My Wife Cheated on Me

[shippy]

First Mrs. V, could you get your own moniker? It is easy to do. Second, do you have no respect for your husbands needs or feelings? I'm not talking about the affair, I"m talking about your interactions in this forum. If you've read the thread you'd realize he has been getting a variety of input and advice, with plenty of people acknowledging the value of continuing on in your marriage. But lets hold a mirror up to the tack you've taken in your limited number of posts under your husbands moniker. Its remorseless and sarcastic. On here your looks won't buy you a ticket to ride. You'll be judged on your actions and the words that you write. The quality of your character, if you will.

 

What you have done isn't as bad a murder, but you have killed a beautiful component of your marriage. If you can't care about your husbands feelings or self esteem, or self respect, perhaps realizing your own selfish behavior has belittled you more than anyone else ever could, will give you some pause. You haven't killed anyone, but you'll never know the extreme pain infidelity brings until the person you trust more than anyone humiliates you in this way. I sincerely hope you won't have to know that pain, because it is terrible. No one should have to endure that pain.

 

You should not hijack your husband's thread. Show some respect to the father of your child. Maybe he needs this outlet and support? This is an anonymous message board after all, so you're unlikely to loose precious face, or does your ego require the defense of even its phantom representation?

 

Maybe you need a forum to discuss your feelings too. By all means find one. Your husband came here to write about what he is feeling, and he has spent a lot of time talking about your good points. Points that are a lot harder for many of us to see now that you've injected a sarcastic and remorseless presence into the thread.

 

"K. He should do it then maybe."

 

Are you taunting him? Are you daring him? What are you trying to achieve? Do you think he doesn't have the right to be upset? Do you think he does not have the right to seek solace in a group of his peers, people who have also been sh*t on by those to whom they were closest?

 

Respect and honor his needs.

[shippy]

"I don't think and care bf love me or not, he was just tool to comfort me. This question no sense to me."

 

You sound like a sociopath.

[vnqsh2001]

You should not hijack your husband's thread. Show some respect to the father of your child. Maybe he needs this outlet and support? This is an anonymous message board after all, so you're unlikely to loose precious face, or does your ego require the defense of even its phantom representation?

 

Maybe you need a forum to discuss your feelings too. By all means find one. Your husband came here to write about what he is feeling, and he has spent a lot of time talking about your good points. Points that are a lot harder for many of us to see now that you've injected a sarcastic and remorseless presence into the thread.

 

Thanks, Shippy. In fact, she was the first to start posting messages on a forum. She seemed to feel better when she found people that were willing to support her side of the story, so I decided to place my own here. I would say that mine is far more accurate and less distorted with emotions than her version. Hers is more like a story merely based on the facts, but what can you expect from an habitual liar? I have tried my best to just stick with the facts and be as non-judgmental as possible in order to deal with what actually happened.

[Bryanp]

I have noticed a couple of times you have answered that one of the reasons you love your wife is because she is hot. I was married to a European model and divorced 4 years ago because of her behavior. I also was enamored with her beauty. The longer I was with her the absolute less hot I found her. She was still "hot on the outside" but quite ugly on the inside. In my line of work I come across many so-called hot women. I know I am generalizing here. Nevertheless I have found that some of the most beautiful women are the most narcissitic people on the planet. They have never been forced to develop a true and whole personality. They are so often like cotton candy: On the outside they look so good but when you bite into cotton candy there is simply nothing there. The bottom line is that if the major positive characteristic of your wife to you is that she is hot; then my friend you are destined to be very disappointed in your life. I wish you luck.

[notinthemood]

"I don't think and care bf love me or not, he was just tool to comfort me. This question no sense to me."

 

You sound like a sociopath.

I am his wife.i am not a sociopath.I have lots of friends .I know i did a terrible thing.AND I AM RERALLY REGRET AND SORRY FOR DID THAT.

[amerikajin]

Thanks, Shippy. In fact, she was the first to start posting messages on a forum. She seemed to feel better when she found people that were willing to support her side of the story, so I decided to place my own here. I would say that mine is far more accurate and less distorted with emotions than her version. Hers is more like a story merely based on the facts, but what can you expect from an habitual liar? I have tried my best to just stick with the facts and be as non-judgmental as possible in order to deal with what actually happened.

 

Just so you know, I'm not taking sides or singling you out. I only responded to this post because what you've written leads me to but only one conclusion: if you want this marriage to work, I really think you're both going to have to go to a reputable marriage counselor in your area. Both of you can go on the Internet and post your respective sides of the story, but that's not going to get you two anywhere. You're going to disagree over the "truth" of the marriage, which is almost invariably a matter of subjectivity. Each person is going to see certain things the way they want to see them. A good therapist will be able to cut through the crap and get you two to understand the difference between "reality" as you see it and reality as it really is. If nothing else, a therapist can get you two to perhaps agree to disagree on a few things, but to do so respectfully. But you're not going to find that here. That's not me putting down LS, because there is some good input here. But you have to know the limits of a forum like this. A good therapist/counselor is the only real way to go here, I think.

[carhill]

I am his wife.i am not a sociopath.I have lots of friends .I know i did a terrible thing.AND I AM RERALLY REGRET AND SORRY FOR DID THAT.

Welcome and thank you for separating your postings from those of your husband.

 

How do you feel about marriage counseling? Has contact with the affair partner ended? What do you want to happen here?

[Touche]

You both have no morals. The husband claims that he wouldn't have done anything if the wife hadn't said she was ok with it. Give me a break!

 

Even though I think you're both at fault my BS detector goes off big time with the husband. You call your wife a habitual liar but I recognize BS when I see it. You're no innocent party here.

 

Just the fact that you crossed the line with her SISTER, would be enough for me. Nothing she could do or has done can even top that one.

 

Shame on you. This marriage has almost zero chance of ever working out unless you both commit to 100% fidelity from here on out.

 

If you both want to date, get a divorce. Frankly, in my opinion, the husband in this marriage was never and is not marriage material at all. He has "playa" written all over him.

[jwi71]

Thanks, Shippy. In fact, she was the first to start posting messages on a forum. She seemed to feel better when she found people that were willing to support her side of the story, so I decided to place my own here. I would say that mine is far more accurate and less distorted with emotions than her version. Hers is more like a story merely based on the facts, but what can you expect from an habitual liar? I have tried my best to just stick with the facts and be as non-judgmental as possible in order to deal with what actually happened.

 

BTDT.

 

We broke that cycle by going to MC.

 

Are you guys in MC? I think it would help you two...

[vnqsh2001]

You both have no morals. The husband claims that he wouldn't have done anything if the wife hadn't said she was ok with it. Give me a break!

I've resisted temptation many times before. In fact, I was rather proud of myself for doing it until my first wife cheated and divorced me. Then I was devastated and hated myself for exercising so much self-control when others would not. But the truth is that she did give her ok, I just didn't fully understand her motivation (she wanted to be with other men) and was all too willing to accept her proposal. I asked her, "Does that mean we have an open relationship? Are you going to be doing things with other guys?" She said, "No. I don't want that, but it's ok if you do things. I can overlook it." Relationships are built upon the agreement that two people make .... and that was ours; strange as it may seem.

 

Even though I think you're both at fault my BS detector goes off big time with the husband. You call your wife a habitual liar but I recognize BS when I see it. You're no innocent party here.

If you read my previous posts, you'll find that I never claimed to be an innocent one. I said that I had faults and blame that should be placed upon me as well. I only claimed to be hurt, which I am.

 

It's interesting that you automatically call me the liar when she even admits to being a habitual liar herself.

hurt him so much.that was i cheated on him.... he got hurt and hurt not cause of sex,hurt cause of lie.He could sleep and eat well for months.....I understand what i did wrong was i was not honest to him....When you build a relationship,no matter what,what you are,you should tell all the truth. not lie,not deny.....

Her posts are full of lies, but of course many people automatically assume the man is lying just because he is a man, I guess. Even when the woman is a self-professed liar.

 

If you both want to date, get a divorce. Frankly, in my opinion, the husband in this marriage was never and is not marriage material at all. He has "playa" written all over him.

With her posts here added to the insult and injury she has given me, I locked her out of my apartment and asked for a separation. I see that you are all probably right. There is probably no hope of reconciling this marriage.

 

And I admitted many times in my posts that I was a reformed "playa." I explained why too. This is not new information.

[Touche]

I've resisted temptation many times before. In fact, I was rather proud of myself for doing it until my first wife cheated and divorced me. Then I was devastated and hated myself for exercising so much self-control when others would not.

 

Nothing but excuses. What others do should have no bearing on your own actions. Two wrongs don't make a right, you know.

 

But the truth is that she did give her ok, I just didn't fully understand her motivation (she wanted to be with other men) and was all too willing to accept her proposal. I asked her, "Does that mean we have an open relationship? Are you going to be doing things with other guys?" She said, "No. I don't want that, but it's ok if you do things. I can overlook it." Relationships are built upon the agreement that two people make .... and that was ours; strange as it may seem.

 

So you're saying that if she had agreed to an open marriage you would have been ok with it? That's your only problem here...not that she slept with someone else? Only that she didn't tell you of her intentions to do so in the first place? I call BS on that one.

 

 

If you read my previous posts, you'll find that I never claimed to be an innocent one. I said that I had faults and blame that should be placed upon me as well. I only claimed to be hurt, which I am.

 

She claims to be hurt too. But she takes full responsibility. I'm not really seeing that from you. I read a lot between the lines.

 

It's interesting that you automatically call me the liar when she even admits to being a habitual liar herself.

Her posts are full of lies, but of course many people automatically assume the man is lying just because he is a man, I guess. Even when the woman is a self-professed liar.

 

No. Your being a man has nothing to do with it. In fact, anyone who knows me knows that I have always liked men as people, better than I've liked women. So you're barking up the wrong tree there.

 

So if she's such a liar, what did she lie about? Did she lie about you coming home at 5 am and sleeping around? You mean you really didn't do any of those things? Please tell us what she lied about. I think you are the one fooling yourself. I recognize a BSer a mile away. It's why I've never, ever been with a man who cheated on me. I have a fantastic radar for such things, if I do say so myself. You are a BSer. You even BS yourself. And I say this to try to help believe it or not. Not to be harsh. Start being honest with yourself.

 

 

With her posts here added to the insult and injury she has given me, I locked her out of my apartment and asked for a separation. I see that you are all probably right. There is probably no hope of reconciling this marriage.

 

You had no right to do that. It's her place too. Where is your child? You're a piece of work and I'm sure she's better off without you.

 

And I admitted many times in my posts that I was a reformed "playa." I explained why too. This is not new information.

 

Reformed playa? I don't think so. In what way are you reformed? Since when...a week ago?

 

Get real. Others may think you're the injured party but I see right through you. Your wife, although no angel, displays all the signs of an abused wife. How sad for all of you.

[whichwayisup]

Did you have sex with other women while your wife was pregnant? If yes, then you cheated as well.

 

It's sad because obviously something brought you two together, yet you both screwed up and hurt eachother, now your kid is going to pay the price!

 

For the sake of your kid, DO FAMILY COUNSELLING even though this is going to end up in a divorce, you both still have to co-parent. For once, each of you put your children first and stop being selfish, stop the fighting and stop blaming eachother.

[Touche]

Also, I have to admit that I was a bit selfish myself. I'd hoped that by allowing her to have contact with him that it would build trust and understanding between us. Also, if I was ever the one to screw up in our marriage, she would have more reason to forgive me. Hey, I'm not perfect either, so it was kind of an "insurance policy."

 

The above is double talk for: I figured I wouldn't make a fuss about her and this man since I didn't want to be called on my extra-marital affairs. It was insurance for me. That way I could still have my cake and eat it too. If I called her out on her trespasses, I might have to stop my own activities. So I was a bit selfish.

 

I love how you say "IF I was ever the one to screw up in our marriage..." See what I mean? You really don't take ownership for your part. What do you mean IF? What do you call messing around with her sister?

 

She is the love of my life and I feel it is worth it to stick with her through the good times and the bad; even when it's about as bad as it can get. It may sound like I'm just letting her walk all over me if I stay, but I'm not really as weak as that. She'll pay for what she has done, believe me. But at the same time, I'm not going to let this A-hole (her ex) ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me.

 

HER walking all over YOU? I don't see it. I'm seeing it the other way around. Look at all she's put up with from you.

 

And if she's the best thing ever and you want to make it work through thick and thin, why did you throw her out? Is that how you try to make it through the bad parts?

 

I've been forcing her to face the horror of what she did and it seems to be working.

 

How have you been "forcing" her? And was the "horror" of what she did any worse than the "horror" of what you did? What about fooling around with her own sister? Is she forcing you to face that horror?

 

I am the one with the power to hold this relationship together or call it quits now. It's all up to me.

 

Really? Does she not have any say in it at all? Interesting.

 

I recently made a list of all the excuses she had made. I showed her the list and asked her to tell me why she needed around thirty excuses to do something. I asked her when the last time she needed thirty excuses to do anything was. She admitted that she never had. She then admitted that she had simply wanted to do something she shouldn't and that she should stop trying to make herself feel better by justifying her detestable behavior.

 

Did your wife make you write down all the excuses you had for staying out all night and fooling around with her sister? You don't think YOUR behavior was "detestable."

 

You have "controlling" and "abusive" written all over you, you know. The very language you use gives it away. Told you...I'm good at spotting your type.

 

You're damn right she's about the best you'll do. She's not only gorgeous she puts up with your nonsense and detestable behavior...most smart and secure women wouldn't.

 

Just curious..did you bring her over here from her homeland?

 

The problem was that she had grievances, but she gave up on trying to communicate them. She decided to act out on them instead, which only messed things up further.

 

Here you put all the blame on her. How many times did she have to air her grievances before you finally decided to listen? I'm not excusing her behavior by any means but you really don't take responsibility for your part in things in any real way. It will never work if you don't get real.

 

Yes, she admitted that she acted without any thought or care for my feelings. She feels that was probably the biggest mistake she made.

 

Have you admitted the same to her?

 

Maybe we should work out a more swinging arrangement. Maybe I won't feel like I was so cheated then.

 

So you're denying that you never stepped outside of your marriage? What about the incident with her sister? Again..get real.

[vnqsh2001]

Reformed playa? I don't think so. In what way are you reformed? Since when...a week ago?

 

Get real. Others may think you're the injured party but I see right through you. Your wife, although no angel, displays all the signs of an abused wife. How sad for all of you.

 

Since six years ago. Geez! Thanks a lot for jumping all over my case for no other reason than you want to believe I am lying. At the very least, you don't know anything about me and you really have no way to know the actual truth. I came here to try to deal with some of my pain, not to be attacked and called a liar.

 

This is all part of my wife's crazy manipulations. She's obviously an unstable person. Don't you see that? She is so selfish that she cannot even care about her own husband. She cannot tell the truth to me, what makes you think she cares a whit about telling the truth to you people; people she's never even met before nor ever will? She's just trying to get to me. She feels free to say whatever she wants here, no matter how untrue it is. I had no idea she was going to get on this board and try to ruin one of the few outlets I had for coping with my emotions. I should have never let her read my post.

 

All of this proves that she is not really sorry for what she has done. She is just sorry she has to suffer my displeasure. It's a shame, because I was starting to believe she was really remorseful and that there was hope for us yet. But she can't even let me vent some of my frustrations without caring about herself more. She's more worried about "saving face" on even an anonymous board and is willing to lie even more to do it.

 

You don't see &h!t, lady. You're just an angry woman with issues of her own, looking for someone to take it out on. You obviously hate anyone with something swinging between his legs.

[Touche]

Sheesh, calm down. I told you I love men. And I'm certainly not angry. Ok, I was just going but what you said. You kind of admitted that you were inappropriate with your sister in law. If you really never cheated on your wife, then I apologize. Perhaps I really called this one wrong. But in the meantime you didn't really address anything I brought up. I wonder if I struck a nerve?

 

I actually am beginning to wonder about her also on that other thread. Twilight Zone music keeps playing in my head now when I get on there.

[Reggie]

I have noticed a couple of times you have answered that one of the reasons you love your wife is because she is hot. I was married to a European model and divorced 4 years ago because of her behavior. I also was enamored with her beauty. The longer I was with her the absolute less hot I found her. She was still "hot on the outside" but quite ugly on the inside. In my line of work I come across many so-called hot women. I know I am generalizing here. Nevertheless I have found that some of the most beautiful women are the most narcissitic people on the planet. They have never been forced to develop a true and whole personality. They are so often like cotton candy: On the outside they look so good but when you bite into cotton candy there is simply nothing there. The bottom line is that if the major positive characteristic of your wife to you is that she is hot; then my friend you are destined to be very disappointed in your life. I wish you luck.

 

I completely understand this. My ex was ver "hot", but a complete sociopathic, NPD, bitch. She made my skin crawl after witnessing her cruelty and selfishness.

V, your wife does sound like she has a personality disorder. She calls her affair partner a "tool" and she is remorseless, defensive and sarcastic, as another poster points out. She may be NPD or ASPD. If so, you are beer off bailing. Start reading about the cluster b disorders.

[vnqsh2001]

The above is double talk for: I figured I wouldn't make a fuss about her and this man since I didn't want to be called on my extra-marital affairs. It was insurance for me. That way I could still have my cake and eat it too. If I called her out on her trespasses, I might have to stop my own activities. So I was a bit selfish.

Lady, you're a real piece of work. You know that? That wasn't double talk for anything since that's almost exactly what I said toward the beginning of this thread when people asked why I didn't try to stop the text messages to begin with. I admitted this almost word for word. I said I was stupid for doing that too. What is it you assume I'm not facing here?

 

I love how you say "IF I was ever the one to screw up in our marriage..." See what I mean? You really don't take ownership for your part. What do you mean IF? What do you call messing around with her sister?

Yes, I mean IF. I never did anything that didn't get her approval first. Even flirting with her sister. If you don't want to believe me, fine. I don't blame you. Unfortunately, it's the truth and I've got to deal with it whether you believe it happened that way or not. Why would anyone give approval for doing something like that, you may ask? Because she never let go of her ex-boyfriend from the very beginning. She even slept with him while we were dating, for Pete's sake. I just didn't find out about all this until later.

 

HER walking all over YOU? I don't see it. I'm seeing it the other way around. Look at all she's put up with from you.

That's because you're willing to see anything that fits your idea of what you want to believe. Do me a favor, will ya? Keep your beliefs to yourself. I'm here to feel better, not to sling stones.

 

And if she's the best thing ever and you want to make it work through thick and thin, why did you throw her out? Is that how you try to make it through the bad parts?

Because she's being too abusive of me and I've got to draw the line somewhere. Don't you think if I was really the horrible monster she's led you to believe that she would be the one kicking me out of her apartment? That doesn't seem strange to you? If you're so good at detecting things that are fishy, why haven't you even thought about that?

 

I've been doing my best to put up with the crap she's been putting me through. It's been extreme, to say the least. I just can't take any more of this or I'm just gonna have a complete mental breakdown. At some point, you've got to worry about your own health.

 

How have you been "forcing" her? And was the "horror" of what she did any worse than the "horror" of what you did? What about fooling around with her own sister? Is she forcing you to face that horror?

I don't know what you're trying to say here. If you're insinuating that I beat her, you're sadly mistaken. In fact, "force" is a bit too strong of a word. I clarified that in another post I made. I haven't actually been "forcing" her to do anything. I just ask and insist for my own benefit.

 

I flirted with her sister. It wasn't the same. Even if you want to say that it's no better than having sex with her, it was all done with my wife's permission and approval. Later, I suffered her anger and showed some remorse. Then I had to suffer the consequences and blame when she did her ex-boyfriend. So,yes, I am facing that horror. That's why I explained it in my very first post. I'm not saying I'm just an innocent victim.

 

Did your wife make you write down all the excuses you had for staying out all night and fooling around with her sister? You don't think YOUR behavior was "detestable."

No, because I didn't give a bunch of excuses for anything I did. Seriously. There was no need for excuses. As for staying out all night, that didn't happen. I explained earlier that I simply left the house because I got sick of arguing with her. I sometimes came home late, because I wanted to cool off and didn't look forward to coming home to more turmoil, but I always came home; unlike her. She was the one out all night. Not me.

 

You have "controlling" and "abusive" written all over you, you know. The very language you use gives it away. Told you...I'm good at spotting your type.

Lady, what you're good at is projecting your own experiences on other people's lives. You really need to find a better way to deal with your own issues.

 

Just curious..did you bring her over here from her homeland?

Oh, great. Now you have to show your racial and cultural prejudices too? No, I didn't "bring her from my homeland." I can't believe you feel comfortable showing your ignorance by saying something like that.

 

Here you put all the blame on her. How many times did she have to air her grievances before you finally decided to listen? I'm not excusing her behavior by any means but you really don't take responsibility for your part in things in any real way. It will never work if you don't get real.

Lady, if you paid attention to this post you would see that I blamed myself for many things, but simply said that that still didn't excuse her actions. As for listening to her, yes I listened. I talked. She didn't. She has real intimacy problems and difficulty communicating her true thoughts to people. Even when she tries, it comes out very distorted; often mixed with half-truths and lies.

 

People assume that women are better communicators than men in relationships. I've found that not necessarily to be the case. Women have real difficulty with true intimacy too.

 

Have you admitted the same to her?

I admitted that I may have hurt her, but if I did I was truly sorry and willingly ceased any activities that harmed her immediately. That's pretty different from the blatant act she performed.

 

So you're denying that you never stepped outside of your marriage? What about the incident with her sister? Again..get real.

I am trying to get real. It's not easy, especially in this situation. I can't even tell which way is up sometimes because everything is so screwed up.

 

I admitted the incident with her sister ..... again. Do you need me to do it again? How many times will I need to explain it before you finally accept that I accept my blame?

[vnqsh2001]

I actually am beginning to wonder about her also on that other thread. Twilight Zone music keeps playing in my head now when I get on there.

What balanced person starts out by hijacking someone else's thread before posting their own; or didn't you notice that she did that a few posts before yours? If you did, then maybe you're not as good at reading people as you'd like to think.

[Touche]

Nah, I'm actually pretty good at reading most people.

 

Maybe you didn't cheat on her as you say but you're also guilty of damaging this marriage. Proof of that is all over your own thread.

 

Best of luck to you!

[vnqsh2001]

Nah, I'm actually pretty good at reading most people.

 

Maybe you didn't cheat on her as you say but you're also guilty of damaging this marriage. Proof of that is all over your own thread.

 

Best of luck to you!

And I admitted that time and again. I don't know where you get off telling me that I don't accept blame.

 

Accepting blame for problems is one thing. Excusing her actions is another. There is no excuse for the pain she has caused me. End of story.

[Touche]

And I admitted that time and again. I don't know where you get off telling me that I don't accept blame.

 

Accepting blame for problems is one thing. Excusing her actions is another. There is no excuse for the pain she has caused me. End of story.

 

And there's no excuse for the pain you caused her either.

 

Was it on her thread or yours that I read you broke every stick of furniture. Nice environment for your child.

 

Clearly you have a temper. I mean look at how you're talking to me, a perfect stranger.

 

Where do I get off? Uhm, this is a public forum and I'll post my opinion as I see fit. I didn't attack you. I was trying to get you to see some things. But I see it's a waste of time. You have a lot of anger..some of it justified no doubt. However, that's not going to be conducive to any reconciliation, if that's what you're really after.

 

The blame game will get you nowhere but divorce court.

 

What you need to start thinking about is how you can repair this..though it sounds pretty irreparable if you ask me. You also really need to be honest with yourself about your part in all of this.

 

Not all women cheat. You've had two wives now who have cheated on you. Why? Not saying it's your fault necessarily...just something for you to think about.

[vnqsh2001]

And there's no excuse for the pain you caused her either.

The purpose of this thread was not to deal with the pain I caused her, but to deal with the pain she caused me. It's also not to find out who or what is to blame, as we both clearly carry that burden.

 

Was it on her thread or yours that I read you broke every stick of furniture. Nice environment for your child.

It was on my thread. We each have our own viewpoints on what a proper environment and outlet for anger is.

 

Clearly you have a temper. I mean look at how you're talking to me, a perfect stranger.

I'm angry with you because you are being disrespectful of my feelings and attacking me with unjustified accusations. Yes, I do have a temper. So do a lot of people. In fact, my wife's temper is even worse than mine, believe it or not. When we first moved in together, she jumped on my back and bit the back of my arm. I left the house and refused to come back until she swore that no matter how angry she got she would never resort to physical violence again. Fortunately, that is one promise she has managed to keep.

I had a huge bruise on my arm (from her bite for weeks) and she had some bruises from falling on the floor.

 

Where do I get off? Uhm, this is a public forum and I'll post my opinion as I see fit. I didn't attack you. I was trying to get you to see some things. But I see it's a waste of time. You have a lot of anger..

I'm sorry, but I think a lot of your comments are uncalled for and even vicious in nature. You have freedom to do what you want? Perhaps you should take a look at the sticky for this forum:

 

"Respectful and helpful" does not mean that you must condone or encourage a poster. It does not mean that you must agree with the poster. Respect is the key. We cannot list every conceivable sentence, phrase, or word that a person could post, and declare whether or not it is acceptable. Our rules prohibit personal attacks, but you must also adhere to the larger philosophy of the site, which is to provide support and assistance. If your response is not posted in that spirit, chances are it will be deemed inappropriate.

 

Do you seriously think you have been respectful to me? Do you think you have really been providing support and assistance? All I've seen you do is insult me by calling me names and insist that I am lying.

 

The blame game will get you nowhere but divorce court.

Again, I'm not here to play the blame game. That's what she is doing by hijacking my thread and posting a bunch of lies. As for divorce court, I may have no other option.

 

What you need to start thinking about is how you can repair this..though it sounds pretty irreparable if you ask me. You also really need to be honest with yourself about your part in all of this.

Jesus Christ, Lady! What do you think I've been trying to do? This is exactly what I've been trying, but I've reached the end of my rope.

 

Not all women cheat. You've had two wives now who have cheated on you. Why? Not saying it's your fault necessarily...just something for you to think about.

Again, this is something that I already mentioned in my own posts. I admitted that I had begun to consider the possibility that there was something wrong with me or that there was something I was doing wrong, since this is not the first time this has happened.

[vnqsh2001]

Clearly you have a temper. I mean look at how you're talking to me, a perfect stranger.

In truth, it is not you I am really so angry at. It's my wife. Besides, she is the one that instigated your attacks on me, which I really don't need right now. I came here for help, not more crap from her.

[Standbyou]

How much do you hate your wife?

How much do you love your wife?

[vnqsh2001]

I completely understand this. My ex was ver "hot", but a complete sociopathic, NPD, bitch. She made my skin crawl after witnessing her cruelty and selfishness.

V, your wife does sound like she has a personality disorder. She calls her affair partner a "tool" and she is remorseless, defensive and sarcastic, as another poster points out. She may be NPD or ASPD. If so, you are better off bailing. Start reading about the cluster b disorders.

An interesting component of the problem is that I am an attractive guy and she's an attractive woman. She told me that she felt a need to assert her own attractiveness; like she was afraid that women found me more attractive than men found her. It sounds almost like she was jealous of my physical beauty and charm; therefore she had something to prove.