Does it get easier?

[hoartiosans]

It's been two weeks now, and I hardly feel any better than I did after she first dumped me. Every morning I wake up sad, some days more than others, then at night I get sad while I lay in bed thinking about her. And every other night I dream about her, then wake up depressed. My feelings fluctuate from day to day, depressed one day, content the next. We weren't even together that long, I just had a great connection with her, and now I can't stand the thought of her being with someone else. I read some of the stories you other guys put on here and I feel bad, for feeling bad. But she was my first girlfriend, I guess that's why I'm so upset.

 

I just need to know, Does it get easier?

 

I don't think I can do this everyday until I meet someone new.

[northstar1]

It's been two weeks now, and I hardly feel any better than I did after she first dumped me. Every morning I wake up sad, some days more than others, then at night I get sad while I lay in bed thinking about her. And every other night I dream about her, then wake up depressed. My feelings fluctuate from day to day, depressed one day, content the next. We weren't even together that long, I just had a great connection with her, and now I can't stand the thought of her being with someone else. I read some of the stories you other guys put on here and I feel bad, for feeling bad. But she was my first girlfriend, I guess that's why I'm so upset.

 

I just need to know, Does it get easier?

 

I don't think I can do this everyday until I meet someone new.

 

yes, it gets easier, but it is not linear. It is more like peaks and troughs. You'll have a great few days, then maybe have a day you feel crappy again. But the gaps between those bad days will lessen, as will the intensity.

[IcemanJB]

Hey man, I'm right there with you. I broke up with my ex almost 3 months ago. Although she wasn't my first girlfriend, she was the first girl I truly love(d). I, like you, wasn't even 'official' with her for a great deal of time (was even with previous girls longer than her), but time I think doesn't mean much.

 

I hope you're going NC. It took me 1.5 months of her contacting me to realize it was hurting me a lot. The best decision I've made so far is to tell her to leave me alone; I suggest doing that if you haven't already. If she respects you, she WILL leave you alone.

 

And it DOES get better. It takes time though. And it definitely fluctuates like you said; I had a "relapse" a couple weeks ago when I thought I was doing much better. Today I'm doing really well, best I've felt yet since the breakup. Hell I still miss her a ton, but you gotta stand your ground. You just gotta hang in there! DO NOT give in to temptations to contact her; I guess it helps that she's in Chicago for winter break, but still it's close enough that the temptations are there.

 

I think I'm finally at the point where I'd like to start seeing other people even though the thought of her with others still bugs me a bit. Keep in mind I'm over a month NC, so use that as a rough guideline; but everyone is different.

 

Good luck man.

[hoartiosans]

Thanks. I've been doing NC for a week now, she texted me yesterday, it was really hard for me to ignore it. I cared about her so much, this has been a nightmare.

[MWH]

My past experience with breaking up says "Yes- it WILL get easier".

 

This time around, though, I'm feeling like i'm gonna be messed up for a long time coming.

 

I'm sure I'll get better in time but I don't think I'll ever be the same. There has been some heavy damage this time that goes way beyong the typical relationship/breaking up issues.

 

I'm not feeling too positive today I guess.

 

Peace,

 

MWH

[hoartiosans]

I'm not having a great day either, I woke up depressed today. But I won't pretend to know how you feel.

[againstallodds]

NC is like a roller coaster ride. Some day you feel better some day you feel worse. Some day the urge to contact the ex is unbearable. I've been doing NC for over 4 months. After the end of each month, i realize that damn it's really over and started missing her and try to contact her but I try to control the urge. I think about what I want to say to her in my head but I don't act on them. As each month pass you'll still have the urge to reach out but your pain will be less and less and now I don't think about her every day maybe 1 to 2 hours a day lol.

 

I've been with her for 1 1/2 years and we were living together so a lot of memories there. "I like that song against all odds" "Take a look at me now it's just an empty space". Over time you'll accept the fact that she's gone and it doesn't bother you as much to be alone. I am almost healed. I would say I am 85% healed up, lucky for me is my ex never contacted me at all. Thanks god.

[againstallodds]

BTW, workout is a great way to help ease the pain. Everytime I missed my ex and feel sad I just go workout for an hour or two. I feel really happy after that and my ex seem to disappear from my thoughts for a while. And what is better than to look good for the next girl you'll meet?

[northstar1]

I'm not having a great day either, I woke up depressed today. But I won't pretend to know how you feel.

 

Look, the beginning is rough, but it does slowly get better.

In the first few weeks/months after my relationship ended, I thought about her nearly 24x7, I couldn't focus on work, I could not spend more than a few minutes in conversation without losing focus - as thoughts always drifted back to her. The smallest triggers would set me into feeling awful for the day. I dreamnt about her nearly every night and woke up depressed...........It was truly a horrific summer.

I got through it by working out a lot, spending time with friends, travelling etc.

 

Now - several months later, I do think of her each day, but the pain associated with those memories is not as intense. I dream of her occassionally, but it doesn't ruin my entire day if I do.

 

Am I healed? Nope, not yet - but I am in a much better spot than I was 4 months ago.

[not_a_happy_camper]

And what is better than to look good for the next girl you'll meet?

 

also kinda cool to look good next time your ex sees you let them see what they're missing!

 

i'm six weeks out of my first relationship H. I don't know that i can see it's gotten easier. We never said NC. but it kind of went that way, with the exception of him texting me to say happy christmas, which did set me back. i didn't see the harm in texting back, because as much as i'd like to think it might mean more than that, i just had to take it at face value. it was just a text.

 

i'm up and down like a yo-yo. the highs are getting better. which seems to make the lows feel worse than they are when they arrive, but in saying that..........when i look back to the weeks before we broke up, and the two weeks after, i feel a lot better than i did when those emotions were so raw. I still miss him so much. And I can't imagine ever feeling that way about anyone else ever. but reading what other people have posted here, it seems to be possible. when the healing is done, however long that will take. i've been putting lots of pressure on myself to feel better.........i don't think that's such a good thing. it's going to take as long as it will take. i already know that because tomorrow is new year's eve, i'll be probably out with my friends, but checking my phone every few minutes to see if he'll text, since he texted christmas eve. he probably won't. and i'm probably better off. but if he doesn't, i'll probably picture him kissing someone else at midnight. which is going to hurt like crazy. and i know it's not good to think like that.............i'm just hoping i'll be able to distract myself and not wallow! think i'll give my phone to a friend to mind for the evening...............and not have too much wine! Best way not to give in to me texting him first..........see other thread about that. But as good as i feel today, i know i'll be feeling horrible at midnight i'm sure.

 

i still think of him every morning when i wake up, and every night before i sleep.............and every hour in between! but since i've been able to distance myself, i'm beginning to realise i deserved far better treatment. sometimes it takes space to realise that. and emotional detachment. i don't know what your situation was with the break-up. But i'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. today anyway! it could change, but you need to give yourself time. lots of time. and be good to yourself

[Knight_Ctrl]

yeah yesterday I was doing damn fantastic. today....moderate at best. I had a dream about her last night, damn dreams. It drives me crazy that I can't even get away from this garbage in my sleep. Its like, I WANT to get over this, I have another girl who I very much do have a crush on right now. But I REFUSE to even put that in motion until I KNOW that I am over my ex. I want more than anything to not care....but I still do, why do I still care. There is nothing left and there is no point in hanging on. I know all of these things and yet still.....god dammit guys....I've gotta go cry now......

[BubblyPopcorn]

IDK, it's kind of like the same thing when a loved one dies or something. It never really get's easier per se, but the feelings aren't as intense and overwhelming as they were at first. I had a very hard time dealing with the ending of someone I dated very briefly, I would wake up with tears in my eyes especially if I had a dream about him or something. It's just such an empty feeling to have but the emptiness lessons as each day passes. It's especially difficult when they've "moved on" but it's also a wake up call, closure in a way. If you think about the other RL's you've had, how hard it was to overcome those endings, and that you did find happiness again, then that just goes to show you that life does go on.

 

Sucks but it's true.

[Riffmeister General]

.....god dammit guys....I've gotta go cry now......

 

Do it bro. I heard something I thought was pretty slushy a while back, but now it's quite comforting. I went something like 'if the sun always shone, you'd have a desert. For every flower to grow, a little rain must fall.' I think it's an adaptation from a poem. Anyway, soppy, I know, but crying lets the boo-boo's out, does it not?

 

Bit less poetic, it's a bit like being sick - you dread actually being sick, but hate the way you're feeling now, and you know you'll feel better for it.

 

So there you go. Bile, flowers... jeez, this post has EVERYTHING.

[belladonna]

lol @ Riffmeister General. Well said.

 

 

I must say, today's been a good day for me. The last two days were terrible but last night I went out with my friend for some beer and we chatted about all sorts of old stuff and I went home and now this morning I was much more at peace. Who knows if it will last but I didn't want to cry once today! I thought about him still, can't get away from that yet, but tears did not ensue for once (just wanted to add that it's definitely OK to cry, you do feel better afterwards, but I just am sick of tearing up every freakin day)

 

I kept thinking that : There is nothing I can do. There really isn't. There's nothing I can say, text, or do to change the way he feels. He treated me like **** anyway. He'll regret it when he realizes that he won't find anyone else like me ever again! This has been my mantra of the day. Hopefully it'll last.

 

Hang in there hoartiosans!

[EmperorR]

108 days of NC, it gets better in teh sense I can eat now, not so angry anymore, but I sitll miss the cheat:(

[EYECANDY000]

Yes baby, its definately going to get easy. Right now you are feeling vulnerable and sad, which is a natural feeling. But try doing things to get your mind off her. Basiclly occupy your mind so your not just thinking about her and her whereabouts. It seems like she isn't at home mopping around so why should you? She's somehwhere having fun , enjoying life, so I yhink you should do the same. Its ok to miss someone, but don't let it dictate your feelings everyday.

[Sexy Kitty]

It will get easier but it will take time. When my ex of 9 months broke up with me in August I was devistated. I took time off work, was crying non stop, didn't want to leave my room etc...I felt so alone and sad. I didn't think I would ever stop feeling that way. Then I met someone else who I was crazy about so I got over the ex fast but then the new guy left me and now Im shattered again. I don't feel as depressed as I did over the other guy but it's still super hard. I was bad with the NC thing and kept contacting him but now I haven't in 3 weeks. I wish I could just say F it and the guy was not worth it and forget him, yet I don't find myself doing that. I can only hope that over time these feelings will fade again and I will move on and look back and think why did I waste my time worrying and being so upset over someone who obviously isn't crying over me.

[GoneButNotForgotten]

Something to remember is that everyone heals at different rates. Some of us heal pretty quickly once we realize that it truly is over. Other people take much more time. For me it has only been three weeks and I can already tell a dramatic difference in my attitude toward the whole thing. I know that I'm not healed yet, but I can tell that I am moving in the correct direction.

[hoartiosans]

I really have faith I'll be ok, but then there's this thought, that what if she was the one...which is stupid, because we only dated a month and she was my first girlfriend, but since I was really happy, and loved everything about her (probably because we only dated a month), I've got nothing to lean on with this whole situation that makes me think I'll be happier or as happy with someone else.

[starzphalling]

this might sound really dumb, but it makes sense and works for me.

 

if she was the one you would still be with her.

 

the "one" is the one that fights just as hard as you do to fix things, the one that cares for you as much as you care for them, the one that you will fight with and come back to because you can talk and find an answer, the one that will never hide a feeling from you, instead devulge it all, trusting you with the most sensitive parts of their heart, the "one" is the one you never have to question about being the "one"

[hoartiosans]

It's sad, I feel like I was the girl in this relationship. I was always the one trying to get her to open up and talk, she often would say she was upset then would say she didn't want to talk about it, once saying, "I don't want to talk about it with you." It hurt my feelings sometimes that she didn't want to talk about that stuff with me....hmm, I guess there is something I didn't like about her.

[starzphalling]

keep going, the more you find that you didn't like, the more you know what to look out for in the future.

[hoartiosans]

The reason she dumped me, she never even mentioned it once. I'm angry, hurt, depressed, and she did all this a week before christmas, so I had to slap on a happy face and pretend to be in the christmas spirit, it sucks because I thought that for the first time I would be happy this christmas, instead, I was more depressed than ever.

[starzphalling]

mine did it, well told me he was having "mixed feelings" which i knew what it meant, on xmas eve, so yeah i feel the pain there. i told my family that i was now a jehovah's witness and don't celebrate xmas anymore. the past 4 have sucked for me lol. having to slap on the smile, hurts more than laying in bed thinking about them all day, guh.

[hoartiosans]

I just think if she had talked to me, maybe we could of avoided this whole mess, but of course not.