38 yearsold 6 weeks with 25year old have strong feelings still broke it off

[38n25]

 

Hi all, I am a 38 year old female who met someone who is 25. We were instantly drawn to each other - we have great converstations and a lot of passion and he is a wonderful lover. He said I am very different than anyone else he has dated in the past. We have only being going together for 1.5 months. He also feels he is in love with me. It has been such a whirl wind and we both feel we have lived in a month what others live in years. I have strong feelings for him but I also sense a big difference in maturity. I know about personal boundaries and he has not had any experience with them. He calls me all the time and wants to see me alot. I need space to take care of my home.... and I am going to school and work full time I have a lot on my plate with finances and other things and get stressed about them. It feels overwhelming and that I don't have a balance with him. There is so much we really like about each other. We are extemely intuitive to each others feelings. He does and says things that I did years ago. He assumes things when he isn't sure and it always ends up being wrong. The responses are of someone who is younger and hasn't gone through those things. I sometimes feel very overwhelmed with having to go through these immature things again. I did it so long ago. I have strong feelings for him though. Think of him all the time. I broke it off with him just yesterday. I told him I just don't think we are on the same level with our lives and what we need and how we communicate on some things. I told my sister ( who works with him) that I broke it off and I told my mom. I feel like a fool - torn between my emotions on these 2 areas. Torn between our maturity levels and what I have gone through before. I really can't stop thinking about him but don't know how to make it work. Does anyone have any suggestions? I am so sad that I let someone go that cares for me so deeply.

[NEONINK]

I guess it was for the best. According to Dr. DeAngelos, age difference is a fatal flaw. She has some book called Are You the One for Me?

 

Anyway. I'm sure it's tough for both of you. Perhaps, you can find a way to give each other emotional support during the "cleansing phase" with a phone call, talk about why it cannot work, and the problems that would happen down the road had it worked. It sounds like you parted amicably.

 

He'll understand one day, perhaps not today.

 

That said, my brother is 9 years younger than his wife. They have an okay relationship. Sometimes, I wonder if he had it to do over, would he do it again? Who knows, he got some security by her maturity; she got a young stud.

[Cookiegone]

According to Dr. DeAngelos, age difference is a fatal flaw

 

Sorry, but that's incorrect. I have the book right here. It isn't 'age difference' that's the fatal flaw. The fatal flaw is 'hasn't grown up'. She refers to emotional maturity, not age.

[38n25]

Thank you for your comments. Yes that could be the whole thing. It is just hard when you like someone for so many other reasons to break it off- yet it stays frustrating because of the maturity. He is a very unique person and in many ways very different than what I have met in the past. I think it will be ok at some point - I am trying to make a peaceful break. It helps hearing your comments. Thanks!

[NEONINK]

Sorry, my mistake. Significant Age Difference is actually listed as a compatibility time bomb.... And the book name is Are You the One for Me? by Barbara DeAngelis, Ph.D.

 

It lists possible problems when you are significantly older as

1. You can become impatient with your partner. (Although age is irrelevant with that one).

2. You might have a tendency to act like a parent instead of a partner.

3. Finances could be a problem.

4. You might want to control or have power over your partner. (My ex married a woman 18 years his junior. That had to be a control issue in my opinion.

 

Any of these can happen,with any age though. But I still think it's a great reference book.

 

Thank you cookie for the correction.

[moimeme]

Neo - Barbara Di says these issues can still be overcome if both partners want to. IMHO, if the two are up for a little 'between loves' romance, that could be a good thing but if either or both are thinking marriage, that might warrant deeper investigation.