Everytime i try and talk about what has happened- he does not want to discuss it

[so_confused7]

Ok, I am new to this but... i have my fingers crossed that someone out there can help me understand all of this!

First, I am 23 and my boyfriend (I guess is what you would still call it) is 21 and a senior in college. Our relationship was wonderful- i could not ask for anything to have been done different! Of course we had our fights but... we always worked thru them- but what couples dont fight?! There was often MUCH talk about marriage- (he initiated every bit of it though....b/c i have always been that stand-off'ish kind of girl about that kind of stuff)

 

To give a little depth here to the whole situation, he is from up north and goes to school here in the south (where i am also from- we met at school) so... last summer he decided to stay here and work for the summer and not go home (which was great for me!!) but this past summer, he decided to go home. Even though this made me upset b/c i would miss him terribly, i thought this would be okay b/c it was his last real summer before graduating. Before he left, he assured me that everything was going to be fine- that he would be back and forth visiting all of the time- yada yada. However, he got busy at home doing different things and well..... i never saw him (we talked in the phone many many times a day- even though things got SO shallow- which i felt led to several of our fights)

 

Then in the middle of July, all of a sudden he did a 360 and was like "i dont know what i want," "i want a break" and all of that other crap- but he had NO explanation for any of it whatsoever- this devastated me!!! He said that he wanted to go the last 3 weeks of summer before he came back for school w/o talking to me. Of course i could not do it.. i ended up calling him and emailing him several times and he actually called me several times on his own (but we had good conversations minus the i love you's at the end

 

Then, when he came back for school- he called me when he got back in town and we saw each other several times during that week (and "stuff" happened between us- he was the one though that made every first move!!) Okay, so he has been back now a month and he has called me everyday- but we dont see each other hardly at all- dont get me wrong-i try but.... ). Everytime i try and talk about what has happened- he does not want to discuss it- he just wants to walk away from it! I CANT DO THAT and i always end up crying!

 

Last week, i was very very sick and he knew that- but he was having trouble with his passion (baseball) and needed s/o to talk to- so of course he called me and i sat up from 2-4:30 listening to him (and still had to get up and come to work!) Of course, the physical stuf still happens when he comes around...just because

 

I dont know what to do- i just dont understand any of this and he cant/wont help me to understand it! I have told him numerous times that i am waiting on him and i dont want to date a/o at all!!! Guys- PLEASE help me make sense of this!!!!!!!!

[NEONINK]

sounds like all give and no get...

 

what keeps you in it?

[HokeyReligions]

No one can help you understand by him. If he won't talk to you, and/or you are not listening to what he is telling you, and he is not listening to you - then why stay in the relationship?

 

It's a hectic time because of school - but let me tell you -- life is hectic. It's always something. If you two can't or won't make the time to work on your communication then maybe you should just split. Stop being there for him - especially since he's not there for you.

[moimeme]

I CANT DO THAT

 

Yes, you can. You start by stopping yourself every time you start thinking about him and think about something else. Eventually, you will be out of this loop and will be able to get on with your life. If he genuinely wanted to be with you, he'd make the effort. He hasn't been making the effort for some time so it's time to drop him and move on.

[so_confused7]

i know this is a lousy excuse- but when you have made somebody your life for the last 2 years... it is so hard to let them just walk right out of the door like this!! He used to tell me- "if anything ever happens between us- then i dont know what i would do"- he told me that he would act fine but deep down he would be dying inside!!

 

i know all of this is easier on him b/c he is constantly surrounded by the guys in the dorm as well as his team mates- so its not like he has had time to sit down and realize what is going on and how much he misses me! whereas all i have is time to think about all of this stuff......and it eats me alive!! I am always readily available to every one of his calls b/c i think that "maybe this time... he will tell me that he has changed his mind"

 

I also feel bad b/c he loves hanging around with his guy friends- and for the last 2 years i deprived him from that b/c he was always with me- uggh... all of this is SO frustrating!! why does he not want to give me any explanations???

[NEONINK]

If he's 21 and it's his last year in college... He needs to enjoy his experience, because he and you and we all know... This won't happen again. Life will move on. Enjoy each stage.

 

That's probably what he needs to do. Hang out with the fellows...

 

But what you need is individual also. You are young as well. And thoughts of settling down might be pre-mature. Make sure you have a network of friends and enjoy your time as well.

 

Then whatever happens between the two of you, is a result of things falling into place, not being forced.

 

I can't answer what you should do, other than get out and enjoy your youth and freedom. One day, you'll be old like me, married, saddled with a bunch of kids, a big mortgage, two car payments, and orthodontic bills, and you'll wonder what you spent your early twenties on.

 

Peace and love.