Why can't I stop?

[Ayemtee]

I dunno what it is about it but I keep digging for more of my girlfriend's past. And the most irritating part is that its not even about the sex man...her givin that ass up to a guy isn't what bugs me.

 

I can't explain it. Its like a mental enemy flanking me from all sides. One day I'm completely happy and content, the next - I'm thinking things are way too good to be true and that she's everything I need but too good to be true. I start feeling like she's lying about something in her past because she knows its not my cup of tea and she wants to save the relationship. I can't help but feel like that man...Its driving me crazy.

 

I start making up scenarios in my head, then seeking the same crazed brain that even thought it up for reassurance kinda like how you go to someone "You think that'll work?"

 

Its like one day my gut is 100% percent happy with the relationship and then the next it gets a bad vibe and all hell breaks loose. My gut keeps telling me to question her about her past and see if she's lying about something.

 

I'm too afraid to do it though. I've done it and harped on it so much in the past so many tears has been shed on her part and paranoia on mine. I wanna know if she's hiding something from me. But its not hiding if its not in my business to know..but I feel like in all that she's told me I think she left something out that she knows would make me upset or quit the relationship so shes withholding it and saving uss.

[Padthai]

I tend to get paranoid and want to know everything about my man. I have even googled him. It doesn't make sense, because he is perfect. I think because of past relationships I have been in that have been terrible. And I am really curious to begin with. It's really a pain though, isn't it? I don't know how to stop it. I just know that he is the best, we talk about everything and he is choosing to be with me. Try to relax. I know how you feel. It sucks.

[Ayemtee]

The best way I can describe it is that I am content with my GF but it just feels waaay too good to be true and that there's something about her that doesn't seem right or something about her she's hiding because she knows I'd be unhappy with her or leave. So while I am happy, these thoughts kick in and suddenly I'm curious and slowly becoming unhappy.

[Padthai]

I bet everything is fine.

Unless you have a serious gut feeling. In that case you should talk to her about it. Even though you have before. Write her a nice letter maybe. Explain that you love her to death and you are sorry for nagging, but it it is just really bugging you. Tears and an argument might happen, but if things are that great I think it will be okay. It's too hard to pent up feelings.

[brokenboy]

The best way I can describe it is that I am content with my GF but it just feels waaay too good to be true and that there's something about her that doesn't seem right or something about her she's hiding because she knows I'd be unhappy with her or leave. So while I am happy, these thoughts kick in and suddenly I'm curious and slowly becoming unhappy.

 

I'm not proud to say, I've done this many times so I know exactly what you're talking about. the only thing I can tell you is: 1) go talk to a counselor or therapist, 2) do *not* continue to ask questions, 3) there is an OCD component to this... the instrusive thoughts/images are the obsession, the compulsion is (likely) to ask her about it, 4) CBT might help, 5) it's likely more about *your* insecurity.

 

probably a combination of all of this, maybe more. on point 5, only you can change that. and from what you're telling us here, you don't trust that she is who she is... she's "too good to be true". that all stems from you're own insecurity and it takes time to fix/heal. but you can.

 

I'm telling you... this is a horrible way to be in a relationship, and you don't want to continue down this path. know this also, this will almost certainly crop up again with another girl in another relationship. I found that the closer I got to a woman, the more obsessive I became. as if... falling in love and feeling so vulnerable brought out this crazy fear. that won't change just b/c of the person you're with. so you need to deal with it now, whether you stay with this girl or not.

[Ayemtee]

I found that the closer I got to a woman, the more obsessive I became. as if... falling in love and feeling so vulnerable brought out this crazy fear.

 

This is exactly what I'm feeling. I'm so into her that the closer I get the more paranoid I am about her hurting me. I'm always steadily looking for skeletons in her closet to avoid being hurt but its like my brain doesn't know what to tell me. One moment its saying there's nothing in the closet, she's fine, then the next it's red flagging everywhere and I'm just so deep into thought about things she's told me that doesn't seem or feel right and I can't help it but wonder if she's really hiding something about her from me.

[Ayemtee]

I know brokenboy said don't question her but I decided to talk to her about it. She was very very very understanding. I didn't really come at her like "BITCH WHATCHU HIDIN?!" It was more of "look baby I have a problem". I let her know what its like inside my head and how I felt. She completely understood and told me that maybe we should go for a lie detector test. Lol....that's my baby.

[Padthai]

Good job. I think with problems like this you really need to talk it out.