footprints Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 Hi everyone, this is my first post. Thanks to everyone reading and supporting as i really need it in this time of pain. Been married 6 years, have 2 sons aged 4 and 2 but marriage has been crappy for last 3 years. About 1 month ago my wife hands me separation papers. I never opened the envelope but knew what was inside. I just took a big pair of scissors and cut them up lol. I am in shock!!!!! I know living with my wife has not been a walk in the park but the thought of losing my sons is killing me emotionally. Today at work i found a dark place to crawl into and just started balling my eyes out thinking about my boys and the holiday season. I dont know which way to turn anymore or how to think or how to get my mind off the situation for any amount of time. My stomach hurts and i cant eat, i dont sleep very well. My wife says she is not happy and does not want to live like this. I do not believe their is someone else but wouldnt be surprised if their was, i am about 85% sure of this as keyloggers and cell phone bills have been traced with nothing out of the ordinary. I have not told any body yet as i find it humiliating and shameful, my family will be dissapointed and i dont have any close friends i can confide in. I really dont have anyone except my 2 boys who i adore and cherish. I am normally a strong man but when it comes to this subject i can not stop crying, i cry so much my eyes start to hurt. We have put the house up for sale but i have yet to contact a lawyer but plan on it soon. My wife says that i can visit whenever i like and can heve them every weekend but thats not enough for me. I want to be there every night with them so i can read to them and help with school work and brush their teeth and put them to bed. I cant say i hate my wife but in the last couple of weeks i have stuck her toothbrush up my ass so many times just to get a little bit of frustration out lol! I joined a gym too and really enjoy going there but would rather bee home with the kids. Merry Christmas everybody and tell me what i need to do to get through this mental hurricane. Link to post Share on other sites
cyabye Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 I cant say i hate my wife but in the last couple of weeks i have stuck her toothbrush up my ass so many times just to get a little bit of frustration out lol! I joined a gym too and really enjoy going there but would rather bee home with the kids. Merry Christmas everybody and tell me what i need to do to get through this mental hurricane. footprints, LOL with the toothrush thing. All you can do right now is take care of you and your boys. That's it. Keep going to the gym. The hurting is natural. I felt the same about wanting to be with my kids all the time and I stayed with my STXW just for that reason. If she wouldn't of left me(again and again and again and again.....)I 'd still be there miserable, angry, depressed and wishing for a miracle. It's important for you to know what's in those separation papers. Consult a lawyer and keep contact with her to a minimum (kid related stuff only). She might be interested in someone else and hasn't acted on it yet which is why there is no proof. Wish there was more I could tell you. I know this sucks. You can lead the donkey to the pond but you can't make the jackass drink. Merry Christmas, Cyabye Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted December 25, 2008 Share Posted December 25, 2008 Dude! Freaking chill! It could be a lot worse! And I do mean a HELL of a lot worse, take it from someone that's been through it. There are all the Vets coming back to NOTHING, with a loss arm, leg, and being handed DIVORCE PAPERS, let alone Seperation papers. Being laid up in Besteda or Walter Weed and your wife, the Love of your life laying divorce/seperation papers on your chest isn't something I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy. Yea! What your going through is tough, hard, and just plain sucks! But you've got to "Buck-UP! Daughters want and need to know they are loved, and Sons want and need to know they their Daddy's are PROUD of them. Your sons get that from you ~ they're mostly good to go! Give them that and you've done your part. The second part of this is making them a PRIORTY in your life before finding another Love, another GF, another piece of aZZ! That means putting them in the forefront of your Life. You do that? You're all day good with them! Make them your number-one priorty! And you'll be all day-good! Put them before your needs, wants, desires and you can't ~ won't go wrong! Put them before any woman! Then the day will come, when you willl find a woman, someone who will say, who will say,..............."I understand!" Link to post Share on other sites
Author footprints Posted December 26, 2008 Author Share Posted December 26, 2008 Thanks for the replys and support guys. Today on Christmas day, of all days i told my parents that my wife and i are separating. The whole family was in shock and i pretty much f***** up Christmas for everybody. Anyway i was just thinking what the chances would be of me getting full custody of the children. My wife does not work and watches them all day. I reside in Ontario if it makes a differance. If i couldnt get full custody what kind of rights would i have as a father. What kind of child support and alimony am i expected to pay if i made roughly 100 g last year? Separation sucks ass! Link to post Share on other sites
paperchase Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 child support is a function of who has custody, how much time each parent spends with the children, the income of each parent, and child care related expenses. full custody is unlikely as a man. that shouldn't matter but it does. the fact that she stays at home also suggests she'd be able to spend more time with the kids. if she gets a good lawyer, she will fight for sole custody. You want joint custody which helps a lot in the child support caculation. to minimize your payments -- and you will make payments based on your income and the fact that she doesn't work -- you must get a visitation schedule that maximizes the number of nights you spend with your children. take as many days as you can and, depending on your social life, don't get stuck with just weekends. If you have joint custody, and keep your kids a fair amount of the time, your payments should be reasonable. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted December 26, 2008 Share Posted December 26, 2008 i'd sure as heck cut off her $$$ flow. open new accts in your name only. cover your azz(money wise], make sure the kids don't go w/o though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author footprints Posted December 27, 2008 Author Share Posted December 27, 2008 Wife works as a waitress right now and makes cash tips. How would this stand up against alimony. I mean if she makes about 400$ cash per week, how could i prove it. How can i get it to hold up in a court case? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 Whoa, you stuck her toothbrush up your ass? Self-flagellation at its finest Get thee to a lawyer, understand your options and regain some semblance of perspective. Decisions you make now, in the beginning, have huge impact down the road. Decide wisely Link to post Share on other sites
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