My Wife Cheated on Me

[vnqsh2001]

When she gave you a free pass, Don't you ever think that she is testing you for love and trust in the marriage? You should know better and your are not using your common sense. But yeah, you don't heed her warning and go ahead proceed to sleep with the other woman according to your statement.

Yes, absolutely. I thought of that. That's why I asked questions to be sure. This wasn't a one time thing she mentioned either. We had ongoing discussions about it many times. I don't know the exact number of times, but it was a lot over the course of many years. She always came back with the same responses and reassurances. Even after she expressed anger about what I did, she would still come back and tell me that her position on this matter was unchanged. She would just say things like, "Oh, well don't do it so often in the future," or "I just don't want to see it," etc....

 

No, it's not what you think. I know it's difficult to understand and I know I am partly to blame for being selfish and greedy, but she really has a way of thinking and expressing herself like no other normal woman. That is one reason I loved her, and that is one reason I feel so messed up now.

 

Also, go back and read the previous posts. You will find in her own words that her motivations for giving me a 'free pass" were selfish in nature. She just wanted an excuse to hang on to her "tool" (her ex-bf) and at the same time hold the possibility of harming me in the future (with an affair) by claiming a faithful status. I think you are projecting too much of yourself upon her. She is not like you, even though she is a woman.

[Touche]

If that's true, then why did I ask her if she wanted an open relationship from the very start? Why did I tell her I would still be open to the possibility if she changed her mind? Why did I ask her time and again if that's what she really wanted? I really feel like I tried my best to define things, but she was constantly vague at best by saying one thing and doing another.

 

[I]What the hell? You beat the woman over the head with the fact that you want an open relationship. She loves you and begrudgingly agrees and lets you have your way and then has had enough when you cross over a HUGE line and fool around with her sister. After that, I imagine all bets were off for her. I can't really blame her there. Sorry, just telling it like it is...Better get Reggie in her for backup!

[/i]

Sigh. Ok. Here it is .... again. I did not stay out all night. I came home late. There is a difference. She, on the other hand, did stay out all night when she got angry. That's one of the half-truths I was referring to; you are right. But seriously, I really don't want to sit here and defend every little accusation she makes. It's tedious and even painful. Painful for reasons you may not completely understand.

 

The biggest excuse she gave for having an affair was: I didn't spend enough time with her at home and so she felt lonely. It hurts to put that blame on myself, because it's true. It hurts also because that doesn't really justify her cheating on me.

 

[I]I agree. Here's where she effed up. No excuse.[/i]

 

That wasn't the reason I stayed out late. Do you think that this affair of hers is the only problem we have been having? Do you think it's the only thing that's been upsetting me? Did I say I was really happy with our relationship until she cheated? Did I say that this was the only thing she ever did to upset me? Yes, there were other problems as well. Besides this affair, she was also doing things that made life with her unpleasant. Things started to get bad in the days leading up to the affair. She got even worse when she started having an affair. The worse things got at home, the less I wanted to be there and I took any excuse I could to stay away.

 

[I]But that's not how people who have good marriages act, V. It's just not. I think you and your wife know that. I mean you mentioned a lot of things MANY things you loved about her..couldn't you come home and tell her those things and talk to her about how you can fix things? Wouldn't that have been a better plan than staying out almost (semantics again) all night?[/i]

 

 

Unfortunately, she doesn't sound as completely remorseful to me. My BS detector is the one ringing off the hook on that matter. I think she has a twisted way of looking at things that is very selfish in nature. I think she is remorseful of the pain this has caused her (by me showing her my displeasure), but she seems to feel very little empathy for me.

 

 

Maybe you're right. I'll give it some thought.

 

I don't know. At the moment, I don't even want to think about it. I just want to be alone.

 

 

A little over 6 years now.

 

I think it's very wise to take your time apart now. I really do.

 

Just be alone and separate.

 

If you can make it past this 6 year mark, I really think you might have a chance...otherwise, cut your losses.

[vnqsh2001]

So what? She's hurt too. don't you see that? Where is that going to get you? Do you want to fix this or do you want to whine about it?

 

You were both fools to agree to any kind of thing that entailed dalliances with others. Sureptitious or otherwise...it matters not. It's all damaging.

 

But I guess I'll leave you and Reggie to your circle jerk.

 

V: Waaa waaaa, my wife did me wrong

Reggie: there, there, V. All women suck and are sluts and whores. Let's bond over our mutual hatred of our lying cheating wives.

 

 

Have a good night boys!

:laugh:LoL. Ok. That gross over-exaggeration was worth a laugh at least.

 

I don't hate my lying, cheating wife. I love her very much. I just hate the way she manipulates me and hurts me with a sadistic smile on her face.

[Touche]

:laugh:LoL. Ok. That gross over-exaggeration was worth a laugh at least.

 

Yeah it is kind of gross isn't it? Glad you got a laugh tonight at least.

 

I don't hate my lying, cheating wife. I love her very much. I just hate the way she manipulates me and hurts me with a sadistic smile on her face.

 

I know.

 

...............................

[vnqsh2001]

[I]What the hell? You beat the woman over the head with the fact that you want an open relationship.

 

No way. You're waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off base on that one. She was the first to suggest it and my mouth dropped open. Afterward, she insisted on keeping things that way, even after complaining and arguing. You're making a huge assumption that simply isn't the case at all. I know it's an unusual situation, but keep in mind that my wife is an unusual person and that's what I love about her so much. She truly is one in a million.

 

But that's not how people who have good marriages act, V. It's just not. I think you and your wife know that. I mean you mentioned a lot of things MANY things you loved about her..couldn't you come home and tell her those things and talk to her about how you can fix things? Wouldn't that have been a better plan than staying out almost (semantics again) all night?

Again, I wasn't out all night. She was. And like I said, there were problems and things she did that made communication seem just as impossible as it seems now. It wasn't a good marriage? No ***** I could see that it wasn't, but I also needed time away from her endless barrage of head games. You have no idea the amount of stress that placed on me.

[vnqsh2001]

Even now she tries to tell me that giving me a "free pass" was the right thing to do and that she still wants to give me that; while at the very same moment she's online playing you all as the innocent victim!

[Touche]

Hey, man. Of course it wasn't your idea to have an open relationship. It was totally hers dude. She had her agenda all along because she's a BPD bytch. don't let these other bytches convince you otherwise.

 

Love,

 

Reggie

 

P.S. Want to hang out some time? I have no woman either.

[vnqsh2001]

So what? She's hurt too. don't you see that?

She's hurt, but not for the reasons you imagine, Touche. That's what you're not seeing. She's hurting because right now I'm not giving her the thing she craves the most: nonstop attention.

[Reggie]

Reginald, here. Look V, as you've already discovered, Touche doesn't much care what the facts are and she lacks decent candlepower for analysis. She's ",seen this many times before" and can "read between the lines". Trouble is she gets the facts wrong and then cannot analyze.

What is so confusing? Your wife, repeatedly, advocated your seeing other women and you did. Then, she lied and started cheating on you.

I think open marriages are nuts, but that is just me.

[vnqsh2001]

Hey, man. Of course it wasn't your idea to have an open relationship. It was totally hers dude. She had her agenda all along because she's a BPD bytch. don't let these other bytches convince you otherwise.

 

Love,

 

Reggie

 

P.S. Want to hang out some time? I have no woman either.

What can I do? It's the truth, Touche. I'm not making it up.

If you ask her, maybe you can get some truth from her. Who knows? You can give it a try.

Anyway, all I can do is tell you the way it really is. If it's just too difficult for you to accept, then so be it. I've done all I can do. Meanwhile, I'm the one not sleeping for days on end. I'm the one seeking comfort at the bottom of a bottle.

She sleeps like a baby as long as I give the attention she craves. Now and always. Her pain has nothing to do with the fact that I "betrayed" her.

[Reggie]

Hey, man. Of course it wasn't your idea to have an open relationship. It was totally hers dude. She had her agenda all along because she's a BPD bytch. don't let these other bytches convince you otherwise.

 

Love,

 

Reggie

 

P.S. Want to hang out some time? I have no woman either.

 

Touche, my condolences to your husband.

[vnqsh2001]

What is so confusing? Your wife, repeatedly, advocated your seeing other women and you did. Then, she lied and started cheating on you.

I think open marriages are nuts, but that is just me.

Yes, I'm beginning to see it that way too. I thought it would be ok, but I never expected anything like this.

[Touche]

What can I do? It's the truth, Touche. I'm not making it up.

If you ask her, maybe you can get some truth from her. Who knows? You can give it a try.

Anyway, all I can do is tell you the way it really is. If it's just too difficult for you to accept, then so be it. I've done all I can do. Meanwhile, I'm the one not sleeping for days on end. I'm the one seeking comfort at the bottom of a bottle.

She sleeps like a baby as long as I give the attention she craves. Now and always. Her pain has nothing to do with the fact that I "betrayed" her.

 

I believe you. But somehow I really don't believe that she sleeps like a baby, V. I think you love each other. I think she loves you too. And i think you underestimate the pain you put her through. I really believe that. But if you don't believe me, why not ask her? Why not sit down and for once be honest with each other?

 

Just chill out and keep away for a little while though. Maybe you can fix this, ok?

[Touche]

Yes, I'm beginning to see it that way too. I thought it would be ok, but I never expected anything like this.

 

hey, V if you want to end up alone and miserable, listen to Reggie here. If you want to have a prayer in hell of fixing this, listen to anyone BUT him!

 

Ask him how he's doing with the ladies?

[Reggie]

While your at it, ask Mr Touche if he has his balls intact. Mean is bad. Dumb and mean-run Mr T.

[Touche]

Noooo, V please I beg of you. Don't go over to the other side. Remember it's bros before ho's man. Think of all the fun we can have together.

 

Love and kisses your bro,

Reggie. (how gay is that name anyway?)

[Citizen Erased]

Noooo, V please I beg of you. Don't go over to the other side. Remember it's bros before ho's man. Think of all the fun we can have together.

 

Love and kisses your bro,

Reggie. (how gay is that name anyway?)

 

:lmao:

[Touche]

Reginald, here.

 

:lmao: How the hell did I miss that one?

 

So who will you listen to, V? A man named Reginald or ....just about anyone else?

[Reggie]

T, never tried gayness. But, given the option of being in your husband's position or taking it gay, I'd opt for the latter.

By the way, is there anything wrong with being gay?

[vnqsh2001]

I believe you. But somehow I really don't believe that she sleeps like a baby, V. I think you love each other. I think she loves you too. And i think you underestimate the pain you put her through. I really believe that. But if you don't believe me, why not ask her? Why not sit down and for once be honest with each other?

 

Just chill out and keep away for a little while though. Maybe you can fix this, ok?

We do sit down and talk. We are honest with each other. Well, as honest as she can be. Seriously, even she admits she has a problem communicating her true thoughts. Almost everything she says comes out exaggerated and distorted. She's the kind of person that responds to a serious question like, "What are we going to do to fix our relationship?" with a ridiculous response like, "Ok. You can just kill me. I deserve it. Do you want to beat me instead?" She cannot even give me the time of day without adding an extra two hours. I kid you not! And everything is extreme to her. She relates almost everything with death, murder, and suicide. Maybe that's because she watches horror movies 24/7 though.

 

I want more than anything for us to just be honest about things and after a lot of talking, I think we have made a lot of progress. Then she does something like post a bunch of ridiculous lies on a forum just to rattle my cage. I still cannot believe she did that.

 

I want to fix things. But I can't as long as she acts so crazy. I have to get some time away from her and let her see that I'm not going to give her the attention she desires when she crosses the line with me. I have to break this insane cycle she keeps perpetuating.

[Touche]

We do sit down and talk. We are honest with each other. Well, as honest as she can be. Seriously, even she admits she has a problem communicating her true thoughts. Almost everything she says comes out exaggerated and distorted. She's the kind of person that responds to a serious question like, "What are we going to do to fix our relationship?" with a ridiculous response like, "Ok. You can just kill me. I deserve it. Do you want to beat me instead?"

 

And you're letting this gem of a woman go because why?

 

She cannot even give me the time of day without adding an extra two hours. I kid you not! And everything is extreme to her. She relates almost everything with death, murder, and suicide. Maybe that's because she watches horror movies 24/7 though.

 

That's just horrible. Well maybe it's a comedy to her compared to her husband kissing and making out with her sister.

 

I want more than anything for us to just be honest about things and after a lot of talking, I think we have made a lot of progress. Then she does something like post a bunch of ridiculous lies on a forum just to rattle my cage. I still cannot believe she did that.

 

Oh stop your whining. She didn't do anything that bad there. You shouldn't have shown her this forum then. It backfired on you.

 

I want to fix things. But I can't as long as she acts so crazy. I have to get some time away from her and let her see that I'm not going to give her the attention she desires when she crosses the line with me. I have to break this insane cycle she keeps perpetuating.

 

Yeah, because we all know that you have nothing whatsoever to do with the insane cycle you have going.

[vnqsh2001]

Yeah, because we all know that you have nothing whatsoever to do with the insane cycle you have going.

That's why I'm taking myself out of it to break the cycle.

[Reggie]

See, V? Nuttier than a fruitcake. Speaking of fruitcakes...

[Touche]

That's why I'm taking myself out of it to break the cycle.

 

I agree 1000% with that. Let some time go by. I think you're doing the right thing now...for what it's worth.

[vnqsh2001]

Oh stop your whining. She didn't do anything that bad there. You shouldn't have shown her this forum then. It backfired on you.

Yes, it did. And she showed her true colors to me just when I was starting to think we might start to rebuild some trust and repair our relationship. It did a lot of harm to me, sorry. It may not seem like a big deal to you, but to me it's like reliving the pain of her betrayal with her ex-boyfriend all over again.

 

Like I said, it's actually not the sex that bothers me the most. It's the sadistic pleasure she gets out of hurting me. She's still doing it.

 

After she hijacked my thread under my name, I got really angry. I told her not to get on that forum. There are plenty of other forums for her. I asked her why she couldn't just use another one to talk about her grievances instead. I told her I didn't want a bunch of drama on my thread. I wanted to use it as a means of help.

 

She was already on some other forums. There are even forums in her native language that she would feel more comfortable using. But did she respect my wishes? No. Even worse. She got on here and spread a bunch of lies and started a vicious man-hating posse against me. She could have even posted a story on the forum without providing any link to me. Did she do that? No, she made sure that everyone knew she was my wife. She did it as a malicious attack.

 

She didn't do anything bad to you. She did something very bad to me. If you can't see that, it's only because you lack empathy and sympathy.