the grass isnt always greener

[blagro]

About 5 months ago a wrote a post about losing a girl that I dated on and off for over 8 years to another guy. This girl was in love with me for a long time and I would always back out of the relationship because I was afraid of moving to the next level.

 

A year ago I told her I was ready to get married and we decided to try this again. I bought her a ring in the fall but was unable to give it to her. I didn't feel comfortable at the time and she was putting a lot of pressure on me plus things at my work weren't going well and I was having money concerns. I became depressed and it affected our relationship. We weren't getting along well and I told her that I wasn't ready to ask her to get married.

 

Well she wasn't to happy to hear this so we didn't keep dating as boyfriend girlfriend. We still hung out, went to dinner, and watched movies together and I helped her around her house with things that needed done. I still loved her and had thoughts of still asking her to get married but I wasn't sure how much I damaged the relationship so I hesitated.

 

In May she met another guy and told me that I couldn't call her anymore. I was devasted by it. I still had strong feelings for her.

 

Of course I said all of this 5 months ago in my last post and Tony ripped into me and I don't blame him or anybody else for that matter. You guys told me to leave her alone which I did. I have not talked to her in those 5 months except she emailed me once to see how I was doing. I emailed her back but found out from a mutual friend that she is still dating this guy so I told her that I would prefer to have no contact because it is too hard on me right now.

 

I have been going to a counselor to help deal with my issues and get through my depression and it has really helped. I guess the basis of this post is that I have come to the realization that I was really in love with her and miss her tremendously. She was my best friend and I made a huge mistake that I will have to deal with for a long time. Nothing has made me realize this more than the time that we have spent apart.

 

If there is any guy out there who thinks that there is something else out there that is better than what they have they should take a second look. It is rare that you can meet someone that you can connect with physically and emotionally. No woman is perfect nor any man.

 

I had this and I let it get away because I thought that there might be something better. And at age 33 I am worried that I might never meet someone that treated me like she did and was my best friend.

[moimeme]

Sometimes we only understand what we have once we've lost it. Yours is a poignant reminder to people to think carefully before ending a relationship. It was good of you to post it as a lesson to others. Wishing you happiness in your future. You will love again but it will take time.

[Tony T]

"Love knows not its own depth, except in the hour of separation."

 

Know your feelings at all times, don't take anybody for granted, and move swiftly when the window of opportunity opens.

[emokid]

BUMMER. Well thanks for sharing that story. You will find love again. I pray for your happiness and to resolve those issues of yours. It's tough i know.

 

 

You don't know whatcha got til it's gone. People, People, People....Don't pass on the good thing. I mean if love really isn't for you and career comes first or you just don't need a special someone, then don't try and find love, don't waste anyone's time. BUT, use your head. Why are we on this earth...??? Don't let meaningless things come in the way of your good relationship if you have one. Don't think that you'll find something better than what you already have. If you have something good don't lose it. Build on it and create a relationship and a bond that works out best for the both of you.

[blagro]

Thanks, you guys are great. This website is about as good as seeing a counselor and it doesn't cost anything. I have learned a huge lesson. Like the saying goes: you don't know what you got until it's gone. It is so true. It is like losing a best friend in a car accident. I do not take anything for granted anymore and I treat all of my relationships with friends and family with more respect. I am taking some time to figure myself out. Hopefully I will come out a much stronger person and know what I want out of my next relationship.

[HokeyReligions]

Thank you for coming back and posting. I know you are hurting and I feel bad for you. It might help to know that had you gone ahead and married her it could have ended up being even more painful for you both and you could have ended up resentful of each other. I've seen that happen in a situation similar to yours and both parties suffered so and parted in so much anger and hurt and bitterness that neither person has really grown or learned and they both keep taking that bitterness into new relationships. Hindsight might be 20/20 but we still can't predict the 'what ifs' from the past.

 

I'm proud for you that you are going to counseling and working on yourself and your own happiness. Really, 33 is not so old. My husband was 33 when we met and my brother met his "soul mate" when he was 48!

[julieg]

i broke up with a significant bf after 4 years long ago at age 21 for the grass is greener and the possiblity that something better may come along. now over 20 years later i often wonder what if and have tortured myself. i have come to the following conclusions for sanity:

 

live in the reality of today, love your life and remind yourself of how fortunate you are in so many ways that have absolutely nothing to do with that person, don't look back and realize all the experiences you will have that you may have not had if you hadn't broken up, try to remind yourself ONLY of the things that you disliked about that person (this is really hard), there is a good chance that the relationship would have soured over time anyway--try to vividly image that things ended very badly if you had stayed together.

 

best of luck to you!!