Sexy Kitty Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 So me and my ex have been broken up for over a month now. We haven't talked since Dec 8. He was the one who broke up with me. I just saw on his facebook that his mother has died. I wasn't with him long and never met his mother as he told me when we were "just friends" that he didn't get along with his mother and hadn't seen her in 10 years. I feel bad that she has past and obviously I'm still not over him. I want to say I'm sorry but don't know if I should break the NC. Should I just leave it? What would you guys do? Link to post Share on other sites
woodsie65 Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Hi - I would say that it depends on your reason for doing so If you genuinely wish to express sympathy for his loss then perhaps the best thing to do would be to send a card to tell him you are thinking of him. As any friend would do in similar circumstances. This way you are not having any kind of conversation with him and he can take the card at face value If you are seeing it as an opportunity to force communication then I would suggest you steer well clear - he is likely to see through this - particulalrly as you say he apparently had no strong bond with his mother Just my thoughts! Link to post Share on other sites
Posco_Proudfoot Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 I think I would let it go. If it ever comes up directly with him you can give sympathies. Seeing it on facebook (or was it myspace) doesn't do much since he didn't contact you on it. Link to post Share on other sites
MWH Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 I agree with Woodsie65 above. A card would be fine. The fact that you are concerned enough to post here indicates that you are a caring person and wish to do the "right" thing. It is so hard to determine "right" sometimes no? I wish and he the best in these unfortunate circumstances. Peace, MWH Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sexy Kitty Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Thanks guys. I really do care for him and I know he is hurting which hurts me too. If I did contact him it would only be a txt or message on facebook saying I was sorry to hear about his mother and that she is in my thoughts and prayers. Not about anything else. Maybe I will just leave it. It's true he didn't contact me about it. Though he did publicly post it on his facebook status. Link to post Share on other sites
Goatsbreath Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Really you shouldn't be looking at his facebook which is going against NC. If you are tying to do NC then he will know you are checking his facebook page and stuff. I dont know, I think if you want to move on NC means just that. There are no emergenices that you need to come rushing back into his life for. He has family and friends, thats where this belongs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sexy Kitty Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 Well he set his facebook status to say that she had died. So, it shows up in the news feed regardless if I go to his page or not. Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 I would send a card- I wouldn't even think twice about it. It wouldn't matter to me if I had dumped the person or they had dumped me... Even if I was completely over them- I'd send an ex a card under these circumstances. A card in the mail doesn't require a response. A text message or e-mail might keep you waiting for a response. I think you'd regret it down the road if you didn't acknowledge this. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 Thanks guys. I really do care for him and I know he is hurting which hurts me too. If I did contact him it would only be a txt or message on facebook saying I was sorry to hear about his mother and that she is in my thoughts and prayers. Not about anything else. Maybe I will just leave it. It's true he didn't contact me about it. Though he did publicly post it on his facebook status. I think the card in the mail would be a better option. It doesnt force a correspondence and he can choose to contact you or not. NC is good when it's just every day things. But if something really serious happens to an ex, especially just a month out of it, I think it would be classier and common decency to at least extend your sympathies and support if they need it. Put yourself in his shoes. If your mother died, would it make you feel better to have other people acknowledge your loss and offer support or just ignore you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sexy Kitty Posted December 31, 2008 Author Share Posted December 31, 2008 I think the card in the mail would be a better option. It doesnt force a correspondence and he can choose to contact you or not. NC is good when it's just every day things. But if something really serious happens to an ex, especially just a month out of it, I think it would be classier and common decency to at least extend your sympathies and support if they need it. Put yourself in his shoes. If your mother died, would it make you feel better to have other people acknowledge your loss and offer support or just ignore you? It's tough because we didn't end on the best terms. He was annoyed that I went to pick up some stuff from his house when we broke up and after that we didn't talk. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 My exH contacted me after my father died, and it annoyed me. JMO. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted December 31, 2008 Share Posted December 31, 2008 What's your "real" intention for contacting him? Is it really to console someone who didn't care (or talk to) his mom that much or is an excuse for you to talk to him? Which is it? Figure that out, then decide what you should do... Link to post Share on other sites
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