So happy that I am sad

[LikeCharlotte]

Some know my little story, some don't... feel free to read previous poss to try to understand.

 

In short I met someone in May/June while he was on holiday in the US. We talked frequently after he went home to England. I went to visit him for almost 2 weeks in England. Recently he was here for just under 3 weeks to see me on his way to move to yet another country for a year. Things have progressed much as any relationship would but with the strain and oddities that I can only assume come with most LDR's.

 

So here's the problem... he's gone again and its not like before. I can barley stand it. The time is backwards from what it was (ie. his day is now my night) rather than the other way around as it was. I'm not getting used to the new time difference and when I have been able to speak to him I've been so down. I don't want to be this way because I am very happy but I feel like I am missing an essential body part sometimes. Each step forward brings another feeling I did not expect. Here I am having missed another opportunity to speak to him because I ended up driving to NYC today and I feel sad. I spoke to him briefly on the phone and he was nice about my having missed our talking time - he even told me to do something fun. Yet, I just feel down. I'm having trouble accepting that this is the way it has to be for now and I am just not being myself. I am not in a bad spirit all the time but I have been when I speak to him. I feel awful about it because I am just wasting what should be good time - I try to not complain but I cant even think a nice thought about him with out wanting to cry because it feels like it is going to be forever before I can see him again.

 

Maybe I just need to cry about it and get it over with. I know it is irrational but for a little while I was able to say the silly things I say and finish them with a nose poke or a bite.. and now I can't. ugh.

 

Edit: I think I was feeling guilty about being negative. It's normal to miss someone. It will go away. Guess I just wanted to vent.

I could use some cheering up! I know other people have post visit blues but they feel much worse than I experienced the first time. help?

[LikeCharlotte]

I think I am feeling better finally. I was hoping some LDR veterans could help out. Does anyone have ideas for dealing with post visit blues? I am not ready to start planning another visit or (dare I say) a move but I will be soon. For right now I simply do not know how long it will be until I settle my personal things and can plan. I have recently started a new job and I want to look for a new apartment closer to it soon. I am staying with a friend and being so unsettled makes it hard to know what tomorrow will be like.

 

We have talked about me moving away to where he is now or to England in a year or so but I have no idea how long it will take for me to settle my affairs or if there is chance I could get work in either place. I have no idea how to go about planning to move to another country, especially one where I have no other friends or any family. I have lots here and normally I am in a very secure position. He doesn't like the idea of living here at all but I have asked if he would come stay for a few months next year so that we can evaluate long term potential. He hasn't given me an answer and that is fine since it is quite awhile away still. I just wish things were not so up in the air with everything in my life. I am certain of three things 1.) I want to be where he is so we can see where this is going. 2.) Things are kind of a mess in my life but I am still happy overall. 3.) I love.

 

Waiting is hard.

[kizik]

LC,

 

I wanted to respond, but I wasn't sure I understood the scenario. I think I was thrown by your title, "so happy I am sad", b/c the post doesn't sound all too happy.

 

I think with time, the initial doldrums will wear down. After seeing someone for 3 weeks that you haven't seen in a long time, there is bound to be a let-down when they leave. I believe that soon enough, things will even out a bit, emotionally.

 

But I know for a fact that I couldn't do an LDR again. Are you sure this is the right kind of relationship for you? Do you require a lot of in-person contact? I should know these answers by now, considering the length of time I've known you... but sorry, I do not.

 

Are you two exclusive? It's hard to be when you meet so many new people in person all the time.

 

I wish I was more of a help. Just know that I hear you, and I'm wishing you a merry Christmas.

 

Josh

[LikeCharlotte]

LC,

 

I wanted to respond, but I wasn't sure I understood the scenario. I think I was thrown by your title, "so happy I am sad", b/c the post doesn't sound all too happy.

I think my intention was to say that the visit made me very happy but in the muddiness of my blues I skipped it. heh.

 

I think with time, the initial doldrums will wear down. After seeing someone for 3 weeks that you haven't seen in a long time, there is bound to be a let-down when they leave. I believe that soon enough, things will even out a bit, emotionally.

I think they will too but I really don't want to be moody when I speak with him. It's not his fault and I don't want to be a drag.

But I know for a fact that I couldn't do an LDR again. Are you sure this is the right kind of relationship for you? Do you require a lot of in-person contact? I should know these answers by now, considering the length of time I've known you... but sorry, I do not.

I wish I knew. I know that I like him and it's harder than I thought it would be. I do really miss having him here and although I never was one for lots of cuddling, I've become very affectionate more recently. There's nothing like a face full of morning breath and love when you first wake up on a lazy Sunday. No relationship has been right for me yet... so who knows?

 

Are you two exclusive? It's hard to be when you meet so many new people in person all the time.

Not as an official decision, though we both aren't interested in other people. I won't be having sex with other people. Yet, there has been no commitment to that. I still don't think it would be right to be exclusive because we are so far and I don't need to contract him. I know he wants me and vice versa. I do meet other people and from time to time interests spark for them but I would never make a move without seriously thinking it through. I honestly don't think I could want to be with anyone else right now. I just don't see other guys at all if you know what I mean.

 

Thanks for the love kiz. Get merry!

[stuart]

Im in a similar situation ie I am in the UK and my girlfriend is in the USA.It does get very frustrating and lonely at times but what gets me through the tough times is this....I honestly dont think another woman could make me feel this good and I have absolutely no urge to be with anyone else.We are over 2 yrs down the line and still cant be together due to unforseen delays on my girlfriends part(not her fault by the way,its just how things are)It really is a massive move for one of us tho,when the time comes.I know excactly how you feel but just try and think positive.What helps me is knowing when our next meetings is and just counting down the days(same old same old I know)its been over 3 months since I last visited and I have nothing arranged for my next trip over.....gee,think im gonna head over in Feb,gimme something to countdown lol.WHY DO WE PUT OURSELVES THROUGH THIS!!If I didnt laugh,id cry.

[LikeCharlotte]

WHY DO WE PUT OURSELVES THROUGH THIS!!If I didnt laugh,id cry.

I know why I'm doing it but I don't know if I can do this for two years. I try to laugh too but there are moments when no amount of humor will help. Have you made any progress with her situation and her needing to remain able to live in Florida if the need should arise. These are the things I think about too. I would love to move away but my life is here and I worry that I will be leaving my life so far behind. There are momnets where I want to give everything away and get on a plane but logic prevails.

Right now I am waiting to hear if he is ok... and I'm losing my mind. It's just too far.

[Island Girl]

What helps me is knowing when our next meetings is and just counting down the days(same old same old I know)its been over 3 months since I last visited and I have nothing arranged for my next trip over.....gee,think im gonna head over in Feb,gimme something to countdown lol.WHY DO WE PUT OURSELVES THROUGH THIS!!If I didnt laugh,id cry.

 

For me, I am never lonely. Lonely translates to feeling alone and I don't ever feel alone.

I miss him. I miss him so much that my heart feels like it is pushing out of my chest like those babies in the movie Alien. If I really think about it - it will bring me to tears in an instant. If I talk about it the same thing happens no matter who I am talking to. So I have learned NOT to talk about missing him.

 

It helped before to know when we would see each other. But now - dealing with US immigration and having the rules change CONSTANTLY there has been delay after delay. He is hurting and I am hurting. So desperately it has manifested physically now (at least on my side).

 

I remember every day WHY I love him. Why we are together. Who he is in comparison to those around me. How he understands me (which has been time tested and trauma tested over and over). And how I understand him when no one else does.

 

There is not another person on the planet who could fit me the way he does. I know he feels the same way.

 

I did my share of searching before. I dated, had serious relationships, and no one has ever measured up.

I even settled before because I never felt this kind of love.

 

I guess I felt it didn't exist or that I was incapable of it. But now that I have experienced it - now that I have it when so many don't - there is no way I would ever make the choice let go.

 

If it were his wish that we would end our relationship I would acquiesce. But I would not make that choice on my side. (After ALL we have been through for so damn long including MY fight with Immigration which began after we got married 2 1/2 YEARS ago - which was the last time we saw each other too, the joke on his side of the ocean is that I'd fly over there and kill him if he did break it off! LOL).

 

I try to remember that out of an entire lifetime together 6+ years (January 2nd begins year number 7) of separation is nothing. And I hold tight to the picture of the future with the two of us together. I just strive to attain the end goal. And every day is one step closer. One more day without him finished. There WILL come a time when we are together. I will NOT give up on my happiness or my family.

 

Sorry so long.

[stuart]

RE.Have you made any progress with her situation and her needing to remain able to live in Florida if the need should arise...sorry I dont know how to get those lil quotes up duh lol.Its just a waiting game now until she gets her citizenship as she wouldnt be able to re-enter the USA if she just got up and left right now.I agree with Kizik too tho(above)...If I didnt wait on her coming over here and at least giving things a go,well I would always look back with regret at probably letting my one true chance of happiness pass me by.I am not lonely in the sense that I need "someone"if you get me..I only want one woman and the lack of sex doesnt bother me at all,I do miss cuddling up to her tho. At the start of our relationship,Id never have thought I could still handle being apart after 2 yrs,well now it doesnt seem so tough.In fact,like Kizik,Id probably wait for 6 yrs too if it came down to it.I suppose when it comes down to it,when people have LDR`s like us,then you need to trust the other person UNCONDITIONALLY not to screw with you,literally and emotionally,which Im glad to say we both do...thats a massive thing,trust.My daughters even think that Im gonna get hurt and Im probably mad but they dont know or feel what I do.Its never easy tho huh?