indierockbhoy Posted September 16, 2003 Share Posted September 16, 2003 Hello I have been reading this forum for a while but decided to join and post my problem on the web here. It's a friends/relationship kinda thing and I am hoping for advice and comments and some help, please.. I have known this girl for 2 and half months and we met in a club at the start of the summer, We talked on the first night and we exchanged telephone numbers and the next day we spoke more via sms/texting and then we arranged to meet up to make pancakes, That went well and we had breakfast and I went to work and we spoke but never kissed and arranged to meet again the next week. We met again and then we headed up into the city for a drink, we got a little tipsy and at the end of the night we kissed. Next day I receive a msg saying "I really like you but I just want to be friends, friends last longer" to tell the truth I was gutted inside at that as I liked her from the 2wks before but I really enjoyed her company so I decided friends is cool with me. a week passes and i confront her and we speak and i say "is their any chance for us?" and she says "i like you as a friend" so i say "oh,right," and we hug.. and then she said "do you want to kiss me?" and i say "all the time" she then says" oh , can we be friends instead? cos if u wanna kiss, we can't be friends" i say "ok then, i really like you but i wanna be friends" A few weeks past again and we did things e.g going to the zoo,cinema,talking,hanging out, the usual kinda thing people do and then one afternoon we were lying down on the beach and she asked to kiss me, so I said are you sure? So we ended up kissing and we then went home. Then after that we have been kissing quite alot, If we rent a movie and stay in the bedroom we will kiss/make out and we do it almost every time we see each other but we are agreeing to be friends. What am I trying to find out is If this girl does like me deep down but for some reason won't commit? Or just a bit of fun and a friend at the same time. I am confused how she can go from turning me down in my car and saying "i dont want to kiss" to "let's kiss" also she gives off mixed signs.. most recently past fwe weeks she says things like "we need to get you a g/f" and then she will say "i adore you" she says that when we make out..alot "i adore you" What I am wanting to reaally know is if a guy or a girl has had this kinda feeling i am having? or have been the girl in my shoes? and if this girl really likes me? or will she ever see me as ab/f? etc.. it's so confusing.. we are going on a trip to another city and staying over where we will share a double bed adn we are talking of going to canada/america and iceland next year but i dunno.. tonight on the phone we spoke and she said "do you wanna take a break from eachother?" she was meaning a day break from contacting each other, as we speak every day on the phone or email or sms, so i said "why don't we go full thortle and go without talking for 4months?" and she kinda got upset and said things "i couldn't bare 4months without you.. " and then she sent me a msg saying " i wanted to have break just to see what it would e like without u, i am getting attached to you, but not in a bad way :-) i just thought you might be bored of me cos you would not say , if you were" i replied saying "i'll never get bored of you, you are so much and fun and iam sorry if you feel that way about being attached, maybe we can see each other less if you want?" she says"oh no, i think your great and your a fantastic guy, i love your company" and then we said bye.. and that was that.. anyone help me out?? with ideas? thanks for reading my problems.. hehe Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted September 16, 2003 Share Posted September 16, 2003 Hi indierockbhoy Just suggestions: 1.) Be honest with her about your feelings. If you don't have honesty, you don't have a good basis for trust, and lacking trust, you don't really have a basis for a relationship, in my humble opinion! 2.) ASK her, don't CONFRONT, but ask her how she is feeling. Sounds like she's fairly confused herself. Is there a recent breakup on her end, or something from her past that may be making her reluctant? From the gist of what you've put out here, she pretty obviously likes you. I don't think the question is whether or not she likes you. As far as a "committment," ask yourself why you feel you need her to "commit" to a relationship with you if you're actually happy just spending time with her. 3.) Don't sweat it so much! It sounds as though things are progressing in a nice naturally good way, and perhaps you oughtn't tamper with it. I wish you lots of luck! Love is a wonderful thing Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted September 17, 2003 Moderators Share Posted September 17, 2003 Yes, Perhaps it is a recent breakup, uncertainty, or whatever... But, No matter how ya cut it...she is lukewarm to you....neither all on nor all off...and that sucks, am I right? Tell her you care for her very deeply, yes, but let her know that neither having her, nor not having her completely in or out of your life is just tearing you apart. I find it very hard to see this as a situation where you'll be happy if she is merely "a friend with privileges." No sharing beds (neither for sex nor sleep), no sharing warm, romantic moments if she doesn't want the whole thing. You want ALL of her, correct? If so, don't be satisfied to have her "take" piecemeal, merely the parts of your heart and mind that she wants to have. Real, platonic friends (whatever real is) don't French kiss, fondle, f_ck or anything else, the other friend, IMHO. ((Curt steps down off his soapbox)) Curt Link to post Share on other sites
2SidestoStories Posted September 17, 2003 Share Posted September 17, 2003 Curt! They've only known one another for 2.5 months! Okay, so perhaps it is possible to fall madly in love with someone in that amount of time, goodness knows. But why label it? Again, I point out that she has begun to express obviously more interest than she had initially indicated. Maybe for indie's sake, he ought to issue some form of ultimatum? Maybe I'm more naive than some, but I still say that being honest is key. But you do have a point in saying that there shouldn't be the "sharing beds...warm, romantic moments, etc." IF she doesn't want the whole thing. That ends up hurting the one who's willing to give only what another person wants. Hm. Very good point indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted September 17, 2003 Share Posted September 17, 2003 i agree with previous advice, except i think she does really like you, but is waiting for you to take some direction. which sucks, but i'm pretty sure i'm right - she does not sound lighthearted about it, she sounds like she wants reassurance which you are not asserting or providing because...? well, why not, exactly? next time she says 'we have to get you a girlfriend' you look at her and say something to the effect of 'well, then you'd have to kill her'. unless you guys are not the morbid-humour type, in which you could say something along the lines of 'but you, woman, are my girlfriend'. no one wants to say it first, but do it. step up to the proverbial plate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author indierockbhoy Posted September 17, 2003 Author Share Posted September 17, 2003 hi guys thanks for everything you have all put forward. It's much appreciated when trying to put it to perspective. I think I'll tell her before we head off to Edinburgh, I just don't want to get crushed again if you know what I mean from the earlier on when I asked about us dating before at the start. She and I have never had a proper partner. Maybe that's what's dwindling on her mind, I really don't know or maybe she just wants fun with me. Jenny what do i have to reassure her about? I am not sure, As it stands we are friends. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted September 17, 2003 Share Posted September 17, 2003 she wants you, i think, to reassure her that she is your girlfriend. or rather tell her that you have girlfriend-type-feelings for her. then all this odd 'let's get you another woman' talk will stop. xox j Link to post Share on other sites
Author indierockbhoy Posted September 18, 2003 Author Share Posted September 18, 2003 she sent me a msg tonight, saying she felt down I was out with my male friends and am a bit drunk but I send her msg to tell her she is aspecial girl, she siad she felt down deep inside and kinda tired and depressed. I told her she was special, I never told her how I felt as I'd like to tell her when I am sober. but sent her what I think was a nice e-mail. who knows..maybe one day she'll see me? hehe iam hopin.. deep down. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 hey sweetie, best of luck to you guys! liquor *not,* for the record, the best mode of expression, but good for you for getting your feelings out to her. hey, which indie bands do you like? i don't think they are indie any more, but i was so hooked on josh ritter and the delagados last semester. Link to post Share on other sites
Author indierockbhoy Posted September 18, 2003 Author Share Posted September 18, 2003 hey jenny i am into alot of indie bands.. mmm josh rouse, pete yorn, jimmy eat world, american football, loads of indie rock coming from scotland it's alot of scots bands aswell. what bout you? thanks so much for you advice.. I'll have to see hwo things go.. I am coming to America for new year so looking fwd to it.. hoping to catch som ebands.. take care.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author indierockbhoy Posted September 18, 2003 Author Share Posted September 18, 2003 Delgados are scottish, I never realised you mentioned them awww they are fantastic... I love them... Do you know belle and sebastian? aswell. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted September 18, 2003 Share Posted September 18, 2003 yes! god, love belle and sebastian. i saw them in van once. you must like postal service then too? hmm..also divine comedy, arab strap, neutral milk hotel? pm me if you ever feel like sharing the definitive list of scot bands. i'll assemble a short canadian one to trade Link to post Share on other sites
Author indierockbhoy Posted September 18, 2003 Author Share Posted September 18, 2003 that is some fine list, i love arab strap and postal service. Build to spill, Death cab for cutie, Wheat, Flaming Lips, Radiohead, Sigur Ros, Super furry animals, pedro the lion, the list is long hehe. hey if you fancy we can exchange bands if you want? p.s. what part of canada are you in? I have a lot of family in Ontario, Go over quite alot... Canada is ace.. Link to post Share on other sites
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