peacebyinches Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 Putting you down in front of another man is harsh. Don't know if I could let that go that easily. If your "best friend" is as bad as you say he is imagine his side of the story when you ain't around. How he was flirting with you and she dissed you in front of him. I'd cut him off and maybe her too. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 Unfortunately, OP never returned. I would just like to remind you that we are completely clueless as to what this flirting comprised and what was the sexual put-down of OP. I wouldn't jump to conclusions or offer any advice without these curcial pieces of information. As far as I am concerned, they might have just joked around or the guy may have talked about his sexual experiences and the wife laughed about it - and when the husband tried to cut it out, she said "Oh, c'mon, don't you enjoy talking about sex?" Just giving you an example. Of course, she could have gone too far and I am sure she has, but we don't know that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author journeyman Posted December 28, 2008 Author Share Posted December 28, 2008 hi, firstly i would like to thank all that replied to my thread . Well heres an update on my situation , today my wife and i sat down and had a talk regarding the nights events , she was in tears about the things she said and assured me that what was said that night was only in jest and she would never intentionally do anything to hurt me , she admits that she drank way to much and that she loves me and only me and i have to say i believe her , she knows she was wrong with things she said and didn't realise that it was hurting me and just assumed that i realised it was just harmfull banter and has asked me to nip it in the bud if it ever happend again , to be fair i probably wasn't in the right frame of mind before we started drinking wich probably didn't bear well for the rest of the night , i probably read more into it than i should have. As for me asking her if she was attracted to my friend she assures me that nothing could be further from the truth and i am all she will ever want , We have been married for 12 months and have been going out with each other since our early teens ( childhood sweethearts ) , we have been with each other for over twenty years , our sex life is fantastic and i love her with all my heart , she is my world , my life and i could see in her eyes that she is telling me the truth , i recon i jumped the gun a bit and should have spoken to her in the light of day when she was sober rather than drunk.....we made up last night and i'm really happy and was stupid to have even thought that she would fancy another .....thanks for all the comments good or bad and a happy new year to you all. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 Good. But, what type of person lays a sexual putdown on her husband, especially in front of a friend? That is some pretty harsh stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 I am happy that you got this resolved but I do not think down deep she told you the truth saying that she was not attracted to your friend and that was the furthest thing from her mind. She was drinking with reduces her inhibitions to express her true feelings. This resulted in her engaging in sexual banter with your friend, excluding you from the conversation and sexually putting you down in front of him. This was a total come on to this other person because she is indeed attracted to him. What did you expect her to say to you the next morning in that she was hot for this guy? She got busted. You judge a person by their actions and her actions speak volumes. What she told you the next morning more than likely was a process of damage control since she was clearly caught sexually flirting with this guy because she does find him attractive. Like I said previously when she then continued to put you down sexually it was a message to your friend that she was availiable and unsatisified. I cannot believe a spouse would do that to another spouse. If the roles had been reversed would she have brought the argument that she gave you in the morning that it was only joking? I seriously doubt it. I do not think your journey is over journeyman. Link to post Share on other sites
atwitsend Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 What she has done has at least given you authority to monitor any contact they have. You need to check her cell and var the car. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 Off course she is likely to say on not being attracted to your friend once she got sobered. Drinking only makes it easier to do what you had in your imagination but would not while sober. She did liked your friend deep in her subconscious level and alcohol gave it away. Glad you worked it out. Don't let her drink that much next time you invite your friend or anyone over. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 OK, guys, don't poop on this man's parade. All is cool, they straightened things up. It's not true that she must subconsciously like this friend if she flirted while drunk. Besides, even if he's a cute guy, it doesn't mean she desires him or doesn't love her husband. People make mistakes and booze makes it very easy. It's not like we're all perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
moonshadow Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Off course she is likely to say on not being attracted to your friend once she got sobered. Drinking only makes it easier to do what you had in your imagination but would not while sober. She did liked your friend deep in her subconscious level and alcohol gave it away. Glad you worked it out. Don't let her drink that much next time you invite your friend or anyone over. I'm of the same mindset. While people often go overboard when drinking too much, I firmly believe that there's a definite degree of "truth" in things said when drunk; afterall, alcohol causes one to lose their inhibitions. If I was journeyman, I'd definitely be monitoring things for quite some time. Link to post Share on other sites
Left in a Lurch Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 And if she was having an affair with your friend she would have just come out and admitted it? Actions speak louder than words. Link to post Share on other sites
SierraRose Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 Whether you came across as accusatory or not... outwardly, let the subject drop. Then, start watching her like a hawk. Flirting with your best friend while drunk is one thing; putting you down sexually and blowing up at you because you started talking about how HER actions made you feel, are other things entirely. In the wrong context, they're examples of (a) her trying to justify her conduct, and (b) trying to make YOU into the bad guy for calling her on her behaviour. Both of those are the classic behaviour of a cheater. Which is not to say that she has or is cheating. But, keep in mind that booze lowers inhibitions. Which means that it makes it easier for somebody to do something they want to do, but would be too inhibited to do WITHOUT booze. I don't think I'd go so far as to install a keylogger on the computer just yet... but her behaviour suggests some red flags. Maybe I'm just shellshocked from my own experiences... but anyway, keep an eye on her. Take a look at her cell phone every few days, to see if she's been calling your friend. I agree 100%. Link to post Share on other sites
Reggie Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 OK, guys, don't poop on this man's parade. All is cool, they straightened things up. It's not true that she must subconsciously like this friend if she flirted while drunk. Besides, even if he's a cute guy, it doesn't mean she desires him or doesn't love her husband. People make mistakes and booze makes it very easy. It's not like we're all perfect. I can see the drunken flirting possibly being meaningless. But, if she really laid a sexual putdown on him,something is wrong. Most folks know you can't unring that bell and that type of lowblow really destroys trust. Tough to be intimate or vulnerable with someone that will go down that road. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted December 29, 2008 Share Posted December 29, 2008 hi, was wondering if anyone had any advice on my situation . Tonight i invited my best friend over for some drinks with my wife and i , things started out fine with the usual banter of laughing and joking with each other , but as the night progressed and drink started to kick in i felt more and more like an outsider in the conversations and the banter between my wife and my best friend started getting more sexual innuendo orientated , this bothered me and when i tried to get in on the conversation my wife put me down sexually and although she put it across as a joke this hurt me You should have stood up at that point and said, "so you put me down sexually and you are having sexual flirtations with him. You wanna #$% him do you??" Then watch the expressions. i have noticed many times before that my wife and my best friend seem to get on very well but tonight i felt very uncomfortable with things that were said , anyway to cut a long story short when my friend left i decided to talk to my wife about tonights events , i told her that i felt like crap with all the flirting going on and asked her if she found him attractive. And what was her answer? did she get angry with you? Or did she show you compassion. If it was the former, then you may want to reconsider having her as a wife. Was i wrong to say anything to her ? Absolutely not! What was wrong was her flirtations with so-called friend and her putting you down at the same time. I would have told her that he isn't going to be coming over anymore. i'm sure that will dissapoint her. Do you think that perhaps i came across as acusational ? I'd say by how you described it, any accusation would be well placed. You need to nip this in the bud. If she doesn't like that fact that she made you feel like crap and thinks she has every right in the world to flirt with so-called friend in an improper manner, let alone flirting period, then she doesn't need to be your wife. Link to post Share on other sites
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