Husbands friendship with woman

[???]

Ugh, I needs thoughts, ideas, comments or quotes...Have been married 9 months to great guy...but starting in december this woman from his work started calling, often hanging up when i answered. This happened multiple times (isn't *69 a great thing?)...and then once he came home 4 hours later than he predectied and was honest that the WHORE ( thats my affectionate pet name for her) needed to talk about her life (going thru a divorce) and wouldnt let him go as they had gone shopping together. I let it pass. but its been going on and proceeding to her calling frequently to cry on his shoulder, and often i work nights/weekends and when she knows this she often just "pops" over with a movie/CD, usually something romanticish..like Hope floats or something. He doesnt' even tell me that she's been at our house (he knows i dont approve) but there are signs, or ususally my 5year old tells me. What has really set me off is that last weekend when i was at work they went house hunting..but when i asked him about it he lied, and said he went alone ( was suspicious when i saw a box of left overs in his truck and a reciept for 50$ in the check book for a resturant he and i never went to...confronted him later...and he appologized, but dont think he was sorry. He literally said to me that he was with her, but was house hunting for us. He says he doesnt tell me these things because I'll get mad ( geez, what gave that away?). Then to top it off this morning she calls at 6am to tell him the tire on the car is blown and she needs help, she could have waited 2 hours until work started since it was a company care...okay, enough venting. QUESTION: is it unreasonable to say that it's her or me. I want an open communication marriage, but am not comfortable with this friendship ( i do not think he is romantic, but i think the whore is using him as a white knight to lean on in her divorce. And to top it off i'm 6 mo pregnant (planned)...i would push to seperate to get his attn...but not this close to the baby comming....please give me ideas.

[Lisa]

This happened to me with a very recent(3 weeks ago) exbf too. Someone told me that"When a man spends time with a new woman friend, he is usually working on making her a new girlfriend". While I have no objection of course to people having friends of the opposite sex, I don't think it is healthy for them to spend lots of off work time with them. It generally leads to a romantic involvement. Remember "When Harry Met Sally"?

 

I do think men and women CAN be friends. But I think your husbands friends wants much more. She is losing her bf/husband right now and seeking s substitute real quick and your husband has been tagged "it". I would tell him (and her) this must stop right now. I know that sounds harsh but it is dangerous if it continues. And I think he should stop if only out of considertion for you.

 

They can have opportunities to talk in limited doeses, but if I were you, I would want to be present when that happens. Can't she talk to her gf's? Doesn't she have other friends to talk to? She sounds devious to me. If she didn't have anything to hide then she wouldn't hang up and she wouldn't come around when you are not there.

 

And your husband shares the blame here, not just her. He should tell her it bothers you and to stop it. This is not a healthy relationship for either one of them. A pathetic, sad woman grasping another woman's husband, even just for comfort, is an accident waiting to happen.

 

For your own peace of mind, this must stop now, before something (which maybe neither one intends) happens.

 

It has taken me a long time to learn this, but other people are not mind readers. And they may not know that this bothers you. So speak up; you deserve way better treament than this. Out of respect for your feelings your husband at least should stop this involvement with her.

 

Don't worry about hurting either of their feelings, they obviously are not worried about yours right now. Both of them are playing with fire.

 

Good luck and let your feelings be known!!!

[Tony T]

The fact that your husband is being somewhat quiet about this is a DANGER sign. He may not be doing anything right now with her, but she is vulnerable and she sounds like she's afer your man.

 

As a practical matter, friendships between married people and a single person of the opposite sex are impractical for the most part unless they are shared and desired by both halves of the couple.

 

You should ask your husband to inform this lady to find another shoulder to cry on. People going through a divorce can take quite a while to get over it. It is simply not your husband's responsibility to be there for her. A call here and there is one thing, but regular visits, dates, secret dinners, etc. are really and truly disrespectful to your marriage and you need to let your husband know that in clear terms.

 

If he continues to see her and just tries harder to keep it from you, don't let the length of your marriage hit 12 months. Set him free to be her full time counsellor and find a man who will dedicate his life to YOU. If he is trying to pull these kinds of things behind your back now...after only nine months of marriage...you may be in for some hell with this guy.

 

It is not out order for you to ask him to pull away from this lady and it is very wrong for him to be there so much for her...especially when he's trying to keep a lot of it from you. Again, you are in the danger zone with this situation.

[Julia]

I feel for your situation. I put up with 7 and a half years

 

of lies, cheating and manipulation from a man l loved and thought l would marry to only realize that he was not the person l thought he was and would never be. He is telling you lies, seeing her and not telling you. There is something going on. Logic tells me is if he didn't feel some connection with this women he wouldn't be so involved in her life. You need to communicate and make him aware this makes you feel uncomfortable and find out whats really going on.

 

He is not being honest with you. I lived with a lier who never told me the truth and didn't know how to. If he really loves you he shouldn't have a problem giving up this women.

 

He should be concentrating on your marriage and his family.

 

Never make excuses for him and down play the situation.

 

Trust your instinct because it is never wrong. I wish you

 

the best and hope it works out.