My Story

[Mountains10]

Good way to look at it Mountain. It's a beotch, but you kind of shrug your shoulders afterwhile and say, "Well, it is what it is." I am sure we are going to go back and forth between "light and dark" for a little while longer but we're on a similar timeline and I know our time for "more light" is coming. I feel it for us...

 

I hear you NFT, it used to get to me more on the weekends and this weekend wasn't that bad for me. I had to see her this weekend to work out the settlement stuff, but she's supposed to file next week. Part of me is hoping she doesn't and the other part of me doesn't care anymore. Strange, I know, but I'm getting there. Now if I could just figure out a way to avoid her at work completely, I think I could heal much faster.

 

I can see maybe a couple months down the road, where it won't be so bad. I don't think I'm going to buy the house, just too much house for a single guy, besides, I'll live here while it tries to sell and enjoy it for what it is. I'll miss this place, but I just don't think I want a house while I'm trying to rebuild my life, I'd rather probably just rent and save up my money and not deal with the headaches of ownership. Never know, might change my mind after it sits for a while and doesn't sell in this market and economy. Thanks for the good words NFT!

[Mountains10]

So, wife is supposed to file today. Part of me wants so bad to tell her to take another month or two to think it over. I just can't part with how many years we were together, and then watch it all slip away in a matter of months. I guess for me it's just so quickly and for her, it's been so long and I just didn't know about it. I guess I'm just wondering if there's anything worth salvaging, but I'm guessing not, from what she has said. Even if she messed up, this is what marriage is about, the good and the bad and the things that seem impossible to get thru. Oh well, I'm not asking her about it again, I just needed to vent somewhere, so that I wouldn't call or email her. Frustration at its finest.

[Gowithflow]

So, wife is supposed to file today. Part of me wants so bad to tell her to take another month or two to think it over. I just can't part with how many years we were together, and then watch it all slip away in a matter of months. I guess for me it's just so quickly and for her, it's been so long and I just didn't know about it. I guess I'm just wondering if there's anything worth salvaging, but I'm guessing not, from what she has said. Even if she messed up, this is what marriage is about, the good and the bad and the things that seem impossible to get thru. Oh well, I'm not asking her about it again, I just needed to vent somewhere, so that I wouldn't call or email her. Frustration at its finest.

 

"work on marriage or work on divorce" That seems to be the theme for a lot of people. To postpone divorce procedings is sometimes lame because in truth, you can always stop the proceedings at any time. At least the divorce stuff brings some sort of closure. It also proves how much the marriage is actually worth to the stbx.

 

The outcome can be good or bad. Another one of life's uncertaicies I suppose.

Good luck!

[Mountains10]

"work on marriage or work on divorce" That seems to be the theme for a lot of people. To postpone divorce procedings is sometimes lame because in truth, you can always stop the proceedings at any time. At least the divorce stuff brings some sort of closure. It also proves how much the marriage is actually worth to the stbx.

 

The outcome can be good or bad. Another one of life's uncertaicies I suppose.

Good luck!

 

 

Well she filed today. I ran into her right before she went to do it and I told her maybe she should hold off another month just to make sure and she saw no reason to, so I wished her well.

 

She called me later in the day to let me know that it was going to cost more than she had planned and wanted me to pay some of it, to which I gave a prompt, 'No'. From the beginning I told her I wouldn't finance it because if she wanted it, she'd have to pay for it. This hasn't and won't change. She's on her own. I gave all I could in a lot of respects, but I told her once she filed, we were completely done. I meant it.

[Sands_of_time]

Well she filed today. I ran into her right before she went to do it and I told her maybe she should hold off another month just to make sure and she saw no reason to, so I wished her well.

 

She called me later in the day to let me know that it was going to cost more than she had planned and wanted me to pay some of it, to which I gave a prompt, 'No'. From the beginning I told her I wouldn't finance it because if she wanted it, she'd have to pay for it. This hasn't and won't change. She's on her own. I gave all I could in a lot of respects, but I told her once she filed, we were completely done. I meant it.

 

Balls Mountain, balls. Love it.

[Searching49]

I gave all I could in a lot of respects, but I told her once she filed, we were completely done. I meant it.

 

I'm about 3 weeks behind you Mountains. I have given the same ultimatum, and I will follow through with it. Stick with it man, we'll get through it together. Don't expect remorse as you may never get it from her. She will certainly feel it, but if she is anything like my STBX she'll be too proud to ever admit it. If she ever actually does, play it over and over again in your mind that you will have the strength to say no. She isn't worth trying to rebuild the relationship that she shattered. There's a beautiful crystal waiting around the next corner, intact and waiting for you to find her.

 

Do you have a 1 year separation period like I do?

[Mountains10]

Balls Mountain, balls. Love it.

 

LOL, nah, just trying to stick to my guns, no matter how late in the game. She can get the OM to pay her bills now.

[Mountains10]

 

I'm about 3 weeks behind you Mountains. I have given the same ultimatum, and I will follow through with it. Stick with it man, we'll get through it together. Don't expect remorse as you may never get it from her. She will certainly feel it, but if she is anything like my STBX she'll be too proud to ever admit it. If she ever actually does, play it over and over again in your mind that you will have the strength to say no. She isn't worth trying to rebuild the relationship that she shattered. There's a beautiful crystal waiting around the next corner, intact and waiting for you to find her.

 

Do you have a 1 year separation period like I do?

 

No on the 1 year separation, it's 1 month after she files for divorce and it's final. So I'm guessing in another 2 months, I'll be a free man again.

 

I doubt I'll get remorse anytime soon, but I doubt they'll work out long term, there's a reason why his ex didn't stick around either. Once we're done, I won't look back. I appreciate the reply.

[Sands_of_time]

 

No on the 1 year separation, it's 1 month after she files for divorce and it's final. So I'm guessing in another 2 months, I'll be a free man again.

 

I doubt I'll get remorse anytime soon, but I doubt they'll work out long term, there's a reason why his ex didn't stick around either. Once we're done, I won't look back. I appreciate the reply.

 

Mountain...just checking in with you. How are things in your world? Any new developments?

[Mountains10]

 

Mountain...just checking in with you. How are things in your world? Any new developments?

 

Hey Sands,

 

I'm still here, sorry, had a really busy weekend. I'm doing pretty good. I think I've narrowed this down even more. I think the signs were there and I missed a lot of them. I think stbxw is having a MLC and I just ignored a lot of it. She had said a lot leading up to it and I just never really put the two together. I think she had an EA for a period of time, but don't think it ever got to be a PA. I could be wrong and it's irrelevant, but I'm doing ok. Did see her this weekend and never had a problem, almost like we were old friends. I've gotten over most of the anger and I'm feeling a lot better about myself. I think the anger is just part of the grieving process, but the more I get a handle on the situation, the happier I become in general. As far as I know, I'm just waiting on the paperwork that she filed and learning to be independant again still. Nothing really new though. Thanks for checking in on me, everything ok with you? Feel free to PM me if you ever want to as well. I'm still around here daily.

 

Thanks,

Mountains10

[Searching49]

 

 

I'm still here, sorry, had a really busy weekend. I'm doing pretty good. I think I've narrowed this down even more. I think the signs were there and I missed a lot of them. I think stbxw is having a MLC and I just ignored a lot of it. She had said a lot leading up to it and I just never really put the two together. I think she had an EA for a period of time, but don't think it ever got to be a PA. I could be wrong and it's irrelevant, but I'm doing ok. Did see her this weekend and never had a problem, almost like we were old friends. I've gotten over most of the anger and I'm feeling a lot better about myself. I think the anger is just part of the grieving process, but the more I get a handle on the situation, the happier I become in general. As far as I know, I'm just waiting on the paperwork that she filed and learning to be independant again still. Nothing really new though. Thanks for checking in on me, everything ok with you? Feel free to PM me if you ever want to as well. I'm still around here daily.

 

Glad to see things are equally as good for you Mountains. As for my 1 year waiting period. it is whats called a "limited divorce". Once the separation agreeement is signed, I can do everything but get married. Not like I'll be married anytime within the next year anyway. It'll be that long before I can iron out all the details of my future pre-nup! Right now we are going through all of the who gets what. It's been very 50/50 with me coming out slightly ahead. She hasn't been mean about it, and we've worked through it very well. The house is going to be a major issue and I'll take a heavy loss, but I can't control that. She still says she loves me, but hasn't been "in love" with me for years (before we even bought the house and got married). She's not going to realize what she had until it's too late. And by that time, I'll be with someone who makes me feel better than she ever did. She says she wants that for me and isn't worried for me. Guess what? I'm not either.

[Mountains10]

 

 

 

 

Glad to see things are equally as good for you Mountains. As for my 1 year waiting period. it is whats called a "limited divorce". Once the separation agreeement is signed, I can do everything but get married. Not like I'll be married anytime within the next year anyway. It'll be that long before I can iron out all the details of my future pre-nup! Right now we are going through all of the who gets what. It's been very 50/50 with me coming out slightly ahead. She hasn't been mean about it, and we've worked through it very well. The house is going to be a major issue and I'll take a heavy loss, but I can't control that. She still says she loves me, but hasn't been "in love" with me for years (before we even bought the house and got married). She's not going to realize what she had until it's too late. And by that time, I'll be with someone who makes me feel better than she ever did. She says she wants that for me and isn't worried for me. Guess what? I'm not either.

 

Hey S49,

 

Ah, I see. Well, I guess, then that it the separation is just a formality more than anything else. Like you, I'm able to work with my stbxw on a lot of stuff now, but in the beginning it wasn't so easy. I had to stand my ground and state what I was willing to do and what I wasn't. I've never been the jerky guy, but that's what I had to do in order not to take a big financial loss. Thankfully, a lot of that is in the past. I have to wonder though if they really will realize what they've lost or if they will just keep moving in that other direction and never look back. Some on here have said that a lot of times they do realize it and come back, but by then it's too late. I highly doubt my wife would ever look back. She has told me from day one that she does not love me, but still cares about me a lot, whatever that means. I'm glad you're doing better though. It seems to just get easier with time, I don't think there's any substitute for taking time to yourself and getting over it in your head.

[skinman]

She has told me from day one that she does not love me, but still cares about me a lot, whatever that means. I'm glad you're doing better though. It seems to just get easier with time, I don't think there's any substitute for taking time to yourself and getting over it in your head.

 

At least she says she still cares for you.......All mine has said is that she f-ing hates me... What can you do.. good to hear that things are getting easier for you M10... same with me friend... each time I even think of her I wonder why I put up with so much crap for all these years...

 

There is someone better for us out there M10... we have to be ready for her when she shows.. We need to learn from our mistakes and mistakes that others on LS have made.. It will only make us better and more desirable !! Keep it up and be strong.. There will be days ahead that will test you........

 

Skin....

[Mountains10]

At least she says she still cares for you.......All mine has said is that she f-ing hates me... What can you do.. good to hear that things are getting easier for you M10... same with me friend... each time I even think of her I wonder why I put up with so much crap for all these years...

 

There is someone better for us out there M10... we have to be ready for her when she shows.. We need to learn from our mistakes and mistakes that others on LS have made.. It will only make us better and more desirable !! Keep it up and be strong.. There will be days ahead that will test you........

 

Skin....

 

Yeah, I know I'm not thru it yet, still have to get thru the divorce process, but I'm just going to take it slow and not try to rush thru it, the financials and all that. I don't know exactly how that process goes, that's what I'll pay the attorney for, to make sure my best interests are taken care of financially. I don't even want to read any of that legal jargon, I'd rather a lawyer read something another lawyer wrote .

Thanks skin,

 

M10

[Sands_of_time]

 

Hey Sands,

 

I'm still here, sorry, had a really busy weekend. I'm doing pretty good. I think I've narrowed this down even more. I think the signs were there and I missed a lot of them. I think stbxw is having a MLC and I just ignored a lot of it. She had said a lot leading up to it and I just never really put the two together. I think she had an EA for a period of time, but don't think it ever got to be a PA. I could be wrong and it's irrelevant, but I'm doing ok. Did see her this weekend and never had a problem, almost like we were old friends. I've gotten over most of the anger and I'm feeling a lot better about myself. I think the anger is just part of the grieving process, but the more I get a handle on the situation, the happier I become in general. As far as I know, I'm just waiting on the paperwork that she filed and learning to be independant again still. Nothing really new though. Thanks for checking in on me, everything ok with you? Feel free to PM me if you ever want to as well. I'm still around here daily.

 

Thanks,

Mountains10

 

Mountains--glad to hear it. If we were in the same city, hell even the same state, I'd meet you out for a brew. My treat.

 

You mentioned last week that you felt a litte "sting" when your STBXW filed. I got an email yesterday that said I would be getting the divorce ppw. back sometime next week. I know what you mean about the sting. Just a little one though. Nowhere near months 1 and 2. She also said in the same email she cracked the oil pan on her car, ran it completely out of oil which ceased the engine, and now needs a new engine. Should I laugh at that? I'm not perfect so yeah, I laughed my ass off.

[Mountains10]

 

Mountains--glad to hear it. If we were in the same city, hell even the same state, I'd meet you out for a brew. My treat.

 

You mentioned last week that you felt a litte "sting" when your STBXW filed. I got an email yesterday that said I would be getting the divorce ppw. back sometime next week. I know what you mean about the sting. Just a little one though. Nowhere near months 1 and 2. She also said in the same email she cracked the oil pan on her car, ran it completely out of oil which ceased the engine, and now needs a new engine. Should I laugh at that? I'm not perfect so yeah, I laughed my ass off.

 

LOL! I'd damn sure be laughing my ass off. I'm waiting for mine to tell me something along those lines one day. I tell you though, my wife is so strange, I swear it's like she's on drugs, but I would tend to doubt she is. I think something is broken in her mind. I'll ask her something and like 4 days later I'll get a reply. It's so odd. I emailed her asking her to please consider counseling and she emails me back asking me if I thought she was crazy. I didn't want to say yes, but I was just telling her, look you really need to see a counselor. I know I shouldn't care, but I believe she's in a deep depression and she really needs help. I guess I"m the only one that sees it though, no one else in her family is picking up on it, or maybe they are just in denial. I know most people would just tell me to forget about it and move on and I have in my head, but there's still that small part of me that cares what happens to her as far as her mental health is concerned. I don't know, I just had to vent. She's foggy, but not fogged out, if that makes sense. It's impossible to rationalize with a person who has lost their rationale.

 

I'd take you up on that brew my friend. Funny, we think along the same lines a lot, I can almost predict your posts sometimes, scary man, really scary lol.

 

So what is she going to do now that she has no engine? I have to wonder if the karma is in high gear now?

[Gunny376]

WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNTION THERE RECURIT?

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, SWEET-PEA?

 

YOU BEST BE GETTING YOUR HEAD AND @SS TOGETHER, FREAKING QUICK, FAST AND IN A HURRY LIKE!

 

God I loved being a Marine Corps DI!

 

Seriously?

 

This isn't the end of your Life, its the end of your marriage, and your going to find out?

 

You deserve better than what you got?

 

Rule No.#1

 

Quit beating yourself up!

 

They're are plenty of people out there! Just out your front door, just wanting to do the job for you! Just to see the "look" on your FACE!

 

Be good to yourself!

 

Guns

[Gunny376]

Oh yeah! Get out there and rub a little "sunshine" on your face (Be postive, count your blessings ~ not your troubles!")

 

That's an order, DAMNIT!

[monkey77]

My Mum moved let herself in the house for various things, so Dad changed the lock. The old lock was "not working properly".

 

When she mentioned (while still talking to her) he said he would get her a key cut. Mind you, having no contact with her now, it seems this is a little difficult to arrange at the moment.

[Gunny376]

My Mum moved let herself in the house for various things, so Dad changed the lock. The old lock was "not working properly".

 

When she mentioned (while still talking to her) he said he would get her a key cut. Mind you, having no contact with her now, it seems this is a little difficult to arrange at the moment.

 

Trust me!

 

Stay out of it!

[Mountains10]

WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNTION THERE RECURIT?

 

WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, SWEET-PEA?

 

YOU BEST BE GETTING YOUR HEAD AND @SS TOGETHER, FREAKING QUICK, FAST AND IN A HURRY LIKE!

 

God I loved being a Marine Corps DI!

 

Seriously?

 

This isn't the end of your Life, its the end of your marriage, and your going to find out?

 

You deserve better than what you got?

 

Rule No.#1

 

Quit beating yourself up!

 

They're are plenty of people out there! Just out your front door, just wanting to do the job for you! Just to see the "look" on your FACE!

 

Be good to yourself!

 

Guns

 

You're right gunny, when I suggested it to her, she laughed it off. She doesn't even see it herself and won't consider the counseling, not sure why I was wasting the time on her. Screw it!

[skinman]

M10,

how are you hanging friend ? are the days getting better for you ? they have been for me for the most part.. I wanted to let you know man I am looking forward to killing a few brews an drowning some worms with you this spring... Just let me know when you have the time and i'll do the driving !!

Anyway figured maybe thinking about that might cheer you up some... Take care buddy and be strong.. I will need some of your chainmail on Monday... its the funeral and her family will be there... I am sure she has told them what a "MONSTER" I am and how she is lucky she got out alive...... lol

 

Take care !!!

Skin.......

[Mountains10]

M10,

how are you hanging friend ? are the days getting better for you ? they have been for me for the most part.. I wanted to let you know man I am looking forward to killing a few brews an drowning some worms with you this spring... Just let me know when you have the time and i'll do the driving !!

Anyway figured maybe thinking about that might cheer you up some... Take care buddy and be strong.. I will need some of your chainmail on Monday... its the funeral and her family will be there... I am sure she has told them what a "MONSTER" I am and how she is lucky she got out alive...... lol

 

Take care !!!

Skin.......

 

Hey Skin,

I'm up for it anytime during the spring. You are welcome down here anytime. We got a lot of lakes down this way and we'll definitely have a good old time. Bring Sands_of_Time with you when you come, I think he could knock back a couple too.

[Searching49]

I'm up for it anytime during the spring. You are welcome down here anytime. We got a lot of lakes down this way and we'll definitely have a good old time. Bring Sands_of_Time with you when you come, I think he could knock back a couple too.

 

Don't forget me! I'm in too! How great would that be to get us all in the same place. It'd be like the hobbits at the end of Lord of the Rings! So many trials and hurdles we've crossed together. I'm glad to see the people that helped me out are also beginning to move on with their lives. Skin, we just need to straighten you out man! I mean seriously, was she cherry flavored or something?!?! Just trying to get you to smile buddy! ;-) I'm still watching your posts.

[Mountains10]

 

 

Don't forget me! I'm in too! How great would that be to get us all in the same place. It'd be like the hobbits at the end of Lord of the Rings! So many trials and hurdles we've crossed together. I'm glad to see the people that helped me out are also beginning to move on with their lives. Skin, we just need to straighten you out man! I mean seriously, was she cherry flavored or something?!?! Just trying to get you to smile buddy! ;-) I'm still watching your posts.

 

 

Hey S49, you're more than welcome to come on down anytime as well. It's a bit hot and humid here in the spring and summer, but it's great!

I'm definitely a lot happier in the last 2 weeks, it just clicked again and I felt a lot better. It's so funny to me, when I don't talk to the stbxw, I guess she feels ignored and starts calling me. Oh well, I'll talk to her but I keep it short and to the point. I just keep looking forward to the future, it's looking much brighter these days. I can't say though, that I did it by myself. If it weren't for this place and marriagebuilders.com I would've never made it thru. Thank God for anonymous people who are willing to lend their time to help us all out, without them I'd still be wandering.