samsungxoxo Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Wow, I can imagine how the world would be if a woman got away with commiting a crime due to abused issues or killing her own kids as a result of postpartum depression, then basically they would be stepping all over us. Same with cheating, a woman can do it as long as she went through horrible abuse and/or attempted suicide. By then, if this was a free pass then I guess more than 50 percent would do it knowing they can get away with it. Who cares what she went through or her issues, that got nothing to do with treating smitbrain badly and throwing away the relationship. Just because you suffered from abuse or other serious stuff, does that mean that you are gonna bang any man and go on cheating???? Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Agreed the double standard wrecks havoc on everything and we are allowing excuses like a rough life to justify disgusting behavior. Just take a look at all of the female teachers who are having sex with underage kids and only getting probation. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Agreed the double standard wrecks havoc on everything and we are allowing excuses like a rough life to justify disgusting behavior. Just take a look at all of the female teachers who are having sex with underage kids and only getting probation. Yea, I even recall a teacher that got pregnant and the kid's father was a 15 year-old boy, damn. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Wow, for a second I thought I was the only one to think that her suicide attempt was BS talk but then I see some others posting the same thing. Anyways yea people who are suicide would not even bother telling you about it, they would already do it. And what on earth does being neglected/abused as a child or having psychological problems has to do with disrespecting your SO and cheating on them?? Sadly I have to agree. People who really want to commit suicide do it they don't talk about it. I had a sibling who commited suicide and he didn't say anything to any or us about it. The only clue we had after his death that he was thinking about it was that he paid off all his bills first. Did your ex have to go to the hospital to get her stomach pumped or something? Because I too have heard too many stories of "I tried to commit suicide" to get sympathy and reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 Well I agree with some of the comments made on this forum in the sense that you should not feel personally responsible for bailing her out of her misery. Clearly, that's something that is between her, her therapist and her circle of family and friends. At the same time, I'm always put off by the degree of vindictiveness that seems to come out of the woodwork whenever we all start discussing cheating. I totally understand that the OP has a right to be angry about what happened to him -- but hatred? Nah, that's too far. I believe in forgiveness. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 I totally understand that the OP has a right to be angry about what happened to him -- but hatred? Nah, that's too far. I believe in forgiveness. Yes hate is too much of a word, I agree. But what we were pointing out is not using her excuse of attempt suicide and/or past issues to take her back. Forgive her as a person would mean moving on and not looking back, not still being with her after what she did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author smithbrain Posted December 22, 2008 Author Share Posted December 22, 2008 No I do hate her for what she did to me. I could have cheated many many times if I wanted to but I didn’t and forgiveness is entirely out of the question. I found out that she slept with him more then 18 times in that period of a month she told me this herself, and she really did try to commit suicide because she is still in hospital. She tried to contact me by calling me in a private number but I just hung up the phone when I heard her voice. She ruined our relationship I have moved on I like someone else now I will not give her the closure that she wants and if she really commits suicide and dies that’s just too damm bad. She should have thought of that when she was spreading her legs to him. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted December 22, 2008 Share Posted December 22, 2008 She ruined our relationship I have moved on I like someone else now I will not give her the closure that she wants and if she really commits suicide and dies that’s just too damm bad. She should have thought of that when she was spreading her legs to him. Completely agree with you on that one. Well good luck with the new girl you like. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 No I do hate her for what she did to me. I could have cheated many many times if I wanted to but I didn’t and forgiveness is entirely out of the question. I found out that she slept with him more then 18 times in that period of a month she told me this herself, and she really did try to commit suicide because she is still in hospital. She tried to contact me by calling me in a private number but I just hung up the phone when I heard her voice. She ruined our relationship I have moved on I like someone else now I will not give her the closure that she wants and if she really commits suicide and dies that’s just too damm bad. She should have thought of that when she was spreading her legs to him. I certainly can't blame you for not wanting contact or wanting her back. However, I think forgiveness is good for your soul and will let you get closure. If you don't forgive her and hold on to your anger it will resurface later and it will be a monster. To forgive her doesn't mean you accept what she did it just means you have put it to rest and moved on. If you tell her you forgive her for what she has done but you have moved on with your life that will hurt her more than what you are doing now. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 No I do hate her for what she did to me. I could have cheated many many times if I wanted to but I didn’t and forgiveness is entirely out of the question. I found out that she slept with him more then 18 times in that period of a month she told me this herself, and she really did try to commit suicide because she is still in hospital. She tried to contact me by calling me in a private number but I just hung up the phone when I heard her voice. She ruined our relationship I have moved on I like someone else now I will not give her the closure that she wants and if she really commits suicide and dies that’s just too damm bad. She should have thought of that when she was spreading her legs to him. You're certainly within your right to be angry at her, and I completely accept that the sting of her actions are going to be with you for a long time. That's just human nature. But as bad as the pain is, I think (hope) that there will be a time when you can move on past that pain and stop feeling so angry about it. Maybe now it's just too raw, but in time, I would hope that you can move on. I don't know...maybe it's just my age. When I was in my early 20s I used to hold grudges and have a fiery temper myself. I've mellowed out over the years. That doesn't mean I take crap -- quite the contrary. I take a lot less of it than I used to. But I guess I am also equipped with more confidence about how to handle myself, and because of that, I am able to move on and forgive people more easily. I might think they're a dumb_ss, but I can forgive them for it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 OP, your path sounds reasonable and healthy. I hope your hate moderates over time. I also hope your exGF gets the help she needs. Sorry this happened during the holidays.... Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I think you attitude is correct. I am curious of what possible reasons she gave to you about having sex with this guy 18 times in a month and expecting you to forgive her? Link to post Share on other sites
EmperorR Posted December 24, 2008 Share Posted December 24, 2008 I certainly can't blame you for not wanting contact or wanting her back. However, I think forgiveness is good for your soul and will let you get closure. If you don't forgive her and hold on to your anger it will resurface later and it will be a monster. To forgive her doesn't mean you accept what she did it just means you have put it to rest and moved on. If you tell her you forgive her for what she has done but you have moved on with your life that will hurt her more than what you are doing now. I agree, the anger and hatred and resentment can take you over, same thing happened to me cheated on and i'm still holding onto a piece of the anger and bitterness 4 months later. Once I get rid of it I know i'll be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
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