polola303 Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I think he's back to hiding something, when he left this morning he took too long to start the car, and when i looked out the window he seemed to be gettting something off his fingertips, i freaked and called him because i needed to get something from his car, which i did, but it was mainly cause i wanted to smell him, everything smelled just like cigarrettes but he did have a lot of tobacco on his lap, that's odd, it's not like tobacco just falls out of the cigarretet just like that. It's not the first time he takes too long starting the car, only the first time i actually get up. do you have any advice? I might be just freaking out right? I hate the fact that we don't have a regular relationship with communication and trust, if we don't have that then what's the point right? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 What are you so worried about? Freaking out that he's taking too long to start the car .. Maybe his car was cold, or maybe he was thinking about something, or half asleep.. Why not just ask him? If you hate the fact you don't have a good relationship, can't communicate and don't have trust, why not end it? Come clean, lay it all out on the line for him, tell him exactly what you're feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author polola303 Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 hahaha I just realized I didn't post the whole thing! here it is: I found out my live in boyfriend smoked pot, nearly everyday, I didn't know anything about it, we talked it through and promised to quit, as far as i can tell he has but I think he's back to hiding something, when he left this morning he took too long to start the car, and when i looked out the window he seemed to be gettting something off his fingertips, i freaked and called him because i needed to get something from his car, which i did, but it was mainly cause i wanted to smell him, everything smelled just like cigarrettes but he did have a lot of tobacco on his lap, that's odd, it's not like tobacco just falls out of the cigarretet just like that. It's not the first time he takes too long starting the car, only the first time i actually get up. do you have any advice? I might be just freaking out right? I hate the fact that we don't have a regular relationship with communication and trust, if we don't have that then what's the point right? Link to post Share on other sites
Author polola303 Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 i have talked to him about it and he agrees with me, but he keeps hiding things... or maybe i am just being paranoid Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 Polola, This is not a healthy R(elationship) for you. You worry, you fret, you distrust, you walk on eggshells. Having said that, why do you WANT to stay together with him? What do you get of this R? Link to post Share on other sites
Author polola303 Posted December 23, 2008 Author Share Posted December 23, 2008 I know! it's awful,i feel sick for not trusting in him, for him not communicating with me, i'm so open with him, i don't hide things from him, if we're together i don't believe in keeping secrets, b ut he does, but maybe i guess i think i haven't been able to gain his trust. i've tried to leave him but i just haven't been able to, i keep hoping things will get better, he has so many qualities i love about him, but the negative is really taking a toll on my mental health. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted December 23, 2008 Share Posted December 23, 2008 I know! it's awful,i feel sick for not trusting in him, for him not communicating with me, i'm so open with him, i don't hide things from him, if we're together i don't believe in keeping secrets, b ut he does, but maybe i guess i think i haven't been able to gain his trust. i've tried to leave him but i just haven't been able to, i keep hoping things will get better, he has so many qualities i love about him, but the negative is really taking a toll on my mental health. You didn't answer my questions Polola. And I'll even add one: What positives can he possibly have which outwiegh these negatives you live with? Do tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author polola303 Posted December 24, 2008 Author Share Posted December 24, 2008 Well jwi71 it's a tough one to answer right now...I honnestly can't remember, I ouf=d his porn a few hours ago, at first I didn't mind, I thought he was abnormal since he alwasy says he doesn't like it, so I found it, a lot and it's all really young girls, which now makes me understand why he never wants t have sex with me, I'm too old! hahaha I'm only 28 but I look much younger, but these girls are so much younger.I asked him what that file was, from the title you can tell what it is, but he didnt answer, why does he hide everything? I know we're all entitled to our privacy, but it is definately affecting me, he is nice and very affectionate, we used to have so much fun and I always felt he cared about me. That's what I like about him so much. But no sex? No trust? What am I doing? What am I turning into? A snooping girlfrined?!! I hate that! Link to post Share on other sites
OneTwo Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 ...that's odd, it's not like tobacco just falls out of the cigarette just like that.... He was hollowing out the cigarette to put pot into the middle of it. That way, he could spark it up on his way to work, but it would look like he was smoking a normal cigarette. If he smokes pot everyday, he is an addict. It will not be easy for him to quit. He will likely need to go into rehab. Don't fool yourself into thinking you alone can help him. Many times, teams of trained professionals and jail cannot break someone of their addiction. Don't try to believe that you have more expertise than trained professional that deal with addiction. Link to post Share on other sites
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