Snow78 Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 This is my first time on here so please bear with me. I have been with my husband for about 10 years and married for just over 1 year. I am 30 and questioning lately everyday myself and where I have ended up on this course of life. My husband and I are complete opposites, which they say attract, and they did, but the opposite thing seems to be boring me. I think I came to a little detour on this road when recently my first love from when I was 16 came back through email and brought back all these feelings in my heart of regrets of hurting him and also all the good that was then. I have to say that he was one person that I never let go of and always wished I could take back what I had done to his heart. I felt the need once we had reconnected via the net, that I wanted to appologize for the many years ago of hurt I casued. He said he forgave me a long time ago and still loved me and always wonders what could have been. Luckily he lives across the country! I still have a piece of my heart that belongs to him. This all made me realize that I may not be done in the rocky life. I gave up many of my true wants to leave a side of me behind and only live the side that fell in love with my husband. That other side is back and it's tearing me up. I find myself being less and less attracted to my husband. I've never been independently on my own and feel that this is something I may need. We do not kiss with the initmacy that a marriage should have and we do not touch like we should. We are more best friends and roomates than we are lovers. I tend to go out indepednently more and more with long lost friends, whihc have always been men, and do not miss the one man I should miss. I feel this is a test in life and perhaps it's telling me the one path I ended on, is not for me. I try to communicate to my husband how I feel and the reaction is not what it should be and maybe I don't even want it to be what it should be anymore. The heart has control and mine is all over the place. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 The heart does have control but you are in an affair and that is why you are loosing your love for your H. You need to stop all contact with the OM and work on your marriage. If you cant get it on track, then seek a divorce but don't do it because another man is involved. Also, do not use the no control excuse, you do have control. By using this excuse you are just trying to rid yourself of guilt. You say you are sorry for hurting your high school boyfriend; are you sorry for cheating on your H? Link to post Share on other sites
crazieshnurple Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 The heart does have control but you are in an affair and that is why you are loosing your love for your H. You need to stop all contact with the OM and work on your marriage. If you cant get it on track, then seek a divorce but don't do it because another man is involved. Also, do not use the no control excuse, you do have control. By using this excuse you are just trying to rid yourself of guilt. You say you are sorry for hurting your high school boyfriend; are you sorry for cheating on your H? I don't see one thing in the entire post about cheating on her husband. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 I don't see one thing in the entire post about cheating on her husband. She gets in contact with old bf and started sharing feelings with him. This is called an EA(emotional affair). It causes people to stop feeling for their SO because they have invested elsewhere. This is cheating! She goes out more and more with long lost "friend" who happen to be men and now she has lost feeling for her H. All of this emotional cheating. She is seeking out other men. Link to post Share on other sites
lkjh Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 If your a man was doing this would you consider it cheating? Link to post Share on other sites
LavendarGirl Posted December 27, 2008 Share Posted December 27, 2008 Hi Snow, Talking from experience here, if you continue your communication with your exBF you WILL eventually get in an Emotional Affair (EA) and then perhaps a Physical Affair (PA). You are feeling the temptation, and if you are still engaged in talking and emails with him you will find yourself there. Don't kid yourself, you are fantasizing about what life would have been like with the exBF, you are desiring him, and your marriage is suffering as a result. Stop communicating with the exBF. Focus on your R with your H. You guys were together a long time before you got married, which was recent (within the last year). Did you get married because you have children? Finally got one or the other of you to commit? Is the magic gone from the R because you are too comfortable with each other? One way or another, please face - head on - the problems you are having with your H. Don't use the exBF as an excuse to wander. If your marriage is unfixable, then step up to the plate and end it. But don't get in an A with your exBF because you are going to make your situation much more complicated and no less unbearable in the end. Good luck to you, LG. Link to post Share on other sites
Elilmomma Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 Speaking from my my own experience I understand how you can feel that you went down the wrong path I feel the same way also. Like you I am also 30 years old, hubby and I have been together almost 12 years and married for almost 3 , we act more like roomates and best friends than anything else. There are no kisses, hugs etc... that most people do. I thought my marriage was the only one like this. Did you marry for love or because of you have children together? For us it was love but then it's was just something that we just deicided to do since we were basically married anyway. I think you are at a crossroad in your life you have to do some serious soul searching to make the best decision for you. Sometimes when you are wiht someone for so many years you get bored and tired of them and feel like you need something new and refreshing. We actually have alot in common, but like you I don't know how to or if I really want to get out? we have kids together and I am not independant either, so it's not that easy to leave when you have nothing. I wish you the best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 I don't see one thing in the entire post about cheating on her husband. Wouldn't you at least agree that the energy she's putting into these thoughts of her old BF would be better served directed towards her marriage? It's hard for anyone to compete with the romanticized memories of a 14-year old relationship. The OP isn't being fair to her husband... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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