A lightbulb moment!

[insanelyjelous]

Hi guys,

 

It's been a long time since I posted ( I decided since I wasn't taking the advice given it would be best for me not to post at all!) I did a lot of soul searching put up with a lot of crap and did some other things that I wasn't exactly proud of! But yesterday I had a serious lightbulb moment and everything just clicked into place, it was if someone told me what a Narcissist was and described my soon to be ex!

 

I know I am not without blame as I have my own issues with snooping and trust but I can see now my feelings were justified, all the times he hurt me and could never apologise, could never admit that he was wrong, futhermore he couldn't even see that his behaviour was at times innappropiate or hurtful. He has this sense that he should be able to do whatever he likes when he likes with whomever he chooses (and to a degree I would agree as he is an individual) but with no empathy for anyone he may hurt in the process....

He was unable or unwilling to compliment me even when I pulled him up on this, it was like talking to a brick wall....

Even after things came to a head and I called his co worker to find out what was going on between them (after snooping through his phone bill and seeing hundreds of messages and calls between them) the focus was still on me it was about why I snooped, never mind the fact that he had been acting strangely with his phone permantly attached to him for the past few months and that prompted me..... not why he felt that it was appropiate to be texting a work colleague at 4 in the morning on a regular basis when I was asleep right next to him!

And to top it all off he told me she was otugoing and pretty and that they had struck up a very close friendship but that there was nothing going on!

 

And yet I stayed for more, thinking that I could change his selfish behaviour for the sake of our children but yesterday I realised he is a true narcissist selfish and selfserving to the very core and he has no reason to change....

I cannot change him, only he can take the steps to try and change himself which I doubt will ever happen as he has made it very clear that he believes I caused all the problems with our relationship.

I will continue through xmas for my kids sake but the moment xmas is over so are we.... I will not allow him to feed off me for one minute longer then necessary!

 

Rant Over

[ronlynn]

Good for you...... your doing the right thing.

 

I went through the same thing with my ex female fiance of 7 years.

 

I did some snooping and found out she was having personal online chats with a "male" friend. Then it turned into long hour phone chats for many nights in a row.

 

He got inside her mind and twisted it so greatly.

 

Then I was blamed for everything wrong in our relationship.

 

It took me some time to get over it and move out and on with my life.

 

Oh and by the way....... she has never met him and she told me 26 hours after I told her I was leaving she is in love with him and 2 days later told me they would be getting married in three months.

 

Again, they have not yet met in person.

[snoopy girl]

there is one reason we snoop, that is our GUT it tells us that something is wrong and that is why we do that. it is not our fault that our loved ones do what they do, we can't control them, change them, or make them stop. but in time will we take all that we can and then we will do something about it, and we take alot. i think our loved ones would just want us to turn the other cheek and not talk about it as if it didn't happen

or make us feel its our fault and that we have a problem, only when we can't take it anymore, and want to do something about it, they stop alittle till things cool down but go right back to it in time. it all sucks.