Makemesmile Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Me and my partner have been together 9yrs or so. We have had ups & downs but nothing like the other night! Things have been fantastic between us. But we got into a massive agrument we had both been drinking and i attacked him. I feel disgusted with myself, ashamed, like i have turned into a moster, how could i hurt the person i love like this? Its scared me not to mention him. He can not talk to me i have moved out, what has happend to me? Have i always been like this and will it happen again. I had no control. I am disgusted and never deserve his forgivness. I think i need help! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 One hit? Or a few punches? Or a sustained beating? You can forgive yourself, if you can find the explanation for it. And if that explanation provides the key to knowing that it won't happen again. What explanation do you have right now? What happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Unless you bruised his testicles, I can't imagine that you did much damage. You sound like a cream puff. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Makemesmile Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 We split up last year and he started using dating sites. When we got back together after 6mths apart time and space i asked him to change his email as he was still getting alot of mail from women on the sites. He told me just to ignor it and in time they would get the message! I turned a blind eye but still saw a lot of messages for mnths, and it hurt everytime i did. Then just the other day as i was using our pc another msg popped up from a girl in the philps. I told her in a nice manner that me and him where back together and would she please not contact him. She started questioning where he was, and i told her i did not have to explain this to her. When i asked my partner again the next night to change his mail address, he responded with: It has nothing to do with me who he talks to and not to use the pc if i didnt want to see it. But he had done nothing wrong and wasnt going to change his mail. The thing is may sound daft but i didnt belive anything was going on and thats why i didnt expect him to react in such a diffensive way. We argued and more and more he kept telling me it wasnt my business i got so fustrated and attacked him, i hit him more then once. I then walked out and came back half hour later told him i was sorry and could we leave it till the morning when we would be both sober. I went to sleep and he woke me up and started shouting again and i once again hit him and told him to pull himself together. Then he throw me out in the middle of the night. I feel like the lowest scum on earth for loosing control like that. I have never done it before and dont even remember some of it as i think i was so drunk. Not that it is an excuse for my behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Makemesmile Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 Unless you bruised his testicles, I can't imagine that you did much damage. You sound like a cream puff. No i think i turned into a moster, he claims i may have perforated his eardrum. He says he is scared of me. and hates me. I deserve nothing less. I have distroyed everything and i feel disgusted, i'm scared of myself. Link to post Share on other sites
That Emotion Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 Hitting him is wrong. It doesn't make you a monster. You do, however, need to do a better job controlling yourself when you're overcome with emotion. While what you did was wrong, it wasn't entirely unnatural. If there's hope of reconciliation in your relationship, your man needs to understand that receiving or doing ... whatever it is, is wrong too. Figure out specifically, and I mean details, what he needs to do with his internet dating stuff and then present it to him. If he doesn't oblige, I'd question his motives. Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 , he claims i may have perforated his eardrum. Sorry, but this made me laugh. Your vocal cords should be registered as a lethal weapon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Makemesmile Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 He says that it dosnt matter what it was about now and that he dosnt want to take the chance of this happening again. I have wrote in black and white to him what i wanted and why i was upset, but he says that is not relivant now. And dosnt understand what my problem was. Ive lost Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 30, 2008 Share Posted December 30, 2008 In all probability he's just making excuses. The fighting has nothing to do with it - it's just a convenient point for him to end the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Makemesmile Posted December 30, 2008 Author Share Posted December 30, 2008 Time will tell me. I need to get to the bottom of this violent out break, i have no right to do that to a person. Link to post Share on other sites
That Emotion Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Hey. Listen. Don't be too hard on yourself. Emotions drive people to do crazy things. You're not a freak. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 If I was your bf I would have called the cops and have you charged.. simple as that.. no excuse.. no 'I'm sorry'.. Go get some help... you could be a potentially dangerous person for your future kids.. Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 I can have violent outbreaks too (due to human nature I guess), just yesterday I was so close to nearly hitting my obnoxious and at times hot-headed father. My guess is that he can't trust you now and doesn't know if it will happened again. You should forgive yourself and go to counseling or anger management therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Makemesmile Posted January 1, 2009 Author Share Posted January 1, 2009 I wouldnt have done this if it wasnt for the drink i'm just not the kind of person to think violence solves problems. I am so against violence. Ive seen my Mum go through it. I have to except my punichment, hurt and learn somthing from this Link to post Share on other sites
samsungxoxo Posted January 1, 2009 Share Posted January 1, 2009 I have to except my punichment, hurt and learn somthing from this Yes it's live and learn. Now don't drink too much in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 wouldnt have done this if it wasnt for the drink i'm just not the kind of person to think violence solves problems. Then you need to go to AA and stop drinking since you can't control your anger while drunk. Also some counselling will help you as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 If I was your bf I would have called the cops and have you charged.. simple as that.. no excuse.. no 'I'm sorry'.. Go get some help... you could be a potentially dangerous person for your future kids.. Exactly. If this was a man posting you all would be going ape **** at this poster. Shame on you OP. I'm sorry but this is just not on. Get off the alcohol, go to AA and try to solve your anger issues. He's not allowed to hit you back so next time you feel the need to physically attack someone, find a girl. Maybe that will knock some sense into you. Link to post Share on other sites
mark982 Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 if you wouln't have done it w/o the drink. quit drinking. every time it will just get easier. nip it in the bud now. Link to post Share on other sites
That Emotion Posted January 2, 2009 Share Posted January 2, 2009 Next time call me and I'll hit him for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Makemesmile Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 Next time call me and I'll hit him for you. Thanks Emotion, but they will not be a next time. He has told me that it is over. I just need to try and accept that now. It hurts, but i understand his decision, how can he forgive and forget it has gone to far. I hate myself rite now Link to post Share on other sites
Author Makemesmile Posted January 3, 2009 Author Share Posted January 3, 2009 Ok so ihave just found out that my gut wasnt wrong and he has never stopped contacting these woman. Not sure how to feel but sick! He deserved each and every smack round the head he has lied for mths, having me think i was going mad out of my mind! Link to post Share on other sites
gd26 Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Ok so ihave just found out that my gut wasnt wrong and he has never stopped contacting these woman. Not sure how to feel but sick! He deserved each and every smack round the head he has lied for mths, having me think i was going mad out of my mind! He might be a jerk for cheating on you, but no one deserves to be abused... not even him. This guy is definitely not a nice person, so do what you need to do to move forwards in your life. You are lucky he didn't call the cops on you, so start getting therapy or some help for your anger issues. Once you get these issues on track, I hope you meet someone much better who has the capacity to truly care about you and be faithful. You've already spent 9 years on this loser, so work on moving forwards. Don't waste your energy or dignity trying to get revenge on him or acting cruelly. You have already been spared a police report, which would permanently affect your life. Find support and help immediately to help you move forwards. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Ok so ihave just found out that my gut wasnt wrong and he has never stopped contacting these woman. Not sure how to feel but sick! He deserved each and every smack round the head he has lied for mths, having me think i was going mad out of my mind! Sounds to me like you learned nothing from the advise you got before your most recent revelation. You had no right to hit him. It is not his fault you didn't listen to your gut or that you stuck around after you found him contacting other women. Its not his fault for giving him a chance. Those were your choices. Did any of your friends or family tell you to drop him? Do they now get the right to hit you for not listening? You shouldn't expect to get to exert control over others. You only have control over yourself. You have control over staying or going when you don't like the actions of others, not hitting them to get them to change. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2009 Share Posted January 4, 2009 Get therapy, go to AA and stop drinking. Fix "you" and heal. That's all you can do right now.. He is gone and out of your life, no more tears. He was an a-hole and cheated on you, but he still didn't deserve to be hit. If you had cheated on him, lied to him, would you think it was OK for him to smack you around? My guess is no. Link to post Share on other sites
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