue what a baguette diamond was, I had to go google it. Men are not big shoppers, they don't think about details like that. He might not have paid attention to the 50+ rings you had tagged on ebay. I mean, just cause they were in your "my ebay" doesnt mean he noticed they were in there or paid special attention that they were engagement rings. You could have said "I dont like baguette diamonds" ten million times, that doesn't mean he remembered. In the back of his mind he was prbably thinking "did she say she doesnt like bagels? do they make bagel diamonds?" You might have thought you were being obvious, but he probably just didn't notice. Did you ever show him an actual picture of a ring you liked and tell him that's the type of jewelry you prefer, or did you just tag a bunch of auctions on ebay and hope he notices them one day?

 

He probably got something within his budget, and to be honest, in some jewelry stores when something is on sale, the catch on the break in price is that you can't return it. So when he saw the look on the OP's face, he was probably also dissapointed and that's why he mentioned it wasn't returnable, and then proceeded to ask all day if she liked it or not. He obviously wanted her to tell him she liked it, because if he just didn't care, he wouldn't have bothered to mention it's not returnable. He'd go sell it somewhere and buy another one. He cares, because he put thought into something he thought she ight like within his budget, Im sure. I don't know what your money situation is, but rings can be expensive!

 

Women are silly sometimes. I went on a date once with someone i'd been dating for a year on and off, and happened to complain that my feet hurt from the shoes I wore. The same type of shoes I always wore when out with him. Hell, I'd even worn these kinds of shoes in the bedroom. He asked me why I bothered wearing those shoes and just wear flats instead if that was more comfortable. My point being: men are oblivious , no matter how obvious you think you are being. They just dont notice details like we do. I could have been wearing army boots on all our dates and he wouldnt have noticed. Men are obvlious. Don't kill him for it, he obviously tried.

 

My friend got engaged two years ago and didn't like her ring. Her and her fiance went to a jewlery place, sold the old one, and picked out a new one together. At the end of the day she got a ring she liked, and he got to put input into it. I mean, a ring is supposed to be a symbol, but almost every woman I know has a distinct taste on what kind of an engagment ring she'd want and it's hard to get over it if the ring you got is really that ugly.

 

 

At the end of the day it's between you two. You could tell him you love and want to spend your life with him, but that ever since you were a little girl you'd had this image of a ring you'd always wanted, and maybe if he wouldn't mind, could you guys sell the old ring and shop for a new one together. In my opinion, you both kind of ruined the proposal a little bit: you by telling him you dont like the ring, and him by just huffing up and taking it back. But you still have a nice memory of how he did it.

 

I think the best compromise would be to sell the ring and shop for a new one together. that's what my friend did when she didnt like the ring her fiance bought her, and they just got married and are totally happy together, it wasnt a deal breaker. He joked that she was crazy, rolled his eyes about it, and got her a ring she liked.

 

Good luck anyway, and congratulations on the engagement. Lots of women out there should be so lucky to even have a man that wants to commit to them.....myself included at the moment *sigh*

[Meet 4 Coffee]

OK so basically she is a b**ch for being honest with her fiance when he asked her a question several times.

Moral of the story: Lie as much as you can to make your man happy so he won't act like a baby.

[allina]

OK so basically she is a b**ch for being honest with her fiance when he asked her a question several times.

Moral of the story: Lie as much as you can to make your man happy so he won't act like a baby.

 

Agreed.

 

I see this a lot on here. Women getting ripped a new one because they don't like the ring. Each and every time they're told they're spoiled brats who should be grateful for being proposed to at all. Like a woman can't have an opinion on a ring she will wear for the rest of her life, representing the biggest decision she will make.

 

In this case her fiance asked over and over if she liked the ring. She was polite about it and said it was beautiful just not for her. I see nothing wrong with how she acted.

 

He could have put more effort in to getting her an engagement ring she'd love.

[sb129]

I think the whole thing was handled badly.

 

By both parties.

[sb129]

It does sound a little as if he didn't do his homework enough...

 

Anyway, its all out in the open now. Question is, how are they going to resolve it?

 

She can't suddenly tell him she loves it, as he knows she will be lying. But The ring is non-returnable. (I thought that part of it was a little odd- that he told her that straight after the proposal)

[lexi29]

I don't think you should have told him you didn't like his choice of ring. It probably did hurt his feelings. But honestly, from reading what you wrote- I get the feeling he set you up. You probably did go overboard (and don't we all sometimes) with letting him know exactly what kind of rings you liked. You say you've taken back other rings he's given you for xmas and birthdays and maybe that got under his skin and he wanted to teach you a lesson or annoy you (childish, in my opinion) and he bought you something that was unlike any of the rings you'd shown him and something you specifically told him you did not want. Then he made sure you couldn't return it. Is he passive agressive much? So he buys you something he's pretty sure you are going to hate and then asks you repeatedly if you like it till you break down and tell him that you don't. THen he gets mad even though he had a lot of information telling him you would NOT like the ring he picked out. Then he gets to play the victim- oh I proposed to my girlfriend and she doesn't appreciate it.

 

Or possibly he just doesn't pay attention to your likes and dislikes because its not important to him. Maybe he tuned you out when you expressed what you wanted. Some guys don't put much thought into the ring and just buy the first thing they see.

 

The ring itself should not hold so much importance but for some women it does (myself included). Can't explain it other than you have to wear it everyday, show it to your friends and family so you at least want to like looking at it. It would be similiar if women bought their fiances a car or something when we got engaged. One that your guy HAD to drive as his main transportation. I mean a guy should be happy with any woman buying him a car. But how would he feel if he was into driving a nice pickup truck and you bought him a little Toyota Yaris or a Ford Festiva (if they still made those) or a Geo Metro or even a VW Bug? Or if his favorite car colors were blue or black and you bought him a bright yellow car and he was embarased to drive it? Or if he was into sports cars and you bought him an old station wagon to drive around? Yes, he should be thankful you bought him a car but if you didn't account for his taste at all then I don't think he'd be very appreciative, especially if he HAD to drive it for the next ten years or so.

[2sure]

When were talking marriage, I would not participate in ring talk feeling it wasnt important to me. Husband insisted it was to him and although I was flattered I didnt feel comfortable giving him specifications. When he pushed me, I said "Anything but round." Thats it.

 

We were engaged on New Years Eve, he was a nervous wreck. When he put it on my finger - it was more than anything I expected - I cried with joy and amazement that he would be so extravagant and sweet.

 

It was a big ROUND solitaire set in an eternity band of ROUND diamnonds.

 

All he heard was ROUND.

[schmuck]

Hi trix,

 

I'm sort of in the opposite dillemma - I just bought my girlfriend of 4 years a ring. I sure hope she likes it, but even more than that - I just hope she appreciates what the ring represents. My love for her.

 

I think since you have already told him your not crazy about the ring - you need to tell him that you are indeed crazy about him! I would avoid talking about your feelings about the ring itself, wear it with pride knowing that the man who loves you the most thought enough about you to go out and buy you a ring.

 

The ring is just a token, it in itself means nothing - it's about the thought, the emotions behind it.

 

Tell him your sorry and that you love him more than anyone, that you appreciate him and everything he does for you. If you don't feel that way about him, then you maybe you are a little materialistic.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I'm in the "I can't believe you would tell him" camp. I have never told my H that I didn't care for a piece of jewelry he gave me. After years of wearing white gold he bought me a yellow gold journey necklace. The necklace was beautiful and I would have given my right arm to have it white, but I WOULD HAVE NEVER said that's not good enough. He did ask me why I didn't wear it more and I just mentioned that I wear it anytime I wear gold jewelry, but that mostly I wear white. The next piece of jewelry he bought me was white gold.

 

I've even proudly worn the most hideous diamond and ruby cocktail ring he bought for our anniversary one year. While I didn't love the ring, I LOVED that he wanted to treat me to something that HE thought was very nice! My favorite gift though was a car for my anniversary. If I hadn't liked that, I might have said something!

[Posco_Proudfoot]

Regarding the OP on the ring. Would've it been better if he had bought nothing and you used a gold band once married?

That would've been much safer to do and less risky in case you didn't like it.

[Meet 4 Coffee]

Wishes, an engagement ring is something you wear everyday, not a cocktail ring or necklace you don't have to wear everyday if it doesn't go with your outfit.

 

I also believe the OP was setup by her "fiance." I think if the OP had lied and told him how much she loved the ring and jumped up and down with joy, he would have found a way to sabotage it by continuing to hound her on if she liked the ring.

The details of the proposal, as the recent poster has said, all say 'setup.' I think it is possible this guy doesn't want to marry her and was setting up an out. She said things had been rocky between them, and now she has been set up to be the bad "guy" in the relationship and if it falls apart and doesn't result in marriage, it is all her fault.

[Mr. Lucky]

Wishes, an engagement ring is something you wear everyday, not a cocktail ring or necklace you don't have to wear everyday if it doesn't go with your outfit.

Like some others here, you're emphasizing the wrong thing. The ring is not "something you wear everyday" like an article of clothing, it's a symbol. Dwelling on its appeal as a piece of jewelry misses the point. Its value shouldn't be based on its impact on other people but on what it represents to the two people involved. Do you think less of people that have simple rings that are less ostentatious that what you have or might want?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Walk]

If I had told my (then) bf I didn't like baguettes on an engagment ring, he wouldn't know what the heck I was talking about. He'd buy a ring that had stones on it. He doesn't care about cut, style, etc. He see's it's got diamonds, it's on a ring...

 

I hate the whole "my engagement ring" debate. Men pay thousands of dollars on a shiny bit of stone and women don't appreciate it. I haven't seen many women throwing in 1/3 of their salary as a 'gift' for their bf's. I think women should have to buy their own damn engagment rings. If you are so GD specific that you can only be happy with the ring you've spent years looking at cut, style, types, then save up your own money and buy your own ring.

 

The average cost of a ring is about $2,000. I have never spent that much on my H in one lump sum. Never. And I'm willing to bet that most women haven't. So unless you've recently purchased your bf a new car or something, then stop whinning about the style of the ring, the set, the cut, whatever. Go buy your own ring. And if you don't have the money, then STHU.

[norajane]

The average cost of a ring is about $2,000. I have never spent that much on my H in one lump sum. Never.

 

You will when he decides he's gonna finally get that giant screen HDTV and the Blu Ray, dammit, and you'll have to STHU about it because no way will you change his mind on that!

 

When couples get married, their finances will become intermingled. So whatever he plunks down for her ring is money they won't have as a couple. Just like any other large purchase made after marriage.

[flc]

Your getting conflicting opinions because both sides dropped the ball. Clearly if you communicated your preferences and there were rings in the price range that would meet what you want he just gets a big FAIL. I mean it is the most important item you will give someone, you have to give some serious thought to this.

 

With that said who complains about any gift they get. You have a right to be disappointed but as many have said it is the symbolism and the commitment that really counts not the ring.

 

How you either of you get back on track after this will be a challenge, good luck.

[Meet 4 Coffee]

Guys, you are missing the point. She was happy with the ring, had a happy day with him on the day of the proposal...Until he kept hounding her if she liked the ring.

She was accepting the ring as is.

He kept hounding her with the question if she liked it or not.

She "gasp" dared to give her fiance an honest answer.

Now he is acting like a child by not contacting her and calling her names (materialistic).

This girl has done nothing wrong and he set her up so he could play the victim and she is the "bad guy."

OP, you can raise your children by yourself without this man. You don't need him and can find a more mature, loving man to spend your life with who won't treat you like crap.

By alienating you and hounding you, and setting you up so he can act like this, he is actually showing you how much he does NOT care for you or your children.

[Walk]

You will when he decides he's gonna finally get that giant screen HDTV and the Blu Ray, dammit, and you'll have to STHU about it because no way will you change his mind on that!

 

When couples get married, their finances will become intermingled. So whatever he plunks down for her ring is money they won't have as a couple. Just like any other large purchase made after marriage.

AFTER marriage.

 

Regardless of when, how many women rush to the store to buy their SOs a big screen tv with the sole intent of showing their partner that they love them and want to spend their lives with them?

 

So a man has to purchase a few thousand dollar ring for a woman prior to marriage, and post wedding it's ridiculous that a guy wants to buy a big tv because it'll make him happy. hmmm... Kind of seems like one of those "what I want is important, what you want is stupid"

[Walk]

Guys, you are missing the point. She was happy with the ring, had a happy day with him on the day of the proposal...Until he kept hounding her if she liked the ring.

She was accepting the ring as is.

He kept hounding her with the question if she liked it or not.

She "gasp" dared to give her fiance an honest answer.

Now he is acting like a child by not contacting her and calling her names (materialistic).

This girl has done nothing wrong and he set her up so he could play the victim and she is the "bad guy."

 

There isn't any proof that she didn't show him her displeasure with the ring by inadvertently showing him through body signs. She can say she said it was fine, but her body language could have been saying something different.

 

Not to mention... if he wanted an out, what's to say it would've worked? What if she'd gushed about the ring, then he wouldn't have had a way to weasel out of the engagement. You make this guy out as some kind of creep who set the whole thing up so he could bail on the relationship without looking like the bad guy. It doesn't make sense that he would spend thousands on her while harboring a desire to get away from the relationship. I could potentially see it if he bought her a $100 ring, and the proposal consisted of him throwing it at her and telling her that was all he was willing to give her. But instead, he spends thousands on her, makes the day something special for both of them, treats her like a princess....

 

He was insecure about how she felt about the ring. He kept asking because he didn't believe she really did like it. And guess what, she didn't. He was absolutely correct in believing that she did not like the ring he gave her and that she was only giving him false platitudes about the ring.

 

THis is all moot anyway.. .if the relationship was finished at this point then she would be on here posting more about it. She hasn't been back since her original post.

[Mr. Lucky]

She "gasp" dared to give her fiance an honest answer.

I can't wait until you ask your partner "Does my ass look fat in these pants?"

 

Mr. Lucky

[atwitsend]

Well you could always tell him you don't want it. Dump him and find another guy then pop out a baby from some other guy until you get the ring you like. Do you have any idea how shallow and vapid you sound?

[norajane]

AFTER marriage.

 

Regardless of when, how many women rush to the store to buy their SOs a big screen tv with the sole intent of showing their partner that they love them and want to spend their lives with them?

 

So a man has to purchase a few thousand dollar ring for a woman prior to marriage, and post wedding it's ridiculous that a guy wants to buy a big tv because it'll make him happy. hmmm... Kind of seems like one of those "what I want is important, what you want is stupid"

 

I think you missed the point of what I was saying, in response to your challenge to women to buy their own rings. When couples get married, their finances are co-mingled. So if he spends $2k on the ring, that's $2k less that the couple has in the end. It would be the same if she bought her own ring for $2. Their combined savings would then be $2k less for other purchases. Touche, for example...she asked her fiance for a less expensive ring so THEY would have more to spend on their honeymoon.

 

Also, I used the tv as an example of how, indeed, you would be plunking down that much cash on your man, since you said you never spent that much on your man all at once. Again, even if he went to the store and bought it, it's still your money too, because the marital finances are combined.

 

So, regardless of who buys the tv or the ring, it's still the couples' money. You underlining the AFTER marriage part, is immaterial. Rings are purchased for marriage proposals. So whether the ring money is spent 6 months prior to the marriage and tv money is spent 6 months after, it really doesn't matter since it's still the same couple and the same finite amount of savings.

 

Perhaps the issue of comingled finances is clearer when it's understood that a lot of guys do not pay for the ring all at once, but buy rings on credit and pay it off over the next year or two or three AFTER the marriage occurs?

 

And, no, I have no isses with a guy wanting a super-duper tv/sound system. I never said it was ridiculous at all. Some people care a lot about that sort of thing, and they should enjoy their passion for high def movies and sound.