Wife isnt interested physically after 6 years of marriage.

[Enema]

My son is 10, and my daughters are 4 and 2 months old. i guess I can be a pushover at times, but I just try to do the right things, I guess the wife can be lazy at times so I 've taken on doing most of things around the house, I do it for the kids, they have no fault in all of this so I do what I gotta do.

 

You're exhibiting this behaviour again by letting your cheating wife tell you whether or not you can expose the affair.

 

Come on, step up like a man and stop being a doormat to this woman.

 

The spouse of the man who's currently screwing your wife deserves to know what's happening.

[hunkahunkaburninlove]

Call the MMs wife. She will control him. His wife and you will put two and two together. She will say. "That explains where he was that evening and the charge on the credit card. I cannot believe you will allow your wife to turn you into a cuckold. Ask your wife if you could use your balls for the evening, and call his wife

[Mz. Pixie]

She's having an affair- which is why she is not interested in you. No guy is going to text some woman that many times if they are not almost getting some or about to get some.

 

Google Marriage Builders and go there- they have a proven plan in place to help stop affairs and mend marriages.

[Athena]

Cali chris -- did you tell OM's wife?

[Cali Chris]

Well heres the update, we truly seperated last week, we were going back and forth, figuring out if I could stay with her, and not resent her or hate her in the future, if her feelings didnt change, and we couldnt be intimate again.... so since we separating , I guess she started texting this guy again and i told it hurted and all my feelings , but I was angry, I called this guy and he didnt want to answer his phone, so i again I was angry and I told her I hated her for doing this to me, and how she could be ok with doing this and hurting someone else( his wife) let alone me . I never seen her so , selfish not caring about another persons feelings.

 

After this , I told her you know, I want to work this out , something in me said I want to try, but I guess like a light switch she just turned it off and said no, she was tired of the rollercoaster ride. She needed to work on herself without me, being here with me didnt fix the things that I did in the past to her. 2 years ago when it was really rough and we fought all the time, when we sorted it out I told her I would do better and get somehelp, anger management, and counseling but I didnt. So when I told her I would do that now she said no.

 

She just shut down.

 

Now I begged her to stay. And I would do anything, but it was over.

 

This was last Sunday.

 

I have some thoughts of what happend, and I'm trying to put it all together.

 

First, Post partum depression

 

New job and friends in her ear, influencing her. her best friend just divorced about 2 months ago, and this other women she met her that she has gotten real close to , her husband up and left her with her 3 kids and she's alone, then the guy she's texting is married and having problems, and I'm sure there all influencing her somehow. they all work with her.

 

Third I was'nt giving her the companionship and attention at home.

 

I know most of this is my fault, and I didnt fix and heal her heart in the past. (2 years) honestly we didnt even get into anything all this time. Then I think all of this just all came together and i 'm left here dying inside, I really dont know what to do.

 

Well that's where I'm at now, I have been trying to get a number to call his wife, but no luck. My wife has the number, but she does not want me to call. So she didnt give it to me. Odd thing though I found this guys wife on myspace and so I registered,(i dont have one) and I sent her a message that i need to speak with her and it's about her husband and my wife where they work. no response for a day then yesterday, it showed she was online and I sent her another message, then 30 min later I checked and everything was gone, her myspace was gone, I searched and nothing. I guess it was canceled. Have a few theories of what happened there, but @#$% it , whatever.

 

I went to see a marriage/ relationship counseler on Tuesday night, just to see if it helps with all this pain.

 

Sorry guys I know I'm all over the map here, just trying to get by:confused::sick:

[Neutrino]

No offense just an observation. You don't seem to be the man of the house. You do all the chores, take care of the kids, etc. etc. Admirable but not masculine. She probably feels that too. Maybe if you assert your manhood it would help.

 

Bull****. He is exactly the man of the house - and has enough self esteem not to feel his ego is threatened by actually doing his share and caring for his family.

 

Maybe the wife takes him for granted a little - which she shouldn't, if she really doesn't do anything and sleeps long hours she may be suffering a post natal depression - go see a professional for this - it is a real illness with a real cure. Then get some time away from the kids - at least a week, everybody needs a break sometimes...

[Athena]

.

 

2 years ago when it was really rough and we fought all the time, when we sorted it out I told her I would do better and get somehelp, anger management, and counseling but I didnt. So when I told her I would do that now she said no.

 

She just shut down.

 

Now I begged her to stay. And I would do anything, but it was over.

 

________

 

Third I was'nt giving her the companionship and attention at home.

 

I know most of this is my fault, and I didnt fix and heal her heart in the past. (2 years) honestly we didnt even get into anything all this time. Then I think all of this just all came together and i 'm left here dying inside, I really dont know what to do.

 

Well that's where I'm at now, I have been trying to get a number to call his wife, but no luck. My wife has the number, but she does not want me to call. So she didnt give it to me. whatever.

 

 

Wow, you really tried to get her to stay. Begging pleading and making earnest promises didn't help to get her to stay or commit.

And yet -- it's not over till its over.

You'd be surprised how things may turn out.

 

I don't know HOW I didn't get rid of H for good this last time, but I found out he got some online help thing of stopping your divorce and applied the logic or something. He also actually found a counselor and started seeing her twice a week!!!! gasp! And he never used to want to, for sure never wanted to do individual counseling and only came to a few marital therapy sessions to 'defend' himself.

 

He then went abroad for three months but continued to email me and tell me he was sorry (it helps to hear it).

Then he continued to do counseling by email! ha ha

 

However, it was his desperate attempt to get me not to divorce him since I had had enough of his nonsense and seven affairs.

 

All I am saying is, if you still want your wife, then don't YOU give up. continue to go to counseling. Let her know in a gentle way afterwards (don't divulge anything since its private and its for you to heal... if she wants to know, you can both go to MC)... she will be watching you even if she pretends she is not watching you. Even if she says its over... it's not over if you are not divorced.

 

I am not saying you shouldn't divorce her, I am just saying if that's what you want -- to salvage your marriage -- then just change your Actions... they are louder than your words and promises to change.

 

Oh -- yeah, definitely those friends of hers are influencing her negatively about marriage! I agree.

 

Also -- look up OM's name by googling White Pages. His address and phone number could come up. Also try wife's name.

Then phone 411 info for his home number if you didn't find it on the internet. You could also go to their house during a time OM isn't home and see if W is there. Definitely tell the wife, so OM can drop your wife.

[Cali Chris]

Thanks for the thoughts, Neutrino, and Athena, I just gotta wait and see I guess, just dying inside:(

[Maladjusted]

Thanks for the thoughts, Neutrino, and Athena, I just gotta wait and see I guess, just dying inside:(

 

Right now you need to look after your best interests. You can't control what she is doing and who she is talking to.

 

What you can start doing is documenting everything that is going on. You can't blame yourself for this. If she had a problem she should have come to you.

 

I was in almost the exact same situation that you are in and it is no easy road. In my case, I didn't contact the guys wife but I contacted her company.

 

If you want to find out his name and address, take his phone number and go to Intelius. They should be able to give you details about where he lives, etc. That, or you could just follow the bastard.

 

Have you spoken to her family? They might be able to help.

[reservoirdog1]

I'll leave aside the cheating issue for a moment.

 

If you want her back, trying to talk, cajole or guilt trip her isn't going to get you what you want. She needs to WANT to be with you.

 

So, starting right now, stop pining for her (outwardly, at least). Do your damnedest to be somewhat upbeat (or, at least, unemotional) when you're around her.

 

Start changing things about your life. Start going to the gym regularly and getting in shape. Update your wardrobe and hairstyle. Sign up for some new activities: rec sports teams, cooking classes, rock climbing lessons, whatever. It doesn't matter. Make sure you're spending time with friends a few nights of the week.

 

This is definitely psychological in part. Firstly, it'll make you feel better to be busy, active, and looking good. Secondly, to her, you'll look like a happy, confident, outgoing guy who doesn't need her. All of a sudden, you're much more desireable in her eyes.

 

It may not work in terms of getting her back, either in the short term or the long term. But even if it doesn't, it'll have positive benefits for you as you move forward.

[Cali Chris]

Thanks, Maladjusted and Resovoirdog1, I have a couple of friends saying the same thing,..just do for me. I understand, it's just a f-n sucks, I feel like crap,it just all hit me at one time you know. It 's hard for me to adjust to having to do other things, but really thanks, I know that's what I gotta do! It's just really hard 4 me , never really been alone. I went from my ex-highschool love to her, so I ve only had 2 real relationships and never been let go, and the way it's happend, makes it all feel worse. I can t help getting emotional and wanting her to be with me, every time we talk, ( I just did early this morning) had to talk about the kids. Just cant help it, but I gotta try right?

 

Thanks for listening, and your thoughts here , really appreciate it!

[Haner]

It only "f-n sucks" if you constantly make it that way. Take a step back and think about it, why does it suck that she's leaving you? She's a cheater and is obviously not in love with you now, so are you better off with A or B below?

 

A: You're with a cheating wife who text messages other guys every 6 minutes

B: You're not with a cheating wife who text messages other guys every 6 minutes

 

I don't know about you man, but I think I would pick B. It's clear you are better off with her leaving than with her staying, so get a grip and move on. 6 years of marriage isn't that long, e.g., you've only been married under 75% of one presidency. You can bounce back easily and find someone who actually loves you and won't even think about emotionally or physically cheating on you.

 

The more you sulk, the more she's going to feel justified in leaving your sorry ass. So don't sulk.

[computer1]

I am in the same predicament right now ..

the only difference is we dont have any kids ...

the only thing that i can give you is to hug your kids tight and

just hope for the best ..

counseling might work ..

but like what im thinking right now ..

if she gives up on me .. then theres no point of fighting..

i know that we both love our wives ..

but .. we have to love em to a point were we have to let it all go ..

be strong my friend..

hope everything works for the both of us..

peace.

[Cali Chris]

Thx- Computer1-

 

Just hurts like hell, but I know I have to let her go:(

[Maladjusted]

Thx- Computer1-

 

Just hurts like hell, but I know I have to let her go:(

 

Make sure you cut off her cell phone if its in your name. I wouldn't want to shell out money so she can text this jackass from her work. I'd tell her that too.

 

Hell if you get proof I'd take it one step further and contact the company. Scorched earth man.

[Cali Chris]

Maladjusted,

 

Na the phones under her name so she can pay it herself, this just sucks,

 

I've been feeling really crappy, empty, alone. I know it's supposed to get easier but I wish, it would be sooner than later, cause this is just killing me inside:(

[NoNonsense]

 

I know most of this is my fault, and I didnt fix and heal her heart in the past. (2 years) honestly we didnt even get into anything all this time. Then I think all of this just all came together and i 'm left here dying inside, I really dont know what to do.

 

 

Don't be too quick to take all this blame on yourself. Maybe you contributed to the initial problems, but your wife is a grown woman and made choices. You didn't make her do anything, or not do anything, be it getting involved to whatever degree she is with this other person, or not telling you about her unhappiness earlier. Those were her decisions, as far as we can see.

 

I wish you the best. Remember that there's a limit to how responsibility any adult can take for the choices and actions of another adult.

 

If separation is inevitable, you need to make sure your relationship with your kids is as good as you can make it, they'll need you, and you need to think about some really unpleasant things, like what sort of custody arrangements you think would be best for the kids, and don't neglect your own feelings in that, either. Hopefully it won't come to that, or it does it'll be civlized and everyone will be able to keep the kids interests in mind, but you do need to be thinking about that.

 

And one other thing I wish I didn't have to mention: watch your finances! What those might be and how they interconnect with your wife's I don't have idea, but if you are breaking up for good, it's wise to make sure you don't end up paying credit card bills that she and he ran up, or anyting along those lines. I'm not saying panic or hide assets, but be aware of what's going on, and if you're separating, separate your finances.

[Cali Chris]

Nononsense,

Again ,Thanks for the advice, and comments, I just feel really down and I'm blaming myself, I guess because there's not much else I can do at this point. Wondering what I could have done or changed but all I see now is she's not here. But I get what your saying and I'm trying to be stronger, and just move on.

[Maladjusted]

Nononsense,

Again ,Thanks for the advice, and comments, I just feel really down and I'm blaming myself, I guess because there's not much else I can do at this point. Wondering what I could have done or changed but all I see now is she's not here. But I get what your saying and I'm trying to be stronger, and just move on.

 

When I was going through a similar situation with my wife, I blamed myself too. What people tried to tell me at the time that I didn't listen to is that people doing what your wife is doing blame everyone else but themselves for their actions. You aren't to blame here, your wife is the one to blame and you are letting yourself take the blame.

 

Did you tell her to start some sort of a relationship with another guy instead of working on your marriage together? Right, she is the one to blame. It isn't like you weren't or aren't willing to work out the issues you guys have. Everything she is telling you right now is a load of crap "Heal her heart". Oh please. What movie did she get that line from?

 

You need to quit blaming yourself because there isn't anything you could have done. Have you spoken to her family about any of this?

[Cali Chris]

Ya I hear you Maladjusted, but everythings just coming out that way. i have talked with her sisters boyfriend about it, not her sister yet. Were not that close, but her family knows that were separated but not the details. Thanks for the comments, it's good to hear somethings I could do and the support I'm getting. Just makes it a little easier, when I can talk about it and some people can relate to my situation. thanks again everyone here!

[Maladjusted]

Ya I hear you Maladjusted, but everythings just coming out that way. i have talked with her sisters boyfriend about it, not her sister yet. Were not that close, but her family knows that were separated but not the details. Thanks for the comments, it's good to hear somethings I could do and the support I'm getting. Just makes it a little easier, when I can talk about it and some people can relate to my situation. thanks again everyone here!

 

I think her family deserves to know the details. God only knows what she is telling her family right now to justify what she is doing. If you take away the familial support, it will make her harder to carry on with this guy. Plus, she may be open to help from them that she wouldn't ask of you.

 

Like most people will tell you, when it comes to situations like this expose, expose, expose.

[Cali Chris]

Well it's been about 4 months since I've been on here. I'm just trying to cope with everything. Since I last posted in the end of Jan, here it goes. My wife ended up with this guy by the end of March. She claims it just happend and shes's sorry it worked out this way. I have let her go but days are just tough for me, she really just up and left me and wanted to start a new life with this guy. So they work together and from what I understand he also left his wife around the time my wife left me. I think there is some untruth there but I am just leaving all of that alone now. She wants to be with this guy and theres nothing I can do about. I 'm just venting and kinda want to let a little bit of this out thats why I'm posting again.

[angie2443]

Well it's been about 4 months since I've been on here. I'm just trying to cope with everything. Since I last posted in the end of Jan, here it goes. My wife ended up with this guy by the end of March. She claims it just happend and shes's sorry it worked out this way. I have let her go but days are just tough for me, she really just up and left me and wanted to start a new life with this guy. So they work together and from what I understand he also left his wife around the time my wife left me. I think there is some untruth there but I am just leaving all of that alone now. She wants to be with this guy and theres nothing I can do about. I 'm just venting and kinda want to let a little bit of this out thats why I'm posting again.

 

Sorry it ended this way for you. LS can be rough sometimes but there are a lot of people on here who've been through your experience. Talking this out with them can really help. I wish you luck!

[GorillaTheater]

I'm sorry man. Have either of you filed for a divorce yet? Do you have a lawyer?

[westernxer]

I'm sorry man. Have either of you filed for a divorce yet? Do you have a lawyer?

 

Good questions.