Markus Posted September 17, 2003 Posted September 17, 2003 There is this girl that I've known for nearly 2 years now. And our relationship thus far has confused me almost from day one. In the beginning, our relationship was more of a "lets be friends first" situation. I'll admit that this was perhaps mostly my doing, because I was a little reluctant at first to make any big moves. The reason for this is because we have a somewhat large age gap. She is 33, and I am 25. When we first met, that concerned me a little because I wondered if the gap was just too big. But I believe we both are cautious people when it comes to relationships, so I truly believe that she also wanted to keep it "friends first" in the beginning too. After a while though I have forgotten about the age gap, and I don't see it as being any problem for us anymore. So anyway, as time went on, we became very good friends, and there has always been an attraction between us as well. I know that she found me attractive, because she has said so. lol However, I have always gotten mixed signals from her though. I never really picked up on any little physical signs, like a smile or something to show me that she was truly interested. I'll admit that I have probably sent some mixed signals myself though. But it's hard to explain why. It's like when I do try and compliment or flirt with her a little, she doesn't respond very well to it, so then I back off a bit. I can't tell if she's just shy, or if she's really uninterested in me. Sometimes she responsive, and other times she's just very aloof. So I end up confused. lol Also, she has a very busy life with her work and her family, so we don't get to see each other very often. And we really only communicate via email and instant messaging. I can understand that of course, everyone is busy at times. So we'll go out every once in a while, about maybe once a month or so on average. And when we do go out, it's always to just have a casual dinnner and/or go see a movie or something, nothing too intimate. Now here's where I get confused. When we do go out, it does feel more like a date, rather than just two friends hanging out. I am the one who always picks her up and drives, opens the doors for her, and pays for everything, etc. And at the end of the evening, we always end with a small good night kiss. So my question is: How should I interpret this relationship at this point? Being that we hardly see each other, and we mainly communicate online, I find it hard to think of this as much of a "dating relationship". But then somemtimes it does feel like one. I feel like I'm sort of on the fence here. I don't know if I should try to take things another level or not. The last thing I want to do is make her feel uncomfortable. Lately I have become very attracted to her, but I just don't know if she's interested anymore. I don't want to look foolish by trying to make a move if she thinks in her mind that that "window of oppurtunity" has already closed. Plus I don't want to damage the friendship we have by trying something that she might think is inappropriate. It's getting to the point where I don't know how to act around her when we are out. And if I were to try to make a move, I'm not even sure what the best way to go about it would be. We are planning to go out again at the end of this week. So I am contemplating how I should act or what I should say. I just don't know if she think's it too late to try and start something this late in the friendship. Lately I've been feeling like she might be drifting away, but I don't know if it's because she's genuinely too busy to talk much, or if she's trying to give me a sign that she's just not interested anymore. So there is my situation as best as I can describe it. The bottom line is that I just can't tell if our friendship still has the ability to turn into a something more serious. I would like to get some different perspectives from people, so that's why I'm posting here. If anyone can offer some helpful comments and/or advice, it would be much appreciatied
jenny Posted September 17, 2003 Posted September 17, 2003 ack. first, stop thinking about it so much - nothing has even happened yet! second, send your body signals first - touch her more. make fun of her. its clear you want somehing more -let your actions demonstrate this. don't be afraid to show controlled jealousy if she starts going on about other guys. finally, i can't emphasize this enough: make. a. move. kiss. her. nothing else. right now you are headed straight towards unix. xox j
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