Being the other women-

[mamaclaus]

I need some serious advise-

I have been married for over 10 years. Our marrige was never perfect and its been an up and down rollercoaster. Please understand that I do love my husband but he can be emotionally detached most of the time and he makes it hard for me to love him because he struggles with alcoholism and he's very verbally abusive when hes drunk.

 

Recently I went out with friends and met a really nice guy who told me all the things Iwanted to hear. He asked me for my number which lead to us texting which lead to flirty texting which ultimatly led to dirtly texting, which lead me to cheating. The twist is that he has a girlfriend and they have been dating for 8 years now. He's told me that during their relationship he's cheated on her once before-and that it ended because he felt guilty. He tells me that I make it hard for him to be good that he does feel guilty but that I'm alot of fun to be with and that he'll get over his guilt. Recently he's told me that he hasn't called because the GF has been asking what's going on with him - if there was something on his mind. Now hes telling me that he needs to clear his mind- but that I'm alot of fun-He's just become more distant.

I'm torn - I enjoy the time I spend with him because its emotionally satisfying-but I do hate that Im cheating that I'm lying to my husband and he's lying to his GF to see me.

Should I take his "Mind Clearing" as an indication that he's going to not see me anymore? Should I tell my husband?

[norajane]

Do you like being just a bit of fun to some guy?

 

Is that all he is to you?

 

You're better off putting that energy into your marriage. Get some help for your husband with his alcoholism. That should be your priority, not some escapist sex with some other guy who is cheating on his partner.

[schmuck]

Hi Mamaclaus,

 

Do you have kids? I was once told - "Don't start a new relationship, until you end your last one." Of course I didn't take that advice and proceeded to have affair after affair. Just based on your post I can see that it's working on your concious already. I'd keep the fond memories in your mind, don't say a word to your husband and uncomplicate your life. When you get involved romantically - it complicates everyone's life around you and around him -it's not just you that your effecting. It took me a long time for that to sink in. Trust me - if your that unhappy with your husband, tell him your unhappy and why. If you can't figure out a way to work things out (which is by far your best option) then get a divorce and turn the page. Just my .02. I'm no expert, but I know I've been where you are and the outcome is never a good one.

[norajane]

Oh, and that guy will probably contact you again once the heat dies down at home and his gf stops asking questions. That's how cheaters work, so you will hear from him, especially after the holidays are over and his guilt dies down since he wasn't caught yet.

 

So, be patient, and you can be his bit of fun again.

 

Or communicate with your husband about the problems in your marriage.

 

Depends on which way you want to go - cheat when the other guy wants you for as long as he wants you, or work on the actual life you have.

[mamaclaus]

I do have to kids -and I have given up careers, school and my life to help my husband get his back together. I worked 2 jobs when he couldn't go to his.

 

The "guy friend" is a distraction from my current life.

I love my husband, I just don't know if I'm in love with him.

 

Thanks for the adivse, I will consider all of it.

[SupportGroupie]

thanks for posting and reaching out.

 

Wow, many of us have been through this in one way or another. FROM experience, I can say that is always starts out as exciting and fun and this other person gives you something you want, or gets something he does not have at home.

 

I was in a long distance affair for several years...and boy this person really was "madly in love with me" and told me all the things anyone would want to hear.

 

The reason i was so excitign to him ( he was separated when we met..later went back to wife) was because i was everything she was not. I told him i just seemed like the answer because i was not one having to have a real relationship with him as he did with his wife.

 

Its easy to really like and be passionate about someone other than the person you have been with for 10-15 years...but often thats all it is. I did fall head over heels for my guy...and now he is actually separated but seems to be out of the picture. So i would just say be careful what you do, and try and work thrings out with your husband before you stray further. No good can come of it.

 

If you relationship is in trouble deal with that first. Its agonizing and immoral and strange and fun and bad and scary and tantalizing and all that nonsense to get involved with someone else...but really in the end...it can lead to a lot of harm on so many peoples parts. Mine sure did. Mostly I was heartbroken. And dont assume that same guy is going to come for you if you are single or separated....its nice to think so..but it does not happen like that often. And also, how well do you know him? Is it worth lying and sneaking away and hurting people for someone you dont really know...????

 

I am not judging, just hoping you wont have to suffer the pain, or your husband (all parties) wont have to suffer from some passionate moments with someone else.

 

It can take the life out of you...it can.

 

Sure in some cases these things turn into something...thats why this section is here on the web site...but before u get too deep, you may want to cool off and figure out what you want

 

good luck

SG

[atwitsend]

The funny thing about all the sacrifice, and hard work you've done....HAS BEEN FOR NOTHING. CONGRATULATION! YOU ARE AN ADULTERER! Tell the little lady what she wins? SHE WINS GUILT! And what else does she win? SHE WINS MEANINGLESS AFFAIRS WITH A RISK OF STD'S. And what do her children win? A BROKEN HOME INCLUDING LOW SELF ESTEEM AND A HIGHER RISK FOR DRUG, ALCOHOL ABUSE AND SEXUAL PROMISCUITY!

 

And don't worry about seeing the cheater. When he gets horny. If you haven't found someone else by then (and maybe if you have *wink* *wink*) he will call.

 

Now go have some fun!

[atwitsend]

The mantra of every cheater. All together now!

 

I love him. I'm just not in love with him!

[atwitsend]

Oh and we can't forget the OM's mantra.

 

I'm not in love with you. I just love being in you.

[Ayemtee]

I need some serious advise-

I have been married for over 10 years. Our marrige was never perfect and its been an up and down rollercoaster. Please understand that I do love my husband but he can be emotionally detached most of the time and he makes it hard for me to love him because he struggles with alcoholism and he's very verbally abusive when hes drunk.

 

Recently I went out with friends and met a really nice guy who told me all the things Iwanted to hear. He asked me for my number which lead to us texting which lead to flirty texting which ultimatly led to dirtly texting, which lead me to cheating. The twist is that he has a girlfriend and they have been dating for 8 years now. He's told me that during their relationship he's cheated on her once before-and that it ended because he felt guilty. He tells me that I make it hard for him to be good that he does feel guilty but that I'm alot of fun to be with and that he'll get over his guilt. Recently he's told me that he hasn't called because the GF has been asking what's going on with him - if there was something on his mind. Now hes telling me that he needs to clear his mind- but that I'm alot of fun-He's just become more distant.

I'm torn - I enjoy the time I spend with him because its emotionally satisfying-but I do hate that Im cheating that I'm lying to my husband and he's lying to his GF to see me.

Should I take his "Mind Clearing" as an indication that he's going to not see me anymore? Should I tell my husband?

 

Of course you should tell your husband.

[atwitsend]

Well have you decided?