Under Pressure

[Sw3etdev1L]

Well, I am a woman who just turned out 24 like ten days ago. RIGHT?

well, I am so stressed out lately, I live in this conservative community where people get married at a very early and young age!.. like at 18, 20 they start getting married, and they see you as being weird if at 24 you are not interested still in getting married. I hate social pressure, but it's kind of getting into me. I don't want to do things in a rush, just to get married and be socially accepted, but sometimes I do feel like an outcast because I am a girl and I looove boys.. BUT truly I just don't feel I am ready for a serious relationship or a committment..I mean, I am still single and I feel so guilty because I just want to have fun and mess around without being a slut you know? but still meet people and mature until I feel ready and I feel the timing and my boy are right and the moment is right. My parents are divorced their marriage was horrible due to lots of things, and my family was not very supportive of their marriage due to religious matters. My family is very conservative and the women there are like soo into marriage theme at 26, I am not like that...One day one of them criticized me because she said I was different, I was kind of special.

But truly I am not, I do want those things too....but not in a rush, letting things flow...

I mean, what is the right age to get married?

What is the right age t search for a committment to create a family?

I just feel so green still, I want to appreciate my youth and leave my responsabilities when the timing feels right, without feeling it " is a serious" relationship because I don't think relationships get to be serious since the beginning..I just believe relationships start as a joke and might develop into something more... I am 24, should I be this stressed out about the theme about MARRIAGE? I mean..I know the wedding and stuff might be amazing if you do it right, but it is not just the wedding....is moving in together, trying to cope with each other in another environment plan a future life together...I don't have marriage in my mind as a nice dress and a party which a lt of girls have in their minds...I have it as a true commmittment and mature thing which involves family planning and a constant life with someone you choose... I just feel like, I don't have the attitude to want that right now"! I am so scared that I haven't found the right guy for me, I don't want to become a spinster and...besides, well...right now, I just want to have fun meet a lot of boys and you know?....just, be myself, go with the flow of life, be merry and why does it feel like such a burden? like it is a social obligation? right now, I feel like I have such a thirst for meeting a lot of boys, I am so afraid I will one day get married and get bored of having the same man for the rest of my days!...I just think about it and it feels as if I am inside a nightmare...

what is your opinion?

why do I feel this way?

and at what age is it normal for you to think about marriage, because I feel still a little inmature to be thinking about those things, but my classmates and friends seem to be in that stage. I sometimes look at girls my age or younger married with children and they look tired and bored!, It freaks me out, makes me want to go and run away from the whole thing.

[Ross PK]

In Britian it's normal to have a partner, and never get married. In fact I'm sure the majority of people in serious relationships over here aren't married.

 

It just all depends on where you live.

 

I'm 33 and have never even experienced a girl being attracted to me, let alone anything else, think of how much of a freak I am.

[Sw3etdev1L]

Actually this is not related to my post but....truth is, nobody is normal.

Everybody has its freaky side. Therefore, you ARE normal. The fact of thinking you are a freak, makes you act like one and if you think girls are not attracted to you you act like a loser, which you are not...therefore girls sense your insecurity and they prefer to stay away...it's the way of thinking which has to change, you are still the same person outwards, but with another vibe.

Hope I helped.

[Ross PK]

Actually this is not related to my post but....truth is, nobody is normal.

Everybody has its freaky side. Therefore, you ARE normal. The fact of thinking you are a freak, makes you act like one and if you think girls are not attracted to you you act like a loser, which you are not...therefore girls sense your insecurity and they prefer to stay away...it's the way of thinking which has to change, you are still the same person outwards, but with another vibe.

Hope I helped.

 

Thanks sw3etev1l. I can sometimes feel insecure, and you're right about people being able to pick up on how you feel, since it's going to effect the way you're coming across.

[stillafool]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay single until you feel like you want to be tied down to a husband and kids. Have you thought of moving to a larger city? You could have a lot more fun, opportunity and meet more guys.

[quankanne]

SD, for someone who isn't ready for marriage, you've put a lot of thought into what it means, and that's a really good sign ~ a lot of people don't, and later run into problems.

 

as trite as it sounds, when you meet the person you're meant to be in a marriage with, you'll know, so age has nothing to do with marriage or starting a family. And because everything you've experienced will have prepared you for this particular relationship, the more you figure out who YOU are – and the more you do things for yourself – the more you bring to a relationship. As in, get your college/uni degree if that's what interests you; travel; work the not-so-good paying jobs that you think are fun/interesting/cool anyway; learn who you are so that you can share all of that with the man you marry ... it's something you'll never regret.

 

as for being "special" – take it as a compliment. Not many people your age have the kind of mature outlook on relationships that you have, and that is to be commended (at 24, I was still an innocent when it came to guy-girl relationships, even though I knew I was a smart girl!).

 

don't let society or family or friends pressure you into making a decision you're not ready to make. Instead, figure out why you feel that way and see how it's going to help YOU in your journey.

 

meanwhile, enjoy being a single woman. Once you get married, that way of life is closed to you forever because your energy and focus will then be on keeping your relationship alive and well.

[mark982]

if you're not ready, then by all means don't get married. getting married just to please others is just plain wrong.