Jazzman Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 Long story short - an ex-girlfriend of mine who lives in another state has a friend who I REALLY want to talk to. She's attractive, and if a facebook profile is any indicator of who a person is, we have a lot of common interests, she seems to be a really intelligent person, and I really want to talk to her! Only problem is, I've never met this girl before, she lives in another state and I wouldn't know how to "approach" her online..........I've chatted with her once or twice, but it wasn't about anything for real. I really want to try things with her...........but how I get the ball rolling? What kind of things do people say when they're trying to get to know someone on facebook and can't do it in real life? Also too, I have to admit I'm a bit afraid the girl's out of my league - I'm 21, she's 26. I graduate with a bachelor's degree in less than a year; she has a law degree. But at the same time..........I'm not bragging or anything, but I AM a pretty smart guy, I'm sure I can hold my own in any intellectual conversation with her.............and that's what I look forward to. A woman can challenge me intellectually............I love that. So what do I do? Any tips or advice, guys? How about the ladies? How would you like for a guy to approach you online on facebook or myspace? Link to post Share on other sites
Shnuggles Posted December 28, 2008 Share Posted December 28, 2008 She lives in another state? Sounds more like someone you would be friends with. Thats way too far away. Maybe just be friends? Facebook, Myspace or any online dating site are pretty much all the same. Get in touch, stay in touch then meet up. Things go from there. Age? My best relationship was with a girl 6 years older so go for it. In my experience however I have found intellectual ladies very picky when it comes to men (especially lawyers). If you're still keen on her then just go for it. You got nothing to loose! Link to post Share on other sites
LikeCharlotte Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 It's not a tasteful decision you are making. First, she is your ex's friend... not cool. Second, you are a stranger and smart cute women get plenty of attention from men that are not their friends ex's, live in the same area and actually got to know them before trying to pursue. I don't want to be harsh but I've been on the other side of this and to be blunt I think its creepy. I'm sure you are very nice and smart... maybe even a cutie but relax, you'll meet someone. I don't understand how you could want to "try things" with some one that you know so little about. If you can take the rejection and the possible hate from your ex (and the potential giggling between friends behind your back) then do it. Just let her know you are interested right off. Put it on the table, if you must. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jazzman Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Yeah...........I'm starting to have the same thoughts. I'm still on good terms with my ex (as a matter of fact, hopefully I'll see her for the first time since May in about three weeks).............and I don't want to mess that up. I just had this "who gives a **** what my ex thinks" attitude because, well I don't know. I just didn't think it should bother her. I'm not in love with her, she's not in love with me, why should it matter, right? But that's using LOGIC..........which goes out the window in matters of love and relationships. Sigh.................all I've done is comment on a couple of her blogs/posted items............hopefully I haven't creeped her out yet or made her think something I don't want her to think. Link to post Share on other sites
talk.nerdy.to.me Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Well, it is a tricky situation. Might I suggest you check if it's okay with your ex? Another poster suggested coming right out with your intentions, but in contrast, and having also been approached by a few suitors online, I would recommend presenting yourself as a friend first. Firstly, I believe this would come off as less threatening to a woman, especially in this situation. And secondly, you have already started feeling attracted to her because you've found out a bit of what she's like through her profile and the like. But she must know less about you than you do of her, and in order for her to start getting to know you (and therefore having a chance at becoming attracted to you), a friendship setting would probably feel most appropriate in the beginning. Things can always evolve from there . Link to post Share on other sites
You'reasian Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Hi Jazzman, Sounds like you should sort things out with your ex first. Be straight forward with her. Express your intentions and come to some kind of resolution. Don't shy away from communication - if she takes it as beeing creepy, then she's not really ready for an adult relationship, is she? How important is communication in a relationship? If the two of you decide to part ways, take some time and then persue her friend later. So long as everything is resolved with your ex. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
nana yaw II Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 Long story short - an ex-girlfriend of mine who lives in another state has a friend who I REALLY want to talk to. She's attractive, and if a facebook profile is any indicator of who a person is, we have a lot of common interests, she seems to be a really intelligent person, and I really want to talk to her! Only problem is, I've never met this girl before, she lives in another state and I wouldn't know how to "approach" her online..........I've chatted with her once or twice, but it wasn't about anything for real. I really want to try things with her...........but how I get the ball rolling? What kind of things do people say when they're trying to get to know someone on facebook and can't do it in real life? Also too, I have to admit I'm a bit afraid the girl's out of my league - I'm 21, she's 26. I graduate with a bachelor's degree in less than a year; she has a law degree. But at the same time..........I'm not bragging or anything, but I AM a pretty smart guy, I'm sure I can hold my own in any intellectual conversation with her.............and that's what I look forward to. A woman can challenge me intellectually............I love that. So what do I do? Any tips or advice, guys? How about the ladies? How would you like for a guy to approach you online on facebook or myspace? Ask an innocent comment about something on her profile. If, for example, it says she likes opera, then ask her who her favorite opera singers. If it says she likes metal, then ask her who her favorite metal artists are. One time i messaged a girl who seemed interesting and she was in a picture holding a cocktail in a bar. i asked her what her favorite cocktail was, and she replied intently. i this this approach makes another think you find her interesting and have an interest in her other than being lude. Don't say anything boorish or rude though, first impressions and all lol.. Link to post Share on other sites
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