why do so few men like me?

[guestess]

I don't know what I'm doing wrong, somebody please help me! I am a pretty young woman, with a good education, with a nice figure; I'm nice, polite, I have a life, I like myself(aside from this issue). Problem? Very few men go after me!

 

I'm acquainted with many men. I am picky, but I wish I got more offers. I do get some, don't get me wrong, but they're rare, and I feel that because of their rareness, they get too much of my attention.

 

I feel like when a guy is single and looks around and thinks "hmm, who should I date?", he thinks of me, b/c dating me sort of makes sense, nothing's wrong with me. But I've never had somebody meet me and say WOW, I'd like to get to know her! (OK, it happened once, but only once).

 

What can I do to be more exciting & enticing to men? Mens' and women's advice welcome!

[Tony T]

If you dress nice, look good, are a good conversationalist, a good socializer, don't give out an air of being a snob...you shouldn't have any problem at all. You certainly sound like a lady I'd be interested in...but, then again, I do pretty goofy things sometimes and you sound like a very classy lady. Have patience, be yourself, get out, have your friends introduce you to nice guys and things will happen for you. If you sit at home and wait for your phone to ring, all you'll get is telemarketers.

 

I think you are your biggest enemy. Change your outlook and attitude. Pretend like today is the very first day of your life and go from here. A fresh start is good for all of us. Good luck to you!!!

[guestess]

Thank you Tony.

 

I am a good socializer - I talk to strangers easily and I've been told that I'm comfortable to be around, even though I don't do extensive smalltalk.

 

I think I may put out an air of snobbiness however - not even snobbiness, but I may look hard to approach. How can I change this? I have been told before that I seem snobby until the person gets to know me better.

[Tony T]

Snobbishness....ummm, good question. Well, you have to be who you are and the way you are. But some things are good to change, especially if the impression is not one that reflects the real you. Mentally tell yourself you are a warm, friendly and approachable person. Say this over and over. Look yourself in the mirror and say it every morning. Eventually, it will sink into your subconscious mind and change your reality.

 

But I do think the right person for you would see beyond this anyway. Don't worry about about being without a guy so much. One day you will find the right man but meanwhile if you are not happy with yourself no man in the universe will do that for you. Maybe the universe wants you to be fully comfortable with being alone...and that's when someone will come along to love you and open up the world a little more for you...and you for him.

 

And perhaps there's a slight chance that you put on this air of snobbishness on purpose because of some subconscious fear of finding Mr. Right...or fear of being in an intimate relationship. You might want to explore this possibility. Fear is a real bitch and it will keep almost anything from happening. Sometimes we aren't consciously aware of it. You sound like a pretty smart cookie...you may be aware. If fear is the block, work to dissolve it. Fear, not hate, is the opposite of love.

 

You might also be confused on the subject. Take some time out to write down on a sheet of paper the qualities you seek in a man. Make two columns...no, four. Two columns for physical attributes (one for those you won't bend on, one for those you are open about) and two columns for qualities of character (one for those you are insistent upon such as honesty, loyalty, etc., and one for those you'll compromise on). It's always easier to attract that which you know you are seeking to attract.

[guestess]

Wow, Tony, these are very good insights.

 

It's true that I find it hard to be happy without a man in my life. Perhaps that's the issue.

 

It also could be true that there's a fear - I'm afraid of meeting THE one and not having any more merry-go-round fun. That's why I say I just want more dates, I don't really want THE one quite yet, although there is a part of me that would like to settle down.

 

And of course it's very true that I'm not clear on what I want. Partly because if it's just for fun, I want more looks, more outgoing-ness, etc.; if it's to settle down, I want more caring, loyalty, etc. I suppose I'd LOVE to meet someone with the whole package - somebody crazy to have fun with yet reliable to live with. What I'd truly love is meeting someone, thinking it's "just for fun", and then falling for him and finding out he has the settle-down-with side as well, and staying with him. This may be crazy, but I'd like to "accidentally" find the ONE.

 

I'm overcomplicating it.

[sonofhud]

I am picky

 

Maybe you do more than put out an air, maybe you are a snob? You said yourself, you are nice and polite, you have a nice figure? Somethings not adding up. Unless the guys where you live are very shy and unconfident, you should be having guys at least approach you? Where do you go to meet people? Have you just tried making friends with guys, all kinds. Don't judge. Don't be picky. Just be their friend. Maybe you would learn something about yourself and other guys would see that you are friendly so maybe they would approach you too?

[guestess]

A snob is somebody who thinks of themselves more highly than of everyone else, correct? In that case, I'm not a snob at all. I think MANY people are greater than me in various ways. But I am picky in the sense that I realize I'm not going to change a man, so if something essential about him doesn't agree with me, I'm out of there.

 

Just being friends is good advice though, thank you. Although there's the danger of being too much of one-of-the-boyz, too.

 

Ah, I AM overcomplicating it, am I not?

[elouise]

Hi, I have a similar problem to you and I guess I am unsure of the total reasons. Im young, I wouldn't say Im absolutely drop dead but Im attractive enough and I get enough comments and I have loads going on in my life and I ususally find it easy to talk to people.

 

I think the problem for me is first that I am quite quiet in unfirmiliar situations and apparently the air I give across is either cool and chilled which I suppose could be alittle unapproachable, or I get comments like 'cheer up' occasionally. This in friends opinions, and Im not actually miserable, I just sort of take the back bench and watch for awhile or Im thinking.

 

So knowing this makes it easier to try and alter things a bit...But the making friends with guys idea can really help. It worked for me apart from the guys I made friends with weren't really what I was looking for. And thats not because I am too picky, I just wanted to be friends with them and I knew it was the wrong thing to get into.

[BadMan]

Originally posted by guestess

Wow, Tony, these are very good insights.

 

It's true that I find it hard to be happy without a man in my life. Perhaps that's the issue.

 

It also could be true that there's a fear - I'm afraid of meeting THE one and not having any more merry-go-round fun. That's why I say I just want more dates, I don't really want THE one quite yet, although there is a part of me that would like to settle down.

 

And of course it's very true that I'm not clear on what I want. Partly because if it's just for fun, I want more looks, more outgoing-ness, etc.; if it's to settle down, I want more caring, loyalty, etc. I suppose I'd LOVE to meet someone with the whole package - somebody crazy to have fun with yet reliable to live with. What I'd truly love is meeting someone, thinking it's "just for fun", and then falling for him and finding out he has the settle-down-with side as well, and staying with him. This may be crazy, but I'd like to "accidentally" find the ONE.

 

I'm overcomplicating it.

 

Sound to me like your not ready for a commited relationship. It also sounds like you don't want a light hearted or casual dating relationship. Thats two strikes against you. It makes sense to me why guys aren't as intersted as they could be if you were open to all possibilities.