She contacted me! WTF!

[Surfer Dude]

Ok, a quick recap:

 

Most of you know my story. I had this ex whom I really loved with all my heart, and yet she cheated on me and dumped me in September.

 

Ever since she's been acting erratically, initiated contact just to tell me about her new boyfriends, to insult me, to make me feel down etc.

 

Month and a half ago, she called me just to tell me she had a new bf. I told her to leave my life forever, to gtfo and never contact me again, told her that she's a slut and a whore... I know I shouldn't have reacted like that, but I suffered really badly, I felt nothing but grief and sorrow and she just intentionally made it worse, I lost my nerve and let it out on her.

 

Anyhow, the NC has lasted for about 40 days now, and her friend called me today, it went like this:

 

FRIEND: She needs your help man, she's in trouble, can you tell me your phone number and I'm gonna email it to her, so that she can call you.

ME: WTF!! what is it?

F: no idea, I think she's lost in a foreign country, and in serious mess.

M: alright, here's my number, let her call me..... wtf.....

 

So she calls me in 5 minutes. She tells me that she had a serious argument with her foreign bf (in a foreign country), they had a fight in the street and went opposite directions and that she is lost now. She said he insulted her in an unimaginable way and that she isn't going to contact him anymore (honestly, she snaps over things so trivial, I somehow doubt he offended her, it's most likely one of her psycho scenes she always makes). She doesn't speak their language, nobody there speaks English, it's some sh*thole country in SE Europe, they don't even use roman alphabet and she doesn't know how to get around.

 

Anyways, she was crying, she told me she lost all her stuff including her passport, the only thing she has is her credit card, she even lost her phone etc. I don't think she lost them, they're probably in his apartment though.

 

I said: what do you want me to do about it?

HER: nothing, I just wanted to say merry xmas and happy new year, I wanted to let you know I'm doing fine, I hope you're doing fine too etc....

ME: Alright... happy new year... happy birthday too.

HER: thanks. It means so much to me that we could talk.

ME: yeah... so... what now.. ?

 

The call broke up (she likely ran out of money) and she didn't call back, neither did I.

 

I'm fully aware that my ex has a few personality disorders, but why did she contact me? This whole situation is really weird and she didn't need my help about anything, it seems she only wanted to complain and hear my voice. I felt an urge to tell her to fck off, but I decided to be a bigger person and to keep it polite.

 

In the past, I treated her like a queen, several months ago I begged her on my knees to come back to me, I blamed myself for everything, and yet she was so heartless that she insulted me with stories about having sex with her new boyfriends to the point of making me cry like a baby.

 

Considering I explicitly told her 1.5 months ago that I don't wanna see her ever again, that she should just disappear from my life, it seems very strange she decided to contact me now.

 

I'm just a fallback guy for her, when things go sour with her bad boy type boyfriends, she always contacts me back no matter how many times I tell her (even in offensive way) to leave me alone.

 

Even though I feel sorry for her situation right now, I kinda believe she had it coming. In fact, I interpret this "happy xmas and new year" thing as an apology. I know I shouldn't be like this, but there's a part of me right now that is actually happy and thinks I won this war.

 

What do you guys think? I know she is mentally disordered, but I want other people's opinion on this.

 

Thanks for taking time to read this incoherent mess (I'm actually a bit upset right now).

[Surfer Dude]

Just to make it clear, I allowed her to call me just because I though her life was in jeopardy (her friend sounded very dramatic) and in that case I wouldn't refuse a phone call from anyone. Of course, I'll keep her blocked on all emails and IM services.

[northstar1]

Ok, a quick recap:

 

Most of you know my story. I had this ex whom I really loved with all my heart, and yet she cheated on me and dumped me in September.

 

Ever since she's been acting erratically, initiated contact just to tell me about her new boyfriends, to insult me, to make me feel down etc.

 

Month and a half ago, she called me just to tell me she had a new bf. I told her to leave my life forever, to gtfo and never contact me again, told her that she's a slut and a whore... I know I shouldn't have reacted like that, but I suffered really badly, I felt nothing but grief and sorrow and she just intentionally made it worse, I lost my nerve and let it out on her.

 

Anyhow, the NC has lasted for about 40 days now, and her friend called me today, it went like this:

 

FRIEND: She needs your help man, she's in trouble, can you tell me your phone number and I'm gonna email it to her, so that she can call you.

ME: WTF!! what is it?

F: no idea, I think she's lost in a foreign country, and in serious mess.

M: alright, here's my number, let her call me..... wtf.....

 

So she calls me in 5 minutes. She tells me that she had a serious argument with her foreign bf (in a foreign country), they had a fight in the street and went opposite directions and that she is lost now. She said he insulted her in an unimaginable way and that she isn't going to contact him anymore (honestly, she snaps over things so trivial, I somehow doubt he offended her, it's most likely one of her psycho scenes she always makes). She doesn't speak their language, nobody there speaks English, it's some sh*thole country in SE Europe, they don't even use roman alphabet and she doesn't know how to get around.

 

Anyways, she was crying, she told me she lost all her stuff including her passport, the only thing she has is her credit card, she even lost her phone etc. I don't think she lost them, they're probably in his apartment though.

 

I said: what do you want me to do about it?

HER: nothing, I just wanted to say merry xmas and happy new year, I wanted to let you know I'm doing fine, I hope you're doing fine too etc....

ME: Alright... happy new year... happy birthday too.

HER: thanks. It means so much to me that we could talk.

ME: yeah... so... what now.. ?

 

The call broke up (she likely ran out of money) and she didn't call back, neither did I.

 

I'm fully aware that my ex has a few personality disorders, but why did she contact me? This whole situation is really weird and she didn't need my help about anything, it seems she only wanted to complain and hear my voice. I felt an urge to tell her to fck off, but I decided to be a bigger person and to keep it polite.

 

In the past, I treated her like a queen, several months ago I begged her on my knees to come back to me, I blamed myself for everything, and yet she was so heartless that she insulted me with stories about having sex with her new boyfriends to the point of making me cry like a baby.

 

Considering I explicitly told her 1.5 months ago that I don't wanna see her ever again, that she should just disappear from my life, it seems very strange she decided to contact me now.

 

I'm just a fallback guy for her, when things go sour with her bad boy type boyfriends, she always contacts me back no matter how many times I tell her (even in offensive way) to leave me alone.

 

Even though I feel sorry for her situation right now, I kinda believe she had it coming. In fact, I interpret this "happy xmas and new year" thing as an apology. I know I shouldn't be like this, but there's a part of me right now that is actually happy and thinks I won this war.

 

What do you guys think? I know she is mentally disordered, but I want other people's opinion on this.

 

Thanks for taking time to read this incoherent mess (I'm actually a bit upset right now).

 

From where I see it, this girl has a lot of drama and issues man. Not your problem anymore though, be thankful.

[CaliGuy]

Here's my 2 cents.

 

She made this bed, let her lay in it. Don't "enable" her. Don't rescue her. Don't be her "fall back" guy. She's a grown adult, free to make any choice she wants in her life. If you "rescue" her, that's all you'll be to her. In addition, you will get yourself wrapped up in the thought of reconciliation -- most likely to be disappointed once again.

 

You should be thanking God this woman is not in your life anymore. Now keep her out of your life for good.

[againstallodds]

I guess wot goes around come around. Karma my friend. She treated you badly now it's her turn.

[Surfer Dude]

I guess you're right, what goes around comes around. She did have it coming. Not that I'm happy she is in major trouble now, I just feel the justice has been served. Had things been normal, she could've spent Christmas and new year with me and my family (who really liked her), instead of being lost in some god forsaken place with no money and no passport. Stupid girl.

 

Funny she contacted me. Not her mom, not her best friend, but me. What does this mean? Does it mean that she trusts me more than anyone else? Well she has every reason to, I was nothing but kind and understanding all that time.

 

F*ck it, I'm never gonna figure out that delusional female mind.

[northstar1]

I guess you're right, what goes around comes around. She did have it coming. Not that I'm happy she is in major trouble now, I just feel the justice has been served. Had things been normal, she could've spent Christmas and new year with me and my family (who really liked her), instead of being lost in some god forsaken place with no money and no passport. Stupid girl.

 

Funny she contacted me. Not her mom, not her best friend, but me. What does this mean? Does it mean that she trusts me more than anyone else? Well she has every reason to, I was nothing but kind and understanding all that time.

 

F*ck it, I'm never gonna figure out that delusional female mind.

 

Hey man, I'm a bit confused - was this always a long distance thing? Or did she move away at some point?

[That Emotion]

I'm just a fallback guy for her, when things go sour with her bad boy type boyfriends, she always contacts me back no matter how many times I tell her (even in offensive way) to leave me alone.

 

Yeah. I've been through this before. You're back-up guy. You always will be, and frankly, knowing the type of girl this is, you're probably not the only one. Furthermore, you'll never ever be anything more than back up guy. Nothing against you man, that's just how this type of girl operates.

 

Now you can either accept this and take what you can get while being aware of her game, or cut her off totallly if you don't want to deal with it. Obviously from your post, the latter option is the one you choose. Next time don't deliver your phone number regardless of the story.

 

Good luck.

[MWH]

F*ck it, I'm never gonna figure out that delusional female mind.

 

There ya go. C'mon man- you know damn well better than to try to get inside her head. That's no place for a good man to be!

 

So she's lost in a foreign land. I'm sure she can manage to find a police station or get to an embassy. Life and death? I guess she beter see a doctor then.

 

HER PROBLEM. Not your job. Too bad so sad sorry about her luck.

 

Delusional. Disordered. Irrational. Illogical. You DON'T wanna get inside THAT head do you?

 

Hell NO!

 

Don't let her guilt-trip you - you owe her nothing. Sorry- no tears for her from me.

 

Hang in there man!

 

 

Peace,

 

MWH

[Surfer Dude]

Hey man, I'm a bit confused - was this always a long distance thing? Or did she move away at some point?

 

It's always been long distance. She moved to Europe so that we could be together and put an end to this long distance thing. And yet, barely a few weeks after she moved here, she started cheating on me with other men, it's like she completely went nuts. I've no idea what happened to her.

[Surfer Dude]

Yeah. I've been through this before. You're back-up guy. You always will be, and frankly, knowing the type of girl this is, you're probably not the only one. Furthermore, you'll never ever be anything more than back up guy. Nothing against you man, that's just how this type of girl operates.

 

Now you can either accept this and take what you can get while being aware of her game, or cut her off totallly if you don't want to deal with it. Obviously from your post, the latter option is the one you choose. Next time don't deliver your phone number regardless of the story.

 

Good luck.

 

Yeah, she's gone from my life for good, she just needs to accept that fact. I know she's just a troublemaker, even if she lies that her life is in jeopardy next time, I won't talk to her. Wouldn't be surprised if she came here, called me and told me she was in the airport and had nowhere to go, this is exactly like her. Crazy bitch.

 

There ya go. C'mon man- you know damn well better than to try to get inside her head. That's no place for a good man to be!

 

So she's lost in a foreign land. I'm sure she can manage to find a police station or get to an embassy. Life and death? I guess she beter see a doctor then.

 

HER PROBLEM. Not your job. Too bad so sad sorry about her luck.

 

Delusional. Disordered. Irrational. Illogical. You DON'T wanna get inside THAT head do you?

 

Hell NO!

 

Don't let her guilt-trip you - you owe her nothing. Sorry- no tears for her from me.

 

Hang in there man!

 

 

Peace,

 

MWH

 

Thanks man, I'm doing fine, yeah.

I'm not on a guilt trip, if anyone should be on one, it's her. She lost a damn good man who wanted to spend his life with her and make her happy all her life. She abused my trust, walked all over me and treated me like a doormat.

 

I'm not gonna try to get inside her head, I've been slowly coming to realize the fact she's a psycho.

 

Dude, you were also with a psycho woman, what's up with good men attracting those damn bitches? It's really bothersome. I guess they're predators, like you said.

[MWH]

 

Dude, you were also with a psycho woman, what's up with good men attracting those damn bitches? It's really bothersome. I guess they're predators, like you said.

 

You know how they project THEIR problems onto you? You know- like calling you a cheater when THEY cheat? Well they pick us out of the crowd because we are everything they WISH they were. They wanna be "cool and nice" by osmosis.

 

In a way they do just that- they suck the life and heart and soul right out of you.

 

The good news is that WE can bounce back from it and they, more than likely, are gonna be like that forever.

 

Peace,

 

MWH

[Surfer Dude]

You know how they project THEIR problems onto you? You know- like calling you a cheater when THEY cheat? Well they pick us out of the crowd because we are everything they WISH they were. They wanna be "cool and nice" by osmosis.

 

In a way they do just that- they suck the life and heart and soul right out of you.

 

The good news is that WE can bounce back from it and they, more than likely, are gonna be like that forever.

 

Peace,

 

MWH

 

Yes, it's exactly like they're trying to absorb your value, but funny thing is, they never really do, they always retain their old ways.

 

I saw a new email in my inbox a moment ago and I dreaded that it's from her, luckily it was from some really cool girl I like, what a relief. I swear to god, if this crazy comes anywhere near me, I'll file a restraining order. I'm scared of psycho women, I know what they're capable of. Cunning and smart, fueled by their craziness and sick projections, thinking they're on some kind of quest.

[againstallodds]

It's always been long distance. She moved to Europe so that we could be together and put an end to this long distance thing. And yet, barely a few weeks after she moved here, she started cheating on me with other men, it's like she completely went nuts. I've no idea what happened to her.

 

 

Hey man, maybe she has always been a psycho since you don't see her everyday until a few weeks ago. Have you ever thought of that lol.

[EmperorR]

wow, just when you think you'll never hear from them again.

 

It sucks doesn't it just when you feel like your getting over the hump everything is getting better then teh dreaded contact.

 

I was doing fine a few days ago then I found some stupid cards and pictures that I didn't shred and I liked relapse.

 

I hope what you went through never happens to me, it's why I need to change my number.

[EmperorR]

You know how they project THEIR problems onto you? You know- like calling you a cheater when THEY cheat? Well they pick us out of the crowd because we are everything they WISH they were. They wanna be "cool and nice" by osmosis.

 

In a way they do just that- they suck the life and heart and soul right out of you.

 

The good news is that WE can bounce back from it and they, more than likely, are gonna be like that forever.

 

Peace,

 

MWH

 

 

That was my ex, she was the jealous type whenever i talked to a girl I was cheating, in my sisters wedding walking down teh aisle with a girl I'm cheating with my sisters friend, yet shes the one who cheats.

 

I agree with everything you say.

[D-Lish]

If her friend had your number to call you to alert you of your ex's dilemma...why didn't her friend just give her your number?

 

Was the friend calling you seeking permission to give the ex your number?

I don't understand how that went down.

 

I am guessing she knows she screwed up and is creating an "event" to get back into contact with you. The friend calling you sets up the drama and makes you worry... Nicely designed, by playing the damsel in distress- she places herself in your thoughts again. That sucks!

 

She thought of calling you for help because she still cares.

That sucks too... because there is no going back after what she has done.

 

I'd resist any temptation to check in on her...

If she's lost her passport and is out of money- well, that is what parents are for!!

[Surfer Dude]

If her friend had your number to call you to alert you of your ex's dilemma...why didn't her friend just give her your number?

 

Was the friend calling you seeking permission to give the ex your number?

I don't understand how that went down.

 

I am guessing she knows she screwed up and is creating an "event" to get back into contact with you. The friend calling you sets up the drama and makes you worry... Nicely designed, by playing the damsel in distress- she places herself in your thoughts again. That sucks!

 

She thought of calling you for help because she still cares.

That sucks too... because there is no going back after what she has done.

 

I'd resist any temptation to check in on her...

If she's lost her passport and is out of money- well, that is what parents are for!!

 

Don't worry, there is no way I'd contact her or pick up the phone again. I'm sick of her stupidity and mindgames. In the past I prayed to god every day that she would come back, but now I feel nothing but pure disgust, I wouldn't touch her with a pole.

 

It's amazing how these dumpers don't realize one really simple thing:

when you dump someone, you lose every privilege and right to be a part of their life.

 

How do they figure they can just treat us like sh*t and then call us anytime they need something? This is absolutely crazy.

[Jenny123]

I'm starting to think opposites attract-My past history has always been for the bad boys. Ying/yang?? Challenge??!!

Good luck surfer dude-she seems to attract drama.

[D-Lish]

It's amazing how these dumpers don't realize one really simple thing:

when you dump someone, you lose every privilege and right to be a part of their life.

 

How do they figure they can just treat us like sh*t and then call us anytime they need something? This is absolutely crazy.

 

That's a good point. I have had the same issue with my recent ex...

He doesn't want to be with me, but won't stop contacting me.

 

That behaviour is incredibly selfish and annoying.

[Surfer Dude]

I'm really not a bad person and I never feel happy when someone is having problems, but now I feel kinda good about the fact that her holidays are equally ruined like mine.

 

In fact, I'm spending new year with my great family over a dinner, while she's been dumped the day before new year and is lost in some city. I feel a bit sorry for her situation, but on the other hand, it also feels good to know she's more miserable than me right now.

[The Collector]

She brought the drama on herself because she's a big old psycho drama queen.

 

Which 'god-forsaken' country is she in? It can't be that scary, there are always people that speak English.

[CaliGuy]

That's a good point. I have had the same issue with my recent ex...

He doesn't want to be with me, but won't stop contacting me.

 

That behaviour is incredibly selfish and annoying.

 

I've been saying this for years and it's exactly what I have told my exs in the past. None of them seem to understand this and it drives them nuts (good!)

 

If you decide to break off the relationship, then you lose any and all rights to my life. You don't get to take me for granted and expect to stay in my life in any way, shape or form. My life is fun and exciting and something I share with people close to me -- who don't take me for granted.

 

Exs only want to stay in your life either to relieve their guilt or to keep you around as a back up. If you're fine with being an option to someone you see as a priority, more power to you. (And when I say you, I mean people in general, not you "D"). Not me. I don't have time for people in my life who don't see much (if any) value in me.

[northstar1]

I'm really not a bad person and I never feel happy when someone is having problems, but now I feel kinda good about the fact that her holidays are equally ruined like mine.

 

In fact, I'm spending new year with my great family over a dinner, while she's been dumped the day before new year and is lost in some city. I feel a bit sorry for her situation, but on the other hand, it also feels good to know she's more miserable than me right now.

 

People make choices that takes them away from us, either emotionally or physically - and at some point need to deal with those choices - which means they are no longer our problem.

[Surfer Dude]

I really hate her now for breaking NC and setting me back so much.

 

Today I was terribly scared for a few minutes, fearing that something might happen to her, and felt really sorry that she is going through all this on new year. My heart really tightened up, out of fear and pity. I again felt love for her, like in the old times.

 

And at the same time, I hate her more than anything and I'm extremely happy this has happened.

 

I'm such an emotional mess right now, I have no idea what's wrong with me, how can I love her and be worried, and yet hate her with passion at the same time.

Stupid love, stupid relationships, I never wanna date again and expose myself to such F*CKING BULLSH*T.