Jealousy - what tools do u use? have you grown?

[SupportGroupie]

Howdy

 

For all of you jealous people out there, lol...here are a few questions.

 

1. What tools have you used to try and work through your jealousy? I dont mean baseball bats and tantrums..lol...I mean like therapy, books, meditation, thinking before you speak? etc

 

 

2. If you were at one point a very jealous or insecure person in relationships, did you ever really grow or change, improve? or do you sort of feel once you are a jealous person, thats who you are?

 

 

3. Do you obsess about things? Do you wonder where your partner is or what he is doing if he is out with friends, co workers, on business trips..etc? If so what do you do to focus on other things and ease the worries?

 

I never dated guys who traveled much or had female friends etc..I am just asking in general, not in my particular situation. I want to prepare for better relationships and the possibility that I will one day date a man that has special female friends etc..and i want to be able to reduce my insecurity. Its a trust issue with me I guess.

 

I SO want to grow and change.

 

Anything really help you work through these things if and when they occur? Jealousy is such a time stealer, and time waster..lol...so often. I know there is rational jealousy and irrational...and insecurities...i just hope to get more rational as I grow emotionally and spiritualy.....

 

happy Friday

Support "Silly" Groupie

[m-j]

I am a very jealous person.

 

My current boyfriend recently cheated on me with a friend of his and he convinced me that it was a terrible mistake and I took him back. He cheated on his last girlfriend with the same girl.

 

He also has a extremely sexy female best friend who is quirky, fun and flirtatious and they used to hook up but stopped when he started dating me. Problems have arisen between the three of us, and I would say its because he has cheated on me with a friend of his before and obviously is not very good at eliminating temptation. I am also just jealous of their friendship, i hate to say it but its very beautiful. They quote poems, song lyrics, they cuddle and look after each other. But they both convince me all the time that my boyfriend is in love with me and that his best friend is just his best friend.

 

anyway, i agree that jealousy is a complete waste of time and energy. I have spent the last 3 months in anxiety over what my boyfriend is doing. I have probably texted and called him a few too many times, questioned his love for me a few too many times and we are both completely worn down.

 

so all you can REALLY do is, trust your partner. and then tell yourself your being paranoid and think about all the times when he has proved his love for you and block out all the bad thoughts. dont look at photos of him and his ex (or best friend in my case), dont snoop through conversations he's had, dont bombard him with questions and messages and phone calls, give him space. OTHERWISE YOU WILL PUSH HIM AWAY.

 

You could get seriously hurt. But it wouldnt be your fault. You dont need to live with any guilt, he does. Just know that the guy was a jerk and go out and find a nicer one.

 

Or you could both completely trust each other with best friends, distance, anything that life throws at you and everyone will admire your trust and you will stay true to each other no matter what. Thats how its SUPPOSED to work.