aish21 Posted September 16, 2003 Share Posted September 16, 2003 Hello, My boyfriend and I are going to move in few months. We have been together for almost three years. We have talked about this every time we see each other. It seems like i'm very unsure about my financial side. I work casually and earn barely enough for myself let alone paying rent and other bills. Every time i said to him about that, he said "dont worry, you will be fine".. Its nice to hear it but it doesnt fix anything. He gets pay twice as much as my work but i dont want him to pay bills for me. I'm abit annoyed with him tonight for saying that. I just have this uneasy feeling that i might struggle and i'm scare of not working out with him. I would love to know what your experiences are as living together with your partner, how to manage financial difficulties and how you make it work?. thanks love is enough Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted September 16, 2003 Share Posted September 16, 2003 Don't even think about moving in with him until you feel comfortable financially. It sounds like you are intent on paying your part of this and right now you are not able. You need to communicate much better with your guy, tell him exactly how you feel, and tell him why you will feel uncomfortable until you are able to pay your full share of expenses in a live-together scenario. He needs to know this and if the two of you are going to be successful as a couple, you've got to learn to share your feelings with him in detail to the point of resolution. And, no, love is NOT enough, it's never enough. Love is only a small, though very important, part of a committed relationship. A lot of people who love each other dearly split up everday because of difficulties in other areas of their partnership. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aish21 Posted September 16, 2003 Author Share Posted September 16, 2003 thanks for that. Really needed help on that. Love is enough for some people. I guess its how you interperate it and what's your opinion on it. To me love is very important and other things comes later. Well, $$money comes second for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 16, 2003 Share Posted September 16, 2003 STOP!! Tony is absolutely right on! Don't even consider combining incomes until you are financially able to handle your half....AND THEN still have enough left over to cover your assets if something should happen down the road and you find yourself on your own!! There are many posts on the forum from women (and men) who are stuck cohabiting with ex-lovers because they are financially dependent and can't afford to leave. Don't set yourself up for that trap! Never invest more into a relationship than you can afford to loose. Love IS NOT enough when it comes to "smart" relationships! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 16, 2003 Share Posted September 16, 2003 Love is enough for some people Wrong. Wrongo. Completely wrong. It's a myth; don't believe it. Link to post Share on other sites
Leikela Posted September 16, 2003 Share Posted September 16, 2003 Originally posted by moimeme Wrong. Wrongo. Completely wrong. It's a myth; don't believe it. EXACTLY... If you believe love is enough for some people, then you are being naive. Did you know that a leading cause for people getting a divorce is because of finances? You can love someone with all your heart, but that doesn't mean that your relationship isn't going to be affected by other things. Love is your basic ingredient but you need many other right ingredients as well for a successful recipe. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted September 16, 2003 Share Posted September 16, 2003 With love and HARD WORK you can overcome obstacles. Instead of worrying right now about him paying your bills, etc. what are you doing about it? Are you in school? Do you have a job? Can you get a better job? Will you wait a while before moving in? Who is paying your bills now - do you live at home with your parents? Do you have bills that you should pay off first so that your income is enough to cover the new financial responsibilities? If you are intent on moving in with him, make a WRITTEN agreement first so that there will be no question about who is paying for what, and what each of you expects in return for that payment. If he pays the whole rent - what does he expect from you? Take it to a lawyer and make it a contract. Can't afford a lawyer - do the best you can (there are some good forms available in libraries and office stores everywhere) and take the document to a notary. Make sure that you each have a copy of it and that you keep your copies in a safe place. Of course, if you truly believe that "love is enough" then why are you worried? I think it's because you know that it takes more than just love and because you want to be responsible for yourself - which is great. Link to post Share on other sites
Jamie31 Posted September 16, 2003 Share Posted September 16, 2003 I totally agree with everyone else. Although love is essential in a relationship, there are many other important elements that if you don't have, it will never work. And money problems can really put a strain on a relationship. You need to wait until you are financially ready. He's probably just thinking of how great it will be to have you there anytime he wants you and all that, he probably not thinking of all the hard stuff. Living together is hard...it isn't a bed of roses. It takes hard work from both sides. Make sure you are both read for that before you make this big step. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Clancy Posted September 16, 2003 Share Posted September 16, 2003 Love used to be enough. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted September 16, 2003 Share Posted September 16, 2003 Love used to be enough. Cite specific examples, please. Link to post Share on other sites
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