She contacted me! WTF!

[northstar1]

You're totally right. I normally wouldn't do that, but this whole mess really set me back and I did a lot of things I shouldn't have done.

 

But it's ok now, I'm plunging forward into 2009, I won't give her any more thoughts and attention.

 

Hey dude, keep up the good attitude. Sounds like this girl doesn't know what the hell she wants in life.

 

How old is she?

[Surfer Dude]

Hey dude, keep up the good attitude. Sounds like this girl doesn't know what the hell she wants in life.

 

How old is she?

 

She's 20. I know many people will say "This behavior is totally normal at her age", but I wouldn't agree on that. I know plenty of girls who never did such things and who act totally responsible even tho they're still young.

 

Her behavior is related to her madness, not her age. I blame it on her crazy mother and grandmother.

[Just_dealin_with_it]

Surfer dude,

 

I doubt you're the first, and you certainly won't be the last she'll ever treat this way. She does what she does because she knows how, it works, and it prevents her from ever becoming emotionally attached to someone. She's learned she can get what she wants out of people without giving anything herself. This way she'll never be the one feeling dumped, rejected and all alone. You've grown, and will continue to grow from this situation. She on the other hand will likely never grow. She'll remain the same, reliving the same pattern over and over.

Try to keep in mind that there are many people out there who are not this way. They are looking for the same type of relationship you are with someone just like you. Chalk this one up to a bad experience, but one you have certainly learned from nonetheless. Stay true to who you are, but at the same time be strong enough to stand up for what you want from someone in a relationship. Compromise is a great thing, maybe the best thing. As long as its fair, and you don't compromise yourself in the process.

[northstar1]

She's 20. I know many people will say "This behavior is totally normal at her age", but I wouldn't agree on that. I know plenty of girls who never did such things and who act totally responsible even tho they're still young.

 

Her behavior is related to her madness, not her age. I blame it on her crazy mother and grandmother.

 

Okay, fair enough, I just know that many girls I know in their early 20's don't know what they want in life, but think they need to explore what's out there, both physically and mentally. It's not about being responsible, it's about feeling like they need to 'explore'.

 

But even more pressing is that she seems to be ruled by drama, which is not what you need my friend.

[Just_dealin_with_it]

20 is pretty young. Maturity levels can vary greatly from person to person at that age IMHO. She probably isn't mature enough to know what she wants. Plus trouble at home (crazy mom and grandmother (earlier post)) can likely cause some instability in her as well.

Sorry you got caught up in that whirlwind surfer dude.

[Surfer Dude]

I've given up on trying to figure out what's going on inside her head. Like MWH said earlier, I'd have to like the pain or be pretty bored to start obsessing over her reasons once again. I'm done with that. Just thinking about her feels pretty tiresome.

 

@Just dealin with it:

Yes, I know this has been a growing experience. I guess there is no growth without pain.

[Surfer Dude]

I've been really beating myself up today.

 

I'm regretting my decision to answer the phone and talk to her several days ago.

 

Back then she wished me happy new year and said she hopes I'm doing fine. I was polite and also wished her happy holidays. My being nice probably just alleviated her sense of guilt or whatever she was feeling, I guess she just wanted to see if I'm still mad at her, and now she thinks I'm not.

 

I wish I could turn back the time and not pick up the phone. That woman doesn't deserve one word from me.

 

I'm also feeling like I let myself down, I promised to myself that I would never talk to her again, and yet when the phone was ringing, my heart started racing in excitement. I totally failed myself. I'm not apt to do NC it seems. I'm strong enough not to contact her, but when she contacts me, I really don't have the power to say no and hang up. What's wrong with me

[Tinkerbelll]

Ok, a quick recap:

 

Most of you know my story. I had this ex whom I really loved with all my heart, and yet she cheated on me and dumped me in September.

 

Ever since she's been acting erratically, initiated contact just to tell me about her new boyfriends, to insult me, to make me feel down etc.

 

Month and a half ago, she called me just to tell me she had a new bf. I told her to leave my life forever, to gtfo and never contact me again, told her that she's a slut and a whore... I know I shouldn't have reacted like that, but I suffered really badly, I felt nothing but grief and sorrow and she just intentionally made it worse, I lost my nerve and let it out on her.

 

Anyhow, the NC has lasted for about 40 days now, and her friend called me today, it went like this:

 

FRIEND: She needs your help man, she's in trouble, can you tell me your phone number and I'm gonna email it to her, so that she can call you.

ME: WTF!! what is it?

F: no idea, I think she's lost in a foreign country, and in serious mess.

M: alright, here's my number, let her call me..... wtf.....

 

So she calls me in 5 minutes. She tells me that she had a serious argument with her foreign bf (in a foreign country), they had a fight in the street and went opposite directions and that she is lost now. She said he insulted her in an unimaginable way and that she isn't going to contact him anymore (honestly, she snaps over things so trivial, I somehow doubt he offended her, it's most likely one of her psycho scenes she always makes). She doesn't speak their language, nobody there speaks English, it's some sh*thole country in SE Europe, they don't even use roman alphabet and she doesn't know how to get around.

 

Anyways, she was crying, she told me she lost all her stuff including her passport, the only thing she has is her credit card, she even lost her phone etc. I don't think she lost them, they're probably in his apartment though.

 

I said: what do you want me to do about it?

HER: nothing, I just wanted to say merry xmas and happy new year, I wanted to let you know I'm doing fine, I hope you're doing fine too etc....

ME: Alright... happy new year... happy birthday too.

HER: thanks. It means so much to me that we could talk.

ME: yeah... so... what now.. ?

 

The call broke up (she likely ran out of money) and she didn't call back, neither did I.

 

I'm fully aware that my ex has a few personality disorders, but why did she contact me? This whole situation is really weird and she didn't need my help about anything, it seems she only wanted to complain and hear my voice. I felt an urge to tell her to fck off, but I decided to be a bigger person and to keep it polite.

 

In the past, I treated her like a queen, several months ago I begged her on my knees to come back to me, I blamed myself for everything, and yet she was so heartless that she insulted me with stories about having sex with her new boyfriends to the point of making me cry like a baby.

 

Considering I explicitly told her 1.5 months ago that I don't wanna see her ever again, that she should just disappear from my life, it seems very strange she decided to contact me now.

 

I'm just a fallback guy for her, when things go sour with her bad boy type boyfriends, she always contacts me back no matter how many times I tell her (even in offensive way) to leave me alone.

 

Even though I feel sorry for her situation right now, I kinda believe she had it coming. In fact, I interpret this "happy xmas and new year" thing as an apology. I know I shouldn't be like this, but there's a part of me right now that is actually happy and thinks I won this war.

 

What do you guys think? I know she is mentally disordered, but I want other people's opinion on this.

 

Thanks for taking time to read this incoherent mess (I'm actually a bit upset right now).

 

Oh God, she is a PSYCO!

The good thing about that is that you learn to recognize them and then stay away from them.

Hasn't she menaced you about quitting her life? Usually it is part of the script..

Anyway, I really do think that people like that can make a lot of damage..I agree with whom said you to be thankful she's not around anymore.

You deserve a lot better than people concentrating only on theirselves and n their drama.

[MWH]

I've been really beating myself up today.

 

I'm regretting my decision to answer the phone and talk to her several days ago.

 

I wish I could turn back the time and not pick up the phone. That woman doesn't deserve one word from me.

 

I'm also feeling like I let myself down, I promised to myself that I would never talk to her again, and yet when the phone was ringing, my heart started racing in excitement. I totally failed myself. I'm not apt to do NC it seems. I'm strong enough not to contact her, but when she contacts me, I really don't have the power to say no and hang up. What's wrong with me

 

Surfer Doooooood!

 

I hope the light of a new day has brought you some comfort. There is nothing wrong with you unless being human, having a heart, and giving a damn about her means you're defective.

 

I hate to see you being so hard on yourself for something that means so little.

 

I would have done the same thing. In fact I did after an old relationship. Nutshell story: She was a flake, dumped me, I moved on. She called after a sound beating by her new b/f and asked me to help her move her things out. I did as she asked. She stored a few things here for a couple days until she got situated in her new place. She came and picked her stuff up when I wasn't there, and that was th end. A month or three later she emailed me in a panic- seems she went back to her woman-beating b/f again and this time he beat her into a bloody pulp. She was bleeding like a stuck pig. this time, though, I didn't help her directly; I called the police and let THEM straighten it out. I did, however, get served a subpoena to go to court as a witness which totally sucked but when I went I didn't say a single word to her and in the end didn't have to testify. I've not heard a word from her since.

 

Did I do the "right" thing? For me yes- it was the right thing. Both times.

 

I could not stand by and leave someone in danger.

 

I hope you'll quickly forgive yourself for being a GOOD GUY!

[Surfer Dude]

Thanks MWH. I acted humanely and did the right thing. I couldn't pretend I didn't care about her anymore, I really didn't know how bad her situation was and I wanted to see if I could do something for her.

 

I guess this anger I later felt was caused by my feelings and hope getting up again, and then remorse that I played it nice, I suppose I wanted some revenge too. For months I was telling myself "if she ever calls me, I'll tell her to fck herself and dish out some insults". But I guess I'm not like that.

 

It's so difficult to break free of that bad cycle of negative emotions. But I'm trying real hard, I know I can make it. I just hope she wouldn't try to contact me anymore, it's just too painful every time.