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"text cheating"?

whitbit

By whitbit,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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whitbit

whitbit

Posted
Posted

hello everyone, I'm Whit and I've read a thread here about text cheating, and I have a similair situation, but...what happens when you confront them on it?

 

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for eleven months now. Well, due to my most previous relationship, my trust has kinda been shot. But when I began dating my current, I'll call him "J". I thought I was getting into something worry free. And It was, for four months.

One day, he was at his laptop at my house, and I saw his phone. I had no intention to find anything, but I started looking through his texts. We are very open, so we often do this for fun. Then I came across a long line of Texts to a girl, named "D". I had never heard of her before then, so I was curious. Still, no thoughts other than boredom crossed my mind.

Well, I read the first text, in it he claimed her to be "extremely hot and attractive." I smiled, thinking how sweet he is. I read another one a bit down the line.

"If you're sunburnt, I'll kiss it all better for you." That's when my heart started to drop, and I dared read another.

"You should let me give you oral." (I'm sorry if this is too blunt, I tried to water it down for the forum)

Anyway, that's when I set the phone down, curled up and cried silently for five minutes. (he was facing away from me)

 

Finally, I went outside, and fell to pieces. I was a real mess, he came out five minutes later, not ever seeing me this upset before.

We talked about it, and said it was his way of flirting. He said he had no intention of following out those messages, and that the girl was only in the eighth grade. (us being juniors at the time)

first of all, eighth grade? making her 14...he was 16...anyway.

 

After I told him I was about ready to dump him when I read it, he had a break down and cried for hours. I let it go.

And that was the beginning of our troubles.

 

seven months have passed since then, and we have not gone a month without having a major argument. Our star issue: my self esteem and lack of trust.

He has given me a time limit, if i dont trust him by our year mark, we'll have problems.

 

Well, today I was giving him random trivia and asked, "have you ever wanted to date someone else while with me?"

He actually said yes, I asked who. He said no one in particular, I then asked him when, and he mentioned that day.

To J, I overreacted. I took some text message flirts and blew them out of proportion.

And here I am asking, did I? I told him then that what he did is just a big no. And he said, "that's what makes you and I different. I never touched her."

But, how am I supposed to know that just from his word?

And so, just hours ago, we had another big fight. I cried, and he told I had to fix it all.

 

Also, I found out that he receives pictures of his ex's in their underwear. "A right of trust" he calls it. He likes to know that they still trust him with such an intimate subject. I told him to stop, he said no.

 

What do I do now? He swears that I am the only one for him, and that he has never betrayed my trust. I'm just too insecure in our relationship.

Somehow it ended, by him convinces me I had nothing to worry about, but now that he's home, and Im here. I'm worried. I am very lost in what to do, or how to take it all in.

 

IS he cheating? or am I just overreacting like he said.

 

whew, anyway, thank you for reading this far!

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nittanylion

nittanylion

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Posted

I dont think he cheats yet but have the potential to cheat on you. I think he is getting bored with the relationship and looking outside for stimulation. You and him need to find something exciting to do. I think you have the right to feel insecure about his action. I dont think its appropiate for him to have text messages with the girl even though it's a plationic relationship.

 

Oh no! I hate to see your relationship going down the toilet. It appears there is major trust issue in this relationship. You and him need some serious work to make this relationship works. If both of you are not compromising in the relationship, you might as well pack it in. I hope everything works out for you.

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mc5

mc5

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Oh heck no! you leave him now! This is the problem with relationships! When you see red flags you try to turn them into yellow flags! Leave him, you will find someone else! you aren't even in college yet! I'm a 100% sure you will not marry this person! cut your losses and leave him! If you don't listen then consider yourself a glutten for punishment!

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mental_traveller

mental_traveller

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Depends on your view of things. I have texted when drunk, things I didn't mean. I was not interested in the woman, it was just an ego boost, or just typical male sex drive seeing if I would be able to get woman X into bed or whatever. Then again, I wasn't in a serious relationship either, so it's a bit different.

 

IMO text flirtation is disloyal and upsetting, but it is not real cheating necessarily. It's a bit like your bf flirting a little too much with a girl he knows. A warning sign, but not fatal - so long as you both nip it in the bud.

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Gremio

Gremio

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Posted
IMO text flirtation is disloyal and upsetting, but it is not real cheating necessarily. It's a bit like your bf flirting a little too much with a girl he knows. A warning sign, but not fatal - so long as you both nip it in the bud.

 

I disagree. I see it as a charcter flaw. The person is knowingly flirting and speaking out of line with someone else. That is emotional cheating. If a person is going that far... to talk about wanting to perform sexual asks, receiving semi nude photos, the line has been not only overstepped, but leapt over.

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