How do I break through...

[wierdmunky]

I feel trapped inside bad feelings. Like a sphere of fear, inside my feelings, protecting that passionate part of me, that I can't through. Both ways, inside out, and inward. It kind of disconnects me from relationships because a lot of relationships stay shallow, and don't really sink in. I don't like that, but I can't help that feeling when I'm getting closer to someone.

 

I realize I have bad, avoidant feelings associated with trust and and want to get past that, but every time I try, I hit road spikes. It like deflates my want to go further with relationships, when I genuinely want to get to know someone better.

 

The more I try I also realize that I am more numb to people than I thought I was. It's hard to find some passion within myself esp with groups of people even family because I don't trust. I feel like I'm frustrating some new people in my life because some of them, I feel, actually do care about people in general, and care about me.

 

It is probably not that obvious outside. I respond to people, not on any deep level, sometimes I'm shy, but never rude, not even in the funny way.

 

I don't want to coast through life like that, I've been completely open to people before and I feel as if I've stopped growing as a person. I've had some bad things happen, am not angry, and would just like to get over the trust issue and live normal again.