Mutual Passion

[That Emotion]

Wow. Some really great and enlightening responses. I'm moved. Seriously. I'm welling up here. *takes a breath*

 

Yes, carhill, much of the emotion has remained, but I've always been an emotional guy anyway so I don't know how to interpet it. I will say though, I believe it wouldn't take much for me to find this passion again. I know that's gonna make some of you scream YOUR WIFE!

 

I have a thought , or maybe a question.

 

You have previously implied that you have made many attempts or suggestions to your wife, over the years, to "spice up" your sex life. And she has not been open to that. You go so far as to say that she said she was open to some exploration before you married, but then was not.

 

This would bother me. A lot. Sex, exploration, etc... is for me, an important part of chemistry, intimacy, passion, and life.

 

2sure, thank you for your post. I must respond by saying that I don't believe I have revealed a single thing about the way the W has responded to my attempts to spice it up. I have never said whether she is cold or willing. For the record, she'd be willing to do anything I wanted. However, if I felt as though this was a part of the issue, I would have mentioned it.

 

OpenBook and AM, thank you for you concern and input too. Please don't treat me as though I was being hostile with my last post. I really wasn't.

 

I'm merely struggling the fact that it one can think I could just easily apply this thing to whatever I choose. I didn't fall for rock. Knowing her friends isn't going to make a difference. I fell for someone who is real. Someone whom I often spoke with, and someone who seemed genuinely in to me.

 

OpenBook, I used to judge the dynamics of this type of relationship the very same way you are right now. For that matter, lol, I was considerably more harsh. Perhaps it was a fantasy, but it certainly wasn't happening with a rock. And SHE was paying for the phone calls. (although I offered to take that on many times)

 

Saville and stillafool, you both make soooo much sense to me. I especially love reading your posts Saville. The boinking part at the end of your last post, well, I have never said that was the most important part of this. Everything else you said, which I've read over a couple times now, was beautiful and it moved me. Please post here more.

 

I do appreciate everyone's posts here, the good, the bad the ugly. Sincerely. I welcome all of the feedback. Thank you.

[OpenBook]

OpenBook and AM, thank you for you concern and input too. Please don't treat me as though I was being hostile with my last post. I really wasn't.

 

Lord no, I didn't think you were being hostile. I apologize if my post came across that way. I simply do not understand your view of your online relationship as something REAL, based on reality. I don't get it.

 

I do understand that you felt chemistry with her, and all the intense emotions it triggered within you. I totally agree that those emotions were most certainly real. But I don't believe your actual relationship with her was based on reality; it was a fantasy. Online relationships can so easily be twisted into anything either party wants them to be. It's so easy to deceive the person on the other end of the DSL line!! JMO. I'll leave it alone now.

[LikeCharlotte]

Welcome. So, you had an emotional affair. How awful! (for you and your family) Now that you've crossed the line you can't go back. You can either go to a marriage counselor and hope that there is a way to spark this in your marriage or walk away and go through the hell that is divorce. Eitherway you know what you want and it hasn't changed in years. Not leaving will only build resentment for you and your wife. You can't pursue a relationship while you are married and if you do you are going to find a woman that lacks the morals that are giving your heart such a hard time. I can't imagine you could love someone who doesn't understand something that is obviously important to you - honor.

[carhill]

Yes, carhill, much of the emotion has remained, but I've always been an emotional guy anyway so I don't know how to interpet it. I will say though, I believe it wouldn't take much for me to find this passion again.

 

The critical work, IME, is discriminating the sources and impetuses for that passion and inspiration. It takes a lot of introspection and focus; at least it has for me. If you are emotionally aware and expressive and are willing to be honest, MC will help you. TBH, if my wife would've been there with me (regarding emotional openness and honesty), we'd be far down the road to recovery by now. I hope you fare better

[Shnuggles]

This thread is starting to sound repetitive. If we simplify things, us guys really arnt all that complicated. Sure, our lives can get that way but deep down we are just... guys. Feed us, root us and let us play with our mates\toys and we are pretty happy people. We may have certain expectations when it comes to food, sex and the type of friends\hobbies we have but in the end I feel Im right IMO.

 

So you talked to a girl online, she was interested in you on a sexual level, got you all excited and then left, leaving you in dark. I had this happen to myself and I even met the girl only to have her 'vanish'. As far as Im concerned there isnt much worse then someone playing with your heart strings only to cut the cord unexpectedly and without reason. After 3 months Im finally getting over her and my head is thinking properly again.

 

Believe it or not, time will heal that heart of yours. However if you still crave what you had with this other online girl in another few months then I see trouble brewing.

 

Sounds to me you never really loved your wife and still dont. You remind me of some people I know who love being in a 'comfort zone'. Same job, car, food, holiday but in the long run they never experience anything amazing and stick to what they know and have. Sounds like you had a peek outside of your comfort zone and liked what you sore.

 

[That Emotion]

Online relationships can so easily be twisted into anything either party wants them to be. It's so easy to deceive the person on the other end of the DSL line!! JMO. I'll leave it alone now.

 

Like I've said, we talked on the phone an awful lot and did a couple cute videos too. So it wasn't just a chat window.

 

Welcome. So, you had an emotional affair. How awful! (for you and your family) Now that you've crossed the line you can't go back. You can either go to a marriage counselor and hope that there is a way to spark this in your marriage or walk away and go through the hell that is divorce. Eitherway you know what you want and it hasn't changed in years. Not leaving will only build resentment for you and your wife. You can't pursue a relationship while you are married and if you do you are going to find a woman that lacks the morals that are giving your heart such a hard time. I can't imagine you could love someone who doesn't understand something that is obviously important to you - honor.

 

Thanks LC! I don't believe those are my only choices. Frankly, I don't believe I need to tell my wife anything at this point. I need to sort it out first.

 

This thread is starting to sound repetitive. If we simplify things, us guys really arnt all that complicated. Sure, our lives can get that way but deep down we are just... guys. Feed us, root us and let us play with our mates\toys and we are pretty happy people. We may have certain expectations when it comes to food, sex and the type of friends\hobbies we have but in the end I feel Im right IMO.

 

Perhaps, but all of that ceased to matter during this thing. I even stopped caring about my fantasy football team. That's huge! lol, truly.

 

Nothing mattered, and you know what? That's one reason I'm really glad this happened. It gave me a new perspective. All of my stupid little bs hobbies or tv shows or any damn thing I do, it's all trivial. It's all just a ways of killing time. I mean, how much can I really care about my 'stuff' if I can lose focus on it that easily.

 

Maybe I'm just a bug wuss. I don't know. But heck, I don't even get too bothered when drivers cut me off anymore. I don't have any toys or pals that could have done this for me. Plus, I don't think I'm gonna stay like this unless I have that emotional connection with someone.

 

Saville!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come back!

[LavendarGirl]

Saville!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Come back!

 

Haha, TE...Saville gave you the sage advice...this is the part where you go off and reflect, and then what Saville says makes perfect sense and you are wiser and kinder as a result.

[That Emotion]

LG! I'm glad you're back too! Hmm, maybe I just get attached way too easy.

[LavendarGirl]

Hey TE! Yeah, that must be it! No honestly, you have some good advice on living life well in your thread. Even if you don't find that passion for which you seek, you've got a good road map in the very least, eh??

[That Emotion]

I suppose. I'm still in withdrawal though. I still want that drug. So it's hard to see much else at this point, but I'm trying, and like I said, I don't make rash decisions. I'm trying to get some distance so I can think ... more cleary?

 

I only put a question mark there because, I don't know that sliding back into my former process is what I want. Will I be more clear once I'm back to being 'myself'? These things, they actually really scare me. I mean, I really don't want to go back.

 

Jesus, maybe I do need therapy.

[LavendarGirl]

Don't underestimate the power of that potent hormone-cocktail. Yeah, you could be an addict. Seriously, counseling might help. Can't hurt.

 

I don't know necessarily that you want to be back to your OLD self. Try a new and improved self that has the advantage of having experienced some of life, and take away the lessons and improve yourself because of it. Yeah, don't I sound like a Dr. Phil trailer.

 

My xH has a longtime friend who's got to be about 65 now. He's a longterm love addict. He's forever in an A with some great woman, has to talk about how fantastic she is. Until of course, she proves just how human she really is, and then the bubble pops. And he's on to his next victim, er I mean, OW. He is his own worst enemy. And he's on like his 4th marriage. He's a hopeless cause.

[That Emotion]

Wow. Well, honestly, I can see how this thing could lead one down that road. I'm glad you shared that with me.

 

I think I mentioned in this thread that I've pondered how truly sustainable this thing is. I'm not sure I believe that the feeling could last a lifetime and maybe where I'm at right now in life, over the long haul, is as good as it gets. If so, my path is clear.

 

Honestly, this may be at the very heart of the matter. I need to find out if this is something that ever has lengivity or if it wanes greatly in just about every instance.

 

Thanks for talking with me tonight, LG. This might have really helped.

[LavendarGirl]

Well, I can see how you might could be a newfound brain chemical junkie. I keep seeing on the thread where you desire to get back to that "feeling" (of passion) along with the high it entails. Rather than saying that you met a fantastic woman that you lost, and you want to find another -relationship- to fill that void.

 

If passion came in a refillable 30 day prescription, you would be visiting your doctor first thing in the morning.

 

While I do think that passion in and of itself can be sustained between two people over a relatively long term, I don't think it's the kind of passion you're really looking for. You are looking for that high, that endorphin-spiked rush, that heady feeling. The passion I'm talking about is the kind where you are really, really into another person emotionally and intimately, and the passion is a result (and is secondary) to the couple's connection.

[That Emotion]

Well, I can see how you might could be a newfound brain chemical junkie. I keep seeing on the thread where you desire to get back to that "feeling" (of passion) along with the high it entails. Rather than saying that you met a fantastic woman that you lost, and you want to find another -relationship- to fill that void.

 

If passion came in a refillable 30 day prescription, you would be visiting your doctor first thing in the morning.

 

While I do think that passion in and of itself can be sustained between two people over a relatively long term, I don't think it's the kind of passion you're really looking for. You are looking for that high, that endorphin-spiked rush, that heady feeling. The passion I'm talking about is the kind where you are really, really into another person emotionally and intimately, and the passion is a result (and is secondary) to the couple's connection.

 

YES!

 

You've hit the nail on the head. Now where do I get my scrip?