My Situation

[DayEnder]

Can someone help me? I posted a lengthy message here on LoveShack.org with the title "Note: Long Reading Ahead." It takes me forever to compose and send even one message, and this website is not too kind with the amount of time between logging in and clicking "Submit New Thread" after putting a message together. I need advice from LoveShack.org users about what to do concerning my unhappy, recent-onset fears that I have the congenital disorder of Klinefelter's syndrome. I am yet to tell my family about my suspicions because I am sure they will withhold any implicit or explicit permission for me to go to a hospital or clinic for obviously pricey and complicated genetic tests. I dread defiantly or desperately going anyway, only to have Proverbs 6:15 most misfortunately proven if I get killed or maimed by a train at a railway crossing or if I am smashed by road traffic or if some thug fells me, having targeted me due to my awkward, desperate gait and/or my atypical grooming. Blasphemous as this sounds, I sometimes feel such a disaster will happen to me because God does NOT want me to undergo -- or even seek -- any sort of medical testing that will irreparably compromise the privacy and dignity of my family, a group of protractedly daily-praying Roman Catholic African immigrants who have both immigrant and homeland-residing relatives who may mock my poor widowed mother and her unflatteringly unmarried, adult children. It takes just one doctor, technician or nurse of our nationality or our ethnicity -- or even a non-immigrant citizen married to such a person -- to spot something "recognizable" about my name and to talk, however innocently, to "the wrong person" who blabs to our relatives Stateside or "back home." Then -- bam! Psalm 35:15 commences.

 

Or maybe I have shaky reasons for seeking confirmation of my unhappy suspicions.

[Living_A_Fantasy]

If you believe that you have a medical condition, you need to seek help. I think the reason people have not responded to you is the involvement of your religious beliefs. From what I have read, you seem to have a phobia of some sort. You fear divine retribution should you attempt to seek medical help. I'm not sure how to put this, but I believe that this belief is irrelavent. In short: Do it. If it is a recognized condition, it is probably treatable, and your life will improve upon getting over it. God will not strike you down for trying to improve yourself.

 

I'm having some difficulty understanding, but I think you said something about unusual sexual fantasies and pornography addiction. If you undergo treatment they should be able to help you control your problems.

 

I'm sorry if I haven't been of help; I may have misunderstood your predicament.

 

Edit: I have reread your post. Doctors have to maintain patient privacy under law. You have no need to fear that your family will suffer from your decision.

[You'reasian]

Can someone help me? I posted a lengthy message here on LoveShack.org with the title "Note: Long Reading Ahead." It takes me forever to compose and send even one message, and this website is not too kind with the amount of time between logging in and clicking "Submit New Thread" after putting a message together. I need advice from LoveShack.org users about what to do concerning my unhappy, recent-onset fears that I have the congenital disorder of Klinefelter's syndrome. I am yet to tell my family about my suspicions because I am sure they will withhold any implicit or explicit permission for me to go to a hospital or clinic for obviously pricey and complicated genetic tests. I dread defiantly or desperately going anyway, only to have Proverbs 6:15 most misfortunately proven if I get killed or maimed by a train at a railway crossing or if I am smashed by road traffic or if some thug fells me, having targeted me due to my awkward, desperate gait and/or my atypical grooming. Blasphemous as this sounds, I sometimes feel such a disaster will happen to me because God does NOT want me to undergo -- or even seek -- any sort of medical testing that will irreparably compromise the privacy and dignity of my family, a group of protractedly daily-praying Roman Catholic African immigrants who have both immigrant and homeland-residing relatives who may mock my poor widowed mother and her unflatteringly unmarried, adult children. It takes just one doctor, technician or nurse of our nationality or our ethnicity -- or even a non-immigrant citizen married to such a person -- to spot something "recognizable" about my name and to talk, however innocently, to "the wrong person" who blabs to our relatives Stateside or "back home." Then -- bam! Psalm 35:15 commences.

 

Or maybe I have shaky reasons for seeking confirmation of my unhappy suspicions.

 

Ever have difficulty learning languages? How about abstract thinking, planning sequences of events, working between two sets of rules or logic?

 

Research suggests that these traits are a psychological manifestation of the syndrome.

 

Sorry to hear of this.

[DayEnder]

I thank you for your measured response, Living_A_Fantasy (now there's a title). You were neither maudlin nor exasperated and dismissive. Yes, my attempts at discussing religion may have driven other would-be responders away. That certainly seems to be the case with this e-mail-based Klinefelter's syndrome support forum that I joined in late November 2008. They kicked me out of -- or off -- the list about a week ago, tired of any more chatter about religion in a "no proselytizing allowed" setting. The fact that I am still not diagnosed with Klinefelter's syndrome didn't extend their patience with me and my moody, prolix postings for another month or two. I may still be able to read other e-mail posters' (usually very short) messages in my inbox, but I can't post any messages myself.

Perhaps I should have heeded some of the opening words of a certain lady on that e-mail list when she replied to one of my seemingly proselytizing messages: "We can't help you, but..." She is the mother of a 28-year-old Klinefelter's patient and -- alas! -- she herself is diagnosed with a mental disorder while still being compulsively religious. Perhaps, for all of her limitations that I discovered only days or weeks later, I should have taken those words as a great big hint to not waste time chattering about my possibly having some disease or disorder that I often suspect I will never have diagnosed. I often find myself thinking dismissive, contentious thoughts about my interaction with others who try to fault or correct me over some real or imagined fault of mine, with me in my mind's eye dismissing their observations or complaints as ignorance of my "disease" or "disorder" -- as if I have been absolutely established as having any such problem. I keep visualizing a future with me being diagnosed with Klinefelter's syndrome or some similar congenital malady -- as if any diagnosis is guaranteed or as if there is any true advantage to being unsavourily labelled. That mindset creates a self-defeating and belatedly dangerous complacency. The same tendency to "stonewall" others with any "don't blame me, blame my disorder" song and dance may end up being reflected in my persistently and tormentingly feeling "stonewalled" by my family and/or by others who challenge my ability to even head out to the local supermarket to "pick up a couple groceries" -- let alone do something as consequential and as involved as moving out to commence single living. They can observe: If you don't have what it takes to stop engaging in asocial and self-defeating behaviour -- such as morbidly talking to yourself -- even after repeated warnings and urgings from us to quit, what's to say you have or will just sprout what it takes to avoid such weird, disgracing conduct when living elsewhere, away from us -- from people who know of your faults and don't half-kill you over them? How do I respond to such questioning -- whatever the length or wording may be? Beats me!

 

The thorny issue here can also be viewed thus: I dread -- I hate -- the prospect of my family trying to manage any sense of betrayal on my part by suggesting or demanding that I follow their EVERY recommendation, from how often I go for "blood work" to my agreeing to leave my parental-family home to spend the rest of my life in a monastery -- as if my folks would explode without being assured that I didn't get tested just to start playing the "disorder card," silently or openly expecting everyone to give me free rein (leaving home and returning home as I like, repeatedly yawning during prayer even when not previously sleepy, etc.). And if I nonchalantly or bitterly refuse any off-to-the-monastery demands or offers? Absurd or odd as this may be, I've once or twice crossly viewed myself as soon being treated like a wayward girl who has become pregnant and is now to be whisked away to a convent-run reform school -- if not to the nunnery itself -- right after birth. Guess what I keep feeling will happen to me -- instantly or eventually -- for my "Thanks, but no thanks" reply while others watch? See Proverbs 6:15.

 

In other words, to rephrase the words of a rather naughty 1973 novel:

 

I Shouldn't Sign My Life Over To Them And I Don't Want To Lie*, But...

====================================

*Who's kidding who? I'm lousy at lying (outwardly, to others, etc.)