How can I get him to be interested in me and how can I prove to him that I'm the one?

[daydream1980]

My bf and I have been together just over a year. He just recently started college and I was excited for him, but I also had that worry in the back of my heart. "Is he going to find someone else?" He told me that the only thing that would change is that we wouldnt see eachother as often, but he reassured me that he wouldnt find someone else.

 

A week into college nothing had changed, and then out of the blue he stayed out all night on the weekends and came home at 2 or 3 in the morning on weekdays. I continueously comfronted him about it, like if he was cheating on me, found someone new ex...., but his answer was always the same, " I told you, you had nothing to worry about."

 

My daughter ended up in the hospital and I called him, he rushed up right away. I told him that they were going to admitt her and I was just going to stay there. He told me if I needed anything to contact him at his dads. I called him about an hour later to let him know what was going on and his dad told me that he hadnt been there all night and I should know that he's been seeing another girl for about 2 weeks.

 

My sister stayed with my daughter for a little bit while I went out and searched for him. I found him right where I knew he would be, at a local bar with her. He insisted that he wasnt cheating and he's only been hanging out with her for a couple days. He told me that we werent breaking up and considering the fact that my daughter was in the hospital he would drop her off at home and come up to the hospital and be there for me. He never showed.

 

When he came home the next day he told me that he wanted to put our relationship on hold for a while, (not breaking up, but not on a relationship level) doesnt make sense I know. He lied to me the night before when I talked to him, why didnt he tell me the truth when I asked him the night before?

 

I asked him if it was because he wanted to be with her. He told me that he didnt want to jump into a relationship with anybody right away. He wasnt looking for someone else he was just hanging out with her as a friend. She's been calling here to talk to him and when she calls he goes running. He's been with her everyday since the beginging of the week as far as I know.

 

What can I do to strike his attention in me again, and how can I get him back as my boyfriend? How can I get him to be interested in me and how can I prove to him that I'm the one he wants to be with? Please help! He's the only one I can see myself with for the rest of my life. He's the first man I've been with longer than a year, the first man I"ve lived with and the first man that I have grown attached to as well as my daughter in a very long time. I know him and I belong together I can feel it in my heart, in the pit of my stomach and tingles all over my body. I will not give up on this. Please give me advice to make it right again

[midori]

OK, I'm a bit confused about your situation. Let's see if I've got this right:

 

1. you and your bf were living together.

2. you have a daughter from a previous relationship.

3. your boyfriend lives at home with you while atttending college locally (not so sure about this one, it's very unclear from what you've written).

 

I'm curious: how old are you? what is your own educational background -- high school? some college? how old is your boyfriend?

 

But regardless of my confusion surrounding your circumstances, I'm afraid that a few things are crystal clear: he's gone. It's not a matter of "getting his attention back." He doesn't want to be caught up with you anymore.

 

I'm sorry that you're having to go through a break-up when you've got additional responsibilities and worries concerning your daughter. But don't try to kid yourself that this is anything other than what it is: a break-up. Your boyfriend might be trying to soft-pedal it a bit (because he doesn't want to hurt you too much, or maybe because he's living with you -- if he is), but he's already gone.

 

Even if he's a few years older than the average college freshman, having responsibility for a child that isn't his is a lot to expect of a young man. And if he's just 18 or 19, my goodness! Even if you do all the work related to caring for your daughter, your schedule must revolve around her to some extent, and if he's with you, so must his. I can't think of too many guys who would be able to do that for very long, especially when their peers are out at bars and parties five or six nights a week.

 

He's in a wonderful new social world, with probably more opportunities to meet and hang out with women than he has ever had before. College is a time of enormous transformation for many people. You -- not in college yourself, and thus not in his heady new world -- are not going to fit into the new scheme of things for him. This doesn't make him a bad person, just someone who wants to dive into his new environment. This happens a lot to relationships when couples go to separate colleges. While you might still have physical proximity to him, there is a widening experiential gap between the two of you.

 

I'm sorry for you and for your daughter, but I think the best thing you can do for yourself and for her is to be honest with yourself about what's going on. Don't kill yourself trying to hold on to his shadow. You'll just drain yourself and make things much worse than they have to be. Don't dwell on lines like "he's the only one for me," even if you feel that way at the moment. It's not likely to be true, but the longer you allow yourself to think that way, the longer you will suffer because of it. He's not the one for you; he has already pulled away. The one for you will be a guy who doesn't pull away.

 

If your bf is still living with you, get your living arrangements sorted out so that you won't be dependent upon him (or he on you). Find other ways to spend your time; other people to spend it with. It'll be tough at first, but you've got your daughter to care for, and love. She'll be a good distraction.

 

Hang in there. You'll make it through this. We've all experienced heartbreak, and lived to find new happiness. You will too.

[clia]

I agree with everything midori said, but just want to add a couple things...

 

How can I get him to be interested in me and how can I prove to him that I'm the one he wants to be with?

 

You can't prove to him that you are the one he wants to be with. He either does or he doesn't.

 

I know him and I belong together I can feel it in my heart, in the pit of my stomach and tingles all over my body.

 

You may feel this way, but he clearly does not. It takes a meeting of the minds between two people to decide they belong together forever, and right now you are the only one who feels that way.