She contacted me! WTF!

[EmperorR]

I really hate her now for breaking NC and setting me back so much.

 

Today I was terribly scared for a few minutes, fearing that something might happen to her, and felt really sorry that she is going through all this on new year. My heart really tightened up, out of fear and pity. I again felt love for her, like in the old times.

 

And at the same time, I hate her more than anything and I'm extremely happy this has happened.

 

I'm such an emotional mess right now, I have no idea what's wrong with me, how can I love her and be worried, and yet hate her with passion at the same time.

Stupid love, stupid relationships, I never wanna date again and expose myself to such F*CKING BULLSH*T.

 

I'm in the same boat man

[kizik]

I really hate her now for breaking NC and setting me back so much.

 

Today I was terribly scared for a few minutes, fearing that something might happen to her, and felt really sorry that she is going through all this on new year. My heart really tightened up, out of fear and pity. I again felt love for her, like in the old times.

 

And at the same time, I hate her more than anything and I'm extremely happy this has happened.

 

I'm such an emotional mess right now, I have no idea what's wrong with me, how can I love her and be worried, and yet hate her with passion at the same time.

Stupid love, stupid relationships, I never wanna date again and expose myself to such F*CKING BULLSH*T.

 

I totally understand. You're concerned, but you take a perverse joy in her misery, because of the pain she put you through.

 

No one says you have to date again. But my feeling is that in 6 months, a year, two years - you'll meet someone that's just a nice girl, who wants to treat you well. It all unfolds quite perfectly, I think, when you no longer care about it.

 

As for now - don't accept any more calls from her, no matter what. You are no longer the fall-back guy.

[EmperorR]

I totally understand. You're concerned, but you take a perverse joy in her misery, because of the pain she put you through.

 

No one says you have to date again. But my feeling is that in 6 months, a year, two years - you'll meet someone that's just a nice girl, who wants to treat you well. It all unfolds quite perfectly, I think, when you no longer care about it.

 

As for now - don't accept any more calls from her, no matter what. You are no longer the fall-back guy.

 

I agree with this, it seems when you want a relationship and look for a decent girl so desperately you always end up empty happened, but when you dont care just live your life then boom.

[MWH]

I agree with this, it seems when you want a relationship and look for a decent girl so desperately you always end up empty happened, but when you dont care just live your life then boom.

 

I hope so. I'm a bit older and actually told myself before I met my ex that I was only going to give it one more shot. Well here I am- I gave it my best shot. I have what it takes. I was a good man. A VERY good man. But here I am.

 

I don't think the odds of ever connecting again are really in my favor. Just being realistic here.

 

I'm not going to date again. If God wants me to find someone to grow old with He is going to have to send her to my door.

 

I'm done.

 

 

Peace,

 

MWH

[LikeCharlotte]

He is going to have to send her to my door.

I thought the same thing. Be careful what you wish for! It could happen.

[MWH]

I thought the same thing. Be careful what you wish for! It could happen.

 

How DARE you come in here and spoil my despair. Grrrrrrrr......

 

;-)

[kizik]

I don't think the odds of ever connecting again are really in my favor. Just being realistic here.

 

I think it's pessimistic rather than realistic. 6 billion people dude, and you don't think you'll ever connect again w/ ANY of them? That's insane.

 

I'm not going to date again. If God wants me to find someone to grow old with He is going to have to send her to my door.

 

Well, unfortunately, God doesn't send anyone to anyone's door. As far as never dating again, are you going to stick by that EVEN when Ms. Awesome walks into your life?

 

Try not to be so absolute. The world is full of happiness and opportunities, but only if you let them in. Don't close yourself off, don't be resigned to fate. Fate is bullsh*t. You have to make life happen.

[EmperorR]

 

Try not to be so absolute. The world is full of happiness and opportunities, but only if you let them in. Don't close yourself off, don't be resigned to fate. Fate is bullsh*t. You have to make life happen.

 

I agree with this partly, but things have a way of working out, I've never in my life like picked up a girl etc., i'm not the greatest looking guy either. But I'm always put in these situations when I least expect it.

[MWH]

Try not to be so absolute. The world is full of happiness and opportunities, but only if you let them in. Don't close yourself off, don't be resigned to fate. Fate is bullsh*t. You have to make life happen.

 

 

I don't subscribe to the notion of fate by any means. Or do I? Now that I think about this perhaps you are right.

 

I guess today is the first time since the breakup that I've felt "sad". Probably not the best time for any major life-decisions , huh?

 

I'll revise as follows:

 

I'm not sure about anything right now and I'll lay low, be cool, and keep myself open to things as they avail themselves to me.

 

Thanks!

 

_____________________________

 

Now can I get back to feeling blue please? What's a guy got to do around here to be miserable? Sheesh... ;-)

[kizik]

...and keep myself open to things as they avail themselves to me.

 

That's more like it. I don't mean to sound so sappy either. Look, it's been 8 months since my break-up and I haven't met a girl or anything. I am lucky to have met a few guys at college that I sometimes hang out with. I'm definitely lonely.

 

But I just think that a positive attitude, a sense of humor, self-deprecation and ambition are some of the most attractive qualities in a person, bar none. These are the people I like and whom I strive to be like.

[Joker77]

That's more like it. I don't mean to sound so sappy either. Look, it's been 8 months since my break-up and I haven't met a girl or anything. I am lucky to have met a few guys at college that I sometimes hang out with. I'm definitely lonely.

 

But I just think that a positive attitude, a sense of humor, self-deprecation and ambition are some of the most attractive qualities in a person, bar none. These are the people I like and whom I strive to be like.

 

 

Kizik,

 

Not to blow smoke or anything bro, but you have been an inspiration today. Keep up the great attitude man. It's something I have been trying to work on for the past four weeks.

[MWH]

But I just think that a positive attitude, a sense of humor, self-deprecation and ambition are some of the most attractive qualities in a person, bar none. These are the people I like and whom I strive to be like.

 

You just described me. I'm the brunt of some of my best jokes.

 

Thanks for the kick in the ass. Hope to return the favor some day!

[LikeCharlotte]

How DARE you come in here and spoil my despair. Grrrrrrrr......

 

;-)

One of my better qualities.

[Surfer Dude]

I feel so awful... I need help...

 

I feel like she won once again, she got me to break nc and respond to her. And now she is nowhere to be found. She just barges into my life, upsets me and sets me back about a month or two, and just disappears.

 

I feel extreme rage and anger, I really need help... I can't live like this anymore....

 

EDIT: I just found out she made peace with her bf and they're back together. So I was just a back up guy, to make her feel good when things went wrong. That's all I'll ever be.

 

I will never talk to her again in my lifetime, I swear to God that no matter what she says, I will never break NC ever again.

 

I really had this coming for being so naive and stupid.

 

Btw, today I burned all the letters and photoalbums she ever gave me, threw away all presents from her, I have nothing material left that would remind me of her.

[MWH]

 

I really had this coming for being so naive and stupid.

 

Aw man knock that off! You're neither stupid nor naive; You're human. Remember- certain people have fine-tuned their skills over a lifetime and we're no match when it comes to their twisted manipulations.

 

the only reason she got one over on you is because you have all thos qualities she lacks- kindness, compassion, etc. Remember how we talked abut that the other day?

 

Quit knocking yourself. Lesson learned- you are stronger and more importantly WISER now.

[kizik]

I feel so awful... I need help...

 

I feel like she won once again, she got me to break nc and respond to her. And now she is nowhere to be found. She just barges into my life, upsets me and sets me back about a month or two, and just disappears.

 

I feel extreme rage and anger, I really need help... I can't live like this anymore....

 

EDIT: I just found out she made peace with her bf and they're back together. So I was just a back up guy, to make her feel good when things went wrong. That's all I'll ever be.

 

I will never talk to her again in my lifetime, I swear to God that no matter what she says, I will never break NC ever again.

 

I really had this coming for being so naive and stupid.

 

Btw, today I burned all the letters and photoalbums she ever gave me, threw away all presents from her, I have nothing material left that would remind me of her.

 

You're gonna be OK. I promise you. What you're feeling right now is expected, normal, and above all, it is OK. We need to allow ourselves to feel our emotions during these tough times, and that's exactly what you're doing.

 

You're extremely p*ssed off, you feel betrayed and hurt by the person who was once closest to you. You're doing right by allowing yourself to feel these things. The only thing you need to make sure of is to not hurt yourself or anyone else.

 

Surfer Dude, I'm glad you realized you're the fallback guy, because this realization will hopefully boost your self-respect. You don't deserve to be in the unfavorable position of "shoulder to cry on."

 

Each day, the anger and hurt will lessen, bit by bit. For now, you have to realize something very important: how she treats you is not the sum of your worth. Some people simply aren't equipped enough or smart enough to realize a good thing when they get it. She's one of 'em.

[Surfer Dude]

Aw man knock that off! You're neither stupid nor naive; You're human. Remember- certain people have fine-tuned their skills over a lifetime and we're no match when it comes to their twisted manipulations.

 

the only reason she got one over on you is because you have all thos qualities she lacks- kindness, compassion, etc. Remember how we talked abut that the other day?

 

Quit knocking yourself. Lesson learned- you are stronger and more importantly WISER now.

 

Thanks man, I really appreciate this. I learned early not to beat myself up over mistakes like this one, but it's sometimes all too easy to forget that.

 

You're right, she has really fine tuned her skills. I even got a proof: she played empathy card, she knew that I'm a compassionate person and she just used that knowledge to gain leverage on me. She knew I'd never respond to anything else.

 

It's unbelievable, this girl is really a master manipulator and she's far more intelligent than I initially believed. She played me like a moron. It's so low and dirty, to play a card on someone's empathy.

I'm wiser now, I won't respond to her again. I don't care if she calls me and says she is at a gunpoint, I won't believe anything, she's a liar and a manipulator who gets off at people falling for her tricks and having these "mental victories".

 

You're gonna be OK. I promise you. What you're feeling right now is expected, normal, and above all, it is OK. We need to allow ourselves to feel our emotions during these tough times, and that's exactly what you're doing.

 

You're extremely p*ssed off, you feel betrayed and hurt by the person who was once closest to you. You're doing right by allowing yourself to feel these things. The only thing you need to make sure of is to not hurt yourself or anyone else.

 

Surfer Dude, I'm glad you realized you're the fallback guy, because this realization will hopefully boost your self-respect. You don't deserve to be in the unfavorable position of "shoulder to cry on."

 

Each day, the anger and hurt will lessen, bit by bit. For now, you have to realize something very important: how she treats you is not the sum of your worth. Some people simply aren't equipped enough or smart enough to realize a good thing when they get it. She's one of 'em.

 

Thank you Kizik. I used to say the same things to other people on this forum, and yet it's so hard to apply them to myself when the time comes. I know I'll be fine. I'm tough. I won't let one little psycho bitch destroy me. This is her MO, and destroying people is what gets her off.

[underpants]

I won't believe anything, she's a liar and a manipulator who gets off at people falling for her tricks and having these "mental victories".

 

It is sad that people can get this screwed up. It is also incredibly frustrating to befriend them and then have that moment all too late. The unwinding and detanglement is often more difficult then the actual break up decision. Sure, you can beat them at their own game, but that would be selling yourself short and if pushed too far it can turn you into what you hate. Besides, all of that just fuels a decaying ember of a past memory.

 

You know. The world is big and there are many facinating people in it.

 

Don't let her damage and her choices weigh on you. Honestly, your tough talk probably did get to her and if she still has a few connecting brain cells then maybe at some point she will have a personal ephinany as to her life direction?

 

Just be your cool self and know you owe her no more attention. Via friend's, knives or anything else.

 

Her life, her choices. Your life and your choices.

 

Make wise ones.

[EmperorR]

Surfer your strong and always gave me and other posters good advice. One day she will really need you but you won't be there and she will realize.

[D-Lish]

Never kick yourself for being compassionate- never ever.

I would have done the same thing in your shoes. If I thought someone I had been in a relationship was in trouble and wanted to talk... I would indulge too.

 

Your stomache would be in knots wondering if she was hurt or beaten up or something worse if you had never taken that phone call. Why? Because you do have compassion for people.

 

It was a lose lose situation regardless. When the friend called and told you your ex was in trouble- the seed was planted. Too late. You took action and tried to help. If you hadn't- you'd be worried now and upset about that. Nothing you could have done here.

 

Yeah, she tugged on your heart strings in a ruthless way. Good thing you aren't with her anymore. Keep thinking of it that way.

 

If you get another call from her or her friend- don't answer it or listen to the voicemail. If she's in trouble- she has others to turn to obviously.

 

She's a silly girl who has no regard for how her behaviours affect others- and now she's someone else's problem.

[Surfer Dude]

Thanks everyone. I really needed some support.

 

I know that being compassionate is something that I should never regret.

 

Btw, I asked a friend of hers why she is acting like that lately, why she dumped me etc, can you imagine what I heard?

 

"She demands more from life, she wants to live a full life and wants to try out many exciting new things". - can you imagine this? In other words, she wants to fck as many other men as possible.

 

In fact, I found out she told her friends that the breakup was mutual and that we broke up because of "differences in ways of thinking". hahaha, this cracks me up. Liar.

[MWH]

Btw, I asked a friend of hers why she is acting like that lately, why she dumped me etc, can you imagine what I heard?

 

"She demands more from life, she wants to live a full life and wants to try out many exciting new things". - can you imagine this? In other words, she wants to fck as many other men as possible.

 

In fact, I found out she told her friends that the breakup was mutual and that we broke up because of "differences in ways of thinking". hahaha, this cracks me up. Liar.

 

So you're asking around eh? Talking to her friends eh? Whats up with that? Are you bored? Perhaps you don't have enough mindf&*%s?

 

At some point you're gonna have to quit trying to get inside her head and get inside your own.

 

I hope that at some point you get sick of torturing yourself and reach your wits end- that way you can get past it and move forward into YOUR future.

 

I know you just want it to "make sense" when everything seems so mixed up. Talking to her friends and trying to understand her ways probably isn't the best means to that end.

[Surfer Dude]

You're totally right. I normally wouldn't do that, but this whole mess really set me back and I did a lot of things I shouldn't have done.

 

But it's ok now, I'm plunging forward into 2009, I won't give her any more thoughts and attention.

[MWH]

You're totally right. I normally wouldn't do that, but this whole mess really set me back and I did a lot of things I shouldn't have done.

 

But it's ok now, I'm plunging forward into 2009, I won't give her any more thoughts and attention.

 

You can't help thinking about her. But you CAN help yourself by not dipping in and checking up on her.

 

Tink about last time you talked with her friend: I'm willing to bet that your heart rate shot through the roof. Blood pressure rose. Palms got sweaty, knot in the guy, shaky hands, nervous gut.

 

Am I right? I'm betting that I am. ANY time you want to feel THAT crappy you know exactly how to go about it, no?

 

You don't deserve to feel so crappy so stop signing up for it. You WILL feel better IF you let yourself. Set yourself up for sucess rather than a set-back.

[EmperorR]

Thanks everyone. I really needed some support.

 

I know that being compassionate is something that I should never regret.

 

Btw, I asked a friend of hers why she is acting like that lately, why she dumped me etc, can you imagine what I heard?

 

"She demands more from life, she wants to live a full life and wants to try out many exciting new things". - can you imagine this? In other words, she wants to fck as many other men as possible.

 

In fact, I found out she told her friends that the breakup was mutual and that we broke up because of "differences in ways of thinking". hahaha, this cracks me up. Liar.

 

I swear your ex is my ex, I SWEAR

 

My ex told me the same thing, that our breakup was mutual after she cheated and dumped me and I was begging her back for a week like a idiot.

 

She even told our mutual friend the same thing, until I told her the whole story how a little whore she is.

 

But of course they have to lie, can you imagine any rational guy with his head on straight knowing that she cheated on a guy who was with her for 3 years and did nothing wrong? they would always be worrying