Trying to make progress with my life, but just finding it way too difficult.

[Ross PK]

I remember the first time I drove a car on my own after passing my test. I decided to go to the chippy 1\2 mile down the road. But when I got there I lost my bottle trying to find a place to park and ended up driving round in circles for nearly an hour take care first few times out, even after your test it takes a while to get used to the roads.

 

Yeah I know. I'm not going to feel that confident driving it for the first time, I'm sure it's also bigger than the car I learned to drive in too.

 

I'm just going to drive down simple roads at first, get used to it. Then I can start tackling more complex stuff.

[anne1707]

Pick youself a journey you already know really well so that you don't have to think about where to turn etc plus pick the right time of day.

 

Don't leave it too long before you try going on the motorway for the first time either. I know you live in Manchester but I would not recommend the M60. It's can be crazy at any time of the day in some places. The M62 might be better.

[wuggle]

I'm sure it's also bigger than the car I learned to drive in too.

 

Guess you learnt to drive in something smaller like a corsa like most of us, wouldn't worry too much the focus feels about the same, it does handle quite well and has a nice small turning circle etc. Feels a nice size, not too big but engine has a fair bit of pull. Good luck, keep us posted.

[Ross PK]

Guess you learnt to drive in something smaller like a corsa like most of us, wouldn't worry too much the focus feels about the same, it does handle quite well and has a nice small turning circle etc. Feels a nice size, not too big but engine has a fair bit of pull. Good luck, keep us posted.

 

Yup, it was a Corsa at first, then the car changed to a Peugot which was a bit bigger. Since I wasn't used to the bigger size and because the controls felt a lot different, I sorta struggled judging when I could and couldn't fit through traffic, and it felt awkward to drive for the first couple of lessons, but then I got used to it and it felt fine.

 

Oh yeah, my Focus is a 1.4, so I'm not sure if it'll feel like it's still got a fair bit of pull or not, but I don't care too much about power. All I care about really is that it looks cool and is reliable.

[wuggle]

Mark my words, you will look back on your first car with fond memories. My first was a battered old Escort , cost £900 and actually turned out to be two cars welded together, but it totally canged my life. Having the freedom to just go places is wonderful. If you want a day at the seaside, you just go, sit on the beach for 2 hours and then go home. No bus to the train station, 1 our wait , then a train, then a half hour walk etc.

 

It has the potential to make your life so much better. Enjoy.

 

ps Blackpool is a good first big day out as it is about an hour drive, and the central car park is fairly easy to get in\out of. when your ready.

 

Do you have any other plans for how the car will help , planning to join any clubs etc ?

[Ross PK]

Mark my words, you will look back on your first car with fond memories. My first was a battered old Escort , cost £900 and actually turned out to be two cars welded together, but it totally canged my life. Having the freedom to just go places is wonderful. If you want a day at the seaside, you just go, sit on the beach for 2 hours and then go home. No bus to the train station, 1 our wait , then a train, then a half hour walk etc.

 

It has the potential to make your life so much better. Enjoy.

 

ps Blackpool is a good first big day out as it is about an hour drive, and the central car park is fairly easy to get in\out of. when your ready.

 

Do you have any other plans for how the car will help , planning to join any clubs etc ?

 

Yeah, I have been thinking of places I could go. Sitting on the beach sounds like a good idea, I never thought of that.

 

I'm not sure about what clubs I may join or anything, because I'm mainly just concentrating on what's happening right now really, I need to start reading the highway code again, get used to driving on my own.

 

I think the car would also help with getting a job.

[wuggle]

re the clubs etc, what are your hobbies or interests ?

 

Even if you don't join any clubs just having a car gives you options you never had, you really can just think ' I'm going to such and such a place' - then go there. A lot of time just getting out and driving helps you clear you head or think.

 

The car certainly can help you get jobs, passing your test really should pay for itself in the long run. Not sure if you have any skills for the workplace or not, but even if the answer is no having a car gives you options to make a crust, deliveries, taxi (long term when your happier with driving) even just being able to get to jobs easier opens up more options , labouring etc (I know you are into gym work so maybe look for a physical based job ?)

[Franc]

I remember ending up in a hospital on medication totally freaked out by life in general. They didn't want to let me out but my dad convinced them he'd take care of me. Days of hard thinking ended up giving me 2 options: if life was terrible where i was now with no way out, maybe it was better somewhere else in the world?

This quest for my own little piece of paradise took me through 5 countries and lasted 6 years. At one time i had 7 cents in my pocket and no food, I've been kicked out of pyramids in Mexico by army dudes, I hiked the pacific crest trail and did crazy mushroom trips in western canada. But somewhere along the way i found myself and put my life back together. It took time, but I'm happier now then i ever was.

So don't give up!

The thing that helped me the most was...Exercise! A healthy mind starts with a healthy body. So I gave-up my meds in favor of jogging and hiking, and it turned my life around. I don't suggest you through your meds in the garbage, but exercise helps tremendously. It helped me gain self-confidence too. Keep trying and beleive me, you'll see results one day...

[Ariadne]

So, I bought it.

 

Here's a picture of it, it cost me something like £2245. I'll be getting it delivered sometime this Monday or Tuesday once the insurance is sorted.

 

http://pictures.autotrader.co.uk/imgser-uk/servlet/media?id=845407731

 

I've realised the whole insurance thing is really simple too, you don't have to wait for any papers, you just ring them up and then that's it, done, you can then drive legally

 

Yey!!!!!

 

Congratulations Ross! It´s beautiful! Love it!

[Franc]

The funny thing about traveling or hiking, is that it puts everyone on a level playing field. No matter who you are, when you have to order a dish in rural China, you still look silly trying to point out something and not end-up eating dog steaks!! After that, living in your home country, where you can understand the language, is a piece of cake. It also makes meeting other travellers easy.

Adventure is a great way to put you out of your confort zone and help you develop your social skills. I'm studying in adventure tourism now because of how much it helped me

[Franc]

Your car is awesome! Mine is under 4 feet of snow broken in the driveway..

Congratulations!! Have fun!

[lino]

wow that whole process you have to go through for a car in England seems pretty tough! It's very easy to get one over here.

 

That's a neat little car though. Good luck with your progress mate

[Ross PK]

Okay, think I should be getting the car delivered tomorrow, but I'm feeling really stressed and anxious about it.

 

Reason being is because of me never leaving the house (a result of being picked on outside, even on my street, and other things), I'm scared that everyone here knows about it. You see, this street, and the others next to it seems to be a really close community, like everyone knows each others business, and I'm scared that everyone or most people know about me being a recluse. And the people on my street are always outside doing things.

 

So that's making me feel really uncomfortable with going out and seeing the car and stuff. I'm going to feel so self concious, because if anyone sees me they're probably going to think, 'there's that weirdo who never leaves his house.'

 

Or if some young people are hanging around outside or walking past, they're probably going to do something at me (which was one of the main things that made me stop going out in the first place), it'll probably be even more likely for them to do something if they're thinking 'there's that weird guy who never goes out'

 

I wish I could get over this somehow and feel okay.

 

Does anyone have any advice?

[Geishawhelk]

Breathe, Ross.

What does your therapist advise you do if you feel kinda paniccky?

 

Try not to second-guess people. Sometimes we all make assumptions about what other people think of us.

We all do it, it's natural, so you're not alone there....

But if we only knew how little they think of us at all.....

 

Is there any way you could have a friend call round and be with you when they deliver the car?

have you got a secure lock-up garage to put the car into?

 

Would that make you feel better?

[Ross PK]

Breathe, Ross.

What does your therapist advise you do if you feel kinda paniccky?

 

I'm not seeing the therapist anymore. But I still have all the papers which have the CBT techniques that the therapist written on them.

 

I've tried using a few techniques, but I don't really think they're helping.

 

Try not to second-guess people. Sometimes we all make assumptions about what other people think of us.

We all do it, it's natural, so you're not alone there....

But if we only knew how little they think of us at all.....

 

Thing is, is that something happened a while back, which I think confirms my beliefs.

 

I was out one time with my mum helping her with the shopping.

 

This man who she knew who lives near us (who I'd never seen before), started talking to her, he then looked at me and asked her, is this the one who never goes out?

 

I'm going to feel like such a freak when I'm having to stand around outside my house tomorrow if there are any of the neighbours oustide doing things and 'socialising' with each other, I'm just goign to want the ground to swallow me up.

 

Even if no one is there, I'm still going to be really scared about any people coming out and stuff, or several people pulling up in their car and getting out, saying 'hi' to someone just coming out of their door. There's a lot of young people and stuff. It's like one big social circle here and everyone knows each other. And I'm just some weirdo who everyone whispers about. :eek: I feel like such a freak.

 

Obviously, because of it being like that, it has crippled me even more about going out on my own.

 

So yeah, this is basically the main reason why I've got a car, to help me get out of this situation.

 

I'm perfectly okay once I'm away from my area.

 

I used to go out all the time on my own where I used to live, I had loads of friends too.

 

Is there any way you could have a friend call round and be with you when they deliver the car?

 

I don't have any friends.

 

have you got a secure lock-up garage to put the car into?

 

Would that make you feel better?

 

I don't have a garage either.

 

Thanks for the help Geisha, I'm sorry if it seems like I'm knocking back everything that you say. But if I want help, I've got to be honest about things/my situation.

[Geishawhelk]

Oh, thanks Ross, that's ok. I realise sometimes in the thick of it things seem insurmountable. Wht may be simple and easy-peasy for some, is a major hurdle and challenge for others.

I get that.

 

Ok, well, it's progress, just talking about it.

 

Ross, is there some way you could consider moving into your own place

Would that be too much of a challenge for you?

 

The methods your therapist gave you to help you through situations such as this.....

Have they always not worked, or is it just now....?

Oh, one last thing...

 

That guy's response wasn't necessarily meant to be unkind, but it was certainly tactless and unguarded.

There's a programme on Radio 4 called "Does he take sugar?" (third person) which basically talks about the difficulties experienced by those who are not socialy adept, physically or mentally handicapped or who have a mental conditions.....

Society is geared to question that which they do not understand, or that is alien to them. It's a natural response borne of fear and ignorance.

The guy shouldn't have been so stupid to talk about you, in the third person, and it just goes to show how ignorant and idiotic he was.

But he wasn't necessarily making fun of you.

What did your mother say in response?

 

I hope I haven't bombarded you!

 

Could you move out?

[wuggle]

Ross, one the the main things I have learnt in life is things are rarely as bad as you can imagine them to be. I realise you have problems with anxiety which has made you become a bit of recluse and I won't pretend to understand that all too well but most people I know are anxious about some things in life, including me. Often we go through the what if, and what might happen and most times it really isn't anywhere near as bad as your brain going round and round in circles makes it.

 

So what if people look at you wierd when you go out, s*d them, you have as much right to be there as they do. If Anyone says something dumb like "are you the one who never goes out ?" smile at them and say "yes, I'm still in bed actually' and watch the look on thier face.

 

You only have to face them a few times whilst anxious and after you have been out a few times to your car and driven off they will stop seeing you as the 'one who never goes out'.

 

You have a new car coming, this is a briliiant opportunity to turn yourself into the 'guy who's never in'.

 

Tough it out the first few times, the're no better than you, worse if they are going to judge you without knowing you.

 

Go for it. ;)

[Ross PK]

re the clubs etc, what are your hobbies or interests ?

 

Even if you don't join any clubs just having a car gives you options you never had, you really can just think ' I'm going to such and such a place' - then go there. A lot of time just getting out and driving helps you clear you head or think.

 

The car certainly can help you get jobs, passing your test really should pay for itself in the long run. Not sure if you have any skills for the workplace or not, but even if the answer is no having a car gives you options to make a crust, deliveries, taxi (long term when your happier with driving) even just being able to get to jobs easier opens up more options , labouring etc (I know you are into gym work so maybe look for a physical based job ?)

 

How did you know I like working out?

 

From what I can think of right now, I like weightlifting, golf, videogames, music, classic cars and just cars in general.

 

I guess you or someone will suggest I go to the gym instead of working out at home, but I dunno, it feels like quite a big step right know and I honestly don't think I'd be into working out at a gym.

 

There's golf, I'd love to play golf, if I had my car right now, was confident about driving, and it was summer, knew how to play, and had someone to play it with, I'd love nothing more than driving to the golf course and having a game, I'd honestly be happy to do that right now.

[Ross PK]

Oh, thanks Ross, that's ok. I realise sometimes in the thick of it things seem insurmountable. Wht may be simple and easy-peasy for some, is a major hurdle and challenge for others.

I get that.

 

Ok, well, it's progress, just talking about it.

 

Well, I'm feeling a bit better now after thinking about a few things.

 

Ross, is there some way you could consider moving into your own place

Would that be too much of a challenge for you?

 

I'd love nothing more than to have my own place, and I'd be happy to get my own place right now. That's a big reason for why I've got a car, so I can get work in an area far away from here where I'd be happy, and then get my own place.

 

The methods your therapist gave you to help you through situations such as this.....

Have they always not worked, or is it just now....?

 

Some have worked up to an extent. But I think the main thing that helped was actually going to see someone to talk about it face to face, it gave me support.

 

Oh, one last thing...

 

That guy's response wasn't necessarily meant to be unkind, but it was certainly tactless and unguarded.

There's a programme on Radio 4 called "Does he take sugar?" (third person) which basically talks about the difficulties experienced by those who are not socialy adept, physically or mentally handicapped or who have a mental conditions.....

Society is geared to question that which they do not understand, or that is alien to them. It's a natural response borne of fear and ignorance.

The guy shouldn't have been so stupid to talk about you, in the third person, and it just goes to show how ignorant and idiotic he was.

But he wasn't necessarily making fun of you.

What did your mother say in response?

 

I hope I haven't bombarded you!

 

Could you move out?

 

I don't think the guy meant any harm. I've never really thought about it before, but reading what you said, it does seem a bit of an odd thing to just come out with casually like that, as though he could've been talking about the weather.

 

Can't remember what my mum said. I really don't think she said anything like 'No, he does go out'.

 

Don't worry, you haven't bombarded me.

 

It wouldn't be possible to get my own place right now, unless I got some crappy flat (since I have no career yet) in this area, and I don't want to do that.

[Ross PK]

Ross, one the the main things I have learnt in life is things are rarely as bad as you can imagine them to be. I realise you have problems with anxiety which has made you become a bit of recluse and I won't pretend to understand that all too well but most people I know are anxious about some things in life, including me. Often we go through the what if, and what might happen and most times it really isn't anywhere near as bad as your brain going round and round in circles makes it.

 

So what if people look at you wierd when you go out, s*d them, you have as much right to be there as they do. If Anyone says something dumb like "are you the one who never goes out ?" smile at them and say "yes, I'm still in bed actually' and watch the look on thier face.

 

That actually sounds like a really good comeback, a lot better than anything I could think of saying.

 

You only have to face them a few times whilst anxious and after you have been out a few times to your car and driven off they will stop seeing you as the 'one who never goes out'.

 

Yeah, I've actually thought about that. I guess some people will remember though, that's if they know, which they probably do, all it takes is for one person to mention something and everyone's going to know.

 

I mean, since I hardly ever go out, there will be a lot of people who wont even know who I am, but, once they start seeing me regulary, all it takes is for someone else to say to them, 'you know that guy? he never used to leave the house'.

 

You have a new car coming, this is a briliiant opportunity to turn yourself into the 'guy who's never in'.

 

Tough it out the first few times, the're no better than you, worse if they are going to judge you without knowing you.

 

Go for it. ;)

 

Thanks.

[Geishawhelk]

Ross, I like you a lot.

You know why?

Because whenever you talk about stuff that goes on in your life, it's factual, to the point, down to earth and very matter-of-fact.

You don't dress it up, over-say it, dramatise it, make a big issue of it, or go all prima-donna-ish over it.

You call a spade a spade, and tell it like it is.

 

You have no idea how refreshing that is!

 

Maybe it's because you're a northern lad, and down to earth.

But I would guess it's just that you are genuinely one of the good guys.

[Ross PK]

Lol, thanks.

 

Anyway, incase any of you are wondering why I got rid of my picture, it's because I'm now worried about anyone round here seeing the topic. I mean there's even the picture of the car too. But, I can't edit that post now.

 

I don't think I'm worrying about nothing. I mean if you think about it, it only seems to be Loveshack and Enotalone that are the popular relationship boards that are on the net, every other site which has message boards about relationships just seem to be dead. So the chances are, if anyone is having relationship troubles around here (and everyone, I mean everyone, even teenagers seem to have either a relationship or at least a bf/gf round here), they could stumble across this site.

[wuggle]

How did you know I like working out?

 

Can't remember if it was on one of your threads or might have been your myspace page (I followed your link from your profile one day).

 

re people talking, as geisha says most of the time they don't anywhere near as much as you think, and even if they do, so what ? let them. As long as your not harming them, if they've got nothing better to do that's thier problem. Try not to let what other people 'Might' think stop you enjoying your life.

 

Take care, off to watch derren brown now.

[Ross PK]

Can't remember if it was on one of your threads or might have been your myspace page (I followed your link from your profile one day).

 

re people talking, as geisha says most of the time they don't anywhere near as much as you think, and even if they do, so what ? let them. As long as your not harming them, if they've got nothing better to do that's thier problem. Try not to let what other people 'Might' think stop you enjoying your life.

 

Take care, off to watch derren brown now.

 

Lol, yeah, I guess it would've been my Myspace page.

[wuggle]

Lol, thanks.

 

Anyway, incase any of you are wondering why I got rid of my picture, it's because I'm now worried about anyone round here seeing the topic. I mean there's even the picture of the car too. But, I can't edit that post now.

 

I don't think I'm worrying about nothing. I mean if you think about it, it only seems to be Loveshack and Enotalone that are the popular relationship boards that are on the net, every other site which has message boards about relationships just seem to be dead. So the chances are, if anyone is having relationship troubles around here (and everyone, I mean everyone, even teenagers seem to have either a relationship or at least a bf/gf round here), they could stumble across this site.

 

Good move to get rid of the picture, one of the things I think the organisers of this site are keen on is anonymity, It's sort of a level of protection for us all. That been said I really don't think there is much chance of anyone stumbling on your thread. Re my\Geishas earlier comments, Please dont assume people are talking about you all the time they honestly probably aren't.