Need help in getting her back

[James]

Hi I was in a relationship last year with a wonderful girl. We seemed to be soulmates, but distance, family, and school got in the way of our relationship. When it was just us together, we never had a fight. We could look into each others eyes all day and be happy. All the other things came into play. As well as my selfish attitude toward things.

 

I have realized lately that the true reason she broke up with me was how I acted like my dad and aunt. My aunt recently passed away, she died alone and miserable. My dad is the same way, he has no friends, little family. He seems to spend his free time hating the world.

 

I finally realized that her dumping me wasnt her fault. There were things that werent easy to deal with in her, but I didnt mind cause i loved her unconditionally. She was very set on perfection, and doing what her mother wanted her to do, which was stay at home after she graduated.

 

Well it turns out that she is going to graduate school about an hour from me and will be living there soon. She did exactly what her mother didnt want her to do. In fact, i didnt want her to change for me. She was insistant that we have kids at a certain age and some other things like that. She seemed insistant that everything be perfect.

 

I know she will not be carrying any relationships to there. And I want nothing more to get her back. She has snubbed requests before, saying that she was screwed up. That I was better off without her, etc. She seemed to be looking for anything that she could that was wrong with our relationship as excuses. Some were reasonable, some were so picky they arent even worth mentioning.

 

The thing was when no one was putting pressure on us, my family her family her friends my friends we were the perfect couple. She will be on her own at grad school

 

I have deciced to go back to school. The degree I have hasnt helped me a bit, and I am going to try to get into the field i truly care about, something in radio. I am contacing schools in the state to find out my options. I will be receiving a large inheritance in a few months from my aunts passing, and I can leave this bad situation at my home. I wont be able to do this for at least another months. I finally know who I am , what i want to be, and I have the ambition to get it. The missing thing is her.

 

Here is where I need the help. Please do not write that I should forget about her and move on. Some people have told me that, some have told me to do anything I can to get her back. I am choosing the latter. I have made that decision, I want her back into my life. I still love her deeply, she is a godess in my eyes, but us being so close and the relationshp being so hard scared her, as well as some of my childish decisions

 

I am needing advise on how to get her back. Any advise will help. If I could just get her to talk to me, she has acted afraid to do that. She said she hurt me so bad, that I should hate her. I do not hate her. Please leave me some advise, I greatly appreciate your help. Repeat, my mind is made up, and no one can tell me that she isnt right for me, so please dont post telling me to move on. I have dated many girls since, and I have decided that i took her for granted

[erkel]

Ah buddy. You sound very sincere and pretty together. Knowing what you want to do with your life is a very precious thing.

 

It sounds as if your ex-girlfriend needs to do some be by herself time. You will not ever be able to force her back into the relationship. If you did do that, it would not be unconditional.

 

The best thing to do is to back off and let her be and let her deal with some of those scary things that came up in her during the course of your relationship.

 

I have been there and understand. Make sure you keep yourself very focused on yourself and be sure to always keep in mind what your goals are separate from her.

 

If you truly love her with all your heart she will come around.

 

Just dont get impatient and screw things up by being frusterated and taking it out on her.

 

You can accomplish anything that your heart desires, even love.

Hi I was in a relationship last year with a wonderful girl. We seemed to be soulmates, but distance, family, and school got in the way of our relationship. When it was just us together, we never had a fight. We could look into each others eyes all day and be happy. All the other things came into play. As well as my selfish attitude toward things. I have realized lately that the true reason she broke up with me was how I acted like my dad and aunt. My aunt recently passed away, she died alone and miserable. My dad is the same way, he has no friends, little family. He seems to spend his free time hating the world. I finally realized that her dumping me wasnt her fault. There were things that werent easy to deal with in her, but I didnt mind cause i loved her unconditionally. She was very set on perfection, and doing what her mother wanted her to do, which was stay at home after she graduated.

 

Well it turns out that she is going to graduate school about an hour from me and will be living there soon. She did exactly what her mother didnt want her to do. In fact, i didnt want her to change for me. She was insistant that we have kids at a certain age and some other things like that. She seemed insistant that everything be perfect.

 

I know she will not be carrying any relationships to there. And I want nothing more to get her back. She has snubbed requests before, saying that she was screwed up. That I was better off without her, etc. She seemed to be looking for anything that she could that was wrong with our relationship as excuses. Some were reasonable, some were so picky they arent even worth mentioning. The thing was when no one was putting pressure on us, my family her family her friends my friends we were the perfect couple. She will be on her own at grad school I have deciced to go back to school. The degree I have hasnt helped me a bit, and I am going to try to get into the field i truly care about, something in radio. I am contacing schools in the state to find out my options. I will be receiving a large inheritance in a few months from my aunts passing, and I can leave this bad situation at my home. I wont be able to do this for at least another months. I finally know who I am , what i want to be, and I have the ambition to get it. The missing thing is her. Here is where I need the help. Please do not write that I should forget about her and move on. Some people have told me that, some have told me to do anything I can to get her back. I am choosing the latter. I have made that decision, I want her back into my life. I still love her deeply, she is a godess in my eyes, but us being so close and the relationshp being so hard scared her, as well as some of my childish decisions

 

I am needing advise on how to get her back. Any advise will help. If I could just get her to talk to me, she has acted afraid to do that. She said she hurt me so bad, that I should hate her. I do not hate her. Please leave me some advise, I greatly appreciate your help. Repeat, my mind is made up, and no one can tell me that she isnt right for me, so please dont post telling me to move on. I have dated many girls since, and I have decided that i took her for granted

[Tony T]

Right in your own post, you have stated you do not want honest advice. You just want to know how to get her back. Well, if that's all you need to know, why not try kidnapping???

 

Now, I have answered your question with the only alternative, since she is a free person to make her own decisions and alread has. Relationships is a free society are with the consent of two people, not just one. If I sensed a glimmer of hope in your post, I would tell you. But this lady has clearly spoken and, since she is a free person, your only alternative is the one I gave you above.

 

Now I have some questions for you.

 

To quote you: "She was very set on perfection, and doing what her mother wanted her to do, which was stay at home after she graduated."

 

Why do you want a lady who is set on perfection?

 

Don't you want a lady who is more concerned about making you happy than doing what her mother wants?

 

Don't you think she has gotten some advice about you from her mom, who sees you as a threat?

 

Don't you think there are better ways to invest your coming inheritance than to go after a chick THAT DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU???

 

Why don't you LISTEN to her when she tells you she is "screwed up" and that you are "better off without her?" On planet earth, this is how a lady breaks up with a guy. Why do you want to annoy her, aggravate her and make her life an utter misery by being a lovesick pup and continuing to be in her life when she doesn't want you there. Don't you understand SHE is so much better off without a guy who would want to inflict such emotional terror on her?

 

Hey, you will be coming into some money soon and if you want ladies who don't want you, you can buy the very best.

 

I know you didn't want anyone to tell you to leave her, but buddy SHE HAS ALREADY LEFT YOU and hanging around will only drive her away more. If here is a hint of a chance of you getting back with her, it is only enhanced if you leave her alone and don't call her, send her messages or see her.

 

You said your aunt died alone and miserable. If you absolutely must have this gal, maybe you could try splitting your inheritance with her so you could die WITH her and miserable. On second thought, my bet is that unless you now have a terminal disease, she would not stick around that long.

 

I used to want to get back with ladies who broke up with me and tried many strategies...none of which worked. My face is red with embarassment right now because of just what a fool I made myself. PLEASE, PLEASE, for your self-respect and dignity, don't make a fool of yourself. Be a man, take your money and go on a vacation, and find another babe!!!

[Mike]

I was in a similar situation and everyone that i asked for advice to get her back said to leave her, that it was hopeless, and to find me someone new. I felt the same way you did and i ignored everyone and kept trying and trying but without any luck. So I actually started to believe them and I gave up. I stopped calling her and more or less let her to believe that i didn't need her in my life anymore. I didn't return her calls promptly and acted like I was through. Well they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, so after a while she came begging for me back saying how wrong she was, that she wanted me back, she's in love with me, she would never leave me again, etc. If you truely in your heart think that you want this girl that much then the only way you can find out if there is anything there would be to leave her alone. They also say that if you truely love someone, let them go and if they come back to you, they are yours forever. I hope this helps you, and good luck!!

 

~mike~

Hi I was in a relationship last year with a wonderful girl. We seemed to be soulmates, but distance, family, and school got in the way of our relationship. When it was just us together, we never had a fight. We could look into each others eyes all day and be happy. All the other things came into play. As well as my selfish attitude toward things. I have realized lately that the true reason she broke up with me was how I acted like my dad and aunt. My aunt recently passed away, she died alone and miserable. My dad is the same way, he has no friends, little family. He seems to spend his free time hating the world. I finally realized that her dumping me wasnt her fault. There were things that werent easy to deal with in her, but I didnt mind cause i loved her unconditionally. She was very set on perfection, and doing what her mother wanted her to do, which was stay at home after she graduated.

 

Well it turns out that she is going to graduate school about an hour from me and will be living there soon. She did exactly what her mother didnt want her to do. In fact, i didnt want her to change for me. She was insistant that we have kids at a certain age and some other things like that. She seemed insistant that everything be perfect.

 

I know she will not be carrying any relationships to there. And I want nothing more to get her back. She has snubbed requests before, saying that she was screwed up. That I was better off without her, etc. She seemed to be looking for anything that she could that was wrong with our relationship as excuses. Some were reasonable, some were so picky they arent even worth mentioning. The thing was when no one was putting pressure on us, my family her family her friends my friends we were the perfect couple. She will be on her own at grad school I have deciced to go back to school. The degree I have hasnt helped me a bit, and I am going to try to get into the field i truly care about, something in radio. I am contacing schools in the state to find out my options. I will be receiving a large inheritance in a few months from my aunts passing, and I can leave this bad situation at my home. I wont be able to do this for at least another months. I finally know who I am , what i want to be, and I have the ambition to get it. The missing thing is her. Here is where I need the help. Please do not write that I should forget about her and move on. Some people have told me that, some have told me to do anything I can to get her back. I am choosing the latter. I have made that decision, I want her back into my life. I still love her deeply, she is a godess in my eyes, but us being so close and the relationshp being so hard scared her, as well as some of my childish decisions

 

I am needing advise on how to get her back. Any advise will help. If I could just get her to talk to me, she has acted afraid to do that. She said she hurt me so bad, that I should hate her. I do not hate her. Please leave me some advise, I greatly appreciate your help. Repeat, my mind is made up, and no one can tell me that she isnt right for me, so please dont post telling me to move on. I have dated many girls since, and I have decided that i took her for granted

[Jesaco]

Hi I was in a relationship last year with a wonderful girl. We seemed to be soulmates, but distance, family, and school got in the way of our relationship. When it was just us together, we never had a fight. We could look into each others eyes all day and be happy. All the other things came into play. As well as my selfish attitude toward things. I have realized lately that the true reason she broke up with me was how I acted like my dad and aunt. My aunt recently passed away, she died alone and miserable. My dad is the same way, he has no friends, little family. He seems to spend his free time hating the world. I finally realized that her dumping me wasnt her fault. There were things that werent easy to deal with in her, but I didnt mind cause i loved her unconditionally. She was very set on perfection, and doing what her mother wanted her to do, which was stay at home after she graduated.

 

Well it turns out that she is going to graduate school about an hour from me and will be living there soon. She did exactly what her mother didnt want her to do. In fact, i didnt want her to change for me. She was insistant that we have kids at a certain age and some other things like that. She seemed insistant that everything be perfect.

 

I know she will not be carrying any relationships to there. And I want nothing more to get her back. She has snubbed requests before, saying that she was screwed up. That I was better off without her, etc. She seemed to be looking for anything that she could that was wrong with our relationship as excuses. Some were reasonable, some were so picky they arent even worth mentioning. The thing was when no one was putting pressure on us, my family her family her friends my friends we were the perfect couple. She will be on her own at grad school I have deciced to go back to school. The degree I have hasnt helped me a bit, and I am going to try to get into the field i truly care about, something in radio. I am contacing schools in the state to find out my options. I will be receiving a large inheritance in a few months from my aunts passing, and I can leave this bad situation at my home. I wont be able to do this for at least another months. I finally know who I am , what i want to be, and I have the ambition to get it. The missing thing is her. Here is where I need the help. Please do not write that I should forget about her and move on. Some people have told me that, some have told me to do anything I can to get her back. I am choosing the latter. I have made that decision, I want her back into my life. I still love her deeply, she is a godess in my eyes, but us being so close and the relationshp being so hard scared her, as well as some of my childish decisions

 

I am needing advise on how to get her back. Any advise will help. If I could just get her to talk to me, she has acted afraid to do that. She said she hurt me so bad, that I should hate her. I do not hate her. Please leave me some advise, I greatly appreciate your help. Repeat, my mind is made up, and no one can tell me that she isnt right for me, so please dont post telling me to move on. I have dated many girls since, and I have decided that i took her for granted

Hi James.

 

You should just start dating her again. I know you've been through a lot together, but right now she thinks there is too much "serious". Thinking you're not good enough for the one you love is a common thought for many people.

 

Drive up to see her on the weekends. Go out and have fun together. Be corny, and just "romance" her for a while. You could even go so far as to get an apartment near where she goes to school. But don't tell her that that's what you're going to do. Just do it. Walk her to school, carry her books for her.

 

And as far as knowing what "you" want to do as far as your career goes, that's fine. But you don't need to be in a hurry to achieve that goal. A career in itself is not what makes us happy, but you already know that.

 

She thinks that everything being "perfect" is what makes people happy. So show her the "carefree" side of life. And I didn't mean to show her that you don't care, lol. I meant to show her the "lighter" side of life.

 

Good luck,

 

Jesaco

[Teresa]

Tony I have been reading a lot of your posts on here. It seems to me that you dont really help anyone. you just yell at them and dont give them advice. This man was asking for help, he obviously loves this girl very much and wants her back, and you belittled and made fun of him. I am quite sure in your life, you are not perfect. This is not the first time I have seen you post such rude comments. If this is how you give advice, leave these boards alone. You are not helping anyone!

Right in your own post, you have stated you do not want honest advice. You just want to know how to get her back. Well, if that's all you need to know, why not try kidnapping??? Now, I have answered your question with the only alternative, since she is a free person to make her own decisions and alread has. Relationships is a free society are with the consent of two people, not just one. If I sensed a glimmer of hope in your post, I would tell you. But this lady has clearly spoken and, since she is a free person, your only alternative is the one I gave you above. Now I have some questions for you. To quote you: "She was very set on perfection, and doing what her mother wanted her to do, which was stay at home after she graduated." Why do you want a lady who is set on perfection?

 

Don't you want a lady who is more concerned about making you happy than doing what her mother wants? Don't you think she has gotten some advice about you from her mom, who sees you as a threat?

 

Don't you think there are better ways to invest your coming inheritance than to go after a chick THAT DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU??? Why don't you LISTEN to her when she tells you she is "screwed up" and that you are "better off without her?" On planet earth, this is how a lady breaks up with a guy. Why do you want to annoy her, aggravate her and make her life an utter misery by being a lovesick pup and continuing to be in her life when she doesn't want you there. Don't you understand SHE is so much better off without a guy who would want to inflict such emotional terror on her?

 

Hey, you will be coming into some money soon and if you want ladies who don't want you, you can buy the very best. I know you didn't want anyone to tell you to leave her, but buddy SHE HAS ALREADY LEFT YOU and hanging around will only drive her away more. If here is a hint of a chance of you getting back with her, it is only enhanced if you leave her alone and don't call her, send her messages or see her. You said your aunt died alone and miserable. If you absolutely must have this gal, maybe you could try splitting your inheritance with her so you could die WITH her and miserable. On second thought, my bet is that unless you now have a terminal disease, she would not stick around that long. I used to want to get back with ladies who broke up with me and tried many strategies...none of which worked. My face is red with embarassment right now because of just what a fool I made myself. PLEASE, PLEASE, for your self-respect and dignity, don't make a fool of yourself. Be a man, take your money and go on a vacation, and find another babe!!!

[Tony T]

You have given your opinion, and quite frankly I will take your advice and stay away from here for a while because answering these is sometimes draining.

 

But I disagree that I haven't helped anybody. As a matter of fact, most of the comments I get are quite positive. Everyone who is very hurt by a break up wants the person back. But there is no good advice for doing that except staying away. Ladies who have told men they don't want a realtionship are more often that no annoyed by repeated attempts by guys to get them back.

 

Love is not easy...and people have to be tough and stand up to it sometimes. Giving false hope to people is, perhaps, what they want to hear but it is usually NOT what is going to happen.

 

I hope you will share your wisdom with those who are heartbroken and I will pray that the information you give does not put a greater wedge in the relationships and diminish the possiblities of reconciliation.

 

However, if you have some pointers, I am one of those in line to hear them. I need that kind of information as bad as anybody.

 

Thank you for your post and your admonition is well taken and will be followed as of this time and date.

[Marcella]

I disagree that Tony has not helped anyone. Personally, his responses have helped me greatly; not directly with my own posts, but with "bits and pieces" of my life in other's people's problems, which he has responded insightfully to. In fact, I respect Tony because he is sometimes one of the few respondents on this site who doesn't "sugar-coat" his responses. My feeling is that when people post a problem here, they should want to hear honest answers, not just a response that will make them feel good. Why bother otherwise? That's often what friends and acquaintances are for!

 

Anyhow, I just wanted to put my two-cents in here. Yes, Tony can sometimes be a little harsh, as perhaps was the case in this latest post, but I think if you re-read it, you'll notice his care and concern. I hope, for the sake of the present and future uses of this site, that Tony doesn't stay away too long. And, Tony, if you happen to be reading this, COME BACK!!!

You have given your opinion, and quite frankly I will take your advice and stay away from here for a while because answering these is sometimes draining. But I disagree that I haven't helped anybody. As a matter of fact, most of the comments I get are quite positive. Everyone who is very hurt by a break up wants the person back. But there is no good advice for doing that except staying away. Ladies who have told men they don't want a realtionship are more often that no annoyed by repeated attempts by guys to get them back.

 

Love is not easy...and people have to be tough and stand up to it sometimes. Giving false hope to people is, perhaps, what they want to hear but it is usually NOT what is going to happen.

 

I hope you will share your wisdom with those who are heartbroken and I will pray that the information you give does not put a greater wedge in the relationships and diminish the possiblities of reconciliation.

 

However, if you have some pointers, I am one of those in line to hear them. I need that kind of information as bad as anybody. Thank you for your post and your admonition is well taken and will be followed as of this time and date.