Need some much needed

[jazscor]

Ok where do i start?

 

I have been in a relationship for 3 years with a really great guy, I have always felt beautiful and confident and full of self confidence. Completely secure and confident in our sex life as well. In the summer time I came across some web sites on the computer that he has visited, yes porn sites, although it didn't really bother me at the time, I figured he's a guy and guys do this, so i really didn't pay much attention to it.

 

I then noticed that our sex life was changing, not for the worst, it was just different. He was becoming more open yes, but, it was becoming more like sex, and he just seemed to loose that intimate touch with me. It seemed that it was just changing, I can't describe it, just felt that he wanted kinky, so I opened up for kinky. Don't get me wrong, sex is great, but I just feel like it's sex and the previous connection that we had sexually was dwindling.

 

In the fall once again I came upon these sites that he has visited, but this time there were alot of them, I mean alot....so if checked them out.

 

I made the comment on time on the back deck in the fall about our 14 year old visiting some sites on the internet that were of porn. One thing lead to another, and the subject of internet porn came up. He said straight to me face, " I don't use the computer for anything else but to check out emails and camping stores. He lied straight to my face, no remorse, nothing, then I thought what else are you lying about?

 

I feel really bad because I would keep track of what he was watching on the computer and it bothered me because he would lie about it, saying that he was going to bed while I was on night shifts, I would check the computer the next day and find that he was on these sites. So basically when I was at work or out he would go on these sites. What bothers me really is that he would go on these sites the day after we were intimate, what does that tell me? That he is not satisified sexually, that was the conclusion that I came to. So I thought I would open up and I told him one day that we should purchase an outfit and a watch a porn. Instant hard on it seemed with him. So I wore the outfit, he made me feel sexy yes, and we watched the movie, it was fun, and when we watch a movie it is a turn on, but there is a part of me that feels very insecure during it that I just can't let go of.

 

On night he was feeling insecure about me going to a funeral for my older son's grandfather, as his father was going to be there, he said he felt a little insecure, affraid that he was going to have to compete, it pissed me off, he felt that he had to compete with his father because were going to be at a funeral together. So it popped out, I told him that he has no right to feel that way when I feel and have felt for months that I have had to compete with the porn. Needless to say, he was stumped, surprized that I knew of his porn on the computer. After a talk he said that he wouldn't visit the sites anymore. He said he did it cause he was horny and I wasn't there, but I find it hard to believe cause he would go on the day after sex with me.

 

Now he is watching it again, he's taking the dvd's and watching the movies when I am at work. Our sex life has changed, I feel it, it jsut feels like sex and not making love. I know it sounds cliche, but I just wish that he would touch me like he loves me and not like he wants to jam his #$%^ down my throat all the time.

 

I feel very unattractive and undesired because of this, which is bull cause I know I am a woman full of confidence, but it makes me feel that my body is not good enough and that he is not satisfied even though he tells me different. I don't know what to do, I feel like I am being deceptive and I am, but it just bothers me that he does this, if he didn't lie about it It wouldn't be a big deal, why does he lie about it? What compells a man to lie to the woman he loves about watching porn? Makes me wonder if he can lie about this, what else is he lying about.

[You'reasian]

Tell your boyfriend face to face that you feel less secure about the relationship because of his attraction to porn.

 

Be direct and don't cry or complain, just tell it like it is. Tell him you want change.

 

If he dismisses your request, then that's a sign of a major communication or values issue.