Trying to make progress with my life, but just finding it way too difficult.

[Ross PK]

Well, I started to try and make progress with my life a few years ago.

 

The story is is that I'm depressed, I have social anxiety, and I've always found just the regularness of life way too difficult.

 

What finally finished me off is that my mum moved to an area which I hate, where I don't fit in/have anything in common with anyone, I don't really like the people anyway, been made to feel worse about not being able to get a girlfriend and being a virgin (because of always seeing young couples everywhere round here, and nearly every young girl has a kid) and where I get bullied on the street.

 

All in all this basically finished me off and made me become a recluse 8 years ago. So here I am, at 33 years of age, a virgin, never had a girlfriend before, a recluse, don't have a job (I don't actually mind not having a job, but I do need one so I can sort my life out), and still living with my mum.

 

A couple of years ago I tried to start doing something about all of this, I got contact lenses (because I needed them to be able to drive), I went onto medication (which is helping only a little), and then ended up seeing a therapist for CBT.

 

You see I have it all planned out, the way I'm going to do things in order to sort my life out, it's the only way I'm going to be able to do it, the only way that's going to be the most comfortable.

 

So, I was doing CBT and I knew the first thing was to start driving lessons so I could get a car, which would mean I'd be able to start leaving the house again on my own without feeling uncomfortable with the situation and being bulllied, from there I can get a job, start a college course, and then move to an area where I'm happy. Then maybe I'd try and do something about the girlfriend part, but hen maybe not since I don't believe it's possible for a girl to be attracted to me anyway.

 

^ So that's the plan. If I'm able to do it, that's the only way I'll be able to do it and the most comfortable way, no trying to cope with going out onto the street first try to deal with being bullied and then getting a job and a car, or whatever.

 

Well, I managed to start doing my driving lessons wirth the support of my therapist (I had been putting them off for 2 years), there were difficult times but my therapist was able to help me through them. And I did it, for the first time inmy life I managed to see something all the way through, I passed my test first time.

 

So the next step is getting a car, I've got the money, my licence, I'm ready to go, but my CBT sessions have run out, and I'm finding getting the insurance so I can have a car to be too difficult and too confusing.

 

So right now I've hit a dead end and can't make any more progress. Just feel really depressed, defeated, and I don't know what I'm going to do.

 

Been thinking I could ring up an insurance company to try and find out, but I just can't bring myself to it, I feel too anxious, and like I'll probably just end up feeling even more confused with what they tell me, and therefore still at a dead end with no other options, and therefore feeling even more depressed like I just want to end it all.

 

I've also tried asking on other message boards about insurance but I just don't really understand the answers.

[Geishawhelk]

Just because your CBT has ended, it doesn't mean you have to do this all on your own now.

If things still hold anxiety for you, ask for help.

 

The best way to overcome a hurdle is to admit it's there.

I had a lot of difficulty handling an issue regarding an accounting problem.

I rang a firm of accountants and explained I had a severe problem with maths and could they help me, and the person at the other end of the 'phone couldn't have been kinder.

Ask someone to help you shop around on the web for the best quote possible.

 

I realised you were in need of assistance with all the banking questions.

Never, ever be afraid to reach out for others.

Even without CB problems, loads of us need support too, you know.

[Ross PK]

I don't know why there has to be a time limit with editing the post, I need to fix some mistakes but now I can't.

 

Even this isn't working out for me.

[Geishawhelk]

Oh, stop it now.

Nobody can edit their posts after a while, so you're not alone!

C'mon Ross! Get a grip man!

 

You're bigger than this.

If you let your fears defeat you, you're basically admitting that your weaknesses are stronger than you!

And that just ain't so!!

[Ross PK]

Thanks for the input Geisha.

 

It looks like something is back on, so I don't think I have the insurance problem anymore.

 

I'll use this topic to post any more progress I make and to post about any difficulties I encounter.

[Geishawhelk]

I'm in the same country as you.

That means we're under the same "patch of Blue".

 

Look up at the stars tonight. I'll look as well.

Isn't it comforting to think that we're both under the same sky, doing the same thing?

 

Keep posting.

 

Whaddya mean about the insurance? I'm puzzled there.....

[Ross PK]

Well, there was this issue, If I buy the car before getting insurance then how can I legally drive it home?

 

But then I'm sure you're not supposed to get the insurance before buying the car, because what if you don't think the car is any good and you don't buy it? That would mean that you'd have to undo the insurance, and then get insured for another type of car when you see another one, and so on.

 

But now something is back on with a car dealer who will deliver the car to my house. So, I don't have the insurance issue anymore.

[whichwayisup]

Remember what you've learned already with CBT, the tools you have. If need be, buy some CBT books to help you through until you can afford CBT therapy again.

 

Been There, Done This, Try That! By Sam Obitz, The Feeling Good Book by Dr. David Burns, and pretty much any Claire Weekes (Weeks) book about anxiety are excellent and can help you alot.

 

Back to CBT. Do daily journals. Be aware of your anxiety and what exactly is setting you off. Take time each day to sit and do deep breathing, relax, even some yoga or stretching. It helps relieve any anxiety built up, let alone it's just good exercise.

[Storyrider]

In the US you are provisionally insured for around two weeks after you drive the car off the lot.

 

Believe me, a car salesman will be more than happy to explain everything to you so long as he thinks he might make a sale.

[Nemo]

Can you buy some online insurance from a cool gecko? He has a British accent, so I assume he hasn't lost touch with his roots.

 

An online insurance site may provide you with more reading material, if nothing else. Hopefully less confusing than what you have been dealing with so far.

 

Anyway, it's worth remembering that even complete morons are able to insure their cars. Nobody needs car insurance more than complete morons. And with complete morons driving on our roads, insurance is something that everybody needs.

[Ross PK]

Anyway, it's worth remembering that even complete morons are able to insure their cars. Nobody needs car insurance more than complete morons. And with complete morons driving on our roads, insurance is something that everybody needs.

 

This is what bothers me, it makes me feel like I'm really dumb, or makes me think 'what the hells wrong with me?'

[The Collector]

Well, there was this issue, If I buy the car before getting insurance then how can I legally drive it home?

 

But then I'm sure you're not supposed to get the insurance before buying the car, because what if you don't think the car is any good and you don't buy it? That would mean that you'd have to undo the insurance, and then get insured for another type of car when you see another one, and so on.

 

But now something is back on with a car dealer who will deliver the car to my house. So, I don't have the insurance issue anymore.

 

I had a similar problem, I was going to buy a car, but had no parking permit so nowhere to park it. I couldn't apply for the permit until I could prove I owned the car. Same with being able to drive it back from the seller, I got a friend to do it, not sure if he was insured to do that.

 

I also learned to drive this year. It took me four attempts to pass the test. The fact that you did it first time is something to be proud of.

 

What medication are you on, if I may ask?

[Ross PK]

I had a similar problem, I was going to buy a car, but had no parking permit so nowhere to park it. I couldn't apply for the permit until I could prove I owned the car. Same with being able to drive it back from the seller, I got a friend to do it, not sure if he was insured to do that.

 

I also learned to drive this year. It took me four attempts to pass the test. The fact that you did it first time is something to be proud of.

 

Thanks. I think I only just about scraped through it. I wasn't expecting to pass even before I took the test, and when the examiner said you've passed, I was really surprised and said 'Oh right, have I?!'

 

What medication are you on, if I may ask?

 

An SSRI called Dosulpin.

[Geishawhelk]

You can obtain temporary cover to drive a vehicle home.

That's acceptable, and if the Police stop you, providing you have the connfirmation e-mail they'll be fine with it.

But if the Dealer said he could arrange something then yeh, go with that.

[Geishawhelk]

This is what bothers me, it makes me feel like I'm really dumb, or makes me think 'what the hells wrong with me?'

 

There's nothing wrong with you. The difference between you and morons, is that you've made it your business to seek advice and help.

Morons never do.

That's why they're "morons".

[carhill]

Nothing is wrong friend; you're just another part of the human race.

 

See, once you get out there, you'll realize there are a whole bunch of people just like you, in fact a whole world of them. Shutting out the world is what keeps you from that realization. You're hearing from one of them right now. If you like reading, read my journals.

 

The bad news is you'll fight this battle the rest of your life. The good news is you'll fight this battle the rest of your life. Hopefully, for a really long, long time. That's why they call it life. You live it one day at a time.

 

Insurance..... no need to ring them. Get an online quote. I just looked at the web page of a local agency near you. Easy. Request that they ring you. Answer the phone. Remember, the other person is just a person. Who knows what crap they've gone through and how they might feel about themselves right now and still they're ringing you. You might make their day just by being your normal friendly self.

 

Does breaking down overwhelming tasks into little bits help? For me, I know it does. I had to go to court about a month ago to argue aspects of my role in my mother's care and found that breaking the experience down into little bits, from driving time, to parking, to walking to the courthouse, to finding the courtroom, to finding my lawyer, to waiting, to the actual court itself, helped immeasurably. In fact, in reality, the whole experience was a breeze. I actually ran into my lawyer while I was in the loo taking a leak We ended up talking about his vintage BMW (I'm a car hobbyist) in the parking lot for a half hour after we were done. He clued me in on some real truths. Even lawyers are nervous, anxious and worry. Yep, they're human. I could sense it in him when we were in court. We're all human, even the judge, who said some really heartfelt things about my mom. See, all that angst prior was just in my head. Get it?

 

If you can post here and talk with a bunch of strangers, you can ask a stranger for an insurance quote. No problem. They'll fix you right up

[Ross PK]

Well, somehow, I ended up letting my mum take over and basically do everything for me because I was finding everything too difficult.

 

So I went to see a car today, and it turned out that the insurance which my mum was paying for me would've been paid out of her bank account, which would have ment she would've had control of what I could and couldn't do with the car, because if I didn't agree she'd probably say right I'm not paying the insurance anymore.

 

So that was bothering me. And started to make me think that maybe I should've tried to have done all this myself and get a cheaper car so I can afford the insurance (pay for everything myself).

 

Anyway, I went to see the car, I had to get a taxi to get there and backwhich cost £50.

 

When I saw the car it seemed okay, but for some reason at the pit of my stomach it really didn't feel like the right car for me, it felt too big and clumsy like it would've been too hard for me to drive, not sure if that's normal or not.

 

In the end I said I'd think about it. But really, I don't want to buy it, it felt like I would've just really regretted it.

 

I've decided that I'd really like something more smaller like a VW Golf or something. And I've decided that I want to try and do all of this myself, and pay for it all myself, but again, I just don't know where to start, I feel confused about it all.

 

The only way I can get anywhere is to phone places like the insurance company about what I need to do, but having social anxiety makes it hard, and it still feels like it's going still going to be all too confusing and I'm just not going to know what I'm doing.

 

Who would've thought, that the hardest thing for me wouldn't be passing the theory test, or passing the driving test, but the actual process of buying a car and getting insurance even though I have enough money for it all.

 

This is all just being a horrible experience for me, when I guess it's supposed to be fun.

 

I kinda feel like I've messed my mum about with evrything she's tried doing for me, and now I've just decided to not buy the car, I've also sorta watsed the £50 on getting a taxi.

 

Why, at 33 years of age, do I just find the regular things in life so, so hard? Why? What is wrong me?

 

I just feel depressed now, I feel like crap.

[Ross PK]

Well, I had a long hard think about it and went to have another look at it.

 

I think yesterday I was just not feeling that confident, thinking I might struggle because it does look quite big. Also, it's lot of money and I think I got a case of last minute nerves, I've never bought a car before in my life.

 

But anyway, I liked it a lot better this time, and when I actually compared it's size to a really small car that was next to it, it really wasn't that much bigger, I think it's looks are sort of decieving.

 

At the end of the day I think it's a really nice looking car, and Focuses are very reliable, they get good reviews.

 

So, I bought it.

 

Here's a picture of it, it cost me something like £2245. I'll be getting it delivered sometime this Monday or Tuesday once the insurance is sorted.

 

http://pictures.autotrader.co.uk/imgser-uk/servlet/media?id=845407731

 

I've realised the whole insurance thing is really simple too, you don't have to wait for any papers, you just ring them up and then that's it, done, you can then drive legally

[wuggle]

Cool, I have a black focus and its a good car. Good road holding and engine gets good reviews on the reliability front, seesm like a good choice of cars.

 

Hopefully this will help you to get out some and meet other people and progress with your life. Do you have any hobies or interests ? if you do, especially if they are not too 'blokey' (cars, wargames etc) it might be good for you to see if there are any clubs in the area which you could join. Many clubs welcome strangers with open arms and are not as judgemental as strangers, you instantly have a little bit of a connection as you share an interest in the same thing.

 

Re one of your other threads and this it does look like you do want to move on and develop in life dispite your anxieties etc, fair play to you. You might meet new friends and even ladies at an interest club. But I would advise you to join a club for something that you really are interested in rather than just to try to meet people.

[Ross PK]

Yeah, I think they look best in black, it really suits it. But really, there'd be no point in me holding out for one in black because it's already taken me a long time to just even find a Focus, and it's been 3 months since passing my test and I've not driven since then.

 

I still think they look nice in silver though.

 

Yeah, a big part of the reason for me getting a car is to give me more freedom, to get out more, to help me sort my life out. I don't mind being out walking down the street on my own in other areas, it's just round here where I live. Can't stand the place and I get abuse.

[Storyrider]

Silver cars are the easiest to keep clean--they take the longest to show dirt! Excellent choice. Congratulations!

[wuggle]

I remember the first time I drove a car on my own after passing my test. I decided to go to the chippy 1\2 mile down the road. But when I got there I lost my bottle trying to find a place to park and ended up driving round in circles for nearly an hour take care first few times out, even after your test it takes a while to get used to the roads.

[anne1707]

I remember the first time I drove a car on my own after passing my test. I decided to go to the chippy 1\2 mile down the road. But when I got there I lost my bottle trying to find a place to park and ended up driving round in circles for nearly an hour take care first few times out, even after your test it takes a while to get used to the roads.

 

 

It was actually more like an two hours! I was starving by the time he got home!!

[Dumbledore]

That's awesome! Car looks great. I love a car with a bit of character.

 

[Geishawhelk]

Yeah, I think they look best in black, it really suits it. But really, there'd be no point in me holding out for one in black because it's already taken me a long time to just even find a Focus, and it's been 3 months since passing my test and I've not driven since then.

 

I still think they look nice in silver though.

 

Yeah, a big part of the reason for me getting a car is to give me more freedom, to get out more, to help me sort my life out. I don't mind being out walking down the street on my own in other areas, it's just round here where I live. Can't stand the place and I get abuse.

 

I think the name is a great subconscious reminder of what we should all do in our lives:

 

FOCUS.