when there are no children, why don't people just divorce

[angie2443]

I see so many post here where the two people in a marriage have very differant concepts of what is acceptable and inacceptable in a marriage. When they don't have children, why don't they just divorce? It just makes more sense to me then trying to convince their partner that they themselves are right and their partners views are wrong. I see so many people banging their heads against the wall by staying in a marriage that is misserable. I guess I understand if they are older and scared of not finding anyone else Or if they have children and want to make it work. I'm not saying in this case staying together is the solution, just saying I can understand this situation more. What I see is younger people, 40 and under, with no kids, who keep trying to make a misserable marriage work. Anyone have any thoughts on this?

[whichwayisup]

Maybe it's money reasons, maybe it's one spouses health, or maybe there's too much history between them and they just put up with eachother. Or some may be scared to be alone.. Whatever their reasons are to stay are obviously important enough that they don't leave and divorce.

[annieo]

Love (or feelings that resemble love - need, addiction, obsession) is a strange, unmeasurable entity. I think it is impossible to judge what goes on in other people's relationships, why they stay, why they go.

Children are not a reason to stay in a bad relationship (believe me, I know) Just as not having children is a reason to leave when things get a little messy.

[Trialbyfire]

When they don't have children, why don't they just divorce?

I did exactly that. It's over and done with. Some things are dealbreakers. To try to glue back humpty-dumpty wasn't going to happen.

[carhill]

Anyone have any thoughts on this?

 

Sure. How much time do you have?

 

IMO, each M is a unique and complex entity. Only the partners in that M know the true partnership and dynamic which exists and each of their motivations for retaining it or ending it. I tend to err on the side of my own ignorance of their dynamic and supporting them in healthy choices for themselves, when counseling friends.

 

Once my situation has passed through the process of restoration or divorce, I'll share how I handled my own situation and the things I got wrong as well as right, along with my motivations.

 

I will say, absent other factors, fear is a strong human motivator. Acknowledging and analyzing that fear is essential to moving the process forward.

[soserious1]

Because for some of us.. those vows.. you remember the vows right? ïn sickness and health,for richer for poorer, till death do us part"

 

Some of us know how to read.. and we noticed that there's no provision in those vows,no bail out clause that says if you don't have kids that it's okay to bail out anytime.

 

 

The failure of my marriage makes me feel horrible, like my word,my honor are worthless. I made a promise,took a vow and failed to keep that vow.

[angie2443]

Because for some of us.. those vows.. you remember the vows right? ïn sickness and health,for richer for poorer, till death do us part"

 

Some of us know how to read.. and we noticed that there's no provision in those vows,no bail out clause that says if you don't have kids that it's okay to bail out anytime.

 

 

The failure of my marriage makes me feel horrible, like my word,my honor are worthless. I made a promise,took a vow and failed to keep that vow.

 

Yes, the vows. I remember those. I do think that many people divorce because they want to take the easy way out and they don't want to do the maintenance that is required in a long term relationship.

 

Still, I see just as many people staying in relationships where there is abuse, cheating and so on. I think those are deal breakers and don't understand why people stay in marriages that are obviously ripping them apart. You see it all the time here on LS. People cheat but stay because of the vows. It doesn't make sense. People are cheated on, the issue isn't resolved, and they still stay in the relationship because of the vows. It doesn't make sense to me. I've seen others take abuse left and right and others give abuse left and right and they stay together because of the vows. These are the things that don't make sense to me.