about a girl I've known for three months

[arturoramos]

I've spent the past semester becoming close with a girl at school (we are both mid-20s) She is one of the quiet types, and at first was unresponsive or non-committal when I asked her to hang out one-on-one or unresponsive when I said something nice or charming. Yet slowly, she started to come out of her shell. She has started to initiate contact on a pretty regular basis (usually online) and mid-way into the semester, I started to develop feelings for her, but was seeing someone else at the time and decided to keep it quiet. So, this girl's no idiot, picked up on the fact that I liked her (I found this out from an acquaintance of hers, indirectly), and to backpedal, I started to be more evasive, and when I did, she started paying me more attention...she asked me out to lunch, offered to take me out for my birthday, etc., spent time with a group of my friends on my birthday even though she hates going out in big groups, etc.

 

I try to be flirty/cocky/funny with her, but also am nice to her, i.e., considerate gestures here and there, to which she'll tell me, "You're such a sweetheart," or "You made my night much better," etc. We hug, and I occasionally rub her back, and she never seems uncomfortable by any of this. Aside from these things, she hasn't been overtly flirty or touchy-feely except occasionally over instant message. I just don't think she's like that. I know she's very comfortable with me and trusts me, I just don't know if that means there's anything more to it.

 

Normally I'd be more direct with how I'm feeling, but here's the issue. She has "unfinished business" with a guy she met a couple years ago and who now lives abroad (and he has a child), and she just left to go see him. She hasn't seen him in 2 years, he is not moving here, she is not moving there, etc., but I've felt like she has to work this out and figure out that mess before I'm comfortable pushing whatever connection we have (if any) forward, even though she has said to me, in signals as mixed as they can be, "I'd be open to dating someone here, but I haven't met anyone yet and it's not like guys are knocking down my door." I gave her a little thoughtful gift before she left to go see him, to perhaps keep me in her thoughts while she was away. Right before she left, she was being closer to me than usual, and doing little things that she hasn't done before...asking me to sit next to her in the booth when we went out to get a meal together, scooching up with me to read the paper, etc. I was this close to kissing her but I knew she was days away from getting on a plane to go see this other guy, and it made me uncomfortable.

 

Anyway, I almost feel that, since she knows I'm into her and I haven't been direct about it, not have I made a move, that I'm in the friend zone (we've only known each other three months). Is it possible I'm reading too much into the actions I've discussed above, and that she doesn't see me as anything more than a friend? Or is it possible that she has feelings for me but is a bit confused because she's not sure what's gonna happen with the guy abroad, or how she feels? She has said to me that she is getting older, and looking for something serious since she wants to have children soon (she is a medical student and she'll be mid-30s by the time she gets done with residency), and part of me wonders if she's hanging onto this guy because, as she has said before, "it's not like a lot of other people are lined up to date her."

 

I haven't contacted her since she has been away, and am waiting for her to contact me. I don't wanna be the chaser. But at some point, do I have to tell her how I feel? How do I play it when she gets back?